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Red Flag of a Narcissist #1: Love bombing
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omg you just keep describing my sons father, now ex. Im so glad i got out… only wish it didnt take me 8 years and a child… absolutely a covert narc. you are amazing!!!
My ex ALWAYS admitted to being an amazing Manipulator…
thank you lady! I was so crazy… she made me so crazy.
Thank you very much, I wish I could copy n paste your comment onto my phone. I wish I knew about all of this n watched these videos/like this seeing as it was a few years ago when it was close to me because I was dating one. I'm still unsure if my dad, nan?? n recent grandad was.. He was pretty cold n my siblings and I never had any close connection with him which is why I can speak about him when he passed a few weeks ago. I think my mum is very narccy sometimes but she's very warm too.. can ppl become so tough that they don't cry for aunties dying they grew up with? My mum's def has empathy but she's not sensitive, she just let's things flow off her. Do you think maybe some ppl are required to be so resilient that they harden somehow? I've always bn teased for being the sensitive one in my family but I've found even I've hardened a little. A lot has happened with me this month n I'm more able to brush off things that would normally eat me up. This is in regards to men but I've had more srs things happen. 2 family members have passed.. not who I was very close with but it's same story with 3 other relatives earlier this year. For some reason death was on my mind earlier this year.. I should really see more of my nan who I am close with. She did a lot for us us kids but is also quiet narccy n said a lot of things to me that she shouldn't of.. I'm unsure if she's a covert narc or because of her messed up childhood she's just become that way. Anyway I don't see her because of certain reasons but I actually feel really bad n know she's not going to be around forever. I keep my dad at arm's length n feel like most of the time he was around he did more damage than good although he did do some good things. I don't think he knew how to be a dad n just bought us things now n then because he can't really express love or show affection paternally. If it wasn't for my mum I don't think he would've wanted to become a father.. Also I don't think it was in my mum's dream to have kids to be a mum.. but more because in her culture it's expected n she thought it'd fix things between them. My uncle is a psychiatrist but behaves childishly like my dad.. I know depression.. likely anxiety run in the family.. A.D.D HAS to run in the family but I'm thinking also Narcissism or psychopathy.. I've a feeling maybe my dad's a covert narcissist.. my nan is quite narcissistic but I feel like she can actually express love? so maybe it's simply her childhood.. but my dad seems to show it by giving things.. not often n not always condition free.. if he gives you something he normally says you have to do this or that for him.. nowadays it's just to see him because my brothers completely shut him off n i barely speak to him.. i never did much because he wasn't there.. not emotionally anyway.. he's weird about being fatherly. he's never bn protective or paternally affectionate anyway maybe that's something to do with 5 languages of love what do you think about that?
I guess there is a fine line between infatuation and stalking. I've had both of those issues perpetrated against me. I never necessarily thought of it as "love bombing"…I need to reflect on my past and rethink this.
That's my ex and yep I know about the church thing too. First you're accepted and loved and they want you to help then you get dumped. You're part of a group until all the life events come up like weddings, vacations, graduations, certain get togethers then you are left out of all the important events.
Jehovah's Witnesses do the love bombing. And, they also discard.
what if someone was love bombing but what if you really do feel a soul connection with that person? to be honest, whether this person is narcissistic or not i decided to cut off because i think its unhealthy. but it may not only be narcissism. its like a hot and cold game all the time, and its really annoying. ive decided to just ignore this person or tell them the truth that i feel they are emotionally unstable so its better we dont communicate anymore.
i believe you can immediately feel a strong connection with a soul mate, a soul mate connection transcends personality, so getting to know them is knowing how they are like dislikes etc.. soul mate is loving the other persons soul and that can happen straight away.
I'm glad to see you included churches in your groups that love-bomb. My feeling is many people turn off their "spidey-senses" or feel guilt at wanting to stop and assess. I've seen this in play with 12-step groups, too- that, Let us love you until you can love yourself" is very seductive, as are the flood of invites and phone numbers. The thing to keep in mind is that you are in control of your involvement. It is vital you can pull back if it's feeling like too much. Mentally label any of their attempts to push your boundaries as Coercion and Manipulation and ask yourself what you want. There are other groups and meetings.
"… too much, too soon" Exactly!
Falling in love easily or quickly is not a sign of being a narcissist. You not going at the same pace is neither right nor wrong. Being a butt, falling out of love and finding flaws is what people do. Sorry no one is perfect. He was just a jerk who fell for you. I will be sure to never treat a woman that way, you know flowers, phone calls, good morning texts, complements, holding hands. What is it that women want?
OMG! "You're too old to be acting like a teenager." and "You don't know me well enough to love me." @8:10 -ish. I thought those EXACT same things. Ugh… so frustrating to know all these were red flags of such a destructive future. I would've run far, far away… Thank you so much for making these videos. It has helped me to realize that I'm not crazy and that this relationship was VERY damaging to my inner self-image and that it's not me. I didn't cause this relationship to dissolve. That it was purposefully destroyed because I began to call him out on his bullshit and that the mask fell away and he had to escape. I tried to tell him that it was all okay and that I loved the messy, ugly, messed up truth that was him. That I would love him until he learned how to truly love himself and that he didn't have to hide. But none of it made a difference. Thank you for doing these videos. Thank you so much.
Omg! This sounds EXACTLY like my ex!!!!
Thanks for explaining!
thanks. this video helped me see more clarity in a very distressing and draining situation. made a lot of sense and highly relateable. especially the part about turning me into a needy jealous angry crazy person.
So how do you distinguish "Love Bombing" from someone who is loving ?
I would never had made it to a third date with a person that was love bombing as you described. That is scary to me. I think a lot of people think that obsession is love due to seeing that played out on tv.
+Narcissist Support
first off, not every manipulative person is a narcissist. Not even the majority of manipulative people are narcissists. Also, showing strong affection from the getgo CAN also be chemical magic between to people. "Love at first sight" is not restricted to narcissists. The case you describe is rather a clingy creep. No idea wether he is a narcissist.
Every person on earth is in need for love, money, shelter and food. Every single one. We all do shit to get it. If a person takes more than she gives and you are not capable to deal with it, that means you're not a good match and in some way you could see the taking person as a "bad" person/leech. Again: THAT is no indication of the individual being a narcissist. In fact many narcissists make it a point to be "fair" about exchange.
Judge people based on your life-long experience. It can good to have a couple of red flags, it is not good to make narcissistic tendencies the devil tho. The reason is quite obvious: ALL human beings have narcissistic tendencies and our society and living conditions magnify and enable them.
So here I sit asking myself: What the fuck gives you the idea to "educate" people and give advice. When your knowledge is obviously wishy-washy, at least the part you share is utter bs.
This is insane. You ticked every box of my ex and bf. Lol.
7:00 So true! I dated a narc for years and acted like the "psychobitch" he said I was–until I realized that I was only "acting" that way because of him and that there were no other people on the planet who brought out the "psychobitch" in me. We had several mutual friends and one of them told me that the narc had told them I was crazy and they responded by saying "I've spend days at a time with her and have NEVER seen her behave the way you say she does." It was only after they'd said that to me that I realized it was the narc who was making me crazy. I'm happy to say that my days of being a psychobitch are DECADES behind me now.
I need help how can i direct message you
This could also explains borderline personality
Most narcissists are delusional
Your channel is addictive )) I have 95% of narcissist characteristics, but I have emotions, can´t hurt anyone and I am free from my ego. ( Eckhart Tolle : Power of now). I am almost covert narcissist.
My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago and I'm still very confused. It's funny cause the night before, I was reading up on Narcissistic relationships but I didn't think much of that. The reason why he ended things with me was because he claimed that I lacked trust in him and that I didn't respect him. Here's why: I decided to look at one of his social media accounts cause he's a funny guy so I wanted to laugh. I go through his likes and I see something I did not want to see. We were in a relationship for 7 months and he proposed to me after 2 months into our relationship and told his mom and family about me as well. I was hesitant to tell my family because I still wanted to really get to know him. Anyways, I confronted him about what I saw and I overreacted. I told him that I'm extremely hurt and that if he had any respect for me, he wouldn't have done that. So out of anger, I told him that it's over, and to never talk to me again. This was my first time threatening to break up.. we rarely fought and if we did it was usually me getting upset about him ignoring me or him making fun of my physical features (nose)(IDK why though… I was physically out of his league…). Anyways, his response made me feel SOOOOO bad for overreacting. He immediately made himself look like the victim. He told me that so many people use his phone.. (I find that hard to believe because everyone has their phone these days.. (forgot to mention, we're both in our 20s)). he also said that I'm always trying to find ways to pick fights and end things… (this was the first time). He then goes on to say that I don't trust or respect him and that I think that he's a disrespectful pig. He goes on mentioning the things he's done for me, the sleep he's sacrificed for me.. etc. Basically making me feel extremely guilty. He had an excellent way with words. So I apologize, I asked him to call me he didn't reply till next morning. He told me he fell asleep and that he wouldn't have been in the mood to talk anyways. I told him that I love him and I'm sorry. For the entire day I felt horrible, I couldn't eat.. I left him an 18min message crying and telling him how much I loved, trusted and respected him. I also told him that I never meant what I said and it was all out of anger. He replied to me 2 days later with a long message telling me that he can't see himself marrying me anymore. I was extremely shocked and I told him that wasn't true. he then told him he was serious. I tried calling him but he ignored me, then texted me saying that he had nothing to say. He didn't listen to my 18 min message either. I never would've thought he would just dismiss me like that. He didn't even address my feelings at all. All he did was turn things around to make me feel like crap for 2 days then dropped the bomb. After I begged and pleaded, I let it go.
I came across your videos and a couple of websites and I had a feeling he might've had the narcissist personality disorder. Reason why is because when we first started dating, (this was a long distance relationship) and we met for the first time, he told me that I was drop dead gorgeous in person, he told me that he wanted to tell me he loves me. I told him if he did say that, I would've been freaked out cause he barely knew me and it was so soon. However, he would constantly shower me with attention, tell me I'm beautiful, perfect, funny, adorable – everything he's ever wanted in a woman. I felt so amazing.. He had an amazing memory, would call me every morning and night, leave me cute messages… ugh I felt like a Queen. He'd fly over to my city 4 times just to spend time with me. He would urge me to open up to him so early on in the relationship though. I'm naturally a closed person (an ISTP.. he was an ESTJ) but I felt as if he was trustworthy enough to show my vulnerability to. On our third meeting, while we were eating he looked at me and told me that he would still be with me even if I was infertile. I'm like WTF? you're so random… but he smiled and reassured me that I was his world. We planned to have our engagement in February after he's met my family. He told me to think about the type of ring I wanted, find out my ring size. I was like wow, this guy is seriously into me! However, after the new year, things changed. He wouldn't call me as much as he use to, or text me… He would constantly make comments about my people saying how were savages, make fun of my nose, be extremely hating towards dark skinned people. Quite frankly, I don't tolerate rude comments from anyone.. but for some reason, he always said it in a joking way. He also told me that the reason why he wasn't in a relationship with women in his city was because the women there were too loud or 'ratchet try hards'. He was extremely narcissistic, he saw himself as extremely handsome (he was honestly cute but nothing outstanding), he looked down on others..
Too bad you can't analyze my parents' behavior. If the victim becomes hooked, s/he didn't have a sense of self either.
We have to be careful that they just aren't infactuated at first sight . You didn't discuss the rest of why you thought he actually was one because they can get verrryyy abusive . Those are the ones I stay away from
Narcissist love bomb you because it floods your brain with Dopamine, the feel good chemical. It is like the dope dealer giving someone a free hit, knowing they are going to come back for more.
They flood your dopamine receptors so you become dependent on them for that high. They will not stop doing this until they know they are the source of your high, once this happens, they can control you. Shortening the supply, hurting you, then praising you, knowing that you are dependent on that rush. The Dopamine rush they have the key too.
This is why a lot of victims of narcissist tend to relapse. When they leave the narcissist; they usually find that doing the things they once loved does not give them the dopamine rush they are used to. this is because of the narcissist skill to monopolize your dopamine priority.
There are so many things narcissists do on a subconscious level that I don't even think they are even aware of.
"I don't know if it is intentional with churches."
No… it is. Lol
It describes me soooooo well, it's shocking. But I think I am more subtle, I like to let people think that they are actually doing all of it by their own. Like the fly comes to the spyder haha
i belive that this is rubbish bombs there target whith love what the living hell
I really love your videos so far, they are helping me to decipher my sordid past with a narcissist that I'm still not over.
One thing I would suggest is that you more carefully delineate normal romantic behaviors from narcissistic ones. I've had functional, normal relationships where we texted each other morning and night, and during the infatuation phase it was normal to want to be around each other all the time. With a narcissist it's different because they are addicted to your "supply" and using it to feel better about themselves.
My recommendation comes from the fact that psychology is not a hard science and if we're not careful, people might end up labeling their exes as narcissists when they're not. I do (now) understand the difference from all the reading I've been doing, but I think your videos would benefit more from the comparison I'm talking about. Otherwise people may pathologize partners incorrectly and not really learn properly from the lessons of those relationships.
lol (= very true)