Do you know a narcissist? Date one? Married to one? Work with one? Learn what a narcissist is. Find out about “Very Skilled Narcissists and Their Incredibly …
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HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST!
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There is no cure for narcissism because the individual's brain is wired differently. I have been a victim of a narcissistic person who has taken full advantage of me. My ideas, work, care, loving and time have been wasted on a person who lead me to believe that everything is perfect, and little did I know that I am being taken advantage to the bone. As soon as I started to question things she has changed her behavior, which seemed like a personality change. It took me two years to fully understand this, but less than a year to discover symptoms of NPD. Because I was blamed for everything and I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE that everything was my fault. A narcissistic is not just an "asshole" who can change his/her way. A narcissistic husband or wife will appear the most loving, most generous individual to the world, and will rip your heart and guts out behind the scenes when you two are alone. Narcissism will not go away, and it will only get worse the more you are refusing to comply with your partner's expectations. Even if you decide to stop questioning things and comply, once the NPD person realized that you became a threat, then silent treatments will ensure for as long as you stay (except if you can provide such benefit to the person that no-one else could). This was my experience. I've been put through months of silent treatments, and so
much stress that as a result I became diabetic. I was a healthy man before all the drama. Wish I would have known as much about codependency as I do know, and by the time I realized this and started acting more mature and independent it was too late. It was already too late the first second I've let her in my life. She was the typical "damsel in distress", a wolf in sheep's clothing. Played the sick card from beginning to end. I was warned by one of her family relative to watch myself, but stupidly I ignored this because I was HIGH on oxytocin. I put life into her when nobody else was there, I made her shine, and I never asked anything else in return other than some lovin'. At the end I've been publicly humiliated in front of thousands of people, my soul has been ripped out of my body, I was murdered inside. The suffering went on for 2 years, each and everyday having faith that things will get better, but I had to pull the plug and realized that this internal stress will kill me shortly. You can only heal once you realize that life is precious and we all get old therefore you must move on and stop living in the shadows of a narcissist. I will never get compensated for my sickness, and I will never hear an apology that could truly heal my spirit, and I will always turn out to be the bad guy because narcissist are manipulators. Criminal masterminds. Wherever attention stems from you will always find narcissists. The most difficult part is letting them go…. because they appeared so perfect in the beginning, and those are the most profound memories that will circulate in your brain, completely ignoring yesterday's humiliation or last week's silent treatments. These people are predators, psyche murderers – who will get away with everything, and make you appear the bad guy in front of others, even your own family.
Really good information. I like the example of the guy asking his secretary "How's your son?" because I always wondered about that person. I might intuitive ask if he's a narcissist but his question to the secretary would confuse me in the past. For me, I like the change in venue. The office can be boring if it's always used.
screaming children unprofessional for your professional content indoor videos communicate a more serious message I'll send you a bill for consultancy lol hope you have a sense of humor
This is a really good video but unfortunately it was spoiled by the wind and noise in the background. So difficult to really absorb. I had to listen several times to pick up the really great points I missed. Too bad, would of been an absolutely perfect video. Thank you anyway for sharing with us.
I call my boss McSybil, he has 15 different personalities, each one worse than the previous one.. BTW, it would be easier to watch this video if Dr. Sam was filmed in a quiet office and stood still.. Just sayin..
He, him, good job man good job
I cured a narcissist once. With a good strangling.
I can't buy this hocus pocus stuff about childhood injury. Narcissism is familial. The narcissist knows he's a total ass-hole. The narcissist will cure himself when he no longer wants to act like a horrible person. "Cure the childhood injury" is the biggest load of horseshit I've ever heard.
So, could one conclude that severe traumas create a narcissist, while lesser traumas create the victim with the low self esteem? Or are there particular situations that produce each of them? I have been researching now into the narcissist, the echo, the dark triad and similar ideas for about a year. But I am excited with the clarity and the distilled truths that are expressed through these videos.
finally a good video on this shit lol
….Nice looking guy … :)
Oh my god Megan was right I am a narcissist
Oh my word, that is my father to the T
dr.Sam-if a man sneaks drugs in his wife's food and drink to put her to sleep-kills a couple family pets-but is always calm/nice/sweet/but has no concience-remorse-guilt-is he a narcissist or psychopath-i tend to think he's a covert narc.-but i wonder if maybe a psychopath??
Dear DoctrSam,
I have contemplated this thought & would appreciate your opinion please. I feel it is arrogant to think that one can't be manipulated by a true narcissist. There are those that seem to be "mentally independent" & can't be influenced easily. I myself think I am resistant to it but even I know that is not impossible. My respect for others rights could open a door to it. That adage "the more you know, the more you realize how little you know" plays over & over, as well as its antithesis "ignorance is bliss". My question: How can I find a realistic middle ground?
The enemy comes as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour…… Wow. This happened to me and the pain is so intense. I just want to find myself again. I can't believe how dangerous and deadly these people are and how this can be happening to you long before you ever even realize it.
I work with one very closely. She is definitely a narcissist. You described her perfectly.
You use bikers as an example? NO. The bikers I know are vets and are brave and faithful. They are NOT fakes like you say. A biker can be a soldier, a doctor, a pilot or a mountain climber. Yet even soldiers or doctors CAN'T be bikers. It is in the blood. Tattoos are like our badges, our timelines. Not put on to please the world. If you want to know what true bikers are made of just ask them instead of making them out to be fake. It is a lifestyle not a mental illness and we don't allow fakes to join us. We can spot the wanna' be's and frauds a mile away.
Is another characteristic of the narcissist to try to manipulate and control others through emotionalism, mainly trying to guilt people into doing what they want?
it does not help when your ill 🙁 i am not one or other i just start to love myself through and with God and i am not enough for him nor to give him,too ill i can not do it no more i have been out thanks to the courts for two weeks <3 do narcisists attack ppl i do know he was always talking about his family as a child buy hey i did not have it easy either i mean that was in the past and made us who we are today and then if get \god we become new creatures through him
This is right on point!
I think I'm a narcissist but I have Aspergers too so maybe some of the symptoms are just overlapping due to my reduced empathy.
I have a lot of hate and anger inside me, and my parents were pretty neglectful, them along with my sister would often mock me and I was ignored in all decision making, I was treated as the bottom rank member of the family, so I may have developed narcissism as well, who knows, but I feel I've been improving a lot since I recognized it myself and have kind of self treated .
Good video. I know I can't change my narc sister, and the best thing to do is get her out of my life. But the struggle is getting some of my family to see the truth about her. And to undo the damage she has done.
Sounds like my bro n law and his daughter to a T. LOL
fascinating!
SPOT ON!!
Of course blame the parents. Why am I not surprised.
The thing I'm getting from this, is the world is full of dysfunctional people resulting from bad parenthood. Not enough love etc. Damaged people replicating the damage throughout their lives.
I really wanted to hear your message, but the traffic noises totally drown you out in places.
Thanks for this insightful video. Ever since I was a child, I wondered why my dad was different and turns out he's a narcissist. Kind of had an impact on me too. How can narcissists heal themselves and become "normal"?
It is very sad when you have no boundaries and seeking for love and attention and a narcissist is coming your way. I don"t hope so. I hope for them in this situation that the right person is coming their way. One who is concerned about them sincerely interested about their needs and wants. And what they need and pay attention to it in a honour way. What is acceptable and fair. Fairplay and sincerely care about each other. Mainly in this situation. . Go never anomynous in to the nightlife, and events. Welknown people in the environment can guide you either.
They play a role like copycat but they don"t mean it. They eat you. It looks that they are abandoned and forgotten , and the victim too. They pick out vulnerarble and not independent people who have no boundaries and are seeking for love and attention. They feel it and play that role that they are seeking. But not real and sincere. . But does the narcisst have boundaries? Without to have a moral. This is very low and mean and common to do that. What vulgar to be so. A person with a criminal construction. This are core criminals who are very sick in their mind. You don"t always see it on the first glance if somebody is a narcissist. They destroy people in a relationship. They are dangerous. They show no affect after what they have misdone to their victims.
A high self esteem that is the psychopath narcist. It looks like predator. Lonely people who does n"t get enough attention without boundaries. Do they have boundaries, the narcissist.
I believe narcissism is genetic–not created by parental abandonment. I have several in my family.
I love your videos and they are so helpful but this one made me dizzy because of the constant movement. 🙂 I had to listen and not watch and that was not good because your expressions as you talk conveys the meaning so well.
After a lifetime of abuse, I dropped my narcissistic brother out of my life. After months of him pretending it was me and waiting for me to come back I told him he has a condition and i think it is narcissism. He said "Then let's fix me, I love you." I live in New Zealand, he is in Montana. What can I do now? Should I go back and find a shrink? I've started this but I don't know how to see it through. HELP!
From my experience dealing with my own narcissism it seems that the narcissistic abuser is the external persona/ego which is used as a tool to protect the victim within. But if it goes on long enough the abuser also becomes internal(encoded in the subconscious), so it becomes the 'false self'. Inside there is also a victim that has been there from the start. The narcissist never abuses the inner victim, the persona protects it. In fact I think that they see their inner victim in codependent partners. that's why they idealize them at first, only to realize that they don't fit the ideal and so they become a victim of the narcissist. The narcissist feels flawed inside, so wants the world to be flawed instead. Only that way can the victim feel redeemed. I think that many times the narcissists belief system/"philosophy of life" may be used to overturn society so that victim can be put on a throne. When the narcissistic 'ego' is hurt often the inner victim comes forward and the abuser goes within to regroup and heal. This is my own experience but I am sure it varies with everyone.
There is a huge difference between self love and narcissism. Narcissists might act like they love themselves or brag about themselves but most often they are fearful and shameful and do not love or accept themselves so they pretend to be someone else, they are putting on a front to appear confident and secure..There is absolutely no such thing as too much self love. Most of us have a void in our hearts that causes us to become predators or victims. If you can fill your own void with self love you will no longer feel the need to prey on people/take from them or take abuse from others in exchange for momentary thrills or affection which we mistake for love. Self-love is oneness itself. Raising people on the belief that we can only find happiness from either sacrificing/doing things we don't want to do to please others or taking advantage/lying to others is what's destroying us…someone who loved themselves would not fall into either trap..Of course healthy relationships are both give and take but it is balanced. A narcissist/victim relationship is only the result of unbalanced individuals coming together.
He just described my mother down to the last detail
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙁 Suffering from a broken heart right now becuz of a narcissist. He really did a number on me….I guess he preyed on the right one 🙁 I need to work on myself…
Why do narcissists care what people think of them?. Why do they care about being the centre of attention?. If they feel no empathy, why do they care if other people consider him/her to be superior and successful
This man is "spot on"!
Wow by far the most enlightening video I've see on narcissism yet. I'm recovering from an abuser and have wondered if they can be cured. I'm amazed that it is possible. However that's not for me to attach to, that's for hi. Anyway thank you for your videos can't wait to see more.
yes I was married to one! I did not know at the time! but I knew something was not right! he does use women, no empathy, and abuses children and women, only likes to be around men, he is selfish, and all about me additude.. also takes womens money does is a control freak and does not communicate, like the dr said, he does not answer questions
I have been egocentric but that doesn't mean I'm a narcissists or lack empathy. My look on it is, there are times where i'm so low in my life, that all my energy needs to go to me to keep me afloat. and i understand that there can be times I'm not mindful of others, because I simply don't have the energy, but it doesn't mean when I had the energy I wouldn't help people.
However in saying that lol. I'm going to contradict myself and say I have been a little worried from time to time that I had some narcissistic qualities. Looking back, I can see times where I have lacked empathy, or was emotionally numb. I just don't get it though. I do care about people. I suppose to sum up a lot of my severe symptoms that I used to have, it would be more like BPD/NPD. like a mix of the two, alternating. So i'd be super sensitive one moment, and number the next.
My life's been a huge cluster fuck honestly. I have so much polarity and contrast/contradiction/conflicting behavior in my life. I am doing much better now in life, but for a while, some years, I have heavily co-dependent and addicted to my narcissistic abusers, which is ironic because i feel i myself may have some narcissistic traits. Which could be for a few reasons, I feel my mom has a form of NPD, and or it could be "identification with the aggressor" After my first serve abuser, i can remember picking up a mountain of his bad qualities and also the qualities of a mutual abusive friend. He destroyed just about everything I was. including my world view, how i saw life. and since my world view was so negative and toxic, I was in such a pit. It makes me feel so hurt that such devastation could happen to me because of one person, and so quickly too. Sometimes I wonder what the hell was my own world view worth if it could be destroyed so easily by one person.
I've watched your videos of why i attract narcissists and done additional research, your videos have been very helpful to me. I have been healing my own traits and lack of boundaries etc and have been working on being more mindful of red-flags, and also going back in my mind after everything is all done, and then noticing what i had over looked to try and be mindful of it next time. I've had many cycling narcissistic/toxic abusers in the last few years. like holy hell i was a magnet. but i never gave up, and i never stopped trying to recover and learn how to be more healthy. and where as i am not totally healed even 4 1/2 years later since the first abuser, I am making astounding progress from where I have been.
On the one hand I comfort myself by seeing the devastation in my life a thing of destruction and rebuilding, because i feel i had a lot of tendencies that weren't healthy, and maybe i wouldn't have changed has i not been under such devastation. I used to be a very stubborn, prideful, critical person, very set in my ways. i know that even if i didn't meet my abusers, i would have found destruction. from an early age i look back and see signs of violent behavior in myself, which isn't surprising because of the domestic violence i was exposed to from a very small age. I can remember any of it, but my dad was physically abusive to my mom.
I know now I would have repeated my parents mistakes if i let myself stay on the track that i was in. I never really understood or talked about the abuse from my life, i was good at suppressing things and because of that, i had become very disassociated.
and on the other hand, even though i had a lot of unhealed wounds, i don't wanna discount who i was all togeather. i dont wanna throw the baby out with the bathwater. due to my extreme trauma i have sustained amnesia of much of my life and a disconnection from it emotionally, so i don't have a solid idea of who i was anymore. however over the years i try to fit together pieces i do recover.
I feel like one of the mental holds my first abuser had on me was when he convinced me that my life and everything about it was total shit, and only with him was anything good or made sense. ive held onto that subconsciously for years now. Even now it;s hard to remember what was damaged by him and what was damaged by the fact i was so severely physically sick.
I never wanted to admit that he soley had caused so much damage, i don't think i was really able to accept that. and now 4 1/2 years later, i'm allowing myself to think about it. as much i have recovered and thought i have made my world view more positive, i see now that he has so many holds in my mind still. i still havn't free'd myself of how i see relationships or bonds. or my own personality.
I feel upset.. hurt.. wondering.. wondering how 4 1/2 years later there can be still so much damage. and worse, i wonder how much of things i blocked out. i never recorrected certain things in my mind. maybe it was too painful to connect to. This all feels terrible…….. I'm supposed to be free now, but i don't feel free. Sometimes i wonder why i couldn't have worked out this stuff before.. i've had years…….. and i don't wanna feel that i wasn't ready up until now.. although even thinking about it now hurts really bad. i guess a part of me and before maybe a large part of me, denyed the abuse. i blamed myself. i put all the blame on myself. but i suppose i couldn't keep the lie up forever. when i heard from a video just how similar symptoms i had to another women who was abused…. i couldn't lie to myself anymore.
It's kinda a recent thing for me to think about. not truly a new thought, but just sinking in more. even when the abuse was happening, mutual friends told me he was making me sick, but i didn't really listen.. i don't understand why this is so hard to take..
FANTASTIC VIDEO! Just please don't do any roaming lectures- it was a bit dizzying to watch.Thx!