For more #OWNSHOW, visit http://bit.ly/1LJLTFx It’s not always easy to spot a narcissist, but knowing who they are can save you from heartbreak. Dr. Craig …
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How to Spot the Hidden Narcissist in Your Life | #OWNSHOW | Oprah Winfrey Network
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This was so helpful. I thought I was going crazy for years. Your points were right on. I can't wait to read your book. He put me on a pedestal from day one and did the twin thing. Not only a special relationship but one of those historic romances like Romeo and Juliette. In fact I thought it was cute for a long time. He would say we had the same brain. He couldn't accept differences and when I told him I was different (or thought/felt differently) he would always point back to all the similarities. He would reread old emails and print them with highlights to prove that we were the same and he wasn't imagining it. He would do the same with the pedestal. If I acted human he would get upset and show how perfect I used to be and that his constant criticism was just to "help" me get back to that woman he fell in love with. The stealth control was a little different than you described. He would try to convince me (sometimes with a campaign that lasted hours, days or weeks) that I wanted what he wanted. Or he would talk down what I wanted to do until his choice was the only choice left. The fluctuating empathy was probably the most confusing. He would be empathetic and complementary, he wooed people constantly wherever we went. He would talk about how awesome and amazing his wife was and when we were alone he would tear me apart. Or he would dissect how I acted in public, what I did wrong and how I should have acted, looked, whatever. I can see now that most of what he did was designed to make him feel better than other people but there is one thing I have not heard anyone talk about that really was hurtful. He would do nice things for me like running a bath, warming my car up on cold mornings, buying me football tickets for my birthday. Lot's of stuff that seemed really nice but it seems like he used these things to control. For example – almost every time we watched a football game on TV (months or even years after the event) he would mention the gift. He would say things like, "you were there, how did you get to go to a game?", "who took you to a football game?" or things like that. He wold say I wasn't grateful no matter how many times I said thank you or told him I had fun or said I appreciated it. I would even sometimes bring it up myself first to keep him from saying something and to let him know I was thankful. I could never figure out why this felt so bad. He would always say I didn't appreciate him and that I was an bottomless pit. Sorry for the lengthy comment but I thought you might have some insight.
Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection – not with himself. That is not true
self-love. He fell in love with the reflection; the reflection is the other. He
had become two, he had become divided.
Narcissus was split. He was in a kind of schizophrenia. He had become two – the lover and
the loved. He had become his own object of love – and that's what happens to so
many people who think they are in love.
When you fall in love with a woman, watch, be alert – it may be nothing but narcissism,
and the woman's face, and her eyes, and her words, may be simply functioning as
a silent lake in which you are seeing your reflection.
My own observation is this: that out of a hundred loves, ninety-nine are narcissistic.
People don't love the woman that is there. They love the appreciation that the
woman is giving to them, the attention that the woman is giving to them, the
flattery that the woman is showering on the man.
Two lovers were sitting on the sea beach, and it was a fullmoon night, and great waves
were arising in the sea – it was a tide time. And the lover said loudly to the
sea, "Now, roll into great waves.
Roll, rise into great waves!" And the great waves started rising, and the great waves
started rolling towards the beach.
And the woman came closer to the lover, hugged him, kissed him and said, "I knew
it before, that you are a miracle! Even the ocean follows your orders! "This is what goes on happening. The woman flatters the man, the man flatters the woman
– it is a mutual flattery. The woman says, "There is nobody as beautiful
as you are. You are a miracle! You are the greatest that God has ever made.
Even Alexander the Great was nothing compared to you."
And you are puffed up, and your chest becomes doubled, and your head starts swelling –
although there is nothing but straw, but it starts swelling. And you say to the
woman, "You are the greatest creation of God. Even Cleopatra was nothing
compared to you. I can't believe that God will ever be able to improve upon
you. There will never again be another woman so beautiful. "This is what you call love! This is narcissism. The man becomes the silent pool and
reflects the woman, and the woman becomes the silent pool and reflects the man;
in fact not only reflects the truth, but decorates it, in a thousand and one
ways makes it look more and more beautiful. This is what people call love. This
is not; this is mutual ego-satisfaction.The real
love knows nothing of the ego. The real love starts first as self-love, Osho
My coworker always locks his computer up when getting up even for a drink of water. Is this a narcissist trait? After i noticed this i didn't trust him after
I was fooled because everything I have read about narcissists say that they are verbally and physically abusive. The one I have been involved with is neither of those things. He also doesn't want my money. He is just aloof, sometimes rude or ignores me. Then, he comes back and is very nice when he thinks I may be going on with my life without him. There is always something missing. Like he gives me crumbs just to keep me there and then reverts to being selfish and rude. He is HIGHLY critical of people, but hypersensitive. You can make him mad without even trying! You can't win.
There is an N that has been in and out of my life for 15 years!
He will be Mr Wonderful, then he disappears. Over and over. Silent treatment. He always comes back. When he's gone, it rips my heart out.
When I met him, he was a gym rat. Beautiful body and a male entertainer (Magic Mike type dancer).
Yes, every date we go on is the movie he wants to see. The concert he wants to see. The restaurant he wants to go to. He will call me to go somewhere at a moments notice, then complain if it takes too long for me to get ready. He will say, "You'd be late to your own funeral".
Right now, I haven't spoken to him in over a month. He will be back. I have a house with 2 garages. He has one of them filled with his cars that he plans to restore.
I'm working on me so I can move on. I can't do this anymore.
He was in an accident that hurt his back. He is in pain everyday. He can't workout anymore. Being ripped and looking good was his identity.
He never explains or apologizes for the pain he inflicts.
o-ou. Some red flags came up for me. Why are narcissist that way? Can they change and more importantly would they change?
Wow
Thank you so much for this video, it helped a great deal.
Thank you!
Awesome