PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4A6H7S326KDHL https://www.facebook.com/TheRealOllieMathews.
source
The Ignoring Tactic Of The Narcissist
Related posts
-
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish Bashir
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish... -
3 (+1) early signs you are dating a Narcissist
Discussing 3 tell-tale signs you may have entered into relationship with a Narcissist. See if you... -
Snippy and Me: Black Guy
The ongoing saga of two embattled best friends – a genetically engineered conservative sociopath played by...
"Listen, dig this! Nobody with a good car needs to worry about nothin', do you understand? Nobody with a good car needs to be justified. And I'll tell you why. I come a long way since I believed in anything and I come halfway around the world."
Stanton: "What are you talking about?"
Dourif: "Where you came from is gone, where you thought you were going weren't never there and where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it…"
Very wise words………..
…..Never thought being ignored was worse than an attack…….wow.
Love Bomb then Discard. Narcs hate the TRUTH.
That hole in his hat is for Ollie's Third Eye……
This woman is neither a golden child or a scapegoat. An ignored child of the narcissist is what I call a "lost child". That was the role of my two sisters. My oldest sister, Geraldine could not be manipulated by my NM because she is mentally ill with very limited cognitive ability so she just resigned herself into despair. My sister, Natalie was dumped on my grandmother's doorstep for my grandmother to raise because the narcissist did not want the work of child rearing. She also became a lost child because of the significant age difference. I was 15 years old when she was born and the youngest of the children before she was born so we were not raised together. My NM wanted nothing to do with that baby and so she was neither a golden or a scapegoat. My brother was the golden child, I was the scapegoat and my two sisters were lost children.
I was the golden child. My black sheep younger sister gets picked on and gossiped about often. It is like my younger sister can do nothing right and I can do nothing wrong.
They want you to be ignored by everybody. My parents ignored me and my siblings too. But as a teen I got very close to a 5 years old boy whom I was looking after while his mother was working for a year. As I was transparent to all my family I had became very shy by then. This boy had no siblings and was the golden child but did not have real affection from his parents either. That is why we get on great as brother and sister so quickly. Both of us were dying from starvation for some to love. We were always playing together and having such a good time. We established a normal and healthy loving relacionship far from my family and his family influence.
Until his narcissistic father discovered it and instead of being happy for his kid to love me he became jelous of me. His kid was not meant to love anyone that easily. Then he fired me.
Unfortunatelly the boy who was a compassionate and good little kid became a monster as time passed by. Few years later, he was my neighbour, would ignore me too for his father manipulation. For me it was worse feeling than my siblings rejection because my siblings had ignored me since I could remember. Unfortunately today he is a cover narc, a real successful bussinessman due to his narc traits.
That is the way they pass the bad to their golden child. Now I know that my siblings were not allowed to pay any attention to me. As my litte neighbour they were taught and encoureged to ignore me and ended up enyoing it.
I've heard stories over the years of my first crib that I came to refer to as the 'baby prison' from how often I've been told about it. Apparently, it was this huge crib with a mesh zip over the top so that a child couldn't climb/fall out. When I was an infant, my mother often refused to check on me if I cried during the night. She tells me, "You would cry and cry, and your daddy was always trying to go and get you. I told him you were just spoiled." As I got a little older, "It was so funny when he walked in the room, you would be standing up in that thing, just crying and trying to get out." And so on. Never knew why she told this story so often, lol. I can vaguely remember coming just past her knees and walking after her, getting more and more distressed. From the primary to elementary school ages, she would ignore me until I eventually broke down sobbing and asked what I did wrong and promised to do/be better. It would usually continue a little while after that just to sink the message in, I think. (Still get a little shiver remembering being walked around like an inanimate object.) She would generally end the ignoring when I was somewhere near hysterical and mid "I love you, Mama. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouPLEASE." She would then turn around and calmly explain to me how I could be better. She would say things like, "This is how compromise works," or "We can get along or we can not get along. It's up to you." The worst was the night when I came home from my sister's and told her that I'd been molested. She turned her back to me and kept cooking dinner– didn't say a single word. I sat down in my dad's arm chair and curled up, just staring alternately at my knees and her back. Eventually, she ladeled some soup into a mug, held it out for me to take, and went into her bedroom. She never spoke to me about it at all, but the event somehow spread through the entire family and beyond. Since I've been an adult, she would never initiate phone calls unless she needed something or wanted to put someone down. I got confirmation from several people living in her home that when my name came up on caller I.D., she would refuse to take the call.
I was ignored the first 3 yrs of my life. To the point other adults finally started questioning my mom about why I didn't talk & why I wasn't potty trained yet. It's still a running joke to this day for my mom, "I was so busy with the other two, I forgot my middle child, HAHAHA!" Once ignoring me reflected back on her image, I got the full brunt of her focus & became the scapegoat. My covert narc dad was extremely gender biased so the only time he even acknowledged my existence was when my mom made him punish me. Hindsight being 20/20 they had been telling me to go away for the last 52 yrs, I just didn't get it until 4 mos ago. They probably have no idea I have gone NC & could care less. It used to hurt, now it's a blessing. ;<)
I'm an only child of divorced parents. Not really narcissists just a lot of retarded screwed up crap. Things area lot better with my family now but still this video hit hard.
Hi Ollie, Thank you for your videos! Im not sure if this has been mentioned, but have you ever thought of doing a documentary about Narcissism or being involved in one?
yah its dismissive, leaving someone who is already on a emotional rollercoaster, feels worse left to ponder, trying to make sense out of nonsense! my husband and I are dealing with a couple who befriended us and then the male of the couple gradually started to make chauvinistic jokes, called my husbands mother hot and wouldn't stop about it, the couple just went on and on about it was gross, then they started to make fun of our children called one of them ugly saying they were weird just a nightmare. My husband finally said something about it and they just dismissed it completely acted like we were crazy unreasonable people, for even daring to say enough is enough. just a horrible horrible experience.
My father constantly ignores my texts/phone calls if I do contact him (which is pretty rare as it is). I'm pretty sure that's partly him partly his wife making him ignore me so I totally understand this.
I'm glad you made this video. The ignoring tactic is one of the things that's traumatized me the most, but because it didn't involve any dramatic actions I've felt like maybe it wasn't enough to be able to talk about. I'm not sure if it'll help the person who wrote in but when I was really little (like around 5 – 6 years old) my father started to leave me at home by myself if I did or said something that displeased him. When he'd come back, he wouldn't talk to me. I had to learn by the way he wouldn't make eye contact and eventually go into his room and lock the door that I wasn't supposed to talk to him until he decided to talk to me (sometimes days later). If he did make me food, I "knew" I had to stay in my room and wait until he had finished eating and gone back to his room before I was "allowed" to go out and eat. By myself. I know it's not the same as being hit or made to eat out of the garbage but it's actually really upsetting to me. What parent locks the door on a five-year-old and refuses to talk to them?
There were a lot of little things like that. When I was molested a few times and he walked in on it, he did nothing. Then he refused to hug me when I reached for him (because I wanted to feel safe and comforted). "You're too old to be hugged now" is what he told me while shrugging me off. It felt like I was being locked in with my worst fears with no way out. He did it on purpose. Again, it's not hitting but it's left me intensely afraid of men, so I haven't gotten to fall in love with anyone because I get so triggered by any sort of closeness and push them away. It's hard just to have male FRIENDS, never mind a boyfriend. It's upsetting. This isn't what I wanted. I'm still struggling through how to change.
I don't know if that gives perspective necessarily but I think I just wanted to tell someone.(or a group of people) who would understand the malice behind what he did and just how bad it can make you feel, and for how long. Like someone above said, it leaves you vulnerable to predators who show you any attention – and that's happened to me several times in my life, making it even harder to trust new people I meet. Sometimes the span of his cruelty just hurts, even though I know it comes from a dumb and petty mind.
Thank you for this video, Ollie. I agree that total neglect is way more damaging to a child. This was me my whole life and I was geographically isolated as well. it's a developmental trauma, especially when combined with psychological abuse, random covert verbal and physical attacks and the triangulation. You aren't allowed to know anything else and become an outcast. Then nobody will listen or believe you. I so wish for people to become conscious of this and not judge victims so harshly, but I also remember how hard it was for even me to comprehend or believe that this can happen.
I experience the same thing as a child and I seeked to get yelled at for admiration because as a child I perceived being ignored as a form of torture ifelt they should be in prison for ignoring me as much as they did but as a child I could not rationally make sense of it because it's not technically against the law so I dealt with it lacking the Knowledge like everybody right… yup and then when I involuntarily quot on quot ignored them by indulging myself in video games for hours on end my Dad would flip out and realizing his ignoring tactic was not working and he saw me having fun that's the time he wanted me to spent time with him like watching a movie for example Initially I said yes because I was sooo deprived of human interaction now I know there was nothing human about it … sooo I would sit there and watch the movie and its not only that it's like when I sat down I looked at him and he propped his head up and then down as if to say that's right you piece of shit I have power over you dumb ass I noticed this as a child it was intuition at the time I did not quit understand it completely but because of it I believe this is the reason I got bored pretty quick 30 minutes I would say into the movie as soon as I got up to leave he would accuses me of not being able to stay still I always have to move around you have ADHD and to continued to look at me like a diseased animal his logic made absolutely no sense considering the fact I was sitting playing video games previously LOL what a fucking joke of a human being seriously (This video triggered this memory)
Thoughts of what someone thinks who knows about narcissists.because I feel I may have missed something.
Party night.she attacked me in which the second party she was with and her was putting on a big drama show as if I was the bad guy who attacked her.when it was the other way around.after the party incident.she made false claims to the justice system and law enforcement even claiming a gay man like me was her boyfriend.and projecting her nonsense on me.and even as I stay no contact now.she tries to triangulate conversation with people she knows I am connected to.I would at least like to know the
Dear Ollie.being I am on a cellphone.I can't seem to send a personal message.and I'm not much for Facebook being I see Facebook as narc central.I was wondering if you had any knowledge on the situation a am going through.I thought I was friends with a woman through a friend I once had.until I figured out she was a full blown narcissist.I tried to go full no contact with her.how ever.when a friend of mine bugged me to go to a party.the narcissist was at the party.I ignored her.and almost by the
That tactic used to drive me nuts until I figured it out.
The silent treatment is abuse in it's self.