Any attempt to describe narcissists runs into contradictions because they’re contradictory. First you have to explain how they reason so what they do makes …
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A Narcissist’s Denial and How They Justify Abuse
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They put forth the opposite of the true story… it is absurd; as if the facts didn´t exist-even when you put proofs in front of their eyes( like documents, photos ect.)-you worked that out very well-thank you.
have you already spoken about their "testing you"… ?
They gaslight and use your reaction against you. The doo doo test!
Im going to try to have my narcissistic father thrown in jail, two of my cats died and he was suspicious, he's also responsible for very illegal things, one of them trying to murder me, it's hard though because we live in the same house and he's likely going to try to blackmail me not to somehow, still, I will do my best to ensure he can NEVER, hurt another innocent as long as he's still breathing
I have been with this narcissist 30 years, I didn't know what was wrong with this person cuz he was always up to something lying , stealing always something bad, he just stole my INHERATANCE! All of it! Sick ass people WTF! Does anyone know if I can do something about this! Omg 30 years of my life gone!
Wow, you really know what you are talking about! Thank you for making and sharing these videos!
Definitely a pattern!!! Then you look at the whole picture and wow. Aha moment for sure
It felt like I was always on trial with a lunatic partner who was getting worse by the day. How can a normal person live a normal life in a Narcissist's chaotic world?
the X had always terrified me in horrible ways, I had to leave to preserve my sanity to not be in their deviant and evil world.
Oh, their crazy… Crazy like a fox.
Amazing! You nailed it again. I'm so blown away how their behaviors are so
consistent, predictable, abusive and crazy-making. Exhausting. Thank you!!
Go no contact, they still will try to notify you with that family crap but they ruined it so no contact puts the blame back on them for their actions.
Spot on! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting into words what I have been living through. I only wish others around him understood. But at least I do.
Its always our fault. My ex narc used his brother to try to get to me. The flying monkeys under their spell is insane.
Thank you for a lovely youtube channel. The info has helped me a lot through these past months.
Now when it comes to justifying … I think there really is a spectrum and that many sociopaths/narcissists do not even justify their covert sadistic acts.
A wonderful psychology lecturer put it out like this:
The autist wants to be compassionate but often lacks the tool to read other people's feelings.
The sociopath has the opposite issue. Knows very well how others feel, or at least their weaknesses, but lacks the will to do good with that tool.
(I might even add that they are addicted to possessing and hurting people)
So they really are vampires. :(
Good info, well explained. Thank you.
It's simpler then this, it's just an addiction, the narcissist feels a sense of relief when he or she controls someone, i.e. if someone fears them, adulates them, loves them, hates them, needs them, etc. They are invisible to themselves (detached from their true-self) until their existence is substantiated in the response of someone else. Their primary concern is their next fix of 'narcissistic supple' and they usually do someone a favor first to get the idea in their head that the victim owes them for something which stops them from feeling guilty.
Narcissism is rooted in childhood abuse, it usually affects the older brother or sister of the family as they usually were on the front line dealing with the abusive parent and they developed a unique interaction with their younger codependent brothers and sisters who he/she initially served to protect and subsequenty became aware of the control and power they had over them, as this takes place in the formative years of brain development this attaches a sense of grandiosity to their identity, a 'savior complex' and a belief in the ability to frame people's perception through coercive methods of manipulation. Chances are that every narcissist has codependent younger brothers and sisters. Interesting alternative perception to see the early narcissist as an omnipotent 'protector'.
Also, a narcissist will tell you out of the blue lies about something that seems unrelated to the moment, in this case the narcissist is covering for him/herself, they see their testimony as an alibi like 'planted evidence' and they will tell it to a 'witness' so that if their scheme is uncovered they think these witnesses will vow for them. They always lie to enhance their reputation.
Generally I think nobody remembers harming anyone with the exception of those who do remember because maybe they actually have a conscious and are truly guilty or sorry. Certainly narcs aren't sorry nor do they remember their harmful or manipulative actions. What fries my brain is the illusionist claims that you are seeing things and its your fault for seeing what they are covertly laying out for you to see. It is no wonder you often hear the solution to be 'no contact'.
call me a survivor 15 years since I went no contact with my narcissist brother… It seems I handled things well never confronting him about what went on or how I feel… at its worst I was literally robbed of my inheritance and my circle of friends infiltrated with slanderous false accusations against me. Have been approached numerous times with guilt placed on me for estranging my nieces and nephews… Persisted as a matter of survival with God's help… Remember that vengeance is his or you lose the game
Spot on.
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/peanuts/images/8/8a/Pe590327.gif/revision/latest?cb=20130819003733
I was inspired to write this after a lifetime of victim blaming!
End victim blaming and shaming in situations of abuse and violence! This is an important cultural change we need to hold perpetrators responsible, not victims.
End victim blaming and shaming by diagnosing "codependency."
"Codependency" and "enabling" are wrongly conflated with "asking for it" when it comes to examining any passive 'role' in survivors of abuse. Unfortunately, when a victim seeks help to learn about family and cultural programming that normalizes boundary violations, they are blamed for intentionally seeking, enabling, co-conspiring, tolerating, perversely enjoying, and asking for those very boundary violations. This the mindset that enables rape culture.
Codependency is not a term that should result in victim-blaming for missing the red flags of abuse. Codependency is simply the predisposition and grooming of victims for tolerating abuse through prior experiences, formative relationships, and cultural norms, such as gender roles. "Enabling" is not a sign of low self esteem, a desperate choice of bad partners, or poor boundaries in healthy relationships with healthy people. Codependency is a blind spot when healthy boundaries are chronically, systematically violated, discouraged, or denied in the family system or culture. ("Boys will be boys" is one example of denying healthy boundaries to girls, who may then be victim-blamed and accused of enabling rape culture by not taking adequate "precautions" around boys.)
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For a family example, a mother who is unable to connect emotionally with her child due to her own unresolved problems may project blame onto the child – the baby is too demanding, independent, colicky, prefers the father/babysitter, etc. As the child grows up, it is continually blamed for the mother's emotional distance and any distressful reactions this causes in the child. If the child has trouble in other relationships – naturally or as a result of the parental experience – that is more proof that the child is deficient and unworthy of connection. An older child who is not yet partnered or married may be stigmatized as a spinster, unlovable, ugly duckling, loner, loser, etc by the problem parent, backed up by cultural norms.
Unfortunately, people who bravely seek help and realize lifelong external messages of unworthiness and inequality are then diagnosed and blamed as codependent or enablers. These terms are used wrongly as intentionally avoiding healthy relationships due to low self esteem or mental illness, purposefully seeking abusive and controlling people to replay "drama" from past partners/parental figures instead of seeking to resolve it, denying " love addiction" to abusive relationships, immaturity, etc. None of this could not be further from the truth. If victims repeat patterns and realize their blind spots, it is far from intentional or a sign of weakness – it is only a sign of fighting external conditioning. Unfortunately, it is at this point of realization, when a victim seeks help to learn about family and cultural programming that they are blamed for causing and choosing it, for participating in it – intentionally seeking, enabling, co-conspiring, tolerating, perversely enjoying, and asking for those boundary violations.
End victim-blaming and shaming!!!
Yes , they are always adamant that they hate liars!!! Or cheating !!!
I know it wasn't meant to be humorous but the statement: " you realize it's just going to keep happening…pause..until your dead…" kind of cracked me up. But it is true. One on the last things i said was: "This' is NEVER going to work." I really wonder what the hell she thought I meant, or if she even got that I was referring to her insanity preventing us from having a decent chance at an relationship. The endless loop de loop!
Not a guilty conscience .. a 'faux guilty conscience'..a knock-off.
This was very helpful, thank you. Hope one day you (or we) will find out if they in fact know what they are doing. For now I came up with this: the abuse (lies, manipulation, smears) happens at the same time as they act rational. Like you said. Their rational behavior is
howevermixed up directly by the JUSTIFICATION, or at least thats what I think. It is like one-in-itself. It happens in the same moment. For normal people these things are separate and intermediated by emotion. Like for instance: I can think rational about how to turn down an invitation, by saying something like: I'm busy or sick or something. When I would be lying, my emotional being would protest: is this okay? This is a friend, maybe I should go, or explain to her better. Once I worked all that out (which shouldn't take to long in this example) I can justify it to myself. Narcs don't negotiate with any moral instincts, so yes they know what they are doing, but it doesn't evoke any moral decision making.Yeah their classic comeback is 'It's not me it's you!' It's still them!