http://www.gentlekindnesscoaching.com/ This is a follow up to the video called https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEVjcN_LGzYDevaluation Phase Manipulated …
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The Hidden Inner Dialogue of the Narcissist – Devaluation Phase
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They make up so many excuses to get away with things they don't want to be accountable for.
Thanks for the video! The constant state of guilt and being not good enough is very sickening for the victim :-(. I also think that ( based on my observations) psychopaths are found 50/50 percents between males and females. They are of course more than 1 percent of popularity. And probably some people encounter them more often.
love your videos. watching NPD video's was my cure to get over my nark ex bf. I thought it was because he was from India and I was English. Once I discovered narcissism it was like he gad read the book.
Wow. This is the best video I've seen so far about the lies abusers throw at victims/targets.
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Jesus H, can I just email this to my soon to be Exhusband? My own "GOTCHA!" Moment! You nailed it!!
The ACTUAL inner dialogue of narcissists:
'Who does she think she is? She’s not better than me!'
'Fuck, I'm so much better than them. They’re idiots.'
‘Why do they like her so much? She’s such a fake. I'm better than her.’
'I's not my fault! If they hadn’t said that, I would never have done that. It’s their fault, not mine.'
‘What a loser, he didn’t deserve that position. It should have been me. I would do the job so much better than him. He will just make a fool of himself. If he thinks he’s gonna boss me around, he can just forget it. I’ll show him who’s the real boss here.’
'Why doesn’t he do as I say? I deserve so much more respect than that.'
'People are not to be trusted. I will never trust anyone.’
'Nobody cares about me, they only care about themselves.'
'If he got injured or sick and totally dependent on me, he would see how wonderful and important I am to him. Then he would understand how much I would sacrifice for him.’
'The world is a nasty place, and I am definitely not going to be anybody's victim.'
‘I’m gonna succeed and become rich and famous. Then they will all come crawling to me.’
‘I’m gonna have everybody see that she is actually a stupid bitch, and when they turn their back on her, she will come crawling back to me to ask me for forgiveness. Then I will be the only one she has left to show mercy for her. And I am such a good person, that I will support her and show everybody what a great and forgiving friend I am.’
‘If I do a lot for him and give him lots of gifts, he must see how sweet and wonderful I am.’
‘After all I have done for him, this is all I get in return?!’
‘I gave her a beautiful jacket for her birthday, and all I get in return is a postcard?! Well, so much for showing her how valuable she is, she doesn’t even appreciatie it. I’m gonna tell her straight out how awful she is and how hurt I am for not being apprecated more than that as a friend…’
‘He dumped me, how does he dare to do that?! After all I have done for him… Trying so hard to help him with his problems, and this is what I get in return?! He must be a narcissist!! Why else would he treat me this way after all the things I have sacrificed for him?!’
'I will kill myself and then they can all stand there with their regrets….BUT then I won't be able to get their affection….hmmm…if I NEARLY kill myself, THEN they can come to me at the hospital and ask for forgiveness….and THEN they will show how valuable I am to them and they will stay there and finally give me the care and loving attention that I deserve from them….'
Both ways of thinking are sick! Thx for the video.
Yep. They don't function normally … :-(
So how does all of this relate to "Hoovering" it would seem that after all of this the Narc would just go ahead with their pathetic lives and never look back. So why do they really hoover in the first place if they've deemed us unsatisfactory supply and have gained new supply?
Yeah, that pretty much summed up my whole first marriage.. lol. I was so not in any "marriage" what so ever.. nothing he did was for me or us… it was all for him to feel good about himself in the fake/phony roll of husband but he was never really there. I paid for the divorce and every gift that was ever given.. We were "alone" together. So SAD. Thanks.Love is such a ridiculous notion for them.
Can you imagine if your female narc is also a severe alcoholic and x drug addict? This is what I dealt with.
Why is everything with them always about punishment..
wow. that got me thinking…the long draws out break-up…went thru that..then after it happened I see her with another guy. I call her out on her BS. liking the attention she comes back again briefly. so more torture for me. Then I said Im outta here..still we went 2 more years. OMG such emotional BS.
We live in a global narcissistic society and if you believe there are more men than women you have never been in a relationship with a woman.
Great Work, Thank-you.
Wonderful video! Thanks!
True love is shown in action helps. cause narcs dont do true love.their actions never match their words.
I believe my ex is a Narc but I still love him, now he had found another supply and it hurts me deeply
Amazing !! you just summed up my whole relationship in 12 mins. word for word you describe my ex. shocking but helpful to hear I'm not crazy.. thank you. lifesaver
Outstanding. Thanks!
I wish I had of seen this video twenty years ago, it really makes sense of things.
Hi Annie. Great analogy! I know its not funny but i'm laughing all the way to healing ! Its just that it was so dead on to my experience. At 2 months of no contact I feel better everyday. Everyone after encountering their first confirmed narc should calmy & diligently seek knowledge on this plague. Men especially who our culture suggest you should just man up & not find out just wtf just happened are only headed toward narc number two. I, like everybody else feel my narc was terribly insensitive, non empathic, self absorbed, entitled, omnipotent, emotionally abusive, highly manipulative, etc etc etc. I really could go on and on. Heres a tip to recent widows and widowers who have the blessing of their departed prior to passing to find someone. I know this happens quite often in cases of illness. It is worth every minute studying relationships before you try again. I met mine at a grief group. Yes of all places. I was there for my wife, her a parent, who I am convinced & discerned was also a narcissist. When she spent more time on her phone, in the middle of a short session and then told me she couldn't relate to anyone there, I should have known this person wasn't right. With hindsight she was a dangerous malignant narcissistic sociopath. Having mastered her craft, her last frontier is mind fucking all in her path. There isn't one moment I was with her that she wasn't having a conversation "with herself". Those in grieving process are particularly vulnerable. Please keep up the good work Annie !!!!!
The idea of an idealising phase – which gives way to a devaluation phase – sounds indistinguishable from any kind of honeymoon phase
5:30 "…he's thinking 'I was playing a role; I was just acting to get her lured in and hooked' "
OR he's not thinking at all, the honeymoon feeling has worn off and he (or she) loses the rose coloured spectacles.
This phase can be brief or long – a new job, a new relationship, a new religion… all have their honeymoon phases – but my point is that even knowing, intellectually, that honeymoons end, naive people, as well as actual narcissists, will try to avoid the thorns in their bed of roses.
I have observed naivety resulting in narcissistic traits, such as guilt transference, without being proof of narcissism proper; the emotionally immature, resenting the intrusion of reality, may be pitied rather than feared.
This video was very helpful. I believe you just described the dialogue between my ex-boyfriend and I. It took me a long time to understand that he really did not care about me, and never did. The excuse that he used to pull away from me was that we didn't have anything in common, but we dated for three years. Unbelievable! I will continue to let him go. By the way, I remember when he told me that love meant 'doing' for him. He wanted me to clean his house, organize his office, help him with his grandchildren, etc. All the meals that I cooked for him and served him meant absolutely nothing, because even though he was hungry, he didn't ask for it. Thanks again for this video.
ty and ( air hug ) to you
Excellent video!
WOW! spot on!!
i think most nacs..are female……but i had the same experience ….me being male…………..narcissist=…home reckers….demon possessed…wolves in sheep cloths.. they try to steal your soul….
It's so true , I know an older narc who plays the child role , classic example of what you are saying here , this guy is always doing stupid things , I think he wants to be punished for misbehaving , not physically but more verbally , it's a way to get the others to help him anchor his position as the child in the relationship , but at the same time still be the adult when it's in his best interest to be , and that makes him dangerous because one day if he decides to reverse the roles , he can draw upon the past reprimands to justify his need to be abusive towards the ones he set up to be the parents in the first place , now they are the children that need to be punished for punishing him.
He's positioning himself as the victim to their abuse.
He's an aged somatic predator about 65 years old who has glommed onto these two neighbors , really sweet young couple , who are at least 25 years his juniors.
I see this and am looking for a way to break it to them that they are in danger being associated with this guy , I'm in a double bind , because I have made several comments to them about this guy , testing the waters to see if I could open up further , and every time I did , they got a bit agitated , jumping to his defense because he's just a sweet harmless little old man.
Not!!!
i'm curious why they start doing the stuff to drive away a supply source/relationship, after working so hard to get it. is it mainly just that they get bored with the one they've got/are on the look out for an upgrade? or is it usually due to the target starting to see through them, so they start trying to destroy the relationship and leave?
thank you so much its so helpful. are you familiar with a yt channel called light of knowledge? what do you think of it. feel free to pm me if u want, Sami
Very interesting subject. The more you know the thoughts of the abusers the more you understand the situations you were going through in retrospect.
FABULOUS VIDEO
LOL…I don't know why this is slightly amusing to me. I'm sorry !! but the abuser's inner dialogue is funny..although frighteningly accurate.
oh my…..this is exactly the thoughts I had!!! AND those are how the narc seemed to think because his actions followed those thoughts……thanks for this video! always good to have our experiences validated xo
my sister is like that.. I HATE HER
This view of women thinking guys do things purposely to inflict hurt on women has got to stop. Men by nature are note catty or spiteful but you know who is, women. Guys tell it like it is, women just try to find some reason to what they percieve as illogical nonsense and come up with these ideas.
great video