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Red Flag of a Narcissist #19: Parasitic Existence
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how do I get him to leave me?
Every job he would get past that was for personal gain, not the actually job. He took a job at a Halloween store to steal, I can't even tell you how much merchandise he stole from there. The other job after that he took because the boss of the company had a husband who did stunt work on movies and he thought he would meet famous people and in turn he would become famous.
He was denied unemployment, but with my help because he didn't do anything adult related he fought it because no matter what the second time you appeal you generally get it. Well they owed him almost 6 months back pay for unemployment which they put on an ATM card. This was in June and by August $7k was gone. We were on food stamps and cash aide, but he clearly figured spending that $ on nonsense was more important.
We moved in together and he still had a job, but he really kept pressuring for us to move into one of his moms rental homes. Now, in the beginning he mentioned his mom let him get away with murder. So we moved into her rental that was even more in rent. And what do you know he lost his job a couple of weeks after we moved in. When I asked why he would go into a full blown rage. The story kept changing from his boss wanted to of course have sex with him to him leaving the place unlocked to another coworker wanting to sleep with him. Of course his mom was totally cool him not working, but expected me to keep paying the rent in full with my job.
Guys can be especially vulnerable on this one to the female narcissist because men have been trained since childhood to think they have to be the bread winner. My ex-wife had a complete wreckless sense of money and I found myself working around the clock because I felt it was my responsibility as a husband and father. But I knew in my heart something was wrong, because no matter how much I worked it was never enough. She was constantly on to me about making more money. I earned a total of $75K a year, so I knew I wasn't rich, but I also knew I wasn't a slacker either…
One of the first things I did when I left my narc was to open a PO Box and have all my mail forwarded to it. Even his own family tried to warn me about dating him. I hinted at leaving and they told me to wait to buy a car (or anything of value) until after I left because he would only take it. All my bank statements and other sensitive mail was safely out of his hands.
Spot on, whirlwind moved him and his son from GA to FL(he was $400 in the hole) and he's taken over my business. I'm having to change my profession after 20 yrs. When I left before he destroyed me and inevertantly himself in our field. I came back only for financial reasons.
I discovered you and all this information 2 days ago and actually feel like I have experienced a total awakening through everything I have listened to. I am struggling in a relationship that has been driving me insane as I have been desperately trying to understand what is going on and also trying to make it fit the personal narrative I have of my partner and it has caused chaos and confusion in my head and lead me to lose my own self esteem to a devastating degree. Now I know why – omg what a revelation! I can't thank you enough for sharing your knowledge and experience. I have hope of recovery for me now. I am in a fairly good position although I have done all that stuff of taking on debts and moving them to my credit cards so they are interest free etc which I thought I was doing because we were a couple and it made financial sense (that was a clever move on his part wasn't it!) anyhow it's manageable for me at this point so Im very grateful to have learned this stuff. Thanks X
Zowie! Great video(s) — educational, compassionate and very intelligent speaker.
My narc was 34 years old and had no checking account, no savings account, no credit/debit cars, no nothing. Oddly enough she did have a degree from a good college. Inside the ashtray of her rusty BMW station wagon was 3 two carat diamond rings in it from her previous marriages. It took five months to get her out of my house. What a nightmare.
Yay! I finally found a video that confirms even "wealthy" Narcs will take whatever they can, even when the one they're taking from is either poor or has very little to give. So despicable. They truly have no compassion or empathy – financial vampires. Thank you.
I have given women advice about opening a personal account before. I found the best one to use is Tangerine. It is all done online and it is very easy to transfer money from one account to another without detection.
Wow…again you have described my younger brother. Amazing. I cannot tell you enough how much this has helped me come to terms with my recent experiences. His history was just about targeting women though…he seems to target anyone that looked as though they would make a great source of energy and income :-). I should add that (long before I even knew what a narcissist is) my younger brother is very much a flying monkey; hence, I became a target.
Thank You for your video. I have discovered someone on the internet that can explain very well what is going on in these parasites mind. His name is Dr George Simon. He has Written a book Called IN SHEEPS CLOTHING. It explained to me what was going on with my mother.
I LOVE this series, I just wish there was a easy way for me to download them so I have a copy. Someone suggested a site that will do that and gave a link but I don't click links unless I know the person. These are such a treasure and so important that I just dread the idea of losing them if your channel goes down again.
I just ended a relationship with someone that exhibited many parasitic warning signs. We had only been dating for a month and already I knew he owed his friends and family over $200,000 for a movie he had produced, felt comfortable with me paying for dinner and our coffees without saying a word or attempting to pay me back, etc. The worst part, and something that I think would be interesting to discuss, Dana, is how he would try to make me feel sorry for him and the state of his finances (or lack thereof). He literally showed me how he had to change his electricity bill online from automatic payment to manual payment (again, only a month into dating him). He also told me how he didn't have money for gas and how he was only eating protein bars for dinner (again, I believe, in an effort to coerce me to offer to buy him dinner). Finally, he even asked me if I had a trust fund and whether or not I would be his "sugar mama." When I later asked him whether he was serious when he had asked me these things, he tried to play them off as one big joke. Manipulation at its best.
I need help, because I know all this, but still I continue in this relationship. I want not to want to be with him, but I want him. I am a mess.
I can't believe you are describing my fiancee.:(. I was married before, and after 15 years of my divorce, I am in the same spot again. I am very , very sad.
This is what is going on with me. He has made it hard for me to work so now I'm not working.
A great video with lots of info, but as you said, the difference is subtle, but some people will watch this video and "recognise" these signs you speak of in others and could easily mistake them for a completely narcissistic person when maybe they are not, and they just have some kind of self love or maybe even not too self confident and use their apparent narcissism just to live in the environment in which they find themselves. It's never a good idea to use this kinda stuff as a 'rule' for narcissist detection. Just my 10 cents.
Thanks, this is all so true. They will always get your money. They direct how your hard earned money should be spent and they nag. They nag like crazy. One narc told me very suggestively that she knew exactly how to make fast money. I had come home with my pay-check from a new job and I was very shaken by those words that I quickly handed over my entire pay check to her. Another narc cried hunger and I gave unlimited food. Another cried homeless and invited herself into my home to stay. Another nagged over and over for a brand new TV and I presented her with one. Now I am in need of a TV so I have to buy myself one. Narcs give used, tattered items, not new stuff but they know how to convince even the neediest person to buy them new, luxurious gifts.
I know someone whose full of drama and chronic liar.
Always borrowing money doesn't pay back.
freeloader. show off.and a taker. I name him. Mr I love myself.
narcissist is like a cigarette. You know it's bad for your health. But you love it so much, always craving for it. Thanks to DANA and narcissist support group. For making weak people to be stronger.
They are my loudest voice for now. One day at a time. One step at a time. No contact is very hard for now. But it will get better. When I feel down and broken I watch NPD. by dana. ty.
Is it common for a narcissist to flip the history of what happened between the two of you and make it seem like it's your fault no matter how much you know it isn't? My narc made me feel like everything was my fault and I constantly tortured myself over it and being a bad person. I don't know why I believed it even tho I knew otherwise.
I can't believe how accurate you in describing my brother. I recently took the satellite radio service out of my name and handed him his own bill. He exploded. He is now living with my mother, bullying her, and jokes constantly about putting her house in his name. He peels out all the time in the neighborhood. I told him that if he goes to jail, do not call me. And, no matter the subject or who we are talking about, he will steer the conversation to his experience. I don't like him. He is an ugly person, but everyone outside of our family loves him, and I'm not as popular.
This is an Excellent Video of information broken down into more areas to recognize a Narcissist…. I have had several Narcissist in my Journey – different experiences of course…and NOW Spiraling up out of the Rabbit Hole! Maybe simplicity – to describe then – "Takers" – "Not Supporters .
Protect your Heart – Mind – Environment – Money & Your Soul (what ever you have / ONLY give 50% of Yourself ) ………Observe, do not Absorb! Go over All Kinds of topics & questions (maybe 2 at a time) with someone you do not know – when you feel the Chemistry (LUST) of STRONG Physical/Mental Excitement (to quick to fast…..remind yourself to SLOW Down) take your time. ……..Example ….they slither thru grass/rock/stone/cement/dirt/brushes ….they are very quite – you only hear the "swish" – "swish" (once in awhile Like their dancing)……………………AND THEN They BITE as quick as a Snake ! (This is where the other 50% comes in to SAVE Yourself – you will have a better chance (due to all the complexity's of how they can attach in what ever or where ever…. in that area that you don't even know (unless you have ESP) for yourself or what even to protect yourself from the next second – minute – hour – day – month- year – depends how much your around them…)
Watch hoe they act or respond to the world of a healthy harmony – observe their body language, what they laugh at, where they put their energy into……………………… EARN EVERYONE'S TRUST – EVERY TIME. This way – you will Empower Yourself -for the GOOD of and in this World while we are still here…
Working on me every day – I am addict of outside Love and Affection – I am turning it inside (I will Parent myself/My Child with in) ! No more Narcissist's!
i opened my own bank account three years ago after being "drained" financially for over fifteen years/it came to head when i just got paid the day before & didn't have the money to send my children&grandchildren a xmas card-i'm a slow learner about this stuff, i'll admit it-he threatened me w/divorce after that-i wasn't fazed, told him how ignorant that was & if he was serious i would go to the lawyer next day, he backed down then
Can someone post the link for the narcissist site. I have them on fb but the other site.
in your upcoming videos, can you please make the reference to "he or she" as it pertains to a narcissist
I left my crazy narc of 15 (INSANE) years… only to find myself with another that you just described here. It was hard to understand because I didn't see myself as a good target or a wealthy woman to be preyed upon for my little monthly disability check and my crappy little apartment in a bad neighborhood. But it was more than someone else had. How pathetic is that?!?
This is not going to continue.
Oh Dear! There are so many personality disordered people out there to choose from.
Just avoided another narcissists encounter, I chose not to call it a relationship (that takes two). Another red flag which I have not read about, has to do with the love bombing stage. Although you are being bombed and feeling energized, I was happy excited, even giggly, I could on some level feel the energy being drained from me at the same time. Looking back, I realized this had been going on in my other encounters, I had just never noticed it. I felt as though I was with a giver, but being drained at the same time without knowing it.
This sounds exactly like the abuser whom I was with eight years ago. He would manipulate me into doing his schoolwork (we were both in college at the time) and giving him money which he never paid back, and would justify it with his "I'm-holier-than-you-so-I-deserve-it" attitude, or through a heavy amount of guilt-tripping ("you're more privileged than me and my problems are worse than yours"). It went further to the point where he made sure every aspect of my life revolved around his needs. I suspect these are very common traits in narcissists.
The amount of shit you went through with just TWO guys is incredible.