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The Narcissist Always Blames You
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I feel like that all the time. I am almost 30 and I feel like my life hasn't started yet. Now I have children of my own and so now that I do know what I want to do I have to wait for my children to be at an age where I can actually focus on me some. For now I take extreme joy in watching my children excel and do the things they want to, because one day I am going to do what I have always wanted.
Your advice at 15:00 is so spot-on for me right now! I'm 23, opening my eyes to the fact that my mom is narcissistic. And I really want to go back to school. I should just do it.
I cant emphasize No Contact enough…
I been dealing with self blame sents I was 2 I always was depressed not happy nuthing
this guy is spot on,"cliche"
It is only recently and I am over 70 years of age that I realize that I come from a family of narcissists,Both my parents were to a larger and lesser degree,my older sister,older by 15 years was a textbook narcissist, as for my brother he was an extremely selfish and self serving person.I was blamed for practically everything,even for being born by my mother and having to be fed by my father, not a day went by without being told "I feed you"I was the black sheep ,my sister and one of my cousin were the golden children,at age 16 I wanted my life to end, I left home at 17 but maintained contact.I even asked to see a psychiatrist at age 14, believing there must be something wrong with me to be hated that much and I wanted to do something about it.My father took me to see one and he told me to keep studying at school,nothing changed,the blame continued.This was the 50's I don't even know if the word "narcissist" had even been coined then,but whatever the psychiatrist said to my father made no difference to the situation.Since knowing about narcissism I feel like a great weigh has been lifted off my shoulders,IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! All my life I suffered from incredibly low self esteem and sabotaged myself in some ways.But I succeeded reasonably well academically and obtained three nursing certificates.Although they always played it down and continued to devalue me.Thank you Ollie for your videos and the invaluable help they give to people like us.
"Narcissism made me live a life I never wanted…wake up at 35 years old and realize you've done nothing what you were suppose to be doing in this life and you haven't lived one day of it."
I'm 49 and finally escaped and am in that scary place of realization…tried to convey to a friend that it feels like how I would imagine someone 'normal' at 18 years old going out from the nest, my friend didn't understand what I was saying…strange, this feeling. I have closed the blinds and shut off from the world to get my head right and hope I am not going to be caged for 5 years…I just don't know how to relate to people right now.
Definitely going to make private videos and play them back to myself as I have been wanting to scream out what has been happening for about 45 years…
Thank you Ollie for your videos, they have helped greatly.
I have a problem. I am surching for a question or a problem. Here is the thought: As soon as you blame some one to be a narc the situation becomes hopeless. It is hopeless anyway but you kind of take away the fact that you are dealing with a human but more like a emotional monster. And that is exactly what they do with you. So the situation is absolutely hopeless. There is no way human love can win. The moment you figure out somebody is a narc you kind of yourself become unconstructive and are then a bit narcy by this. It is just so sad and hopeless. Does anbody have anything to say on this? Can anybody relate?
Ollie's telling the truth. you're not a bad kid. don't play into this.
Thank you for postings these! It really helps!
Thank you.
Whenever my narc's enabler, enables too much I just tell it like it is in his face. I even just say shut up. I call him a coward whatever comes to my mind. The thing is that I don't have any more guilt. I still have contact with my narc and her enabler, but they don't really matter to me anymore. I just do what I need to do for me. I don't at all entertain their shit and I just try to keep it moving forward. Only thing is that it's lonely sometimes
Hello to every one out here, Am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me, My name is mellisa lopez, I live in UK, we got married for more than 11 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Ewan for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he Dr Ewan casted on him that make him come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Ewan for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Ewan, if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.
Ollie, I've watched your videos. I can relate to you in so many ways of how scaring living in a household among such hurtful people, can be. I know everybody's experiences are different but the scars, emotions, replayed tapes in our heads and the pain we all carry around is understood through sane random people that we meet in our lives, We can almost tell from their eyes and we notice that its a sign for us to keep having hope. You come to realize that its up to one self to find courage to find freedom from the chaos. I'm glad that you found a relief to talk about your abuse from your videos to heal and help others to not feel so alone, thank you for that. I've searched the world over for a very long time to find some kind of a support group to help me. Honesty I don't think there is one. I think it would help people in which had these kind of experiences to be able to reach out to people around their area to where they live, that can help a person step by step on finding ways to push through all of this bullshit. I've been searching for that specialized group to go to. I'm social and do not like to isolate myself because of harmful memories. Have you ever tried to find a support group? If so, how did that work? I have come to believe that you really have to be careful to not get connected with a bad counselor, either. I have experienced that some counselors play, manipulate and feed off of your emotions to get you in such mental state in deliverance to cause you more pain. Just sometimes, you begin to see that they are a Narcissists behind a mask. Needless to say they hold the mask on and then you will discover them to when you start finding yourself improving. You start to question yourself and realize that they had nothing to do with your accomplishments on behalf of feeling better. So that's when you start looking at them a little more clearly and find out that your intuition is trying to tell you something. Then right when your least expecting it the counselors mask comes off then he/ or she tries to confuse you by playing the deregulation trick. Then you go from there feeling like you've hit rock bottom again. I believe this is how these counselors keeps money in their pockets by playing these malicious acts, and never really healing anybody. These kind of counselors never want them to get out of their heads, so they will be in constant fear, just to keep a patient for life. This is protecting their forever income, by having prolonged recovery and continued care. Then not only do you have to deal with that damage, you are still at lost with your past, then sadly to say you question your trust in Counseling. You know you cant expose a counselor because they now know your push button emotions and can tear u up at anytime. Even if its drumming up a story about you by using some of your information that you gave, so they can put you into the DSM book to label you in such way to discredit you from Society. Sad to say that's why the mental institutes are full and their is a high percentage of people that has to take physic drugs. It is a billion dollar industry…..And to this day has not cured anyone. Thank god I have a healthy enough mind to spot the not. It still hurts to know that, you cant win or survive those games either. You cannot prove their intentions, but realize some people may not be able to escape these malicious acts, from counselors, by being too impaired. You think Narcs parents are cleaver, well I can honestly say that I have experienced the games that some counselors has tried to get me to fall into their traps so they can keep me in a state of a victim of narcissisms abuse. After this type of experience sometimes isolation sounds scary but I find it necessary. Have you ever heard Counselors using an central orthodox therapy? If so, can u explain what this is? This is a new one…….Again, my tuition says its a scam.
I moved out of the crazy house when I was 19 years old & now I'm almost 50. I come to realize when I have a set back in life, or go through any hardship that life offers, I go into a panic mode and start to act like I have a Hungary vicious wolf is chasing me and I must find a way to protect myself from the people that has harmed me, from my past. The reality is that I have the constant burning furnace that has been locked in my soul for such a long time that pushes me to be as Independent as I can be so I wont ever have to be reliant on those parasites that emotionally scared me.
Yep, I can relate how your Narcs parents controlled your money, when you were a child. My parents used the same tactic with my money, from a very young age to control my emotional state. Yes, it was brutal and it effects your mental state so much. Especially if you have your own desire to get out of that toxic environment, so that's why they start to control your money is because they want to take away your hope of becoming an independent being, and that's what is so damaging. They do not want you to find that freedom. That's why I was a hot mess during my teen years. It seemed the more I got independent my parents became more hurtful. Believe me, it was so confusing to me to understand that it didn't matter if I no longer lived with them, they always found a way to intervene into my life. They always acted like vicious sharks that came around to bite on me to cause me more pain. If for some reason they couldn't do it, they would get my sisters to gang up on me to torture me so I would become so weak and fragile. I've noticed trying to block them by putting up boundaries. Even that they seem to find ways to penetrate through my boundaries. Now I'm discovering that how they managed to do that was playing the shame & quilt card. As well as framing me out to be the bad girl that never comes around, and throwing me under the bus to create a smear complain against me. This treatment goes on and on…….
Now I'm trying to find people that I can speak to, to get some advice. I will have to find a way to stop my ignorant family of the things they still try to do. I'm getting convinced that this is the only way for my happiness to not be ruined by finding a workable plan and go no contact, then maybe I will be able to experience true forever happiness. I'm open with any suggestions. I believe these kind of people use to be normal, but somehow while not making the right choices they remain lost and the wicked has took over their soul, such as the devil that take over peoples lives. That's why I had to get away when I was young so I wouldn't become a parent like that. Sorry this was so long, but you know how disturbing this subject is!!!!!!! Thanks for reading this, sincerely BK.
Thanks for your insight. I just left a narcissistic woman 18 yr relationship. I feel like a train wreck. A lady friend of many years said what did she do to you! Now I know. She blamed my for everything and projected onto my her negative feelings. She was Never wrong. I could go on and on.
Good for this kid for figuring this all out so soon. Amazing. I have a question. Are narcissistic abuse victims needy?
6:50 my parents are idiots…hhhh yeppers yaar
thanks for sharing
The more I read the more I see and validate all the emotions I when thru with my ex-fiance. I got blamed for everything under the sun. Blamed for not getting the right ice-cream his daughter (although, she regularly ate the same kind I bought for her), blamed and yelled at for the furnace not heating up the house (in his mind he thought I left all the doors opened so that I could freeze the pipes and my a** off). Then later for him to realized that the furnace was going off and even the technician told him. ASK ME IF HE APOLOGIZED. NOT REALLY…I only to got a half-a** apology and scold. Yeap, all in one sentence. Blamed and yelled for his daughter or him taking a shower and me not picking up the hair in the tub. Blamed and yelled for me cleaning the oven rack in the back of the house and why did I put the rack against the wall of the house using a degreaser. I was blamed and told that I didn't give a shit about his house, his castle. Blamed for his unhappiness, his boredom, his lack of friends or the reason why his friends stop contacting him. Blamed spending little time with his daughter and cancelling visitation dates because of me, it was all my fault. While I was at work he used to called the ex and cancelled on his daughter or it was my fault that his boss told him to work OT and so he had to cancelled the visitation day, that was also my fault. So, when he used to scolded me, insulted me, called me names "cheap" etc and then telling me to get the hell out of my house my kingdom, my castle and see you in two weeks…I was also the blame because I left then belittled – "you're not a good step mother and you will never be a good mother" "you're an absentee step mother".
An anagram of words is sword this could cut a gaping hole in someone, they've been known to kill. Words (sword) like SPELL, not referring to grammar but a spell cast with words (sword). Mortgage – Mort Gage = Dead Pledge. lol you got one of these? Always read the small print lol
I like this particular video because it allows me to see Ollie's recovery as well as this young man's. I am on my own recovery route also. It shows the differences of WHEN we all discovered the abuse we were suffering as well as the MANY different thought patterns that may happen in different stages of recovery but happen TO ALL OF US. There IS a reason we suffered this abuse. FINALLY, this video helped me to realize that the reason is we suffered in order to be here and help those still suffering this EVIL EVIL thing called N. abuse.
Also have to add that Ollie has a very fatherly way of giving advice. Sensitive and REAL. He doesn't sugar coat it but makes it clear. I hope that he gets to share this with his daughter. It IS IN the best interest of the CHILD to have caring and sensitive father. Unfortunately, the family court system is not as EQUAL in decision making as it should be.
Also, to the young man who wrote the message- GOOD FOR YOU. I WISH I would have discovered my abuse when I was 21! You really can DO ANYTHING at this point- NOW your only limiter is YOURSELF.
love and light to all
A
First up Ollie, Thank you, Thank you Thank you. You have the amazing courageous. I thought I was courageous speaking up and telling my now 70 year old narcissist father he has no right to belt my 7 year old niece. It's power over etc and my mother who defends my father at every corner make me out to be the scapegoat and is a gas lighter, sweet and soft manipulater.. They were swingers in the seventies, they were not discreet and they slept with all their friends. UGGH!!! My dad was a tyrant, angry prick who never praised me once even though he would drag me out of bed to work his horses for 4 years. We constantly got belted for (arguing) with my 3 brothers and 1 sister. Mum made out she was depressed all the time, because of us kids. I could write the book. Anyways, my point is, after years of growth work and counselling diploma etc. I too am a talented graphic designer, I now realise. Divorce is the only answer from these narcissist parents and flying Monkey B & S. Hell he physcially literally kicked me of his property 6 times. I was 32 years old at the time. (Because I complained about his rant at me, calling me names etc). When my own son (whom he verbally and physically abused at a young age) took his own life 4 years ago, those bastards booked a month long cruise 2 months later bragging about meeting people all over the world in an email. I was furious and told them to "party on". Hell they put us in a home when I was 10 whilst they went to Fiji for a month long holiday. My youngest brother was too. (he is a fly monkey). I have been too scared (controlled) up to now, even though I never go to their house at Christmas, they are always at the odd family event and my, but I am now blocking their number. I am 51 years old. I can taste the freedom, I can smell the freedom and I want it bad. I admire your braveness, courage so much. I already cut my dad of, but my mother worked on me slowly, but slowly, but slowly. But now I am onto her too. Im done! Thank you.
Excellent points!!! I had convinced myself of the same thing (I was a bad kid). It was only recently that I realized this exact thing. I heard on another video recently that the scapegoat either acts on the shaming or they internalize it, which is exactly why we become the "bad kid." They get a thrill off of the bad behavior. It starts with being shamed horribly for pretty minor things. Such a good video! When you walk around feeling like a piece of shit, sex, drugs and alcohol become medication, an escape, b/c of the deep shame, you just want to feel better.
The psychological abuse is far worse than the physical, unless it is something debilitating. People from "normal" families think it is the opposite. Media reinforces false narratives of abuse. Even children who are "mildly" molested before their teens have little recollection of the abuse, reducing the likely hood of trauma in later life. This narcissism issue is a HUGE problem, and the fact that the U.S. is so fucked up is a direct result of it. Americans will get a lesson, one way or the other.
DUDE!?! You are so emotionally intuitive. The way you see through what this guy is saying, the way he is misinterpreting his situation…..WOW! I have seen this over and over again with children of narcissists to the point where I am starting to believe that only the talented, highly empathetic, and intelligent are the Narcissists victims. I'm beginning to believe that the narcissist picks on the gifted child purposefully. I am an only child of a NM, so I can't claim 'specialness'. But I know I am DARNED empathetic. OLLIE, YOU ARE GREAT! Look at how all this sweetness and intelligence came operates in you……solid proof that narcissism isn't genetic, its spiritual. God bless you and keep it up!