Still down in a hole with ahole #Pretend Guy.
He once again stated how he took pleasure and had a gratifying sense of amusement that I suffered in loving him even the sting after sting of his rejection while stuck economically living under his roof
I didn’t bother to counter that a good part of me is fine, a part of me is already so far away from this situation.
I loved him truly and he knew that.
When I moved to his area, he ghosted me when I was in process of moving.
I was frantic for months and then after he finally started dating me again, I needed to move in with him to escape a bad rental situation. He let me move in and this led to treating me with growing scorn.
My pure love didn’t soften him. His own cruel actions in ignoring me for months didn’t temper his mindset.
No, I was deemed now unworthy again.
Suddenly after all these years stuck and mired down here, I realized it wasn’t my love that made him angry and hateful.
His irrational hatred grew out of devaluing me. If I were his skinny, skinny, but with big enough boobs, long silky hair and a quiet low key demeanor, my love would have been well received.
But for a Narcissist there is no pleasure in a flesh and blood creature offering up love.
Instead, the closeness of living together and the intense devaluation of everything I am, has only led to an intense desire to discard me and run away.
And while he is still living here, a predictable pattern of calmness punctured by a nearly orgasmic enjoyment of verbally attacking me.
When I couldn’t help but spit back that his insults were bordering on the absurd, he screech and turned vehemently furious explaining how right is he and that I am insane if I don’t see how worthless I am.
How ugly I am, how fat, how stupid, how much of a fucking bitch I am.
My counter arguments that I have had other boyfriends who liked me a lot and complimented me is met with the ludicrous and hilarious suggestion that they must have been gay.
Closeted men who are handsome and enjoy sex with other men.
This assertion boggles the mind, nearly sends me into peals of laughter. But it doesn’t, because once again its the Narcissist doing everything to devalue my sense of attractiveness and worth.
The narcissist can’t comprehend that worthwhile men would desire and apprecaite me, because they must have seen me as the Narcissists does. As groveling and loving, as ugly and stout.
The Narcissist’s thought pattern are completely rational from their word view.
Sure, they used to find delightful, charming and used to enjoy kissing you.
But now you have betrayed them. Your feet of clay and your soft heart disgusts them.