Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html At the commencement …
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Mourning the Narcissist after Breakup or Divorce
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theres nothing exciting about bewen with a me3ntal person and when impulsive psycotics are dumped you soon see the real self they are out right nasty people who dont caRE ABOUT ANYBODY EVERY FAMILYS IN DANGER WITH THESE MENTAL PERSONS THEY DAMAGE THE FULL FAMILY THEY ARE HELL RAISERS SAYING THEY ARE THE ABUSED HOW THEY GET IN A PERSONS MIND BEATS ME
A blessing for you Sam, that you have availed publically a situation,that I would never have beleived possible.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE!!! If I had not found your videos, I would have never realized what was really going on with my boyfriend (now ex). I got out of it early thanks to you! I was losing my mind. It was sucking my soul dry. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
It's been many years since I was devastated by a narcissist and there are times, like now where she comes back into my thoughts. I get depressed. I am constantly thinking of her, trying to analyze her unfathomable behavior and missing her deeply. It feels like we just broke up, so not much fun.. I am starting to wonder if I an too emotionally damaged to enjoy this life.
The chronic abuse, for 12 years…was enough for me to not want to see or hear from him again, ever! When i finally did leave him, I never seen him again. I was so relieved to have gotten free from him, that i didn't miss him at all. What i had missed, was my friends and family…and that was when i was with him.
Has taken me 8 years but thankfully I'm in the final stage……..14 years with narc and 8 years without………kept my head up through it all……..I deserve a medal lol……….stay strong everyone as you can do it too.
The Narc knows "The truth can be adjusted".. They make it up as they go along.. scary people. My head was twisted for so long with thinking it was me. I did not know what to believe till I saw a counselor. I needed help to find my self again. She was so amazed I even lived through my 15 years of marriage to a Narc. The day I moved out he threw out every photograph and anything of mine and moved another woman In,, poor woman moved out a week later. She even found me to tell me what he was doing to her and how she almost gave him the deed to her house after a week of knowing him.. true story.
This would be a lot easier if my ex didn't have the perfect face / body. Man I miss sex 🙁 And now I can never trust love or be with a half decent looking woman. I feel cursed.
TY, this video struck closest to home for me. I've seen many of your videos and interviews, Mr. Vaknin, and I'd love to see you talk about the narc and "triangulation". Also the empath, apath, narcissist triangle.
This is what kept me in a gaslight situation for over 10 years His sister, a satellite of ex-girlfriends apathetic to the narc continually orbited, and in the end, what I saw as my worst fear, came true. After a 2 month affair in a empath-apath-narc triangle, he left me flat for the apath. Out of one life, and into another – married her 3 months later. She has a 14-year-old son, as well (poor young man). His sister once said admiringly, "when he leaves a relationship, he never looks back – as if it never existed". That's NPD. I was left penniless, sucked of all vital fluids, and, at the time, wanted to die (my life support was the narc). In less than two years, I'd be grateful. I'd also learn, that my mother, an alcoholic, might be an inverted narc.
BUT, when I woke, really woke – I felt like "sleeping beauty"; all of my friends had lived full lives – their children, now grown, they'd traveled, while I, had devolved. I hear he already boasts about the affairs he has without her knowledge. She's completely turned her will and life over to the Church of the Narc. She manages his music, website, travel, everything. The fact that they share a love of cocaine helps. Oh, when I think about it now, I feel so happy to be free!!!! free!!! I am now NO CONTACT with my mother, and with anyone connected with the narc that was once my mate.
I cannot underscore, though, the importance, when one is mentally ill (I'm bipolar) and not in control of their disorder, the hold triangulation can have. Self-worth is low. You question your sanity.And, if one is sensitive, it can be the narc's best weapon. Mr. Vaknin, do you have any videos that speak about this subject?
Thanks for all that you share!
This past Friday I came home, packed the last load in my car and left my husband. This is two days later and my daughter went over to check on him today. She told me he wasn't home and had left the water running, left the house and shop unlocked, and had not fed the wood stove, our primary heat source.
So far I have had no contact. I am feeling detached and numb and not ready to face him. He is distraught and thinks I have lost my mind . . . maybe I have. Even though he has broken my spirit, it breaks my heart that I have now 'hurt' him. This is a very strange time for me . . .
Hey im obvipusly not the only one. I have left then came back 3 times. And I am leaving again for good. I see how theae type of people tale hold of someone. Sooner or later everything turns into an arguement often for just trying to make small talk. My wife shuts me down the second that I state any kind of opinion. Her definition of negitive is anything that she dont agee with. Or basically anything that I say. RUN! Rum hard fast and far and forget them!
I had no idea who I married until I came across your site.
Thank you for taking the time to make your videos…they have been most helpfull for me getting over the divorce from my BPD histrionic ex wife…as much as it hurts, I can now go back in my mind and understand what happened…all the love bombing then the gradual devaluation over our 10 year relationship . Then the sudden moved back to her home town 1200 miles away were I found out she went back there to hook up with some previous lover from 30 years ago ! good riddance.
I just feel sad for the loss of a marriage and 5 children later. I wish I has never met him.
Ty for this Sam trusting again is hell.
Your videos have been more helpful than anything. Thank you.
i cannot accept that I have been with this "thing" for over a year… I can't get out of this cycle of obsession. I have been so deeply damaged and traumatized that I cannot see myself ever being the person I was. I am constantly blaming myself… my low self esteem and need to please was like a magnet and if I had been stronger or less dependent on others to validate my self worth I never would be in this situation. I don;t trust anyone and can't see that I ever will. Its not the verbal criticism, constant rejection then adoration or even the physical abuse that haunts me but the fact I still love this person that scares me the most. The false hope that this is a "phase" or that what I am seeing is just temporary is delusional and keeps me holding onto something that does not exist. I obsess and cling to him in the ridiculous hope that he will see what he is doing, have some compassion and change. The crying and confabulating only makes his disgust for me grow stronger and my self hatred more intense yet I cannot or will not stop trying. If only I could channel the resolve in me to make this person love me into making me love myself! Its a cycle that doesn't end unless he says so and even then I wait for him to come back and take the little bit of peace left in my otherwise hollow and empty soul. All I feel is sadness, anger and hopelessness. It will never get better… i tell myself. As long as I allow myself to accept (even trigger) this treatment from anyone I will never be happy and never find a healthy way of life.
The past 7 years have been true hell, When some one views the Abuse Cycle of a Narcissist , The Females during a divorce can be the most Viscous of the two Genders. Understanding that in most Countries today Women in Family court are viewed as the Victim over 99% of the time. The Rule of thumb is He or She who reports first is the victim, the Narc does not need Evidence , If it the Narc is a Woman . Anyone who has any shred that Women Narcs are less harmful should examine VAWA and how it protects Female Narcs from Repercussions of False Allegations
Divorce was final in 2009…..in 2014 it doesn't feel like it was long ago at all. I would have rather died, than have experienced the mental abuse during the separation prior to the divorce. Had three wonderful children, and thought, he was a wonderful guy, until he just "shifted"….and it was very, very scary. He melted me down, took over when I was down, got full custody of the three kids, had been financially planning the break up years prior to the separation. I lost everything…..the biggest of all…."hope".
I'm trying to get over a narc. So damn hard to stop supplying because you do think…maybe…but then, you realize, no..it was never real, none of it was real. Its nearly a worse roller coaster than the relationship itself. I'm still in the rage part….moving into sadness. These posts help me, Sam…to balance myself when I feel the pull to return to him. Thank you.
They're grieving the idealized figure but once they realize it was a puff of smoke, then it's easier to move on but this is a process and not done overnight.
Thank you Sam Varkin for the info in this video. I am a two yr divorcee of an naraccis who left me in a messy way after 32 yrs of marriage @ 60 yrs of age. I now beleve I am experiencing acceptance & realizing that I am fortunate to be out f a realionship that gave no attention to my emotional needs.
3.5 months down the line it still hurts like hell..
So true 🙂
What hurt the most was that she didnt just take away my future she stole my past as well.
Every time she said 'i love you' and every (rare) act of kindness was nothing but a lie. It's difficult to come to terms with being so callously used.
Abandoning like parents did or he being like parents may make it hard to leave…unfinished business again…cut short before you could make it work or better he knew who you really were to reject you. Everyone else gets to see the good charming side and it is withheld from you. To not want to sacrifice your personality/wants/dreams/opinions to him, but be accepted for who you are is a lost dream. If only you could pretend enough to keep this good side showing…is denial.
we are all searching for love in this existance and when we judge the people who are fighting to recover from this abuse it would serve us well to remember "there but for the grace of God go I" It is the most trying struggle we will ever be involved in and has nothing to do with our character as the Narcisists look for characteristics of strength and moral fibre in order to feed off of them then they dispise these very chacteristics