Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited (http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com), shares his knowledge and personal experience of …
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Unmasking Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Their Abuse with RUTH JACOBS in CAMBRIDGE, UK (In the Booth)
I don't think narcissists are happy – especially later in life. I saw that in my mother – she was heartbroken, and spirit broken. And an ex boyfriend is also miserable. He calls himself "a dead man walking".
I've watched a lot of your videos and wondered if you do have any aimed for the person with a PD? I was diagnosed with early childhood traumatic brain injury and there's not a lot out there about it. When I was diagnosed my doctor told me that I wasn't a sociopath (or psychopath idk which) even though I really acted liked one and exhibited most of the traits. My condition is treatable and reversible though… So assuming personality disorders are generally similar, do you have ways a narcissist could correct their condition if it were actually possible? I only have access to stimulant medication to produce feel goods and stimulate brain cells (I think?), so I really really think I could benefit from learning how to navigate my condition cognitively. If you had ways for a narcissist to hypothetically correct the condition, I think it could actually work on me.
I was looking for an answer to why Narcissists and Borderline are attracted from each other and I finally found this very interesting video that describe mostly my father (narcissistic) and in a minor part my mother (Borderline).
Thank you Sam Vaknin! Very nice and interesting video!
Sam seems to be a brilliant curator in the art gallery of behavior. I am so thankful fot his contribution.
This made me cry..he describes it all in ways I never knew how to put into words. He is so very right…the part that makes me sad is I can think back to ppl who I've detested because they were narcissistic and actually attribute their behavior to being that empty shell that they in no way purposely caused on themselves as children. It is so sad to have your sense of self stripped and extinguished, and end up becoming some falsehood just to endure the pain of that loss. This explains why people seem one way in the beginning of a relationship, and then over time as he said, the narcissist takes over…I know full and well how it feels. Your false self senses the fear and danger and takes action as soon as a relationship reaches a certain point. I know as soon as I think I have someone I really don't want to lose, I become so afraid that I'm gonna mess it up and they're going to abandon me, and I'm going to lose the very thing making me happy. I just want to actually be happy and not have to fear losing it, because happiness in my past is something I rarely ever really truly felt. If I were ever happy, someone, usually my own mother, had to SQUASH it right out of me, like I never once deserved it.
Scary but so useful! ALL parents should watch this video. #stopchildabuse
i always wondered how did I end up so troubled having people pleasing syndrome being a codependent, and my brother is so sane and grounded internally. Now I get it.
my god, this guy's brilliant
Sam your videos are the absolute best on the subject. I especially like the concise way that the information is presented. Thank you so much for sharing your work in such a helpful and meaningful way.!!
Most sincerely, Margaret.
nice
Amen to that Sydri, the BAR is filled of psychopathic NARC Is anyone watching the smoke in the backyard here
Thank you for this video!!!
This is so insightful! I've known a number of narcissists in my lifetime and I've always suspected that they each had dysfunctional upbringings.
This video reminds me of a person I once knew who had to be the best at everything. He exuded supreme confidence, was extremely arrogant and ultra-competitive. He would always boast about his academic achievements and sexual conquests. I was on friendly terms with him but hated his high-handed behaviour. I later found out that he had been sexually abused as a child. He revealed that his abuser had been tracked down by the police and that he'd been summoned to testify in court. I remember seeing his air of confidence completely diminish to the point that he was a shivering, tearful wreck.
All the resentments I had held against him completely evaporated. I never saw him again as he moved away but I really hope he's ok now.
24:45 – It's Humpty Dumpty – ROFL!!!
Thumbs up …. 4:10 They're Narcissists …. they're Not going to just come right out … according to them their is nothing wrong
Loving this, i wish, i had watch this earlier
That was a very insightful interview. It actually makes me very sad for those people suffering with BPD & NPD, but not sad enough to ever let another one near me again, that's how they reel you in.
Narcissists are usually very intelligent, so far I have seen.
All I can say is that we live in a tough old World and narcissism is Nature's survival mechanism. No amount of Human progress ever seems to get us any further from our caveman ancestors. Borderline is Nature's bonding technique. I view I've stuck with for over 30 years and I'm not about to alter.
I am a victim of a narc and they work for the local authority.. I have been set up and convicted of assaulting them for no reason other than they felt like accusing me of it and I simply didn't do this. its not in my nature to use physicality unless in self defence as a last resort.. in my almost 50 years on earth I have no history of violence or assault of any kind.. a pretty good benchmark to determine my character I would say… it is not possible for me to have done this.. the guy has abused his position of trust within his employer and the local community.. it makes me sick .. when it went to trial I tried to attend but failed.. I was halfway their and my normally reliable vehicle of 11 years suffered a breakdown.. bloody sabotage more like.. that is what the garage where I got it recovered to says as well.. I showed good reason for non attendance but the trial went ahead without me.. the prosecution cant even produce any DNA evidence to link me to this chap.. he only has a small mark in his right eye socket.. about the size of a tiny finger nail or smaller.. he didn't wear his ID they are suppose to wear around their necks.. he may of wanted me to think he is a cold calling con artist.. we get a few of them around here all through the year.. he had some form of ID in his hand.. no photo or name was visible though. I just looked like he had folded one of his employers letters so the logo was showing.. hardly official and difficult to create..I got convicted despite the absence of DNA the prosecution couldn't present any..The lying sod said in his testimony my neighbours children witnessed the alleged assault, my neighbour hasn't got any children.. his wife is wheelchair bound..The time and date of the alleged offence was a school day anyway.. all kids in the area would be at school or at home ill and a sick note required.I had an appeal but wasn't even legally represented.. I am blue badge registered disabled can walk but with limited mobility and part of the disability is ongoing problems with both spinal cord function and difficulties arising from a head injury such as short term memory loss.. yet I was put on the spot to question this guy myself and I am not legally minded..His imprint of his shoe is on my front door where he tried to prevent me closing it to him.. I produced this as my defence evidence but the judge basically ignored it when the Council guy lied under oath and claimed he only had one pair of shoes..Now I face a fine and costs but my sentence worsened just because I exercised my right to appeal..I get the feeling I am not this guys first victim.. his lies he gave were quite tightly done in a polished rehearsed sort of way..So if anyone on here knows someone called Craig Freeman.. about mid 30s.. now works for a local authority but he is new to the area.. I had never had dealings with him and I have been in this town about 15 -16 years..My time is almost up and I have to pay these charges soon.. later this week.. my request to have the matter dealt with by another court of an appeal or higher court and different judge are being ignored.. the court clerk after the appeal told me to seek legal advice, the firms I contacted haven't got back to me.. it is quite obvious they just want me to give in and pay but payment is an admission of guilt.. I am not guilty and I get upset my reputation and family name is being soiled by a total narc.. so if anyone has had a run in with this guy or remembers him please do let me know.. I maybe able to send further confirmation of who I mean.. thanks for reading,. The havoc these narcs cause is astronomical..
I've only got one Malignant N in my family as far as I'm aware. A cousin. I never liked him. My whole family (both sides) have the narcissistic personality styles, though. Borderline mainly on my mother's side. Another cousin's son committed suicide. Many of my friends are also Ns. We never use the N word. We just talk about people like us or refer to normal people as being different to us.
Most taxi drivers are narcissists, would you believe! I think that is because we focus on self employment; after failing in team oriented jobs! In fact I would say that most self employed people are on the spectrum somewhere!
my heart is broken… so sad
Somatic narcissist, do they use sex, as a means to socialize? I knew someone, who was very perverted sexually and wanted to have sex, with basically anyone warm. He also tried coercing all of his intimate partners, into sexual acts they all felt uncomfortable with. If he wasn't having sex, it was because he couldn't. He made even complete strangers feel uncomfortable to be around. He got moved from job site to other job sites, because he was 'creepy' around women. These were perfect strangers many times. They could pick up on his behavior, he had that affect on ppl.
i think they are highly represented in the medical field ..
PS I was a plain, poor nobody but smart and loving. He was pampered, charming and handsome but can't handle adult reality and has very cold and mean side only his intimates see.
I have several family members or even other people that tend to look right through me as if I am not even there in front of them and just a tool for there needs and wants. Is that narcism? It makes me want to avoid most of my family and even most people where I currently live. My cousin's husband (right in front of me and my cousin that he is married to) said to me "I should have married you." He is an old ugly dumb fuck that had a govt job handed to him and he is a drunk. It is like a need to force their wants and needs on me and I have no voice. So to me it feels like choking. When it comes to helping me financially or even trying those brain cells don't exist in their mind. I am starting to think I fall into it because I am so used to giving up everything or being forced into it by others. Wouldn't someone that lacks empathy be a sociopath? Someone I know sees taking help financially or not as a weakness, and they will go so far or they have attacked me and put me down for trying to take help I needed because she is better than that-huge ego-not sure if this is also narcissist?
Caligula? Look into his background. As a child he was treated as an object. Then most of his close family were killed. Subsequently lived with a narcissistic uncle. Was afterwards given supreme power.
Sam: How does the narcissist's creation of a false self relate to the average person's Enneagramic type and ego on the Enneagram of Personality? Each ego type was created as a way to protect one's soul from a particular attack and trauma, and is its own set of defenses against that particular trauma. Enneagram type 4 felt abandoned by caregivers early on, and so decided to become special to others through contributing to them through the arts, poetry, or fashion design. Enneagram type 5 was treated by her caregivers as if she was stupid, and so she developed a need to be cerebral and study a lot. Is this also a creation of a false self, but on a smaller scale than a narcissist? Where would he fit on the Enneagram? Can a narcissist be explained as someone who takes on all of the Enneagramic types' strengths, to an extreme?
Something about him is very attractive to me…..which lets me know that I have been attracting abusive relationships because there is an inner child who is somehow under the delusion that the narcissist will "protect" or help her…
Thank you Sam.What a great description! Beautifully articulated.Really helps me come to deeper understanding.
Absolutely great video.
I presume drill sergeants use abusive techniques on soldiers for this reason. Bless
teaching and athletics
what about female narcissits who have strived for recognition and importance through athletics then teaching and coaching.
Really, this man explain clearly how these psychopath works.
If only i knew sam earlier ….much damage now my wife is level 8 and i know she go through hell also same as mine.knoledge set me free thanks to sam.
Great video lots of real info here – Thanks Sam!
Thank you Sam I wish I could have found your videos long ago.. But I am glad I found them now.. Such valuable work.. Helping me to break a horrific cycle and become stronger :-).. Finally awake at age 44.. You and others like you who speak out and help me to understand the dynamics of what has happened to me are central to my recovery.once again thank you.
Awesome work Sam…..!