Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/c/ThriveAfterAbuse Instagram: www.Instagram.com/ThriveAfterAbuse Website: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com Narcissistic (a …
source
What All is Involved in the Idealization Stage of a Narcissistic Relationship?
Related posts
-
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish Bashir
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish... -
3 (+1) early signs you are dating a Narcissist
Discussing 3 tell-tale signs you may have entered into relationship with a Narcissist. See if you... -
Snippy and Me: Black Guy
The ongoing saga of two embattled best friends – a genetically engineered conservative sociopath played by...
I've ended up a relationship of 2 years with a narc. He ended it, actually. I ve also met another narcissist 5 years ago. At that time, that guy had a girlfriend of 3 years. I didn t know about it. We had been together for 3 months. I started to check him, and I found a girl in his phone. I searched that girl on facebook, and asked her if she knew something about this guy. She told me " he s my boyfriend for 3 years". I was shocked. Then she started to question me about what had he told me. And he lied to me, and her in big big ways. We stayed in touch, confronted him. He would tell me lies to get me back now, and in 3 seconds the same lies he would tell to his girlfriend. Me and her were comunicating in this time. He would have convinced me, if I wouldn t have talked to the girl all this time. I was so sick, my stomach was ….I was grossed out by him for 2 months. I couldn;t believe that this time of man exists. I did not know at that time that he was a narcissist.
So here I am 3 years after, starting a relationship with ALex. Alex, so perfect, all I wanted in a man. In the beginning I felt something was off, I caught him lying with little things, I saw the manipulation more clearly, but these guys are so damn…He made me doubt my myself, and hooked me really well. Before I knew about these narcissists, I told Alex "You are like this other guy, (first narcissist)", thats how I felt deep inside. I told him " but now the situatioln is different, I am the long term girlfriend and there s another one" And I could feel him smirk, evily……..Like " you're so stupid, of course that s the case" I am greatful that I found about these people now. But how could I be so blind? They are so good at what they do. Will I ever go through thiis again. I m so scarred. How could I live in such a lie? How could I? Why did I allow people into my life like that…….I still can't believe it ."(
Did I hear right? Did you end up with two narcissists? And if so, how is it you keep attracting narcissists?
It hurt so much that she had a backup to replace me she said I had competition, yeah right she was just listing after that guy. H was and is willing to the th3 nasty things i will not do. I would rather she just broke with me, but she never once said that. What bother me more is that Relationship Coach's say it is normal for women who are unable to be alone, to have many men or men to have many ladies in backup positions just in case we don't fit their perfect image of a mate. To me it just sounds like cheating. I told my ex about a woman I had asked to marry me, and how she had cheated and slept with an guy on my base. I can't stand being cheated on why is it so easy for them to not have the courage to end a relationship. and deal with their emotions like a normal person, we all feel loss when someone we loved so much hurts us with cheating, and they lack the strength to end it before they do so. The betrayal is so hard to get past, I think that is why I was so angry with her that I was exploding with anger for some days, until I asked GOD to take it away from me, I did not want to be angry with her anymore, how could it help me, was I looking crazy to others during that period of time. But I kept praying till GOD lifted that huge weight from me.
Hi family….I know i keep saying OMG!! But OMG!!! I remember just before my wedding when what you describe as my "spidey senses" went off big time. I remember feeling pressured to go forward because of the money I spent on the big wedding production that he insisted we have. Thank God for prenups which is a nice tool for exposure. He signed it because he had no choice. On another note part of the devaluation process for me took place in the form of pure avoidance. I could not pay my ex husband to stay in the house with me beyond an hour or so. As soon as I came home he headed straight for the door or the shower and bed. I mean month after month until they grew into years, no amount of crying begging pleading demanding would make him sensitive to the pain I felt. He also slandered me, humiliated, lied to me cheated on me and stole from me. Incredulously he tried to hoover me after being divorced from for 6 yrs now! I was a real mark to that jerk
Would be interesting to see a video on how narcissists can use spiritual ideas to manipulate people – I know you mentioned this briefly. Often the last thing people would expect is that a highly spiritual person could be a manipulative narcissist. I know one who used the idea of unconditional love, and set up the expectation of this in order to serve their own self interest. There was an embedded implication that if I did not unconditionally accept all their bad behavior, I was somehow a less spiritually advanced person or should feel guilty for not being loving. Do not abandon your own moral compass people, there are cons/narcs in every type of community. I am willing to bet there are more in spiritual communities than anywhere because the potential sources of narcissistic supply are so abundant. People wanting to 'be good' to help others in need, who will readily buy any sob story or be guilted into tolerating bad behaviors. If you identify as a 'rescuer' type, then there is even more reason to be vigilant because people can lie to bait you in.
This is crazy
look out for these types
Yep I agree….
I always like to say …
" Think with your mind
Feel with your heart
and always trust in your guy feeling"
Hang on a minute. This needs to be said. Sometimes an already beautiful woman looks beautiful in the after-gym state. Often more beautiful for a certain reason. That may have been genuine and not necessarily or completely an exploit of a vulnerability. I can imagine my wife with sweaty hair, flushed face, filled with vitality or glowing from having been running hot. So that may be just your unwarranted insecurity/misunderstanding of what men feel attractive speaking.
I really liked your QUICK repeat of the characteristics. My attention span is just not there to listen to a lot of details. I like to have a quick presentation of the nitty gritty up front, what I listen to after that is just gravy, at least I get the information without feeling frustrated on HAVING to listen to details to get the information. I then can just enjoy as much DETAILS as I have the ability to listen to. THANKS. Good validation and point that moving quick, love bombing and hyper-sexuality are warning signs, not part of a normal relationship, no matter how good it feels. The crazy making stage of being criticized after being idealized is good to know about.
Where do we send our questions for Ask a Question Section?
Excellent information. Thank you Dana.
I bookmarked this video to show my girlfriend later. I feel like a lot of the things that happened will start to make sense for her.
So scary!
Watching this for a second time and now I can see that my narc is love bombing and in the idealization stage with his new target. He has already moved her and her daughter into his place even though we are still married and I am sure they are combining bank accounts or bills. He is looking for someone to help him financially because he makes a lot of money but really sucks at finances.
Perfect. This is so spot on that I might just send this to my ex girlfriend the next time she ''hoovers''
Ive been listening to you talk and it just reminded me of someone very particular. He, Alan, my proper 1st boyfriend behaved in all the ways you decribed. Love bombing…. when we first began dating he used to text me constantly and he would want to talk to me at every given opportunity. And like u, i couldn't be texting him every minute because i had friends and relatives and id be going to parties and celebrations etc… by the time id next hear off him he would be pissed – something like why didnt u answer your phone i have been ringing round the hospitals and because u learn things as u date fellas i was blind to alot of it and i would feel guilty alot it was like he would make me feel guilt for his faults.. He pulled my top down in public my boob popped out and i whacked him for it. I was mortified. Next thing i know is he'd say i took things too far and attacked him. He asked me to lie down the once on the couch and close my eyes. I didnt want to do it but i went along with it. Next thing hes git his ass in my face telling me he was about to fart i went into panic mode and tried to get him off me and i dug my nails into him and then he told me how id take things too far and i had to apologise. Some times hed get me to repeat my age 17 and his he was like 22 and then hed ask me where was the teen in 22 i just thought he was stupid and told him there was no teen in 22 and then he said exactly… im just wondering now if he meant im older than u, your younger im right and ur wrong… sort of trying to put me in my place.
He asked me to marry him very early on and i just placified him and said yes… i wasn't going to but he had just come out of a relationship with another girl called sarah and they were engaged so i thought he had to get it out of his system and i thought he might go off me if i didn't. But then he began telling everyone i was his fiance – extreamly embarassing and said that to the store manager at work!!! And as u said what struck me the most when listening to u was that he went with me to set up a joint bank account… well at the time i couldnt talk about this with my family because they were all weirded out with him and constantly told me this so i felt they didnt understand and i felt like they werent giving him a chance so when the letter came though to say it had been rejected, i was relieved but they were really angry with me. I could not talk to my parents over any of this.
Another thing that u mentioned he would tell me stories of knowing a woman who he dated as an alcoholic; drank herself to death and he was left with nobody but that he tried on occasions to take the bottle off her…. (the hero) He tried to come across as impressive said he was a professional footballer for wolverhampton as a goal keeper… my parents looked this on internet to prove to me he was lying and then he came back with a diffrent take on the story that he was a training footballer. He lied about everything… his actions never co-insided with his words – said hed take me to a justin timberlake concert for my birthday and nearer to the time he said his sister wanted the tickets so being a good brother and all he gave them to her. And on an occasion when i rang and she came on the phone before i even asked to pass the phone to him, i asked her if she enjoyed the concert – she didnt know what i was talking about!!!! And then he gave me another story… and over time i did begin to doubt myself but that was a long time. My parents told me that i wasnt crazy but to tell them wat i knew. He had over a hundred quid off me cos i was talking to my friend on the phone and my mom must have heard in the next room and they collard him the next time he cane and demanded he gave it back – and all we had was 30quid of it bk but he told me that he owed people money and if he didnt have any he would get beaten up and i was thinking well i dont want my boyfriend to get beaten so i would.
He lied about everything. He came up with these ridiculous animal names for my family instead of asking how my sister wad hed say now how was girafe? Or how was my hippopotamus – my dad. I didnt want to play thins stupid game but hed get arsy with me if i didnt. He took me gambeling a few times. He asked to borrow 2pounds to put in machine. I said what if u loose? He said no i wont loose – he was good at gambeling so i gave him 2pounds. He lost and practically demanded i gave him my other 2pounds. He frightened me. The next thing i know hes apologising!!
The one time somethig had happened between us and he told me hed jump out of the back bedroom window and killed himself… of course i didnt want him to do that. He upset my friend but i never saw them both on the same day after that. She was even trying to say im seeing him a bit too much and to make time for us to go out.
He always had sex on the brain…. i went for a walk in the woods and he laid his coat down for us to have it…. we didnt… he'd pull me down in the park in front of people on the grass. I wont go into too much detail but i dont think i can without explaining he molested all my boobs in my iwn house…. they were red, sore i cant believe i let him do that, i just remember thinking wait until he stops… because if i pushed him i felt he would rip them.. He tried to have sex with me in my own bed and if it werent that, the complusive lies he told, the empty promises… i mean i was thinking things were moving way to quick.
He bruised me…
He broke up with me because he told me i wasnt kissing him properly and he walked onto the train and never looked back – i didnt want to cry… i was so hurt, i held it in and i began hyperventalating in the station and blacked out and the next thing i knew my dads helping me up. My sister hated him because she heard me crying till 4.00 in the morning.
He told me he was still in love with an ex the 1 who had "apparently" drunk herself to death and he never got over ut so was still in love with her… and when i got witlrked up enought to get upset he put his hand over my mouth… and suddenly he pulled me in saying he shouldnt have done that.
Then there was issues over money.. he wanted me to give him money to come see me and when i refused he said i didnt love him or i would…
One day he must have seen me put a fiver in my draw but i did it quickly so i didnt think he saw… he asked me to get him a drink and he was watching the footy so i thought hed be fine came down made him a drink… then he said he heard my sister come up the stairs and she went in my room so he said hr went in my room to check my fiver was there and he said it was gone! I did not blame my sister because in my heart if hearts i knew she wouldnt do that to me… i stayed with him for such a long time because i thought this was how love was supposed to be and i thought id have to forgive him and move on. When we did break up cos he said hed propose in the park with a ring in front of people that made me want to end it. I tried to go no contact… my dad even gave me a new number… but i felt i had to text him to hear him to… it was like he had made me deoendant on him like a drug. It took me several attempts several numbers but i did it. I missed him then i hated him… i drempt about him… and even after so long he'd contact me on the house phone… first time he pretended he was a quiz master and if i answered correctly id win a hundred pounds… well it took me by suprise and i answered on the spot and then he told me id got an answer wrong sumit to do about eastenders and i remember telling him to not ask questions that you dont know the proper answers to… but at the time i really believed i was talking to a quiz master it was only after i thought about it and that wus such crap.
Oh and he did say how other people did him over like u said that he was always the victim and he did protray himself like that oh and he told me a story of how proud hr was that he conned 5pounds out of his gran… whether that was the truth or not …. and that was it hed take me to car bootsales and he tried to get me to acompany him to steal a couple if games from cars.. and i just thought not on my watch so i talked loudly and said oh look at this and oooh whats that…. look at that thing there – it was done tactfuly and he even said theres no chance in stealing anything whilst i wad around… oh and on the subject of stealing my mom reckons he took her gold chain out of her bedroom – and ive a feeling he was right. He'd give me jewlary but would say not to wear it to his house as it belonged to his dead girlfriend and his mom was fond of her and so would be upset if i wore it in front of her.
And getting back to what i was saying with the phone calls it swindled down to 1 a year… i mean ive had breakups with other guys since but not as bad as that breakup. That was severe and very long.
Oh, and lastly i want to say he would give me gifts, teady bears and stuffed animals… id pretend i was taken to them cos hed obviously bought them for me and i didnt have the heart to tell him they werent that great. But my mom said they were crap something ud find thrown away…
It was a long drawn out process of getting rid and he would occasionally ring the house…. once in front of my new bf…
Very good videos. Thank you. They aren't easy to recognize at first, especially if you are young, or just haven't dated a lot. Idealization, compliments, and a rush for intimacy followed by the rapid devaluation, objectifying, and cut off.
You had mentioned the constant communication as a way to get you to wait on and expect to hear from them it is like mental conditioning That was one of the hardest things to get over, I was conditioned for months 7:10 am I would get a morning poem via text message 7:45 am I would receive another saying have a great day at work. then another at 12:45 wishing me a great lunch and that he was going to the gym, then one at 4:55 pm saying we made it through another day can't wait to see you. He also made it a point to have flowers delivered every Thursday to my office, this went on throughout the Idealization Stage then all of of sudden it stopped. He had conditioned me to have emotional break downs at 7:10, 7:45, 12:45, 4:55, and every Thursday I couldn't function at work. Nothing but evil flows through there Lifeless hearts
My last N said exactly that: I shouldn't trust my gut instinct 'cause my gut was wrong. He had told me about an ex lover and a friend who shared the same name, but he insisted it was two different people. In the end there were just too many correlations so I googled her to find out. this made him go ballistic, and instead of apologizing for having lied, I on the other hand did apologize for having looked to see if it was true, he "punished" me with the silent treatment, withdrew and blamed me for having stalked his friend, how could he ever trust me again, or anybody else for that matter etc. I off course introspected, questioned my self and felt very guilty. he never admitted to this, and kept reminding me that my instincts were wrong…so glad I made it out after 6 weeks. the 3 first were great (lovebombing etc) and the last 3 horrible. Luckily he has not hoovered, its been 3-4 months now. These videos really help, thanks for sharing Dana:-)