This video only applies to the context of emotionally and/or physically abusive relationships. To find out more about gaslighting and projection, see Dating …
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Narcissists Make You Feel Like You’re the Narcissist: Gaslighting, Triangulation and Projection
It's amazing how they can make you question yourself when you really know, deep down, that there is something afoot. Great video. Thank you.
Ive known this girl at work for 8 years . Outta nowhere she tells me she wants to chill and watch some movies . She lures me into believing something was there and that we were a couple. We kept it under the radar so ppl dont gossip . a few months down the line i start noticing she just started to get distant and i started to get a sense she was lining someone up.
The ironic part about this is a few years ago, I remember she did the same thing with 2 other guys at work . She triangulated them !!
And here i am in this web of the narcissist just like its been described .
After i found out she had been already seeing this other guy. i finally saw with my own two eyes who she really was ( i looked at her phone and she was busted ) . The day after she was caught. she literally blocked me on all social media and contact. Ignores me at work and all … From what other ppl have told me they are now a couple ..
It was probably the most painful experience i had but after doing plenty for reseatch online and i finally found that she 1) is a narcissist 2) triangulates her victims 3) really is a peice of shit. 8 years of friendship i had down the drain .
I can totally see her pattern. She lines people up . Triangulation was the magic f-king word that describes this whole situation
Reading all this stuff online has really helped me get back on track …
Wanna know what makes me feel better tho ? This poor bastard has noooooOOOOO idea what hes in for . Ive known her for over 8 years and hes only been around for what a year ? he has no idea who she really is .
I just hope the day comes i get to see it explode in their face right in front of me .
He is always triangulating! By you saying "don't feel as though its you", is so comforting, because I've never been a jealous person at all! He is always talking about the woman at work, acting elated at seeing a friends girlfriend (he always wants his friend's girls!) drooling over a women in his group of friends… yet nothing ever happens, he is just baiting them for attention and/or trying to see me behave in jealous ways. Which unfortunately I have. : / I fell for it. Then talking to me like there was never anything between us (even though we've had the most passionate relationship for many years… he treats me like it's all me and I'm chasing him. Then when he doesn't see me in a week, he's calling. There is no passion anymore… I know he's pursuing others. If someone is interested in him, I get the cold dead eyes of "I don't love you, leave me a lone" then when he doesn't get what he wants he's coming back to me because he knows how in love I fell for him. He said one time when he was in a dry spell, and I was trying to stay away, "I can't get the girls I want… I can't even get you anymore" and actually, I am obviously not in love with myself, but I do think I am more attractive than the ones he is preying on, but he treats me like they mean so much more to him. I am horrified that I can't stop this… I'm trying very hard though. It is so, so painful.
This girl puts it perfectly. Good job.
You said you hope it helps. It does help. I knew my parents were narcissists, but there's one boyfriend I had who damaged me more than anyone else, and I was with him for a pretty long time (on and off). It never occurred to me that he was a narcissist. I just thought he was stupid, evil, maybe in the closet, and wondered why when he had surgery that his mother bathed him-
he told me–when he was like 20 something. Listening here, it's like this light bulb went on. Pretty much everything symptom was there. Wow. If I ever meet someone, I'll be able to pick up on the cues a lot sooner-'course first I have to meet them, then I hope they won't be a narcissist! 😉 Good video.May I pose a question? A Narc i was involved with was very intense and likes drama and intensity. Like all cluster B's, she frequently used projection, can someone interpret the following? She said that I was intense. This is confusing for me because I already understand intensity as an attempt to project emotions onto another person. For example, I tell an intense emotional story and I want the listener to feel my emotions. If this statement was a projection, what was she trying to say?
wow this describes my partner to the tee. she is good at trying to turn the table. you are spot on self care
Bringing up of Ex's and unguarded use of texting via moblie devices in your presence designed to De-stabilize you and "Goad" you into an Insecure place – because that is a place they know all too well, but THEY'RE FINE NOW. Sometimes They "USED" to get depressed, they "USED" to make decisions, but NOT ANYMORE. And they think that if someone else is sitting on the Naughty Step, they are completely and utterly vindicated and immune. Being weak and insecure is something OTHER people do.
Dear Haven – do you think the Gaslighting is done to get that specific result, or is it just a reflexive defensive maneuver? Or is it that there ISN'T ANY DIFFERENCE!!?
3 years with this person I care… starting to become careD about so much. I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision and that I am in fact the one that is messed up. But thinking back to the beginning I remember when I use to resist the gaslighting and how that wore on me to the point that I would cry for hours and get so upset I didn't even remember what happened. As the years progressed this became normal. "I just have a really bad memory. So, I'm sorry." became the best answer. "It's ok. I love you and I'm here for you." Would be his, like he's the tolerant abused hero and I'm the crazy partner that needs his help desperately. Maybe if he hadn't started hitting me and my dog I wouldn't have noticed. Maybe then I wouldn't have started recording stuff when it happens in secret and relistening to it after the argument that gets me so upset that i forget how it all happened. Now he's dangling my living situation over my head meanwhile he does super sweet things for me and then totally asshole things. For instance, giving me backrubs but then when I ask him to get me medicine i desperately need he "doesn't want to go back out" and "I treat him like a slave" because he does all these nice things for me and I EXPECT it and that's fucked up. I don't expect it. I don't even ask for it. sigh I am trying to figure out my living situation. I want out of here but it's really difficult with a large dog who has separation anxiety.
Yep. Two months before I finally ended it with narc husband he accused me of gaslighting him. Guess what I had been researching online previously? That's right–gaslighting. Seems he was snooping on me but always said I was keeping tabs on him.
This blew my mind. What led me to the narcissist videos was her. She told me I had these problems and I had idealized, devalued and discarded her when she had discarded me and I still loved her dearly. Now she told me she didn't love me for my talents, she loved me in spite of them. After the discard she hoovered back and spent time with me in which I was in constant fear of how she'd hurt me next. She would check up on me yet had no interest in being with me if only to cause pain. One day she stopped in the laundromat to tell me she was going somewhere. She would ask how my learning of bpd and npd was coming along saying she wouldn't abandon me while telling me she probably wouldn't take me back although at that point I felt I'd do anything. The day I told her I was a classic codependent to a textbook narcissist she went no contact and I never heard from her again.
What a lovely pretty girl you are.
Thx…Feel more at ease now. :)
This is so true!!!!
My narc ex husband publicly accused me of adultery with an ex boyfriend I hadn't seen in more than 6 years, when he was the one who was unfaithful from day one! He ruined my reputation in the community and swore he never cheated on me even though I caught him red handed. These people believe their own lies it's so pathetic!
My ex's favorite thing to do was to take me out to a bar, and then she would totally flirt right in front of me. She knew it killed me, then she would criticize me saying I was smothering her etc. It was beyound horrid, but I think she really got off on it. My god. She was / is – evil.
Im so glad to see this one! I just got out ( I hope) of a horribly narsisstic relationship, and I was questioning my sanity and whether I was the narcissist.
once you figure out the game,turn it on them by calling them,telling them hey I have to tell you I am seeing someone I have been seeing someone an u are kinda been gamed,would of told u but well it was fun ,hey have a day …click,This would have caused a Narcissistic Injury hopefully, LOL
My ex totally did these things. He brought up his exes many times. (Of course, they were all crazy…until one that he was supposedly setting up with a friend. That was another strange situation that I won't go into.) He also would tell me that random women wanted to sleep with him or were otherwise interested. Most of the relationship was long distance, so I didn't see his interactions with other people much. But one time we were in group chat with another friend and he was flirting with her. It bothered me and I told him so. He said "It's only [friend's name]" as if that somehow made that okay. He definitely made me feel like I was crazy to be bothered by him flirting with our other friend.
I felt like that when she would do that off stuff, she even had the nerve to say she was thinking,about going out to find a guy to sleep with one night, tollbOoth asked her what the heck did you say.
Had to watch again. Eye Opener. This so my ex. I moved out finally.
You are wise beyond belief!
When they break up with you, literally discard you … and they STILL want to accuse you of cheating on them, and they still want to keep tabs on you, THAT'S a pure narcissist, a true crazy.
My live in BF accused me of being possessive when I texted him and he was gone off with daughter, he did not respond, then
I try calling, ignores me, I try texting again. All I wanted was a courtesy response. He always did that but when I called him on it says owes me nothing, he goes as he pleases? Shows me no empathy and he is emotionally unavailable, no affection, if I try hug him or flirt with him, he pushes me away. Makes excuses. He has 19 year old daughter living at home that he is obsessed with. Goes everywhere he goes, and he wont let her work or get drivers license, she cleans and cooks, i have no respect or boundaries with his two grown kids live at home. I get told they lived there before me and they can break my boundaries. They are hoarders, buy collect things and don't organize and shop every weekend, I pay half bills and if I am late he gets really mad. Example: I was letting daughter watch my dog that was dying with my other little dog, paying her, once my dog passed I stopped and she and my bf got so angry. My other dog is trained to go outside and back in. But they now are punishing my dog by making her stay in kitchen. The kids wont use there shower in bathroom so they use mine all hours of night, asked for them to go before i go bed, he got mad at me told me they can use it anytime, and here i pay half the bills. Daughter tells lies to her dad about me believes her.
It's been 4.5 years since I've been out. I am now happily married but there is a form of PTSD that comes after a long relationship with an NPD. This was SPOT ON!
She is so sexy. I love her smile.
Great video! I appreciate the help! I stumbled across this because I've been made to feel like I'm the one with issues. This was good. I brought this possibility up the couples therapist in a solo session about this possibility, but I feel dismissed. You're on point to the last letter! I feel so much better. Thank you!
I'm married to one..I cry almost every day…Thank you..I am not Crazy!