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Red Flag of a Narcissist #17: They Get You to Introspect
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awesome!! I learned to trust my gut! great video! I read an interesting article..can't remember which med/psych journal it was..but that that "gut" feeling is your brain is hardwired to protect us. Verbal communication is only 7% of "communication" the other 93% is body language, micro expressions etc..and that our brains are hardwired to pick up on that..and that's our "gut" sensation..makes sense. Like you trusting your gut never led to a bad place..unlike NOT trusting that gut feeling..thanks!!
Cognitive dissonance ….
THANK YOU!!!! I've been commenting on so many of these, as I'm watching them!! I've done this with all my past relationships and then with family members constantly!!! When things were off, I'd always question myself. So I would do that with other people too, that weren't abusive, so I'd constantly pull away from them too. But now that I'm away from abusive people and just really pushing myself to communicate with the "healthy" ones, I'm seeing you don't question yourself, or have all these conflicts, or mistrusts with healthy people! I was always told by ALL the abusive people it was myself! So I crawled under a rock more and more with healthy people so I had no clue how healthy relationships (romantic, friends, family) worked!
The latest ex, over a year ago, I questioned the cheating from the 2nd wk we were together but by that point he already suckered me into moving in with him and leaving my home state. I was told how it was my fault. How I didn't trust him and I had to deal with that. Then when I quit smoking for this ex and was going through withdrawals he left me on the weekends to go back to his home town (as where we lived at was about 45 minutes away as he went to college, this was his home state, not mine. I left mine for him), and would end up spending time with his recent ex. Then he was giving her money b/c she was moving and needed help and he had to leave his oldest son with me on a visit to rush and bring her money.
There were other situations with other women that I now kick myself for. I would sneak and read his texts. Then I'd confront him. He would say he didn't think telling these women in a text that he was naked in the bathtub drinking wine and eating french fries was inappropriate (mind you I had brought him the wine and made him the french fries but he neglected to tell them that). He said he thought it was funny so I asked him why he didn't tell his guy friend that he was also texting that moment b/c I made sure to snoop properly! His oldest son was autistic so I began believing maybe the ex didn't know proper social ques and he really didn't realize this was flirty and inappropriate. I also thought his lack of empathy was autism too. I now know better. I mean he could very well be autistic to some degree, but it's mostly he's just a cluster B of some sort. Really messed up in the head.
Again, you have no authority to be making these ridiculous assumptions which are in fact damaging.
You are quite literally making up nonsense.
I have googled the F out of this since I found out what narcissistic disorder is .. and seeing this is not the first time I have encountered it ..
Amazing…I went through this Introspection phase too. I started out questioning my own behavior thinking that maybe my brother's (and before him my mother) had me thinking that maybe I'm as bad as they're saying I am. With my mother I thought this for years. With him I thought like this for a few days before I started to add things up. And through Google I learned all about his passive aggressive behavior. A year later I discovered all of this amazing information from the narcissism abuse community…that's when I FINALLY had my big AHA moment. Took me long enough :-). I am hugely grateful for all these videos online too…helped me in a BIG way.
had this all the time
blocked him on Facebook
Suppressing senses! Yes! Our own internal guidance system is there for a reason. It only took me 19 years with a narc to realize this. I now know to trust myself. I'm done questioning my intuition. It's there for a reason and we must use it.
RIFGT ON TARGET
OMG!! I used to say to my ex that things could go either way with him and that I wasn't sure about his motives!!! By the way, he was later diagnosed by our couples counselor/psychiatrist as a malignant narcissist. i thought it meant he was sure if himself and had high esteem. Was I in for a heartbreak.
By the way, Ive nicknamed you "Buffy the vampire slayer!!! Thx for the training and your dedication to victims Dana!!
Narcissists are passive in nature. They do "installations" or traps. They then guide you through those traps and marvel at your own predictability , therefore how smart they are. The bit I found the most offensive(apart from the demeaning luaghter and nasty progressivly less subtle name-calling) is their incentive to always keep any information they can away from you. Information gives them a position of authority , and if you need any information they have , then they will make sure they reformat it and they give it to you in small pieces to the point where you're begging them for answers!! If you make any mistakes , they cannot be because of the bad info they gave you. Not because that is logical , but because the narcissist's impulsive tone is emotionaly guiding you away from allowing yourself to make such claims , even away from thinking them in the long run , wich is why you should RUN!!!
i started to question from the beginning because he sold his truck for a mini can the first week I meet him
only two people are not narcissists.
Nailed this one, took me years to restore my sense of self worth after she discarded me.
I think its only emotionally sound people who are capable of introspection. I suspected my x was lying, I read his messages and sure enough, he was lying and when I confronted him about it, I was to blame because how dare I suspect him and yet still sleep beside him at night?! The second time I read his messages, they were all filth about me with his x girlfriend, even complaining that I demand sex 3 or 4 times a day! The lying and the convoluted stories made me doubt everything, myself primarily. I loved him so much and trusted him explicitly, I kept thinking there's no way he's this evil, he must be going through something bad, one day he'll decide to come clean and finally treat me with the respect and love I deserve. I find it fascinating that despite the differences in ethnicity and upbringing, in essence, people are the same and react more or else the same. Your videos have been great help and kudos to you for putting in such an effort. Thank goodness the "Crazy Making" didn't work :D
people who care and appreciate us make us feel more confident about ourselves and what we have to offer.
my ex knowing I had trust issues once bragged to me and showed me her phone stating " look I cleared all the history and messages arnt you proud of me?" It was out of nowhere and it really shocked me almost like did you do that just to mess with me ….
Oh my Gosh! Sounds just like things that I've been going through, questioning myself. . I was with my husband for 23 years before finally saying that I'd had enough. Nothing I ever did was good enough. . He acted like he never cared. I always caught him in lies. He was ALWAYS blaming me for flirting or having affairs. Once he even chased me with a gun because someone complimented me and I said thank you. He called me a whore and said that I acted like I enjoyed that compliment too much. He constantly told our children how he hated it here and that he wanted to leave. But as soon as the divorce was final… He started LOVE bombing me… oh you're beautiful, I didn't realize what I had, I want you!! It's left me second guessing myself. Please pray for me. I feel like an EMOTIONAL wreck.
sugar baby honey child that is the whole reason I am even knowing what a narcissist is because he started getting me to introspect I googled one little thing that was bothering me about him and it wouldn't even seem like it had anything to do with narcissistic people it was hard for him to receive a gift from me and actually be happy about it. are complaining about it & I wanted to see y and I'll be damned everything in your serious popped up about this guy I was dating I mean everything. as of last Saturday he left me but I see why now because his narcissistic supply ran out. I'm still down in the dumps about the whole thing but watching your videos help me so much they give me that boost every time I get depressed about it I thank you so much I continue to watch your videos every time I get a little down
"I don't have trust issues. I have trust issues with this guy.". Great!
u r beautiful & helpful to others..thanx ..God bless..
This is what I have been doing for the past 2 months.
at the 2 min mark, you said something that I am questioning. Talking about the phone: You said that you would hand over the phone to put them at easy. My abuser told me that if 'if I was normal I would not be curious I would just believe everything she said. It's my fault for being emotionally hurt because I am questioning. '
Which is normal? 'to be curious and questioning' or to be 'believing when things are not adding up and ignoring the inconsistencies' ?
I can't believe narcissists even exist, and nice fair natured people have to deal with them. It is another form of predator vs prey situation, basically. To me, the narc is so cruel. They are literally my natural enemy, and it took me bout 50 years to even see them for what they are. And learning how to not be vulnerable to them takes a lot of work. Their domination and manipulation is very very deep, calculated, and twisted. Of course mastering how to defend against is a great deal of work and requires a great deal of knowledge. They are truly devils, and devils are very clever.
I think lot of things could be better, if the one (victim) could accept the obvious as it is even it's hurtful and bad. Thing would not go so worn long time, then. But what happens to me when I clearly see red flags, one or more: I talk to myself, that I am a bad person if I think badly about the other person. I must be wrong, this is only my negativity… Then the thing continues until I must give myself a promise to be "bad" and see the bad truth. Then, there can also be friends, who tell: "Well, you must understand, he has difficult. he has thins and that, do not be so selfish…" So, it is VVERY, VERY difficult mostly to accept directly the obvious truth that is BAD. Everyone wants things to go nicely!
This video was simply amazing. Thank you. I cant thank you enough. I just dumped my narcissist fiance 2 months ago and im heart broken. This red flag is huge. I could go on for days about what i went through on this topic and the extent that she wemt to to make me feel that im just crazy and insecure.