Description of the narcissist’s spouse and their behavior in the relationship. Reactions of the narcissist’s spouse toward their partner’s disorder.
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Typical Narcissist’s Spouse
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We, the partners, are often sooooo confused where the person we loved went, and why that person seemed to stop loving us. That's why we hold on…cause we are trying to figure this out, but it's an endless riddle (at least until we learn about the term Narcissist..cause then it suddenly all makes sense). We didn't realize that the person we fell for was just a mask, a delusion. Reminds me of Dracula…his bite felt like bliss, we thought it was love, but we didn't realize his intent was to simply suck us dry.
I think most partners are "masochistic" as you say because we grew up under the reign of narcissistic parents. That kind of rejecting, abandoning, perfectionistic "love" was all we ever knew…so we are the perfect bait.
Two years later now ….since first viewing of this one…I get my role and
Know it is deeply rooted in my childhood
Trauma .
That is my ex
Im divorcing a narcissist she fraudulently obtained a protective order upon winning a sweepstakes of $50,000.00 I slapped a divorce on her within 24hrs she came unglued and vowed to alienate from our kids, started slutting it up with my so called friends and kept me from my possessions, I've kept my distance until the finalization of our divorce. I'm pro se she obtained counsel I wiped the floor with them at trial the other day. Her ego must of collapsed, I ran out of the court house as if I stole a game one on the road. She wont give up an inch I think she'll will undo herself eventually., she's never done anything wrong, admitted anything even if minor. She cant hurt my heart I withdrew many years ago but I still love her and want to save her thank god the court stepped in and guided me and advised me to never consider that this has a chance of reconciliation. These judges know and see it all the time. Always have a metaphysical insurance policy handy to sustain a vicious attack by these parasitic vampires.
yep it happened to her she was so strong when i met her I will take apart the next person!!! she is strong she is a mountain to destroy a challenge and she is attracted to a money she thinks i will get I won't then we will see how they go
i took off on her over night all the time i was so demeaning to her! he's still trying to manipulate the children, greg you can't die quick enough
my wife tried to keep the marriage, yep this is what happened to my wife!!!! I'm a horrible man!!!! the next affair will get sick of you!! the problem was she ws abused by her father who lived too close i demanded from her , my not working makes me lazy not controlled
At one point in a relationship like you are describing i said i felt like a blank piece of paper.
kiko100 Where are you ? How are things going now ? My father did the same thing to my mother. She had her very life and soul sucked dry. He didn't cry one tear for her suffering, her cancer, her death. Its been 5 yrs now since she died and he continues to bad-mouth her and blame her for his nonsense. GET OUT. SAVE YOURSELF. Best wishes for you.
I know that the majority of narcissists are male but in my experience there were all women: mother,sister ,bosses, friends
This is true, a long time narc partner has a co dependent and self destructive belief. That person has to work on self worth every sec to see the world around them, the partner can change and get out of that relationship- and stop being loyal to narcissists.
why 'she'?
A narcissist's wife doesn't always turn into someone who demeans herself. There is another possible reason why we don't immediately leave when it doesn't feel right. In my case, I was extremely poor. Living with him, my young daughter and I had food and a good home. When I saw the unfair treatment, I was confused and thought certainly I was mistaken that he didn't care. I always HAVE been confused by bullying. The concept is so far fetched to me, perhaps because of my own sense of fairness. But in addition to lacking the power to leave because of being poor, I was poor because of a deep clinical depression so severe that I had tardive dyskinesia and lost my reading comprehension. I felt guilty for being a burden. That's not exactly demeaning of myself; it was actually true that I was not an equal partner around the house. I knew I deserved better. I knew that he was supposed to love me and was appearing not to. I tried, perhaps too long, to explain it to him. I finally had the power to leave and by then had tried saying things every which way so that I knew that there was no other way remaining that I might use to get through to him.
So please don't forget about the woman who doesn't have the power to leave, because of lack of money or outside support or because there are also children involved. There is sometimes the choice between living with a narcissist and living in a rented room over a bar in a bad neighborhood while raising a small child. (By the way, I ABSOLUTELY did protect my child from the narcissist.)
Sam, if you are a narcissist yourself (data from Wikipedia), and according to you a narcissist cannot be healed, so why can we believe you that all you are serving us on this platform is not just a bunch of wrong assumptions and ideas you are feeding us with? Also, you apparently have no education in psychology or medicine. These videos might be another way of getting attention and admiration.
My narcissistic ex tried to drag me down for years and it was never his fault, always mine or someone else's fault. He would drain my energy just being in the same room as he and constantly berate me, talk to me like I was a child and nothing was ever good enough for him. He would start arguments over nothing and go on and on and repeat the same thing as I sat there suffering through it. The emotional abuse caused me PTSD and constant anxiety. It is as though I was never good enough for anything I tried to do. These narcissistic people are impossible to reason with. He is worst now than ever. I'm still trying to heal from all that horror he put me through and the manipulation he has is his so called power he thinks he has over others. He was a great, wonderful caring person in the beginning and he puts on a whole different side in front of people. His family are the same way. Thank God I never have to be around those fakes and perfectionist monsters again.
My mom didn't have a choice in marrying a narcissist – it was an arranged marriage. 🙁 And now she's stuck for the rest of her life.
I have always tried to fight for my place and keep my sanity – but I never had the information or education how to get out!! We are always taught -nobody's perfect – so he has more handicaps – why didn' t anyone ever tell me that he is a liar and a cheat and most of all DANGEROUS!!! I always knew that he is not G-d!!! and I have been loathed for that from day1!! Now I am in deep trouble – even though I have minimal contact with him – since we are still legally married.
I believe Narcissists attract empaths, they are looking for sympathy and supply; something an empath wants to do. unfortunately. YUK
Sam, is the sadism conscious on the part of the Narcissist ? Or, part if the disorder ?
How does one heal masochism that seems to only come out in these types of relationships ?
When the narc mask slips is it due to Narcissistic injury, certain events or at the will of the narc , who is too tired to maintain ?
Is he a narcissist? lol bc he spoke abt a masochistic side the spouse would have…narcissistic personalities can be attracted to strong women in a goal to break them. so his definition sounds like a justification of actions, n9 one wants to be mistreated in a relationship, with this type of dysfunctional personality it is when it s too late the realisation of what is gg on occurs…
Why do you only concentrate on men
He was my prince charming during our first 10 yrs of marriage and I thought I was the luckiest person in the world to find such an amazing man to be my partner in life.. I was so trusting, in love, young and naïve that I believed in him in every way possible. Very briefly would I see orange/red flags signaling certain traits that should have been a warning for our future. In the 40 yrs of being together I can't even remember when his Narcissism started to expose itself because it seems it was done so slowly??? Well my prince charming is now the ruling controlling 'King' and I'm just someone that happens to live in the castle with his permission. He somehow slyly through the years took over all the finances, makes all decisions on everything including on how the house should be decorated, what I can keep in the kitchen etc.. He of course is a pathological liar to and has been constantly belittling me to our grown children who think I'm an insane woman driving their father crazy at home constantly. Why he wants everyone to feel sorry for him and love him the most and hate me I can't understand? No matter how much I hated him at times I never used the kids as pawns. All I know is I am not the same person I use to be. I've become so insecure in EVERYTHING I do because I've been told so many times of how stupid, worthless, unattractive (can't stop the aging process forever) and long list of other bad qualities according to him. I have seen therapists in the past without much help till now. I have found a therapist that has opened my eyes to the fact that I've been an unwilling masochist all these years. Now all I have to do is figure out…should I stay or should I go? I'm scared either way…….
I think me and my sister are both narcissists.. this was eye-opening for me..
This. This is exactly it. It made me nauseous to hear it. But it is so true.
Check out this video on YouTube:
Mr. Vaknin does not believe that a spouse would stay for other than self interested reasons. Even if the NPD spouse is enjoying abusing the other spouse, that other spouse may know it and tolerate it anyway?
Especially, what about the children, if children are at home?
Also, what about the spouse's health, their fear of abandonment, as long as the spouse has adapted to put up with things? And the NPD spouse probably has good points as well. I bet there wouldn't be very many old married couples, even fewer than there are, if each spouse thought this way. We've all got weaknesses, NPD is just one of them.
My experience is limited, but it seems to me that even if it is "obviously" a bad idea, I would expect the idea to be mentioned. I guess Mr. Vaknin never thought of it that way.
I've been in a vicious cycle of meeting abusive narcissistic men. The women I have encountered sadly abuse their children. I know now I married twice both to narcissis men. I truly can understand about the machoism and sadioism even though extreme terms I do get it.
My second husband raped me on the honey moon. And when I told my narcissistic mother about it she slammed the door in my face and told me I made my bed go lie in it. I was trained as a child to serve and my opinions didn't matter. It's been a rough marriage of 28 years. I spent a lot of time in church alone. I spent a lot of time in counseling
"Alone" Infact , I separated to try and give the kids a more christian upbringing with less rage.
One child stayed with him and was full of rage. And still struggles.
One child stayed with me and just finished a nursing degree.
Thank God the children are raised.
Your video might not be relatable to
(chateaumojo) which is under stable being called a sadio isn't easy.)
But me being the submissive christian
I'd have to admit "at times" early on in my marriage I thought "This is my life!"
It was extremely painful.
I did meet one man who wanted to help me out of this
But he in turn met someone controlling and that's no longer an option.
I am now trying to go back to school.
Get my own apt. And Divorce.
I'm still in church . With yet another pastor trying to get me to stay.
Nope.
I wanna Love myself for a change.
God would want that for my life.
Thanks for the video.
oh for fuck sake why can t we all just be normal and treat each other good… this ie all so cunting
WRONG. You are overintellectuallizing it and not understanding the emotional aspect at all. Personally, I stayed for 17 awful years because I did not feel the outrage I should have felt. I had been trained from an early age by my mother, a borderline narcissist, to tolerate demeaning and abusive treatment. I was trained not to react, not to protect myself, not to object. It didn't seem good, I didn't LIKE it, and you demean all such spouses when you say they are masochistic. That is an obsolete idea. Me, I just thought I was as big a moron as they told me I was and as incompetent as they made me feel. I had no faith in my ability to break out of the gravitational pull of either one of those control freaks. I thought I would be punished by them if I left, that the leaving would make it even worse. And I was right, but it's better than if I'd stayed, because I have some chance to heal.
Listen man, you are obliviously very helpful. But, why do your videos have bad quality sound. Why I am struggling.