A narcissist has two faces, the abuser behind closed doors and the lovely person every one else knows. This is a very clever way to protect themselves if the abused ever speaks out. Generally you will find that no one believes the abused, narcissist’s always puts the abused on a pedestal to others, It makes it very difficult when the abused finally tries to speak out.
A Narcissist will never admit they have a problem, if confronted with their own bad behaviour they will do their very best to make people believe they are the victim.
If they are backed into a corner with the unavoidable truth about their bad behaviour they will begin to manipulate people by sulking and crying, this is designed to distract people from the truth and make people see the narcissist as an upset mess.
When you are confronted by someone who is crying and upset it is human nature to try and comfort them, this is playing right into their hands.
They will say things like “How can they be doing this to me”, “I don’t deserve this”, “I can’t believe this is happening to me, why are they doing this to me?”
The narcissist knows full well why it is happening, but as their life is nothing but lies, the person who they are talking to usually does not.
Before you know it, YOU are the bad person for making them feel so bad, the reason it all started is forgotten about, the tables have turned and now you are the one who is expected to apologise.
This behaviour can go on for days, weeks, months or years. As long as it takes for them to get the result they need.
Once a narcissist no longer has any use for you or feels you can no longer offer their narcissistic supply they will begin their smear campaign.
Whatever narcissist’s perceive to be your psychological or situational “weak spots” will be their prime targets. Whether it be your family, friends or work colleagues they will do their best to paint you in a bad light.
As a last resort the narcissist becomes pathetic.
When they are confronted with unavoidable consequences for their own bad behavior, including your anger, they will melt into a soggy puddle of weepy helplessness.
It’s all their fault. They can’t do anything right. They feels so bad. What they don’t do: own the responsibility for their bad conduct and make it right. Instead, as always, it’s all about them, and their helpless self-pitying weepiness, dumping the responsibility for her consequences AND for their unhappiness about it on you.
As so often with narcissist’s, it is also a manipulative behavior. If you fail to excuse their bad behavior and make them feel better, YOU are the bad person for being cold, heartless and unfeeling when they feel so awful.
Once you have discovered that the person in your life is a narcissistic and you feel that you can no longer take the abuse, there are two options.
Low Contact or No Contact
Please note that most people who choose Low Contact usually end up No Contact very soon after.
If you are going to go Low Contact or No Contact firstly make sure you are safe, if you feel you are in danger at any point get out of the situation and if you need to, call the police.
Confide in a close friend first, tell them about your situation and explain to them what you plan to do. Make sure the friend is not friends with the narcissist as they might just tell them what you are planning to do.
Source by Joanne O’Sullivan
