In this video I explain the very complicated and dangerous undertaking of protecting yourself when you uncover/unmask a covert narcissist. Because of their …
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When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, Run, But Quietly! The Counterfeit Relationship Expert
WOW! DR.ROSS. YOU JUST DESCRIBED HER ACTIONS.I HAVE NOTICED THAT OVER THE LAST 7YRS. SHE HAS PRACTICALLY TURNED EVERYONE I KNOW AGAINST ME! A HUGE SMEAR CAMPAIGN.ONLY MY IMIDIATE FAMILY KNOW SHE IS VERY DANGEROUS! THE WAY THAT SHE PROJECTS THINGS ON TO ME IS MIND BLOWING,I FEEL EXASTED,AS IF I JUST SURVIVED A WORLD WAR! HORRENDOUS.
I need to say thank you very much for this video, this is by far the most insight that makes me understand my situation. Thank you for making me feel I have friends who understand my situation and type of people I have dealt with.
Wish you all the best.
I'm a Buddhist, and I'll give you something very valuable here. Step to the side. Do not fight, but skillfully, step to the side, and utterly leave. Then become silent as a ghost, and fade away into the emptiness. Contemplate what I have said.
For those of you who want to take on the challenge of taking on a covert narcissist this is the blue print to do so. ITS VERY PASSIVE AGRESSIVE THOUGH. The CN likes to keep his minions separated, so what you do is go around behind the CN back and introduce and be extra friendly in getting to know those other people and dispelling all the triangulation lies that they have been told. Once this is done go tell the CN how you have gotten to know those people and how you all like talking to each other and have been talking on a regular basis for the last few weeks. This will demonstrate that the CN isn't as smart as he thinks he is and will make him work SOOO much harder in the future to manage his minions. The CN paranoia will take on a mind of its own and have them running around like a horse with 2 jockies on its back. This will scar the CN for the rest of their miserable life.
Fucking BOTTOM LINE: Exit Plan and go NO CONTACT.
Why do people have a tendency to take the word of narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, and other mental defectives over the word of their innocent victims? Why do people have a tendency to become subservient to such mental defectives? Why do people feel they have a need to obey or accommodate violent or abusive mental defectives? Why does our legal system give greater credibility to the accusations and testimony of violent and abusive mental defectives over their innocent victims? We have been overlooking the obvious for all of our history. The people we see as violent and abusive mental defectives are also the human equivalent of the dominant or alpha chimp in a group of chimpanzees. These animals are our closest living primate relatives. Our base or default social structure is not democratic or republican but in fact is the same absolute totalitarian domination by a single alpha and its small group of betas. The alpha tends to be the strongest and most psychotic chimp in the group. Strength alone does not give domination. It is the combination of strength and the willingness to use that strength to hurt others that gives the alpha and its surrounding betas their domination of the rest of the group. As humans, we don't have to be condemned to live such a horrific existence. We can learn to spot a mental defective and keep it away from the reigns of power, by blunt force if necessary, otherwise by social means. The second amendment to the US constitution recognizes our right to use force to defend our rights against those who would be tyrants. A covert narcissist is just such a tyrant. It is time that we enact legislation to recognize the existence of violent and abusive mental defectives and the damage they cause. It is time to mandate education for the masses in how to purge our society of violent and abusive mental defectives. it is time to segregate and purge violent and abusive mental defectives from our society. It is time for the meek to inherit the Earth.
My mother is a covert narcissist, that has been exposed. Maybe it's because she's almost 80 and people can see through her now. I know my golden child sister who tells my mother that everyone is out to get her has a part in it. But she's the only one left in her life. My family are all comparing notes and realize all the lies she told to break us apart. Now my family is tighter than they've been in a long time – with the exception of my mother and golden child of course. But people see her for who she is. A gossiping liar who always turns any subject back on herself. I don't care if someone died she finds away to make it about her. Now since everyone is sick of her antics she more desperate than ever. She has now real feelings to fall back on. Now people are seeing a side of her that I've seen forever. My aunt asked me just the other day did something happen to make her change? I'm like she's always been like this you just believed her false image. It's sad.
an excellent monologue on the condition and how to deal with it.
maybe your the covert narcissist, are we seeing your false self? i sense something.
Thank u for your informative video. Just wondering, why not to let others know, who are victims of this covert narcissist? After all they are suffering like us too.
best teaching ever-thank you.
Hi Ross, "Do not take on a CN directly." How I wish I'd known this 11 years ago when I confronted my widowed NF who turned around and stabbed his only forgotten son (ONLY CHILD) in the back in his will/trust. He did set me up to have money for life but made it impossible or unfeasible for me to have discretionary payouts for uninsured major medical events like a heart attack or stroke in the future. He also went on a smear campaign against me which included attacking my work ethic (I learned my workaholism from him), my marriage choices and having a family (he actually wanted his own grandchild aborted!), and warned people about my "temper" (as if no one ever had a legitimate right to be angry about something terrible that HE did).
I am currently in the middle of writing up my story intertwined with an instructive/educational description of NPD to share with some people in the estate law system as well as people such as yourself and W. Keith Campbell. As a career academic, I hope to help people learn about NPD and how it must be considered in evaluating capacity to do a will/trust. I have an ABA pamphlet "Mental Disorders that Erode Capacity" wherein mention is made of "a mental or physical condition of the testator that facilitates the subversion of the testator's free will." Perhaps the law will be afraid of this opening of a whole new barrel of worms (to mix metaphors), but I think with the exponentially growing amount of information available through YouTube and other websites, it's only a matter of time before the courts could face an avalanche of litigation and have to face their own tacit complicity in furthering the pain and suffering inflicted on victims of NPDs. I'll email you a draft of my write up in a couple days.
In the meantime/closing, a joke: "A lawyer and a narcissist walk into a bar… and he says to himself… 'Didn't we sue this place last year?'" (Why don't I hear any of the lawyers out there laughing at this?)
Thank you so much. I'm slowly healing, and yes, they fight to keep what they are doing silent. That form of manipulation causes mental issues, but the more I learn about it I'm able to break free of what was done to me.
This explains my daughter. There is a 21 year old grandson still in the web.
hello. i just fleed a Narc relationship of 5 years about a month and half ago. I have went "No contact" with him. but he is still trying everything in his power to destroy me. hes taken over an email of mine. he still sends me messages thru an old yahoo email trying to win me over or trying to see his child that he never did anything for really. hes trying so hard to act as tho hes father of the year. he even has sent flying monkeys to my home to try and take her ,with an agreement that he has made up in his own head that i never agreed too. [i would file for protection order ] but not even sure how i would address this to police. its like no one knows anything about narcissistic abuse enless they have been in it themselfs. i had to call cops on the ex narc because he came on the property n i told police i just left him because he was gaslighting abusing me. and they jist looked at me like i was stupid. but before i had the courage to leave him. he was trying sooo hard to make me go totally crazy insane and trying so hard to frame me for drugs … and he would always bring it up when it was just him and I. never in front or around people. [ sometime I'm still in ahh as to how come i thought he really loved me for 5 years. and after we had our daughter he would always take her from me when we got into horrible fights. . there is so much more to is madness … sometimes i feel myself caving and wanting to tell him off … but ive heard no contact and karma will get him for what hes done to my children and I. rather than i stoop to him and his flying monkeys level. not to mention his monkeys are teens whom live right next to me. :/ i think his a different kind of narc a devilish one or maybe there is a certain name for the very dangerous ones… He was erasing who i was before i met him. and i never realized it until now i really missed myself and I'm trying desperately to get her back.
very good
I realized that there are many people that serve as flying monkeys for the narcissist, but surely there can't be that many stupid people who can't see through the narcissist's mask, given time. I suppose that the problem is that in the immediate present, you will have to contend with their dumb monkeys (apology to the real animal) as well as the narcissist.
I love your voice btw so soothing
What if they have already discarded you? Do you send them a final goodbye letter and tell them we know what creature they are? I'm ten days no contact and I hinted to him that he is but I want him to know THAT I KNOW and what he did to me was beyond cruel. Thanks.
Thank you
I recently discovered that both my parents are narcissists. Suddenly I realised that I'm a bad daughter, a bad mother, a bad sister a bad wife (in their opinion) wrong in every argument. Finally I snapped out of my coma and realised that this isn't true, that this dynamic is sick. Every time I tried to defend myself, I had to apologise TO THEM for their abuse! Each time they threatened to disown me. Now I see them for what they are, my exit plan is to avoid them due to being 'mentally ill' as they pointed out many times. Haha. My father is a big child who revels in watching people be humiliated and upset (he actually smiles while he does it) my mother is worse because she is the covert narcissist, she is currently giving me the silent treatment. It is hard to exit a relationship with my parents! Can you give advice on how to continue a relationship with strong boundaries.
Great points, thank you. My younger brother is a CNarc for sure. He is unambitious and mediocre and yet very snooty. You can feel the energy toxify around you if he is present. I've gone completely grey rock with him rather than saying anything.
Superb video.
once you know what they are you have the upper hand
– get objective proof of their lies, records – ie school register – police records – medical records etc etc.
THEY LEAVE TRAILS OF LIES WHEREVER THEY GO when they attack – if they cover up their lies then your dealing with a PSYCHOPATH – thats when you run.
Narcs on the other hand are just immature childish gaslighting projecting dicks – so long as you have more brains than them and know the rules they can be played
Thank you soooo much for your pieces of advice. They are very helpful and meaninful. I haven´t had any contact with my family for almost 8 months now. My parents are both narcissists as well as my sister, the golden child. I discovered about their disorder 3 weeks ago and it was really disturbing for me. Then I could understand and explain my whole life as a co-dependent. I was wondering when it would be the "right time" to reveal the truth to them, but I totally agree with you. They will never admit the situation and will try to say I´m the sick one who "sees things that don´t exist". Waste of effort, time, and energy. Thanks again!
Hi Ross, I just want to say thank you for your videos. I learned I was in this exact type of relationship you describe in this video. I think I had watched 4 of your videos including this one which I can happily say help me to leave this monster 2 years ago. You saved my life and for that you are my HERO! I am now in a wonderful relationship and know now what it really feels to be loved the right way. Please keep posting these videos. And to anyone out there, what he says is so very true and will help you leave the right way.
~Sabrina
OH MY FUCKING GODDAMN IT….THIS CHICK I AM UPSET OVER IS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE TRAITS. I AM GOING TO PUKE.
TY…
Thank you for this video… It really proved to me I wasn't going crazy with my previous marriage. Everything you mentioned are true. I am happy that i got to execute my exit plan.
People in the legal profession support covert narcissism.
I've found a covert narcissist that likes to steal but makes himself look good.
… make a covert escape.
Thank you Ross. After 22 years with a covert narcissist, I am left with just wounds to heal and scars to lick. I'm still trapped in it somewhat because of a son, now himself victim of relentless passive aggressive behavior. I have been suffering horribly but I intend to get better and transform all that toxicity into affection, mutuality and love.