How does the narcissist abuse you without you being able to get them for it? Messing with the metacommunication hides all traces leading back to the peril.
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Learn To Recognize Covert Abuse By The Narcissist
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This is a great video.
Here is a list of what Narcissists usually do to their targets :
– Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
– When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
– Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
– They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
– Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
– They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
– Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
– They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
– They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
– Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
– Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
– When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
– Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
– They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
– They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
– They think they are models to be followed.
– They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
I know exactly what you are saying! My husband would do that all the time! I was on the depo shot & he liked criticising me because I gained weight & that is why he felt okay to look at other women! It really brought down my self esteem & I already had low self esteem because I was raped many times since I was a toddler! He knew that & kinda uses it sometimes to bring me down worse! I cry & I think he likes when I cry! Everyone in my life likes me to hurt & be sad! It makes me suicidal at times! My dad hurt me a lot in my life & I brought in man just like my dad who likes to bring me down & thinks crying makes me weak! He allows everyone else in my family on his social media but me because he hates me! Somehow I always knew he did deep down! He kicked me out of the house before I was ready! He didn't want me to live with him! I only see my family a few times a year & everyone acts like we are a family who love one another! Only my mom actually cares for me! No one else does! I finally blocked & unfriended them all because I am tired of faking love exists! I won't fake anymore! I would rather be real & have no one than fake love exists & have to put on a smile a few times a year when I never hear from them again all year! They never ask how I am or care about my life so I think I am getting stronger! It feels both good & bad! I still care for them but it feels good because I am not tempted any more to look and see what is going on in their life & see how much they love & support each other and only my mom cares to support me! I will always care for her & I never blocked or unfriended her! But I cannot pretend & even she doesn't want to see the truth of what the family is! I was adopted so they are not my real family, I guess but they are who I have known! So, it does hurt & they hide truths that would ruin the character of their own family! They would rather see me as the bad one than him! I will always know the truth no matter if they never want to know & will never forget!!!
wow! this is amazing! thank you!
Narcissists create Borderlines-
Emotionally dis-regulated. Borderlines have no real sense of themselves. Narcissists look for people who dress up and look good for othersNarcissists looks for people pleasers– Narcissists look for prey that is too nice to others. Narcissists project themselves on you and expect you to be what they want you to be– they want you to lose yourself in them. When you are lost they lose you, devalue you and throw you out in the trash–you put into words exactly what they do…which isn't easy. They design their behavior so you cannot fit it into a box, but your words so clearly expose how their tricks are Implemented!
Mine started with weight and when that didn't work, he started on my gender. " If only you weren't a female, I can fall for you emotionally but not physically." Then he decided he needed to "let himself" love a man and I should be happy because he's happy and being honest with me. Then I found out he'd been having relationships (physical and emotional) behind my back the entire time…with females !!! 2 months no contact. Over a year since I stopped liking him…yet now, I still hate myself.
So true…people who manipulate do focus on weight extremely hard! They will even monitor your weight loss! I kid you not, I started losing weight like crazy. My doctor impressed. I didn't need my blood pressure medicine anymore! Maybe this is a case of healthy abuse or constructive criticism. It was hurtful but it helped me at the same time.
very informative and spot on.
Fucking up the meta communication, I call gaslighting.
At the beginning of dating, a person could have a Three Strikes rule: You call out the person on their odd comment, and explain the Three Strikes rule. You explain it jokingly. You can even joke that you are an expert on narcs. If he or she IS a narc, she will be warned, and may leave there and then. But you call out the person each time, and on the third strike, explain that it's the third strike and that you don't see any future in the friendship, but thanks and have a good life. And walk away fast.
I would thought that English was your native language… so you are probably from NEDERLAND.(HOLLANDE)
As i understand narcissist : because his own narcissic mother was unable to fill his needs, he learnt very early to only rely on himself to get what he need by any mean. He does not believe in God, or in mankind or in others, and only believes in himself. So he is the God of his universe, and for anyone coming in his world, he is the one who tells what is good versus what is bad. On the unconscious realm (90% of our mental processes) as he was unable to intergrate his microcosme into the macrocosme, he became a fake macrocosme tuned to catch wandering microcosmes. He is just definitivly locked in, and nobody can help him, beceuse he is not able to trust anybody. This is sad, but you have to walk away.
I've heard the common meme about only ~10% of our communication being verbal, and it's a catchy idea.
But imagine a teacher explaining quantum mechanics to his students. How much of that communication would be verbal? Can you convey anything about quantum mechanics through body language? It's clear that the 10% theory falls apart there.
I keep praying all the other girls will step up and in my town that he is hurting..I see them around town but they never talk to me..I know he is hurting them but I so wish they would do we could share and put him in a corner and let me take off out of this town!!
I finally understand these soul less people…what they want is out reactions or goals or goodiness…if your a good person they NEED YOU so they can change to another personality like for example my personal personality…everything I did he copied…he couldn't even clean his house or drive in tracif or take care of his dogs..this guy is more then a user he is worthless and seeing him suffer is sad but it helps me so much!!
I am currently dealing with a narcisist roommate (we are 14 people living in a dorm). This fits him spot-on. It is hard to compare 100%, because we are not in a relationship, but we used to be friends (at least I think so). I am at the stage where I see what he does, but I don't let it drain me (It have men going on for about 1,5 years), but he still continues. How do I make him stop, when moving out is not an issue? I am pretty sure no-one in the dorm realize what he is doing, because he is so subtle; for a long time, I thought I was just being crazy or over-sensitive. Now I know, that he knows what he is doing. It mostly occurs when I don't pay him attention, but also spontaneously. I don't respond, in a way it kind of amuses me, how far he is willing to go to tear me down. But does anyone know how to make it stop completely?
I experienced the reverse…he kept pressing me to gain weight! on my small frame he would act like I was too skinny. What a nut! I paid him no attention and he got with someone much bigger…the end!
Are Hispanic men more abusive?
I never knew that covert narcissism existed, and now I know that's what my husband has been all along. So disappointing and enlightening. Somehow I wish I were still blind to all of this though. :(
My ex once said to me that he couldnt keep his hands off his ex yet he hardly touched me! Once he said oh i was with this gorgeous girl and i couldnt do it with her..on the face of it you could take it as a compliment but to me it sounded more like if she cant make me youve no chance! Dont forget the in the middle of sex he stops and says no hes getting nothing from it he doesnt feel connected to his penis! The dislike of oral sex was another clue he was a covert narc. Lets not get started on the general not being there for me in a crisis, when my dad died when asked if he was going to the funeral he just said to people oh i didnt know the man why should i bother err hello wheres my support?! Breaking his promise to be with me xmas eve after id sorted the funeral that day was the last straw for me id had enough of the oh i will change the plan and see you when i want and you just suck it up thing! It was awful after all the lovebombing bit to make me fall for him to be treated so coldly!
You explained that beautifully. Thank you for the videos.