Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html Covert narcissists are …
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So, Is My Narcissist a Covert Narcissist? Nonsense vs. Scholarship
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Is it the case that while the Covert Narcissist may not be as in your face as the Classic, that the Covert Narcissist will still try and maintain a fake face to the outside world… that they are a wolf in sheep's clothing, that they come across as humble Codepenedent-like in their needs to help others, presumably to cover up who they really are, building a false good reputation?
how prove this in court.to obtain order protection.or stay away orders????
So u gues u can say Grema Wourmtounge is a typical inverted narsisist?
All that you are teaching is so interesting.
Thank you.
I would like to translate this video to Portuguese if you don't mind. Maybe transforming it in some kind of article or just subtitles for your video. Would you mind? We need this kind of knowledge here, desperately.
i knew a covert narc and everything you say here, word by word is true about him now that think. these informations are amazing, thanks.
Fuck! Im a covert narzissist! :o
Another great video. It is a pleasure to listen to you use your intelligence and excellent command of the english language to describe this topic.
can I use this video for writing college papers for the next psych class I take? I like this video, and I think it's pretty relevant to what I study. I am a business major, but business is my umbrella major, and I have other areas of interests under this major I would like to look into as well
They are all sick twisted assholes who devour one's souls, understanding the difference in subtleties is fine but when you are the victim of them It scars the soul so ultimately psychopath sociopath narc malignant narc and covert narc all all the same dark unconscious soul – EVeryone's experience is subjective, and mine hasn't been pretty with these personalities.
Well then… I suppose I am the textbook definition of a covert narcissist. Congratulations to me.
I have to add to the people, many of them, I have replied to, that I was also a victim as a child of extreme neglect, abandonment and betrayal. The difference between my brother and myself is that I became "empathic" to the extreme, wanting to guard other people from betrayal and abuse and my brother did not; he is now a major narcissist, which culminated in me having to sever ties after years of love and devotion in an attempt to save him. Either it will be empathy or narcissism in the end; that is what the message does to a young child. Monkey see; monkey do; that age-old proverb. There is no black or white; that is a myth. Either you love or you don't. A child is born innocent; there are definitely genetic factors; but in the end so many people overcome genetic factors of failure; it is the weak one that succumbs to this. Hardship and betrayal; survival can taint the greatest soul. Becoming one's true self and discarding influences is the only mode of survival. I am grateful that I found these sites; found help, and in the end it truly gave me the tools to overcome it all. If you lose the dependence or "need" of anyone, that is when you will find your true freedom. Do not ever surrender that; it will cost you. Always have a way out that you have planned and do not be caught with your "pants down" like I did. Just a tip.
6:30: clichés; they use them; tried and true second-statements; memorized and useful, but from within themselves it is void; it does not exist. Cliches are not from wisdom, they are a form of necessity, which impresses the victim of their great wisdom. Once again, a copier of the phrases of others to gain that which they wish to attain, but never mean. You cannot make this up; it is real, and you HAVE to overcome it!
You are so correct in that a covert narcissist really has no direction; no true goals of any kind. Life exists in increments, so the fulfill the destiny of the next 5 minutes or hour, that is what survival is. Worrying or striving to achieve a goal in the next 5 minutes to an hour is the focus; anything beyond that is not considered, so they may work in jobs that really do not offer upward mobility or true accomplishment; education or acceleration to a higher achievement. The basics are enough to continue the façade to survive on a daily basis. Most people do not focus on receiving a pat on the back from others, rather they are focusing on their own goals, and actually have one. I have discovered that a covert narcissist does not focus on a result long-term, but rather only the immediate future, with no fore-thought of any real escalation of achievement in life; they do not even consider achieving anything, but rather making it through the next day. Void of focus and a goal-oriented life, they truly never accomplish anything; they exist.
I have discovered that shame, guilt, feeling inferior deep-down inside is what contributes to covert narcissism. They may feel they do not possess what it takes in life to overcome the feeling of inferiority, so the narc will memorize how to be accepted; how to receive the acceptance that all people need; love and respect and feeling worthy. So, they perform and tend to be experts at it. Then the relief is found; they have found acceptance and love, until the façade is discovered. Then, then will try to discard the truth and try to find the next supply. The covert narcissist is a completely different creature, possible the "golden child" growing up, but rather than a feeling of inferiority, they are the polar opposite; they are the answer to all of life's troubles; they are the "rescuer", and they do not mind sharing their opinion with you. All the same, they are stirred in the same kettle that life evolves around them and no one can live without them.
In my estimation narcissism, whether rich or poor; intelligent or compromised; good-looking; not good looking, fat or thin, etc., will emerge; it is not discriminate to one's station in life. An overt narcissist-non-malignant, would be Donald Trump. He has a lot of charm and promises, but when examining his personality; he is an "overt" narcissist. He may not cause the damage of a "covert" narcissist, but he appears to be a narcissist. He simply cannot handle any criticism but he can dish it out. He has to be #1; adored and absolutely considered the perfect one. A covert narcissist will never wear it on their sleeve like Donald Trump, and in a way his narcissism has made him successful, at least financially; I do not claim to know if has good relationships or not. So, narcissism can actually afford someone to be accomplished and driven, but when it becomes malignant narcissism, that is when it is so terribly destructive. I think overt and covert can make a world of difference in diagnosing the "type" of narcissism that is displayed. The covert narc has a desperation to hide it; the overt narc cannot wait to display it, but it is narcissism all the same!
everything you said hit home, big time…..except for the manipulating others part. My ex DID manipulate, and lie and steal and con and have affairs and of course, gamble….all the time, but now he is with a very "showy" young girl, and i can see his "addiction" {maybe a somatic Narcissist, I have no idea as I don't really know her well enough} so on the basis of what you said , I am wondering if he also had ASPD too?He WAS shy, he WAS introverted and VERY secretive, preferring to be the "backer" but also the one who got the "real glory", he wanted to be the one that people thought of as the leader or controller.
But I have often thought that he would get bored too. Can this happen? A mixture of ASPD and covert Narcissism?
Thank you for your work, I appreciate your original insights. It can be challenging to remain stoic when others take your insights without acknowledgement. I shall follow your example. You remain an expert in this field.
You just.. for the first time in my life.. 35 years old.. explained me to myself in the most accurate way anyone has ever been able to. Everything you said minus the pedephelia.. is me. And feelings I have struggled with my entire life. Thank you so much.
Sam – Please do more videos on Covert Narcissism. There's virtually nothing on the Web that has any validity. I do a deal of cheerleading for you on PsychForum.com.
I know there is a range of 'healthy' Narcissism in people without Pd's, is there a range of 'covert narcissism' also in healthy people? Perhaps the part that responds to people like Hitler and cult leaders?
They call us Fragile Narcissists these days people. I don't like the term Covert. It makes us sound as if we being underhand. FNs are Borderline personalities. The narcissist in us is our protector personality. The icing on the fruitcake! We are the self aware narcissists. We are mid spectrum narcissists and never malignant. The following people were FNs. Audrey Hepburn (our standard idol). Winston Churchill, Alan Turin, Queen Elizabeth 1, Joan of Arc, George Orwell, Diana PoW, Marilyn Monroe and Elton John. Candles in the wind! The red rose is our floral emblem; not the daffodil. Best wishes to you all. We have some empathy. Especially for our own people! Kevin.
The story is that Narcissus' "real self" died of neglect because of his obsession with his fine appearance. Narcissism is not self love or even selfishness… It is self loathing and self sabotage covered up by the supply of approval gained from their environment. That's the frustrating thing for people who see beyond the masks. It's that the narcissist won't even benefit from the lack of compassion they display towards others because they can't accept anything nourishing from outside of themselves if it conflicts with their own self rejection. Their nourishment must also neglect their actual needs in order to be accepted. Therefore the abusive behaviour's purpose is often as much about pushing people away who are interested in the real person (that is dying from neglect) as it is about gaining some kind of dominant position over someone else.
Mr. Vaknin. I admire you a great deal. If you could answer this one question. I don't have my own personality. I adopt the character of people I meet. I don't feel like a real person.
Sam, Love your videos. Very Helpful. I wanted to ask, could a covert narc and an inverted narc ever form a relationship?
+ Sam Vaknin thank you for your videos. Can you help me? I am definitely positive that I'm in a situation where there are too many emotional abusers / manipulators and narcissistic personalities. What I don't know is, can one lord over the other? Can one be manipulated by another? And if they recognize that they are manipulated by another? Please help! Thank you greatly!!!
I am trying to work out if my partner is a narcissist or not, whether she is bipolar or what i don't know, she displays many characteristics but is very caring loves cuddling and will do anything for me at a drop of a hat, she is separated from me and has held on for a long time and every time i have said i am in real distress she will be there
these are the characteristics that do not match I wonder if i can help her or i should walk away
+Sam Vaknin I love your work, thank you for all you do.
cld u plz talk about a vulnerable narcissistic sociopath because they r so lethal. they r the opposite of what is talked about. u only hear about the grandoise npd. also my narcissistic sociopathy is very anxious n nervous. it tk me 7 yrs of educating myself to finally read about a vulnerable npd n that is y i kept on with the abuse. he did not fit the steriotypical bpd. my ex..known him 39 yrs is textbk he used me stole everything, my kids think im crazy n he call himself the victim. so evil. not human..u cant b without empathy n compassion.. i was so trusting b even after i knew i kept going bk trying to save him. no such thing. its not them..its u..yea ok
I think I may be a psychopathic or schizoid narcissist but I am not sure. Will you make some videos for people who think they might be and what traits to look for in themselves that might be signs of psychopathy?
I have learned so much the past 9 months; it has changed my life forever. My conclusion is that there are two types of people; some people live to be a part of a collective existence; to contribute; to have a mission in life; a purpose. Then there are those who live to receive; to exist in comfort, and the thought of having a purpose beyond existing and making it through another day is never contemplated. It is the perception of life itself that constitutes this line. That is why it is so important to make sure you know who you are signing up with before you get involved or else, surprise, surprise!! No thank you–I want some kind of order and meaning to my life. And existing is not living, at least to me. For a narc, it is Disneyland; a constant ride on Space Mountain. How long can someone take a ride???
Whew–I was taken back when you said a narc cannot stay in love very long. I don't think they ever fall in love; it is all charm to get someone to handle things while they adore themselves, and that is why so many narcissists have been married many times. People are there to "serve" them, not to build a life together. It affects everyone in the family. In the end–tough love! Leave them to figure it out as you drive away and, do wish them well because it won't be your problem anymore.
How does the covert narcissist end up? What is the prognosis? Are there any statistics of covert narcissists ending up with mood or anxiety disorders? Could you tell us something on this or give us a reference? Thank you
If a N meets all of this criteria — these traits, with the exception of one, i.e., devious manipulation is present, can the N be a covert?
This video is interesting, and informative.
His poetry page, on his website contains some beautiful poetry. It is well worth reading, and many of his poems are spoken by him, on the same page.
His webpage address link, is found under this video.
Yes! Just as I thought. Thanks for the validation.
Thanks Sam, I really learned a lot from this video.
Thank you very much for the video, which clarifies many things!
NEW VIDEO So, Is My Narcissist a Covert Narcissist? Nonsense vs. Scholarship https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iByTWmJNP3U
https://archive.org/details/covertnarcissist