The stages of realization you’re with a narcissist are useful to know before you go through them. So here they are. Check out my book “The 16 Signs of a …
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Realizing You’re With a Narcissist in 3 Stages and Why Narcissists Always Lose
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I believe that there may be a genetic component to narcissism. In my family, my oldest brother is a narcissist. He is in his 60's now. When he was 21, he had a one night stand with a woman and she got pregnant. When the daughter was 16 she came into my brother's life. She didn't live with him, but basically used him to get money. I didn't really get to know her until she was in her mid 20's. She is a narcissist just like her dad. Very awful woman, her name is nora bohanon (aka nora emily bohanon), and if you google her there are many people, who have had business dealings with her, yelping how she had manipulated and swindled them. So here is an example of a daughter, who was not raised or exposed to her narcissistic father until later in life, but turned out just like him.
omg the part where you said its all a game but they will pretend they are not playing a game so freaking true! everything you have said is so on point its shocking !
you have helped alot so thank you cuz i was stuck for two years confused and unaware but im finally out. full no contact. removed straight out of my life. so thank you!
Great video precisely what I experienced over a 22 period and 10 months of living together. The nark is blind to how much a person can take from them and you can catch them off guard because of what you said their ego. They think they can mess with you indefinitely and you won't stoop to their level, surprise, how do you like me now.
so relevant and so valid. all true.
you are awsome! That is exactly what I have been through…
I think they will kill you before they let you go!! that is my understanding, maybe not all? Thank you so much for the video.
I spent 22 years with a narcissist. It took me SO long to figure it out and start stage two. I never got to stage 3 with him, because he saw it coming and found another mark.
The very next relationship was yet another narcissist–but this one took me "only" 1 year and 4 months to get through the stages and break up with him. It is astounding to me just how exact your stages are. I can even tell you the event that pushed me into stage two, and how stage three got triggered.
And now I am taking a long break from relationships and I'm going to try to get heathy enough that I don't fall for any more narcissist tricks.
stage 3 when you try to cut contact in sweden: the narcissist calls other narcissists in social authorities, police, neighbours and what not that jumps in and help them – try to label You as narcisisstic (since "narcissism" is appearantly not catering to narcissists needs- "thats selfish OK!").
and you recieve one hell of a character assassination for not being 'nice' – where you get labeled as socially inept with potential aspergers for not giving a shit about the feelings of someone who tries to control and abuse you.
mentioning anything about "narcissism" or "psychopathy" is interpreted as you being narcissistic or psychopathic (since observing other peoples internal 'states' and not blindly sympathising with them whenever they use that as a method for manipulating you is "lack of empathy")
i mean, its intresting as hell with psychology regarding personality disorders from the internet in combination with swedish culture; "antisocial" is spending time alone (being mean to others means you get a load of enablers and whoever gets stepped on gets blamed for being stepped on) – same goes for not being a part of the 'herd' (very orwellian 1984-crap where not 'groupthinking' makes you 'A Bad Person' and cockblocked in favor of alpha males who play this game narcissists play)
and yet not a thing happens since everyone and everything is passive aggressive and the whole 'punishment' from these kind of social things is a complete illusion with no consequences more than they appear to be a big deal – but they're not.
yes, fuck sweden and its stupid shit.
4:36 I was subject to a sibling. I endured severe abuse until I was 58 and I am rebuilding my life now. I have regrets that I allowed her to manipulate me especially with my children. She still has covert methods that she uses against me with my adult children and it most often is with money. Everything you said applies. I am so happy to have found you here. I have been listening to your videos all morning and you have been very helpful. Thank you.
the last silent treatment was when I truly put it all together and reached the point I couldn't do it anymore! I confronted the behavior and the minimizing and final devaluation/ grand finally came quickly! No contact for 6 months now
the last silent treatment was when I truly put it all together and reached the point I couldn't do it anymore! I confronted the behavior and the minimizing and final devaluation/ grand finally came quickly! No contact for 6 months now
I told my boyfriend he's a narcissist to see how he'd react – well, he almost crashed the car. Stage 2…
Scary.. let's play … keep it platonic lol.
I think that there is a lot of truth in your videos. However, don't be silly and believe that a so called "normal" relationship is not a game, it's just a more balanced game called love, which is an art.
Your videos may "help" people to deal with narcissists. However, I think that your videos could be very dangerous for narcissists (there are a lot) and their sourroundings as well. Narcissism is a cry for love, which is maybe the strongest need of the human being. To face them and other people constantly with arguments that they can't change, that they have a serious disorder, and that they are different and what not is completely wrong (in my opnion). I literally can see it in your face how you like to disparage them. I think you and a lot of people on youtube made enough videos about how sick narcissists are. Please think more of a way out of this, there MUST be one, since a world full of people without love is in real danger.
you hit this on the nose…im gonna watch it again and take notes…how do you have this much insight…and able to explain so eloquently
thank you soooo much for your wisdom…u r a great teacher
Yes. Yes. and YES! Brilliant! Thanks.
This is your best video. Everything is a game to them and they put up another facade, so true.
This is why when arguing with the narc you may scream, "How long do you think I'm going to take this?" They think….forever? Great video!
I really find your way of explaining things very easy and calming to understand. I have tried to listen to a lot of people and get scattered. Thank you for doing this and how you do it and explain things. I am a child of 2 Narcs and an ex and trying to break the chains in my mind since I cut contact and put the distance between us. I compare them to soul murderers. Period. Debbie
great vid thank you !
I'd read the lists that showed he had all of the traits…I'm an intelligent, aware person…but oh my goodness, this particular video hit the nail on the head. The oscillating…the game changes…they certainly follow a pattern, don't they. And didn't I ?? So far, after 4 years in total, I have not answered one text message that he sent two days ago. I was feeling sorry for him (if I don't love him, nobody will, he'll be all alone) and sad…but most of all, I feel responsible for myself now. I can't use our ridiculous relationship as an excuse for how meaningless my life has become (funnily enough, only in the past 4 years). It seems to me, narcissists find out your weak point, your fears…and prey upon them. Throw them in your face whenever you are either feeling powerful or powerless…same effect…you just crumble. Now I've left him behind, I'm left knowing exactly what these weak points are…and half the devastation is knowing now I have to deal with them…fix (??) them…or else the crumbling effect he had will be permanent. Wow…I was going to write "Great video"…got a bit carried away 🙂 Hey…great video. I'm watching them all one by one and I saw something about a book. Thank you. So much.
It took just 7 months long distance to show me all stages…at third stage he had disrespected me so much and said we were just 'going through a phase', yet as time passed I just found his behaviour becoming worse and worse and more controlling than you could ever imagine…and he tried to use our 'current issues' as an excuse for his actions…dumped him.
The stage I'm at now is that after three major experiences in the last ten years: 1. A Sociopath 2. A Jealous/possessive person 3. A Narcissist…I'm starting to really wonder if I should just avoid all romantic relationships from now on. Maybe I'm cured, I don't know but I wonder if there is any person who isn't somehow nuts. Obviously I'm nuts for having attracted these people.
This is spot on to how my relationship with my ex narc BF went. Your videos are all spot on. I just got free 6 mos ago and the relationship only lasted 1 year 9 months so it's still fresh in my mind. I wrote a lot of it down so I would never forget. He's 62 and never been married. I saw so many resemblances between him and my my son who just turned 23 when my was a teenager. I guess my ex just never grew up emotionally. My son thank me for not making him one of these bad mamas boys. That's what he calls over pampered narcissistic men.
This is exactly what I just went through, Scott. The narcissist in my life finally realized I was onto him and now he's stopped talking to me because I'm "mean." I'm "mean" for not catering to his every whim. He has no concept that I am a normal human being and I'm on to him. I'm just "mean" and not worth talking to. Which is totally fine with me, except that its beginning to feel like he's turning other people against me. I totally relate to this.
why short guys like to suddenly yell? they do not just yell, they like to suddenly yell and scare the crap out of you
Spot on.
So brilliant ! I have never thought of it this way. They think the high conflict relationship dynamic is sustainable and acceptable, but the codependent knows it must end. Hence, the narcissists world of illusion. I guess it's because that is when they are getting their supply and everything in their world seems to be clicking nicely.
You are bang on.
I was a victim for two years with so called(Best friend -emotional vampire).. it was so draining.. i'm free now.. no contact.. i need your videos like air.. thank you<3
One common "construct" of the target/victim of a narcissistic spouse is the fairytale of a beautiful nuclear family. When the narcissistic spouse reveals themselves as a conflict junky, a toxin to the spouse and child(aren), that fairytale has to die. RIP to that dream. Hope for a better future for the spouse and child(aren) may be very hard won.
UNderstanding Narcissists .. your brilliant thanks so much for your channel.. this xplained somethings new insights from me… great video
genius. if only this had been available years ago I wouldn't have wasted years with narcs. Never mind. never again! kerp doing these videos please. xx
You hit the nail on the head. Their sense of reality is completely different from ours.
So True
YES!
My narc does the very things you said in your video. I'm in the third stage now, there is no going back for me. I'm still with him only til I can get out. I still pray for him,however I know he's a lost cause unless a miracle happen. I believe God is delivering me from this once and for all.
Thank you, very helpful information explained so well.
yep