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Forever tied to a malignant Narcissist because of the children.
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you should get in touch or look up Lisa Romano and Dr. Ross Rosenberg on youtube..she and he will definitely empower you 🙂 she has helped me get through my co-parenting with my narcissistic mom and sisters …there is nothing wrong with you. you will be ok.
Too bad there isn't a retroactive abortion pill for Narcissists. They hurt and destroy so many people. Good for anyone who can get away!
Hi, I'd like to get in contact with you and talk to you about my similar experience to you. Could you please provide an email address or Facebook, so I can send you a message? Thank you so much!
My god, that must be so hard. Cutting narcs out is how I have survived. You must be so strong. One day your kids will go no contact if they can stay healthy and you will help them do that. One day, maybe sooner than you think, you'll be free. In the meantime you are such an expert and it is wonderful you have started a little business based on your expertees! I plan on making a purchase! You are an inspiration and yes, with every cloud, there is a silver lining and you will reap the rewards from all your suffering :)
My daughter is a teenager too… I have no faith I'm the Court system. I could tell you stories.. It's very difficult because my daughter still wants a relationship with him. He owes me thousands in back child support and never contacts my daughter unless there's something in it for him. I feel your pain…
Most psychologists don't know anything about Narcissistic personality disorder. My narcissist ex tried to turn our daughter against me in the beginning afyer he left me for another woman.
my woman narc does the same your not alone..but its her grandkids by blood i raised for 14 years…….they are hurting the kids not us ….God will help us….pray. also read 2 timothy chap 3……describes these people to a t….i dont know what to do but that….it says from such turn away…the chapter also says their folly will be made known….
Oh yes. I know this all too well. Mine (somehow) got both the kids to ring the doorbell before coming in the house. I told them they live there and they don't have to do that. For some reason they became very paranoid to enter their own home. I wish I knew what was said to them.
I can relate to what you are going through.  The book "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak wisely addresses the issues you raise about how to talk with your children about what they are experiencing.  Please keep sharing your experience.  You are very brave.
I understand exactly what your going through I was with my ex narc for 10 yrs found out about his other supply he had hidden from me for years. I have a 2 yr old daughter he's constantly playing games dropping and picking up his daughter when he wants then twisting everything to look like it's me preventing him from seeing her. Nobody understands how crafty and convining these people are they never slip up even when caught red handed. They are the devil in flesh
That message about not speaking badly about the other parent is counselors' standard advice, but it presumes the other parent is normal. With a narc spouse, it is very different, trust your instincts.
You may wish to check out this video: https://youtu.be/MO7xqAIiYAM
You did the right thing!!! I suffered for years and my relationship with my children got worse and worse until my children started saying "I will not listen to you, only to daddy". That was the moment when I thought "that's it! I have to do something quickly or else I will lose them to his narcissism". So then I had to start correcting their perception on what is real and what is not. Their father would tell them "your mother is this" and "your mother is that", all malicious accusations and in a raging way and the children probably believed what they heard over and over again. That's when, after years of crying over hearing his, I decided that I had to save their souls before they were too damaged, so I started telling them "that is wrong, that is not true, the right way is like this". In time, I started seeing an improvement in the sense that I could get close to them again, I put my foot down in front of my husband so that the children could see me demanding he recognize my authority as their mother and they understood that their father's behaviour is hurtful. Better like this then trying to emulate their father's behaviour thinking that the raging and hateful way is the right way to go in life.
This describes my ex so well, almost to a T. I know exactly what you are talking about.
Unfortunately "coparenting" with my narc is a joke. He doesn't take the kids into consideration and I worry about them when they are at his place. He is nasty and verbally abusive but managed to get them 5 weeks out of the summer. I am counting the days when they come home.
My advice show all the evidence you have text emails etc to your kids let them know what the narc really are 
Forget the therapist. Follow your gut. Call out every single narcissist's lie.
Everything in this video is RIGHT ON.  Thanks for the links.  I'm really, really happy you started your channel.  xo
This passive aggressive upper hand thing JUST happened with my narc today.  Wow!  They really do go by the same play book.  Really upsetting that therpist can't understand this.
OK…this video was a real trigger for me! For some reason, for the past several weeks, I've been having things come up that have reminded me of just how helpless and powerless I am in the face of such evil. I think my ex has quietly caused my son to question me as well. So, should I be honest with him and attempt to at least let my truth me told or just keep quiet and allow my ex to continue to poison my life? Obviously I can't stop my narc from spitting venom since that's just what narcs do. And ok…so 20 years ago I made this huge mistake. How long do I have to pay for it!!??
Very Helpful!
Suggestion: Drive your son to your ex's home and pick up the dogs and have them stay at your house.  That way your son is at home with you and he can take care of the dogs (dogs are great) and if it is only for a few days, it isn't a big deal. Your son will be so impressed with you. With regards to animals, it isn't a good idea to tell your son that he can't look after the dogs (he is bonded to them) and he will see you as cruel, when in fact, it is your husband who is using your son's love for the dogs to manipulate him (in my opinion).
With regards to your husband, I'd say don't sweat the small stuff or he will make your life miserable. I've dealt with people like this too and they want to be in control, even in petty ways. So he might drop the kids off late or pick them up early or try to have control in whatever way he can. But there is so much he can't control anymore so look at what he can't control and the things he can't control any longer.
Just my opinions.
You hit home in so many ways,….  My kids are teens also, and very aware.  His own  actions  and words have hurt the kids directly. He has created a new family, that he started before he left…. he expects them to slide right into place and fit in and except to much to fast, in a sense he didn't leave a space for them to be part of it. He's happy. So they should just join in and need nothing of their own from him.
When they have asked to have time with him alone, without everyone coming along or being involved, He told them it's everyone or they just don't visit. There are other issues also but  for awhile they don't like how they are treated and do not want to go to or stay over at his home.  In the paperwork, it's stated he feels that I have alienated them from him. Â
They speak to him directly about  going when the time comes. I don't listen or hover, but I do ask if they are Okay or if their talk went alright because sometimes he gets them very upset.  I really don't know in reality where he and the kids are headed,  I know he's their father and they love him and want them to have a relationship, but I will not stand by and watch him hurt or mess them up with out doing something to correct it…… currently responding to the second back and forth thru the lawyers , settlement issues on the parenting plan details and with everything that is happening right now ….. it's hellish. I know I can't because they won't understand so they won't allow it but answer NO to all of it . I have to…….  I do understand all you stated about the legal end of things, this is different it's like it sorta fits for part of the process but leaves a huge issue that effects the rest  completely ignored…..
"The tell the Kids and not Mom" form of contact yes, that happens here also, everything is told to them and it is a form of nose snubbing and control, He even changed visit days , times etc. thru this way….We fell into pattern before it is all officials and after a few issues like that, I informed both kids if Dad changes anything, you need to tell Dad to text or email me about it, he can tell you about it but there maybe things already planned and so we don't have problems and added stress unless he let's me know so I can make sure it doesn't, No plan changes are effective until I hear it from him and make sure.
And I too, Treat everything as a lie, still uncovering things I had no clue about….to the point now ….it still hurts, but nothing even close to before.  I want all those years back, and still have my kids…… I want to come thru this so kids and I can rebuild a happy life for ourselves……But the kids are very aware,…. After he left even with all we were dealing with 360 in our lives, so stressful ….both kids at different times commented on……. How different it was to not have someone mad all the time….. that was very telling.  Thank You, Excellent  life issues ……dee
The book on Bipolar is projection….accuses you of what he is. Yes..he wants them to think you are the problem and not him. Accuses you again of what he is. Yes..they may believe him and avoid you. He may be low in love…want all of their love not share it.Â
My kids realized why I am divorced. Their dad was controlling. I didn't say much. They like their dad and saw him only once month at first and now once a year. He bought them something when they visited but they knew it was not easy to visit.Â
I am glad you explained to the kids about narcissism. Delusion Dispeller on Youtube gives good advise..can do private sessions about narcissism.Â
ADHD can be from Celiac…low nutrients absorbed. Retalin may hurt the heart and burn out the adrenals. No gluten/dairy/soy/sugar/GMO…vitamins/good oils, LDN, detoxing may help ADHD…fish oil/Vit D3/Nature's Plus- Source of life/Zinc/Mg/K/ coenyzymated B vitamins (Pure company B complex plus..natural kind of B vitamins..not synthetic) etc. may help.Â
He maybe sad when the kids are 18 and he can't use them any more and manipulate them as well. He is acting like a kid. He may turn the kids into narcissists if they don't need to do chores and they are like infants…then can control them more also.
The judge or counselor maybe conned by the narcissist.Â
Yes…the N. tries to look like a victim and tried to make the other person be the "bad" one.