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Red Flag of a Narcissist #20: Stories of Military Service, Religion, or Success
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I know someone who was discharged out of the military right after basic and to hear her tell it, she was in there forever, and is a Veteran now, and has PTSD even. She lies so much and new people she meets have no idea that she never spent but a few weeks there.
I lean more toward a majority of my ex's were definitely in the cluster B category somewhere and each one did similar in their own ways. Most had a steady job at some point, but I ended up sacrificing more than they did in some way or another. I was typically put into the housewife mode, even though I never married any of them. But b/c of my CPTSD I've been on disability and not able to hold down jobs myself. So when I did work, I was either working when one did not have a job, or when I didn't work I was bitched at for never really bringing in ENOUGH money (though one I was with during college and my going into debt with student loans helped pay the bills), yet I was always taking care of them with the "house" stuff like their mother would… Also most of mine thought they were so highly intelligent and way more important than they were, especially the recent ex. He was also a medic in the military. He was the one that really got me with the religion though.
The recent ex's parents hated me b/c they were religious and I openly am not. When I got together with him he told me he was Buddhist or Atheist, whichever, or both. But he never told his parents this. His parent and I had a huge blow up when the ex's oldest kid came to live with us and they told me I was to force this kid to go to church. I said I'll ask the kid to go but if he doesn't want to go I won't force anyone. So they told me I was basically a heathen and it was the ex's choice to tell his kid to go to church not my decision (Basically lowering my level of involvement with the kid to lesser than a baby sitter, even though I was doing everything for this kid!). I was confused why his parents would say this, I told them how it was also my ex's choice too, as we had discussed it. There was so much confusion as to why his parents didn't understand he was an atheist. The ex told me he just couldn't tell them the truth. They'd not understand, he's not been religious his whole life and hated it and avoided it as it was a joke. He hated religion more than I do. I actually had to like tell him not to call religious people idiots. That if religion wasn't for him that's fine, but don't bash people that want it in their life, no matter how silly you find it to be. Anyway… a couple months after the blow up with his parents I'm looking through old pictures of the ex on the computer that I had gotten from the parents… I find these pictures of this anti religious person being baptised in the river by his brother that's a preacher. It was maybe no more than like 4 years old at that point. This is why his parents were so confused. The ex was always pretending to be whomever the other person was spiritually.
Not only was he in the military, but he told me more than once how he signed up without being drafted. This was very important to him to let me know how selfless he was about doing this. He was injured and due to his injury has PTSD and abandonment issues. To begin with, I felt very sad for him and wanted to be very careful in dealing with him because of his mentally injuries. He also made a story up he shared with me that he had been on a hunting trip in Africa. He was given a special recognition in the military because of his "braveness" on this made up hunting expedition ! He was actually written up in a magazine because of this ! He also uses a nick name. I am not saying what it is due to other people who may know who it is.
that never happend pathological liars
I recently had someone on facebook messaging me, telling me that he was in the navy, but he would be coming on land soon and he really wanted to find a good woman 'cause he was so lonely since his wife died a few years ago. He also told me he had a young son. When I told him I wasn't interested, he tried to manipulate me by saying that he understood because he knew he wasn't the most handsome, blah blah blah. I told him that was insulting and why would he be interested in someone so shallow anyway? Then I told him to go spend time with his son if he was lonely and blocked him. I felt a bit bad about telling him off like that and realized I had been telling my ex off in a way when I said those things. Now I understand why he made me think of my ex. They were both narcissists. My ex also did the weird thing of acting as if he were a bigger authority on God than I was. For awhile, we were fine when it came to God, though there were a few instances of him telling me Scripture that he had memorized and it automatically came to my mind "The Bible doesn't say that", but then I figured I must be arrogant. Yes, I've read the whole Bible through, but I certainly don't have it memorized. But when it got really weird was when he went on a church men's retreat and came back with this overly joyful demeanor that I just sensed was fake, but I tried to tell myself I was imagining that. I told him I was glad to see him happier and he said "I'd like to see you happier, too." And he started trying to convince me to go on a women's retreat. This very much confused me. I felt again like I must be arrogant. Of course you can always grow closer to God, and of course, there's always more to learn. But I felt like I'm on the right track and God wasn't calling me to do this and I felt like my bf (at the time) was acting like he had a superior relationship with God. It was very weird.
Wow, this is so crazy.. it really brings back a few memories of the second narcissist I dated briefly. After my divorce from my narcissistic and abusive husband I began to date a man for a couple months until I realized they were also a narcissist and I ran as fast as I could the other direction. When we first started talking he told me this long story about his time in the army. He was in the "secret sniper unit" as well! lol… very top secret and only the most intelligent and tough could get in. He also lied to me about being a doctor, he said it was too stressful in the emergency room… so he switched careers but still introduced himself as dr to everyone and wore scrubs. As far as mirroring, on our first date I told him I was vegetarian and he told me he was too. Later on on the third date or so he ordered a meal with beef, chicken, and pork in it and I gave him a strange look. He got defensive and asked what my problem was.. I didn't say anything. The last straw came when I had to listen to him talk about what a genius he was and a model, about to make millions of dollars, brushes elbows with celebrities, etc.. etc.. all the while he did not have a bed (which supposedly was someone else's fault) and was a bit pudgy and out of shape. I'm so grateful I got away fast, and looking back I do feel crazy for not seeing the insanity sooner!!
I'm reflecting back and I feel ashamed because it's hard for me because I can't believe I was a victim of 4yrs I'm two weeks free of his npd
OMG my x narc said he was in the military – found out he was in rotc in high school.. lol geez
Ha ha ha ha! I have an ex of many years ago, Andy who had been an officer in 2 para, and had done a secondment in the SAS. He also taught paragliding (as well as working for peanuts at a residential care home – eh?) but refused to take me out flying, and was in serious financial trouble. He rented out his house and moved in with me, then the fun began.
I soon suspected he might have been a soldier but any time he mentioned being an officer I thought "Leading your squad to certain death, you fool". As for the paragliding, he had all the kit and I reckon he was going for lessons or maybe just bundling it into his car and disappearing to wherever, which was blessed relief for me. Our sex life died after he uttered "Ooh, baby" and it occurred to me he was more used to having sex with his hand while watching porn. His life story of having an abusive mother read straight from a popular novel at the time, with some embellishments such as being battered over the head with a wooden clog (a story I do buy as his routine judgement suggested brain damage). He also consistently lied out of his arse, I could tell some hilarious, almost unbelievable stories about catching him out.
To this day I don't know who he really was and reckon he has told so many lies I doubt he does either. In a bizarre twist I did learn he'd started dating a friend of a friend's mother before we split up (creepy, given the tale of motherly abuse), and by god she did me a favour taking him off my hands. Needless to say the relationship was relatively short lived. I choose to look back and laugh at my own bad judgement and learn from it rather than dwell on it.
Forgot to add she also has tons of other accomplishments and accolades. She has a ship captains license, she's a kickboxer, a Sky diver, a scuba diver, etc. etc. so many things. She built her kitchen, the pond in her backyard, her kitchen, laid tile on her backsplash, etc etc. even though she has pictures showing otherwise on her Facebook. She's a "been there, done that, wrote the book on it", type of person.
Ha ah this one is really random but wouldn't you know….,the narc I know, well she was a religion teacher and guess what? Her mom was a nun!!!!! Makes sense right? She's a nun but she has two daughters! I can't make this shit up.
Dating narc is not good but when your parent is narc = you're fucked.
The reason there is so much trouble b/t men and women is trust issues. start out wrong and end up with a train wreck, broken lives screwed up kids and rich lawyers. There is too much bait and switch bullshit on both sides of a male and female relationship. Either be brutally honest and walk toward goal of self discovery and intimacy by sharing self doubts and insecurity issues or stay stuck in your sense of entitlement of and need for control and having your own way never asking your partner what they need or want and not listening will kill any relationship. Men do NOT exist to be utilities for women period. A selfish bitch or man will loose every time. Thanks Dana for reading my reply. Don't let my name Jack throw you off. We all need love and care men included.
Poor girl, your trust button is broken
Damn !!! I am an Aerospace Engineer, an ordained minister, was married for 28 years ,never cheated ,raised my brothers 2 boys and my wife was a serial cheater and my name is JACK!
I am so enjoying this!!
WOW – this guy never shut up! Every subject, yak, yak, yak — even if you walked away and talked to someone else – he never shut up! STORIES about the military: over 20 yrs, started in the army, they took him out to train him. Lets see, sniper (OH, CANNOT CALL IT SNIPER, IT IS A SHARPSHOOTER) did bomb disabling — not only on land, he was also under water. Special Ops, of course. Been shot 20 times, dumped in a pit when taken prisoner – with scorpions! Look at this, cracked my skull open, these marks are from being bitten by scorpions, and he was proud that after being shot up, beaten, eaten, bones broken, skull cracked he said: I NEVER TOLD MY CAPTURES ANYTHING! OY Telling me horror stories about how he was hit by a woman in her hut so he HAD TO SHOOT HER IN THE HEAD, because that was what was done if you were an officer! It went on and on. I CANNOT BELIEVE when you said "top secret sniper". Brags about how I will never be able to find any info on him because his identity has been put in top secret – and also told me stories and said "don't tell anyone" because the danger is still present. I have never said these things to anyone. It didn't end there, he would get phone calls from a buddy that was imprisoned way over in some country and he needed help. Gee, when did they let POW's have cell phones? Then of course he went rogue after retiring from the army and joined one of those "We can do anything we want and I don't want to say but yeah, we had to kill sometimes" – and of course just in the nick of time before they shut down that entire "testosterone gone wild venture" he got out. So I was given the tour of his trailer and was fortunate enough to have him unlock his arsenal! 30+ weapons! Just what I needed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, safe, right? Sorry, venting again. Think I will stop watching the videos now. 6'3" 260 lbs. and wines like a spoiled child. Ugh, I think I will be ok as far as hoovering goes! tc
My covert narcissist was Catholic and told me he was really worried about me because I didn't have a relationship with God. How could I be so immature as to deny the existence of God?! Weeks later, I found out he had another boyfriend. How Godly. And this was just one of dozens of red flags…
I know a Narcissist, who actually did secret service, military service, etc. He exaggerates stuff, but It is very interesting to see how he laid foundation for future claims,
great video spot on !
JW think that Jesus is Michael the Archangel. They don't believe in a trinity also. I could not handle lies etc. would leave if I could.
Cray cray thinks he's a network administrator and systems engineer. Pfft…he used to have a fit when the system went down and panic and cry because he didn't know what he was doing.
It amazes me as I watch these video's. I'm watching them in order and watching each one, even if I think that one or two don't sound like him from the title…and when you explain them, I realize, that he actually does have those qualities. So far, there has not been one red flag that he has not had in some manner. Scary.
My ex narc is the religion one and it is so beyond ridiculous! He is constantly posting religious meme's on his FB page and going on and on about all that matters is God's judgement of us and how everyone who disagrees with him knows nothing about God and speaks and believes in a worldly way. We are all idiots and sinners and non Godly people if we don't agree with him and apparently HIS will and GOD"s will are EXACTLY THE SAME. Is that not amazing??? He KNOWS exactly what God wants from us and it is always what my ex does, no matter how nutty or crazy or abusive it is, he is following God's will and he has the gift of a discernment against those with a reprobate mind…yes he uses that actual wording. If any of us small little people do not act in a Godly way, which especially includes swearing or calling him names he has acted in ways to deserve, like ahole and jerk and liar….in his book, then we are all sinners and need to seek God and are going to Hell and don't know Jesus and he says he will not listen to us if we do not speak to him in a spiritual way, but when HE does his stuff and gets busted and questioned on how Christian is that? well, he is imperfect and God accepts that he is imperfect and he is working toward that as a Christian man and Oh Lord….I can't even explain the crazy. He did abandon religion when we were together. This came out after the Smear Campaign against me and he has been on a roll ever since and just gotten more and more insane. He has created FB pages for Christian followers to join so he can preach "the word" to them and he is the least truly Christian person I know based on his actions. It is ALWAYS words, words words with these people. And he truly expects that to be enough and for all of us to just ignore the actions!. Rght now, he appears to be spiraling because he did something the other day that truly caused the mask to be thrown off. He is desperate to get the control that he lost back, And right now he can't figure it out. I'm not too worried for myself. But this may be getting serious if he can't convince anyone that what he did was perfectly normal and the Christian thing to do and so far, no one appears to be buying what he is selling. It's actually very interesting to watch him lose this control he has thought he had with everyone.
I too have a lot of anecdotes about military service…and some videos. But very few, if any, are heroic in my opinion. Let's see…in the 82d Airborne Division, I participated in the testing phase of the ASIP radio, which was meant to replace the SINCGARS radio back in 1998. Yeah. We sat in the forest and tested radios. I heroically brought a book along to read.
The videos, actually…ehhh…I'm just a buffoon in a bunch of them…