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48 thoughts on “Narcissist’s Cycles of Ups and Downs

  1. Maybe you can do more videos about this specific topic and the passive-aggressive tactics narcissists use in the attempt to punish others. such as silent treatment in crucial situations where they know their lack of cooperation etc will harm or hurt the other person)

  2. incredible video & brilliant insight, this cycle between and depressive/withdrawn hybernation? phase and grandiose manic phase describes a narcissist I know in the most detail. And no matter how much you support this person during his down phase, the second he returns to his narcissistic mania he forgets every support he received and is selfish and ruthless in his actions as if there's no tomorrow. Then the cycle starts over again. And over. And over. And yes it's def different the endogenic bipolar mood disorder that is not dependent/related to narcissistic supply etc. That was exactly the type of particular video I was searching for and it supports my observations and experience over years with this person. Thank you for the great informative video

  3. Perfect. Thanks. That explains my sudden departure from narcissists life…. you even nailed it with i have to "work hard for this" . This person is soo disordered.

  4. I THOUGHT I WAS bipolar, how I could be happy one minute mad the next, ect. I took time to start realizing that the changes were happening from outside things I could blame such as my diabetes being bad, or someone not texting me back, or slowly fading from my life. I am a narc and I hate it. I am getting help today, but it is so funny how I never knew I was A Narcicist, I knew something was wrong. Then I asked myself today, how much time I spend thinking about myself and my problems and how I wish I was rich and the want to be a doctor and have success to low key show others who left me the bad choice they made. I am a Narc, I hate it, I've tried journals, video diaries, and thinking they would help, they only helped to show who I really am, and what I really am, and now I am getting help.

  5. The narc I know often spends all of his energy around Valentine's Day until he catches a lady who feels sorry for him.  The rest of the year he's very down and out and not very amusing.  Definitely the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

  6. how do narc personality types compare to other types? how does a 'healthy' person live internally? just a matter of trying towards a way that is awareness and well-being of self, and others as part of that, respecting your and others boundaries unless self or others risk harm (inc harm to personal sovereignty – ask how to help not force someone to do what you think), not looking for the anxiety/rush spike but a more even keel (joy from exercise not petty masochism etc although I find exercise a chore so the line is blurred), accepting there will always be a struggle to manage yourself. Or turning down the silly witterings of your mind and just try and feel your way in the moment, think about what's in front of you with well-being glasses on, sticking to this approach in the face of abuse. Or continue to disassociate into oblivion, create a persona that does the outward function of all of these things until you sort of but don't become it. There are worse things to sort of not become. Watch out for your naughty self! Best trick of the devil is convincing you it doesn't exist! Although science please.

  7. this is exactly what i saw, this is amazing.   they will gaslight you on this too like what youre seeing is not happening.   before i realized my narc was a narc these cycles were more frequent.   meaning after i called them out on their shit they then tried to hide it.

  8. im to much of a people pleaser to be a narcissist, but I could say im possibly "narcissistic" based on this evidence. I think borderlines, narcs and other types experience these ups and downs of deregulation. a lot of us are combos, I have a big ego, so I have elements of this. its scary, never thought of myself as a monster

  9. these down episodes can you tell me if they may be feeling guilt of what he is doing to others?

  10. Hello
    I am a big fan. I think you are fantastic. I am benefitting by watching your videos, and will continue to find ways to heal from the insanity that was/is my mother and her hurtful ways. Thanks Dr. Sam!  

    All the best!

  11. You have described my Mother perfectly, in the few videos I have watched.  What do you recommend to family members (aside from no contact) who wish to seek help for someone suffering from NPD. Thus far, it sounds like the very nature of this illness is impossible to treat. I can now see the difference between Bi Polar Disorder and NPD- the supply. Thank You for your work.

  12. So close to home it's scary and embarrassing. Also enlightening. 

  13. Very insightful and helpful.

  14. Hi PGH! I was with someone who is a narcisist and exactly everything that you mentioned is in him. I am currently reading Sam's book, Malignant Self Love. The foreword on this book reminds me of my ex' words that he used to say to me. 

  15. thanks you Sam 🙁 dealing with this

  16. Wow… the ultimate egotist… spot on!

  17. People need to be aware that it is incredibly easy to over identify with NPD traits before they go around diagnosing their partners, ex partners and work colleagues.

  18. For no reason outsiders can interpret.

  19. Sam — you have a statement at 2:50 that I can't tell. You say "Suddenly, and often for no reason outside his _______________ ______________, the N. becomes subdued." What are the two mystery words?
    And also, again, thank you as always!

  20. Sometimes it's the drugs or alcohol that triggers a down cycle or abuse, so I've noticed.

  21. Very informative. Yes, I am SO thankful I found this video!!! When I have a chance, I plan to listen to this over (and over and over). This is THE answer to my BIGGEST question.

  22. Holy cow! Two N. parents, one of them alcoholic too. You must have experienced so much pain! Although, I would suspect your experiences have made you a bigger and better person than many of us.

  23. I'm so thankful I found this video… I wasn't sure if this behavior was a Narcissistic behavior or not. I was thinking my ex may have been using Narcotics when I would see this happen… I haven't discounted that possibility either.

  24. Been stuck in the depressive, isolation cycle for 2 years now. Is 2 years a long time? I went from charismatic and outgoing to a total hermit with no interest whatsoever in going out again. Any tips for how to bust out of this?

  25. Mr. Sam, would a true narcissist or a person who is possibly picking up such traits from being under such persons control and manipulation for over 20 years, recognize this same "Narcissistic" Traits within himself? I mean would there be enough conviction to reflect upon this internalized behavior and be able to admit it to ones self? Or do you believe such person would become indifferent, almost none caring about having such personality?Hope you understand what I am trying to ask. Thank you sir

  26. The outside developments that cause the Narcissist to react and become sad, etc. ("splitting"), could not this also then cause a biochemical response? The emotion becomes so deep, that it seems to colorize their thoughts in other areas, whether subtle by their decorum or not. Their speech, thought patterns and even maybe their voice are strongly effected. Also, it's onset is so abrupt, that it makes me suspect there is a chemical aspect to this at least in response to the outside stimuli.

  27. It is amazing how the descriptions that I have read so aptly describe the N in my life. You will always be confused if you try to make sense of these people. Think of it this way. These people will make it their life mission to hurt you. You are the worst thing on the face of the earth. They demean and belittle you. When it suits their fancy they will show you a little affection. The anger and rage never goes away. It is in the shadows waiting to again, raise its ugly head.

  28. Narcissist cannot be helped. They are usually completely unaware of his condition. He will wreak confusion in the lives of others. Exploiting others comes natural to narcissists. These people will use you and drain you. They will destroy you. The N will conceal their "true self" from you. I think of it like emotional parasites. Run!!!

  29. Thank you. You just explained my ex-husband who I could not understand. He has come back into my life after 20 years divorced. Others tried to explain him to me, but not completely. Knowing, now I can deal with him and hopefully get him to go away again. Once the drama is gone, peace will return to our family.

  30. Corky the first thing that you need to do is resume your medication. Like the voices in your head the "narcissists on the internet" who are "gang stalking" you are just another symptom of your condition. Please feel free to contact me if you need additional advice.

  31. Nick, you're the narcissist, and this is why you have a whole "fan club" of people following you.

    Because you're both say and do things that ring of complete batshit insanity.

  32. HC didn't turn anyone against you. You did that all by yourself with your behavior. You were being "stalked" LONG before you met HC, remember?

  33. Hi Corky! How's your weekend going? 🙂

  34. Watch the video about narcissism and substance abuse on my channel.

  35. Having watched many of your excellent presentations,it has become obvious both of my parents were narcissistic.After they divorced,my mother was the only parent who remained available,but at such a cost.She became a binge alcoholic,which evidently increases the dramatic swings already present.You may have addressed this aspect already,but I'm curious about your views.Also,your example of their emotional 'hunting' reminds me of 'psychic vampirism'.You're incredibly helpful,thanks so much!

  36. How does one cure narcissism sounds like me? Boundarys , strong identity ? Do you go into this in the books Sam ?

  37. N's believe we are the ones who need scientific neurological study,they do not believe they have a problem but rather they are superior beings. N's are extremely sensitive but only with respect to their feelings. Their poor self-image has long since been suppressed – this is a personality issue which is characterized by complete lack of empathy, I do not believe there is a drug on the market or will be to combat this disorder.

  38. See the video about narcissism and obsessive-compulsive behaviors on my channel.

  39. Are they known to have odd habits? Like annoying behaviors like high-pitch laughter or odd OCD type behavior?

  40. ??? Last time I heard, there was no need to ask permission to PM.

  41. sorry, I meant "an HSP with mood regulation issues (of a neurological nature)."

  42. The behavioral and emotional similarities between bipolar and narcissistic mania & depression make me think we should more scientifically seek some neurological component contributing to the n's issues – a mood regulation disorder, perhaps. His emotional wounds yield poor self-image so he needs encouragement and is hurt by criticism, but that's true of most people. The N's extreme sensitivity, emotionalism, and long depressions might reflect being an HSP with mood disregulation issues.

  43. Funny you should mention this, my mother used to complain about this aspect of my stepfather, including his pure laziness. After her death, he was in bed nearly all the time up until his death last year.

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