Dispelling the myth, once and for all. We just reached 7K subscribers! Thank you self-care warriors! Rage – Coming Soon from a Narcissist Near You: …
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Narcissistic Rage – Narcissists Don’t Always Suffer from Low Self-Esteem
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I recall a telling tale of rage. After my wife had recovered from surgery. She had me plant trees and aet her yard up for summer. I was a gardener and upset when she had me put plastic flowers she purchased in all the planter boxes. Before I went out of town for the weekend to visit my son she was after me to set up the eavestough and rain barrel. i told her I would do it upon my return because I was unsure where I had stored the parts. She started instigating a fight over it and I hugged her and told her I didn't want to fight over somethhing so meaningless. Trying to talk my way out of it wasn't working. Everything I said would be turned into some insult toward her.I had to go and she always seemed to try and foil or delay my trips and when I would bring her she always wanted to divert me to shopping malls on the way. Anyway, when I returned she threw me out. I couldn't understand for the life of me why and thought it was somehow over the rain barrel in my bewilderment. When I retrieved my things she had me do the things she hadn't prior prepared for. Setting up that eavestrough and rain barrel was first on my list as I hadn't realized before how much it meant to her. It was my creation for my gardening. She told me it wasn't about the rain barrel with no concern. I then thought she was just trying to start a fight to have a reason to throw me out which she denied. Wasn't til I learned the game that I figured out she was only doing it to control my actions. It wasn't even anger. She had a timeline she wanted to keep in having me set her up so she could drop me. My whole purpose for being there was to build all the amenities she needed to be self sufficient with her dogs and she even said once I completed one job, "now I won't need you anymore."
Love your videos!
My vulnerable covert ex claimed to have low self esteem but I never saw it. She would rage often and at times I would say it was self esteem but most often I would have no idea what set her off. Believe it or not I would rant and rave about the narcissists and psychopaths of politics and finance all the time to her so it's likely I was inadvertantly insulting her often not being aware she was one but I'm quite sure she knows. I do recall one time her sister had mentioned having a hard time making it up the hill, speaking of her car. The ex went ballistic on her thinking she was addressing her with her heart problem. I also believe some of her rages may have been just to get me out of the house so she could entertain but that's speculation. I always felt the neighbours would have told me if they saw any funny business but I was floored on the day of my discard when they told me she was having an affair with a married guy before me. I said the same guy she has plow her driveway when I'm out of town? They said yes, omg. In fact I'm pretty sure she is still doing it. That would be going on 6 or 7 years now.
Love your videos! Congrats on 7,000+ YAYYYY!
Hi- I really think the rage is FAKE …they are not angry at all, but it is just an intimidation/shock tactic to make you back down, and never to bring anything else up in the future! Instead of them having a fragile sense of self, i think it's more like "how dare you question me! Don't you know your place?!" They are god to themselves!
I think it's a random and arbitrary control tactic. It keeps you off balance never knowing when they're going to blow up. But, there's always this seething anger right beneath the surface, even when they're in a "restful" state. It's all method acting because they can control it, like you said, when witnesses are around. They feel entitled to work their aggressions off on YOU, the target. I know my narc mom would never treat her sister like that or the people in her meditation group because she fears and respects THEM. This video is very timely. I needed to see your "Keep Calm" t-shirt yesterday when my mom exploded into narcissistic rage as I was helping with the chores. The more I tried to help, the ruder she got! Ripping laundry out of my hands, banging pots and pans and clomping around the house, gesturing and gesticulating, and demonstratively showing utter contempt for everything I was doing. After she unloaded her aggression, she was "purged and satisfied." Mission accomplished.
Great video,, There has to be minor differences to a female Narc and a male Narc' although their energy's that are behind their deeds must feel very much alike.. They all feel the same,,. Sensitive people are very sensitive to the energy that's coming over from the narc and its this energy we absorb first which goes absorbed unknowingly to us, then we analyze their words and body language after the incident. Sometimes its like piecing a puzzle together until we understand. (Or at least try to) Being in a relationship with an ex Narc is harder than a family member I believe, as for us victims, I always ask why do they come on top and have everything or seem to have everything when its us picking up the pieces and feeling internally sick and they have moved on to the next poor person so quickly. Its like they never did anything to anyone. A Narc could have the ability to physically kill somebody and still deny it even if the incident was caught on tape,, they would still say it wasn't them.. When good people get lured into a Narc's atmosphere through their disguise, I've often asked my self why do our energy's meet up in alignment if were two different people on the inside, how come we attract this unwanted energy source into our energy source. Law of attraction says like attracts like,,,, I've never really been able to understand this about Narcs and their victims…. Thank you for getting me thinking about my experience with Narcs, ( Women narcs here in the UK are crazy, crazy, crazy) You really do help people on the inside with your videos in a very touching way' You alleviate the confusion to which people don't seem to have any answer to the letting go of through your work. You save people years of work with your words. God bless you. X
this topic i find fascinating because my narc has never outwardly raged. in fact hea never expressed insecurity jealousy or rage but thru covert methods brought those emotions out in me. it feels like a form of gaslighting
Congratulations !
I'm curious can you develop traits like this as a result of trauma, like PTSD? I don't tend to be a manipulative person because I tend to want an open honest relationship in return, I don't feel its right and its the only way I feel "safe." But for me its a sense of insecurity that causes reactions like this. I'm realizing that I started to want to control my environment or want people to think like me because I don't feel safe otherwise, especially in a relationship. Sometimes its a sense of superiority, or that's the way it comes off, but deep down I see now its because I feel insecure want to control it. It can be a bit aggressive in nature if I feel "threatened" or "unsafe". It can be difficult to respect a person's boundaries or wishes in that place. I want to though, because I know its healthy. It does feel good otherwise nor is it healthy for anyone else. It seems that I've dated a woman with BPD, then more recently a covert. There are obvious signs she was using and manipulating me, lying to me very painful. Been trying to sort it out and make sure I'm not projecting anything. I'm curious if something like C-PTSD can cause reactions or behavior like this because I'm trying to solve this problem. Its unpleasant for me and anyone else involved, and can be destructive to relationships. I don't recall being this sensitive or angry before but I'm not sure if the relationship just brought out another side or its trauma related. Not looking for a diagnosis just curious if in your knowledge of trauma and PTSD related issues can cause something like this because I'm trying to figure what direction to go in if I enter therapy at some point. I've lived with and dealt with these people my whole life, I don't want to be like them in any way. I know now and to some extent have always known its unhealthy. It honestly feels like I've been abused my whole life but I also dish it back out in certain ways. I don't feel like I should be okay with any of this, either way. Both setting and respecting others boundaries seem to be at the center of this. Feeling this sensitive, touchy or defensive is a pain in the ass.
My Narc ex went crazy went I would t take him back during his hoovering. He was aggressive and abusive went from begging g for my forgiveness to calling me every name in the book when I wouldn't see him anymore. I found out that he "tried " to find someone that looks like me to get pregnant. He was trying to get me pregnant and had asked me to marry him. He had the Madonna white complex and any girl who's with him he controls. You can't wear makeup or take care of yourself because he will accuse you of bring attention seeking. I'm creeped out he tried to find a look alike
I just read that article yesterday! In my experience the rage is expressed overtly when the ego/false self is threatened as you said, also when facing boundaries and Assertiveness ie when someone says No or not anymore
I'm new to your channel and I'm loving it !! I plan on getting your book as well.
I agree with this . From my experience I also think it happens from a lack of control or a perceived lack of control. In my opinion they always have to have control. They can't handle not having it. The rage can be unpredictable as well, at least it was for me at times. And their ability to just snap out of it is very bizarre to say the least .
It's been my experience that narcissists tend to rage at something that challenges their sense of self and their perception of reality in general, however well-intended the "challenge" may be. By way of example, I once had the temerity to suggest to my ex narc that she was perhaps a bit high maintenance. This observation did not form in a vacuum; she required constantly to be the center of attention, was obsessively concerned with her appearance, and needed constant reassurance from me, her children, siblings, and friends that she was loved, adored, and cared for. Etc. As you might imagine, she let me know in no uncertain terms how she was not high-maintenance for several minutes at quite a high volume! I was like "what the fuck?" Denial of reality was definitely her strong suit.
Congratulations for 7000, and T-shirt is great as well 🙂 In my life all my overt narcissist were enraged over strange things, like… "Stop touching my things or I will kill you". They would yell, beat and throw things at me my because of that. It was really scary for me, I was walking on eggshells. And I don't understand that trigger. Maybe it was a projection, because they themselves disrespect boundaries. Or they were trying to find a reason to frighten me, or searching for a person to unload their aggression? Who knows…
Narcissistic rages are definitely ego issue based, not from low self-esteem. We can tell how threatened they feel by a simple request or confrontation.
I say that: rage, is the only emotion a narcissist actually authentically experiences. Mad is all they can feel.
When I had my final, final discard I texted my narc "I was always too good for you". Knowing her mind pretty well by this time it was the worst thing I could think of saying to her. She wrote back "never contact me ever again", hah! (Of course she contacted me again when her next supply became a problem…).
Thank you and very valuable obserbation.
. I believe they do suffer from an over inflated ego. Vs insecurity. my narc came from a fantastic, family but he got to much attention. by being the golden child. family..therby.inflated his ego. when he gets an injury which is constantly there is no communication , but much rage. you would think that the hostility would kill these people.