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Red Flag of a Narcissist #26: Gas Lighting
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I know you're coming from a female perspective, but could you please not be so sexist?
Is this an example of gas lighting? Ex narc favorite thing to do was tell me the more trivial thought of his or something he's done in life and I mean extremely trivial. Naturally my brain would discard it. When he brought it up again, I didn't remember and he could tell I didn't. And would say it's so disappointing you never remember anything important I tell you. However when I told him personal things I experienced or tragedy and would bring it up again for some reason he would say "why haven't you told me that before, that's hurtful you would keep that secret from me" I would say "I've told you this before" him: "no, you didn't" would give me the silent treatment and leave for the day/night.
My mom gaslights me all the time, and I hate it. Usually it's something like: she'll be talking and mention something (X) and I'll say "no, actually it's Y" and she'll say "I said Y. You may have THOUGHT you heard X, but I said Y." Even if X and Y sound nothing alike (e.g. she says "apples" and I say "actually no, oranges" and she'll go "I said oranges.") There was also one time I was in my bedroom and saw the hall light on under the crack at the bottom of my door. I had NOT gone out of my room before it had come on, and she's the only other person in the house. I went to tell her I wanted to go to the store and asked her if she wanted me to turn the hall light off, and she said "You're the one who turned it on." Um? No? It was already on before I left my room, which I told her. And she was like "Well, I didn't turn it on, you must have just forgotten you did." Yeah, I totally forgot that I had Inspector Gadget arms that can reach all the way across the hall from my closed bedroom. :/ We argued about it for like ten minutes (even at the end she still maintained that she didn't turn on the light, that I did and "probably forgot" about it) and I was fuming when I went to the store. I still get angry when I think about it.
Seven times ?! That's kinda scary this is probably the 6 th time going back to him
Shared rationalizing—
jus need to get out
Isn't the victim in your story about the guy that posted the 3 some when she keeps staying with him but calls you to talk about it isn't she gas lighting too? or is that called something else?
Here's an update to a post on Reddit: a young woman makes her gaslighting BF watch the movie "Gaslight" with her. https://redd.it/35qlo3
when your in a relationship…there's no need to look in someone's phone it doesn't matter how much there on it. just because your in a relationship it doesn't give the person a sense of entitlement over the other person's privacy….it just shows that the 'victim' has trust issues…its both the party's fault
I'm scarred, I can t trust people, I cannot trust myself…I don t like life. How does normal looks like? What s up with these people? How can they look so genuine, how can they exiist? .
Hi Dana, just found your channel and I'm loving it.
Oh god….there's another term, 'Gaslighting' that I just learned and it's triggered all sorts of memories now that I understand what gaslighting is. WOW!
This is so sad, holy shit……because I have witnessed this firsthand and it's just insane. Ugh. How can people do this….
This is real. Thank you for explaining it so well. The fall out is happening, and gaslighting has started. I never knew this before, but this is so true. I m bracing for the backlash, he s "revenge" . It s scary to have been involved with a person likes this.
I believe another big factor that keeps the good person staying or returning 7 times is that they are not aware of such concepts as narcissistic abuse and unable to see that they are in its midst and may have it in their hearts to really do their best to love this crazy person and to make the relationship with them work, even to the extent of bending over backwards and walking on eggshells.
Good information. My wife used to gaslight a lot, deny making statements she made, manipulate conversations and twist words to play the victim, exaggerate reactions to provoke anger then call me a bad person. I used to question myself. Then I got older, got more perspective, and more confident. She still does does so out of habit, but I stopped caring. Gaslighting stops working when you disengage. I reward her when she's normal and affectionate and ignore her when she's gaslighting.
I keep my phone and pc with me at all times and I have locks on everything I own….He is a always in my business….while I was in the hospital, he stayed in my own space bedroom and locked the door…of course I leave nothing of my business for him to find….He thinks I have things to hide because he does…..
When I finally got fed up and moved out, I had come back to the house a few months later to get some things I forgot. In his dresser was a pack of condoms. I asked him who was he doing. He said to me, I am not doing anyone I am using them on me when I take care of myself. Now, this man is living alone so why would he think that I would be so stupid as to swallow such an outrageous lie. Seriously
Your hair looks nice like that! (Not a narc)
Melanie: You need to talk about how sadomasochistic relationships work because there are a lot unconscious victims looking for narcissists to punish them. Remember that the definition of a sadist is someone who won't hurt a masochist.
Thank you.
Hello, The one I was dealing with and I do mean WAS couldn't really handle me because I thought for myself and wouldn't believe his crap. In the end he began getting violent. No, Not by putting his hands on me but destroying things around his house. Well, I didn't give a damn what he tore up of his in which he really has nothing any ways. I kept him posses off because I would drop him every other week and go on about my business. I would block him on my phone and I never contact him first. I never called him. He cried all the time literally. That was an indication to me he was weak and really had head issues. I'd turn everything he was doing right back to him. I began recording our phone conversations and it pissed him off when I'd play back his bs and prove to him he lies. He won't leave me alone though. I admit his sex is amazing and that's what had me hooked. In close, I think his goal is to see if he could break me down and in the end he would be the one lonely, confused and upset. I'd tell him if he began complaining, straighten up and fly right then I'll will act right. He says I'm a mean person and everyone else sees that I'm not. Actually, no one wanted me with him. Not even his family because they didn't want me brought down to his level. Everyone saw him for what he was but me then. His sister said, once she seen me over his house in the beginning she said D' what's going on? I said, I'm just hanging out. She said ok, that's what I want to hear. You don't need to be involved with my low down dirty brother. He beats on women too. Since I had been knowing them all my life. I never liked him when we were younger. He always stayed in trouble. I thought he'd changed.
I think gaslighting is one of the most dangerous hooks Nars use..bc if youre a reasonable,logically thinking person youre hooked in badly bc you will feel the need to prove that youre insane and that the things the Narc is doing or saying are not what actually happened or were said,etc.
Employers, family members and healthcare "professionals" should NOT use this BS method.
REAL professionals see right through it.
Do any N's actually think they're N's? Curious if any N's reading these comments would actually admit to being one. (Or maybe those types just would be on here watching these videos.)
Yep. My ex did this ALL THE TIME…
could you please make a video about how a person may just be over paranoid. and how over paranoia can ruin a relationship/marriage. A person who may be innocent yet the partner just can't stop getting crazy ideas into their head.
sort of like making a video upon how a person is faithful as opposed to unfaithful.
Dearest beautiful woman. NEVER EVER link Bipolar with being a homewrecker. It's a real illness that hurts many GOOD people. Has nothing to do with narcissism. Has to do with mania and severe depression. Please, I am tired of people doing this. Do some research on it. It's different from Borderline disorder which can lead to homewrecking.