Can You Have a Relationship With a Narcissist?

What are most of us looking for today when we enter a relationship? Actually, I am going to address this article to women because, the truth is, most  narcissists  tend to be men. This isn’t to say women can’t bring their own problems to a relationship. But women are more inclined to be Histrionic or have Borderline Personality Disorder, not Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD.

That said, let’s get back to considering whether or not you even want to try to have a relationship with a  narcissist .

I guess you need to understand something about narcissism before we discuss this question further. First of all, realize narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic symptoms can occur in varying degrees. In other words, someone might be diagnosable as having full fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder, while another person might merely display what you’ll see referred to in internet articles as unhealthy, pathological, or malignant narcissism. Even lesser degrees of narcissism can be problematic in a relationship, though.

How many of the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder must a man meet in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders for him to be bad news for a relationship? Frankly, I can’t answer that question. But what you need to realize is this: Often you can be seduced or sucked into a relationship with a  narcissist , believing you have just met your white knight. In time, though, you will realize his armor isn’t quite as shiny as it first appeared.

Indeed, you might be sucked into a relationship with a  narcissist  because they can be quite charming. They often do know how to be romantic, and it isn’t unusual for the sex to be great at first, too.

But then, after awhile, you might come to realize it is more about him. You might feel he has to give a great performance, and you’re always expected to commend him for a job well done, too. And rather than feeling closer to him, instead, you might feel you’re becoming more and more like an object.

No, you don’t feel like he really loves you, or he wants only to be with you-though he probably acted that way in the beginning.

Perhaps this shouldn’t surprise you, however. See, a relationship with a  narcissist  is really all about him. He treats others as objects. He doesn’t have must use for other people, in fact, other than for how they might help him get his needs and wants met. And actually, a relationship with a  narcissist  might seem to include great sex at first, but then gradually switch into sexual abuse.

The transition might be so gradual that you don’t actually see the truth about what was happening-or where you have ended up. But if you stop and think about your sexual relationship with the  narcissist , you might well realize you’ve been doing things that don’t appeal to you sexually, but only to him. In fact, they might make you feel degraded and bad about yourself.

If you are in love with a  narcissist , you might soon feel you’re the victim of his narcissism even though at first, you thought you were the luckiest woman in the world to have captured the heart of this man. Well, at least you thought you had captured it, as he pulled you into a whirlwind romance and showered you with flowers and gifts, then whisked you off to romantic getaways.

The day will probably come, however, when you bemoan the fact he doesn’t bring you flowers anymore.

In time, you may have many complaints about your relationship with this  narcissist , especially as the fog lifts and you see things more clearly. Yes, then you might realize you were conned into thinking this relationship was going to be about things it ultimately was not.

You might discover it is hardly a relationship in the sense that you define the word. Rather, it is about you always worrying about what might please or displease him. It is about you doing things that you don’t like, and that might even be against your personal values, for that matter.

You are trying so hard to please him, and for a couple of reasons, too. You might believe this way, you can avoid his narcissistic rage. You also hope and pray he will go back to acting like the man he was in the beginning. You shouldn’t expect this if you are in a relationship with a  narcissist , however.

Remember, that was an act to suck you in. Now, though, is he walking around being his self centered and grandiose self, engaging in emotional abuse and verbal abuse that cause your self worth to slip away daily? If so, you are confronting the man he will probably continue to be.

You might be able to survive a relationship with a  narcissist . But someday, you need to wake up and ask yourself: Is this the way I really want to live? After all, didn’t I say I wanted a loving relationship that was based on a solid partnership?

Don’t expect that from the man displaying unhealthy levels of narcissism. No, remember, he doesn’t have to be diagnosable as having full fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder to make your life miserable.

And really, isn’t life too short to spend it loving a  narcissist  who can’t love you back? I decided against a relationship with a  narcissist , but you have to make your own choice.