After going no contact with the narcissists in my life and completing several months of treatment for PTSD, I still find myself having to deal with toxic types in my …
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“Sorry, Not Sorry!”: The Non-Apology of the Narcissist
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What a great video! so spot on. I love the "you're not over that yet " "you're still hung up on that " . crazy
I love the clarity I get listening to these videos. I can step away and see what's really happening in the conversation. I also have stopped "filling in the silence". I'm listening and hearing the Narcs wheels turning. Then the "I'm sorry I have so much to be sorry for." "I just want us to go back to how we were."
OMG very good analysis. Wising up to their creepy ways and lies that don't make sense. Ugh thank god we are talking about it. They try to isolate or silence people sometimes and the lengths they will go to keep their secrets OMG. It becomes necessary to go No Contact with more because of their brainwashed flying monkeys. Too creepy for Halloween. I'm glad that good people exist together we will overcome with psychology, therapy, critical thinking skills. We will be happy again or maybe even for the first time. : )
Elisabeth Nain What do you call it when someone behaves narcissistically with you, but not with others.
I never get a real apology when he does shitty things to me….I only get I'M SORRY YOU TOOK THAT THE WRONG WAY.
Good talk. I too am all too familiar with the Narcissist,… UNFORTUNATELY.
I will say you did make some valid points in this talk, the only part I'd like to differ with you on is this. After the lady came to your door and pretended she didn't know what she did wrong,… then started saying she didn't like this or she didn't like that,….when you started justifying yourself to her and explaining,……That's a dangerous trap. That's the web the Narcissist is waiting for you to walk into so they can try to gain more ground on you once again. They do that so you'll slip up and give them some ammunition they can twist around and use against you. Like going there so she could later tell people,… "I went to try to talk to her, but she's just so ___________(fill in your own blanks)
I'm no expert, although I should be with as much experience as I've had with the Narcissist,… but the only way to handle them is to GET AWAY FROM THEM. You can't rationalize with them. It's like asking a lemon to be a peach.
I just had a narc apologize and take it back and say it was essentially my fault.
I haven't contacted him and probably never will.
Another douche-bag bites the dust.
Good video! Excellent.
no wait… watch this (here's a quote of the last text I recieved from the narc) :
>>>> Can we please talk soon? I'm honestly not sure why you are so angry with me but not having a relationship with my brother is killing me … Please tell me how to fix this what do I have to do to make this ok … I will do whatever I have to do but almost 2 years without not only him but you and the kids is a bit much … This is on you so please tell me how I can fix it <<<<
isn't that nice? even though you don't know the story I'm sure you can read all the contradictions and double meanings and projections… 1.I'm not sure why you're angry..hmmm… its cuz she told us to F off after lying to us and seeing/living with her abusive boyfriend again (the one we just let her & her daughters hide out from for a week at our house)
2. so see this is about her being able to have her brother back in her life- it's not cuz she misses me n the kids. that's an afterthought to look good.
3. I'll do whatever I have to do..translated> I'll apologize if I have to to shut you up…
4.(I claimed i don't know why you're mad but) it's been 2 yrs (2 yrs since what? the incident mentioned above that you know nothing about)?
5. and you think it's a bit much that I went no contact? and by what standard are we measuring?
6 . and why exactly is "it on me"?
how's that? I'm right there with ya. really I am. that ^^^ right there is why I'm staying no contact.
Holy crap- I just realized something – you said going no contact was a process… the first time I cut contact from the narc was in 2009… we reconciled, and had a few "issues" until I finally decided to keep my distance again, which ultimately turned into no contact since mothers day last year. wow- this HAS been a process.
Well said. The Narc apology, I've been there too many times and some of them still act like a-holes.
good advise about “not filling the gaps“,,ty
That's the "logic" of narcs I am afraid! The other epic one is: "I am sorry YOU (hence?) feel that way!" They don't make any sense however..
Jeez….it's like they have been to Narc University…they are so unoriginal aren't they….unbelievable! Love this story, so easy to see the patterns AFTER you are well out of it in NC….xx
Thank you…
ON the money!
Excellent way to handle these toxic people.
Does anyone like the song by Alanis Morrisette called "Uninvited"? I think of that song when I think of my narc family.. the lyrics are so real to me.
Yup. You left it wide open for her to give you a sincere apology and she shat all over it. Years ago, I escaped a toxic relationship with a man whose apology was always "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Never call people like that back. Because you know better now. 🙂 Much love!
Well said! This video describes my narcissistic ex-girlfriend perfectly. And you are so right about their non-apologies. I went thru that countless times with her. 1 that really sticks in my memory is when she punched me once and broke my glasses. A week or so later,she apologizes all right,but quickly added that she only did it cuz I made 1 sarcastic remark to her. So apparently,I deserved it. (Forget the fact that she had been sitting there bombasting me with sarcasm for 20 minutes during one of her rage episodes.) And there were many other similar incidents. Apology? They don't know the meaning of the word.
well done!! you handled that really well!!
my husband tells me this
Annabel, that's the shit that those animals try to inflict upon us. I had precisely the same experience when I confronted the Narc over something inappropriate and insulting that I heard the beast say to someone whilst I was on the other line. The beast then had the audacity to become enraged with me for expressing my fury over what was said. These beasts are incredible.
Infinitely helpful, thank you from the bottom of my heart.