Narcissism The Narcissist’s Fear of Abandonment.
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Narcissism The Narcissist’s Fear of Abandonment
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They carefully choose someone who has a fear of abandonment (like a codependent), then discard that person first to test the limits like you stated. Then they blame the target which plummets the target's self-esteem and then convince the target that no one else will want him/her except for the hero narcissist.
I went through an ordeal 10 months with my soon to be ex-wife covert narc . her car was acting up ( mechanically ) but she was ensistant on going to her daughters house 100 miles away in the mountains ,,,( I suggested she take My vehicle ) she wanted NONE of that..and was mad because her blazer wasn't in perfect condt. …..the blazer broke down & I had to drive uP & get her & our son ..'THE ENGINE FELL APART" internally problems . then when I got them back home she automatically felt an enititlement to drive my Van , I said your not driving my rig …so she raged / silent treat etc….I ADVISED HER NOT TO TAKE THE BLAZER ,,IT NEEDED ENGINE WORK ,,, then they wont ever take advice from me OR her brother " a master mech.. I'm considered a top mech ..
I identify with all these examples. At 12 or so, I once told my narc mom, "I'm never going to leave you" and she laughed in my face. It cut me to the core. So beaten down by my narc into feeling I was nothing special, at 14, I made the mistake of telling my mom a boy walked me home from school and suddenly kissed me. It was a very sweet, spontaneous thing – I didn't even know he liked me. She slapped me across the face so hard I flew across the room, while she screamed at me, 'You slut'! And she looked at me with murder in her eyes. It was such an over reaction, while my enabler step father, and golden child younger sister, cowered, saving themselves. In a few minutes everyone acted like nothing had happened – afraid they might be next. I never let her live that down – cuz I was, and became one of the most beautiful and admired, emulated girls in school; the girl the other girls wanted to be, and the boys dreamed of marrying. It was an innocent right of passage story, that in any other home or family would have been handled differently. She sent me to talk to a priest, even though she rejected Catholicism, who when he heard what happened realized my mom was using him to shame and scare me, even though I'd done nothing wrong. He had pregnant tweens to deal with – it was clear I was a nice girl, who'd never do anything like that. I wish you'd posted your stories earlier, before my mom died – I'm make her life a living hell – telling the stories of my childhood to everyone who'd listen – especially those in the family and her social circle! Thanks for the clarity – even if too late to help me now.
This makes "sense" of a situation between my adoptive parents I remember from my early teens. Malignant covert monster rarely full on raged at Dad who was normal but n abused too. One time she did, screaming ridiculous accusations at him, he gave up reasoning with her & they had a rare full blown argument. Over the next couple of weeks at first she tried to keep the row going, then she cried & wailed between silent treatments. She was leaving, she'd get a little room, no one loved her, no one wanted her at home, she'd found a little room, she was moving next week blah, blah, blah. Dad gave up trying to calm her down & would walk away without speaking or tell her to please herself. Just when I got hopeful she was really going the whole thing fizzled out. She hit the "reset button" & it was never mentioned again.
Dad's "crime"? – He came home one night & remarked again that the nice lady home owner at the house his crew were roofing made coffee & another " really good cake" for ALL of the workmen!!!!!
My narc , ex boyfriend, use to say he hating long goodbyes. I lived away from him so when I would leave to go home, at the car it had to be a quick goodbye no long goodbyes etc. I knew he was afraid of abandonment because he had a big fear of commitment. Good video.
When I confronted my mother – the narcissist – she abandoned me so I'm confused.
I do see about them and how we are targets for them. My ex was working on a car and a heavy duty coil hit his head and he told his friend I probably wished he was dead. I never did think that way, but he did. And my mother gave away my car she gave me for high school graduation to my grandfather. She then said she never said that. Other factors enter in with the narcissist alcohol abuse and their childhood severe abuses also like my ex had. thank you, very respected advice. God Bless.
Isn't fear of abandonment a signal sign of Borderline Personality Disorder? Often, the abusers we speak of here have more than one personality problem!
excellent explanation of why narcs abuse. such a self-defeating game plan. only an insane person would try to get someone to stick around by being mean to them. testing people to take abuse seems like a horrible game. i believe there is another layer to this. the abused person will not take their abuse forever. they leave. except for co-dependents. the narc loses again and again. i think they want to self-sabotage. i think they think they do not deserve love. so they sabotage. why are narcs allowed on this planet? ship them off to a deserted island so they can kill each other off and be done with these potato heads. they come in to ruin lives and walk away scot free. yuck!
Yes they fear losing you but their lack of emotions and love makes it easier for them to move on thankfully.
stringberg theory qvinner
oh my god that's scary
ignore them , and let them die. they're useless.
Can you talk about daughters who abuse mothers and how does one become a narc?
when I try to break it off with my NARC bf.. he tries and draw me back in.. but we are right back arguing again. it's like he secretly hates me..his tone is always harsh, cursing n negative.. can never speak in an loving conversation. it's a turn off.. yet he expects me to just expect it..N JUST KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME N HES JUST FRUSTRATED
I feel like I'm the only one in this toxic , unhappy, unloved RELATIONSHIP.. like I'm too damaged n broken to find true love
This was my dad.. by the time all 7 of us kids reached12 yrs old.. the boys girlfriends were sluts-and friends were rum-dums…
Us girls we were whores- sluts-tramps-every time we had to leave the house… And of course we were all stupid and dumb since I'm old enough to remember…
Or favorite line:::
What Is Wrong With You?? You Have A Brain Why Don't You Ever Use It?????????
This sure clears that decades old question up of why would any father talk to kids like that..That's just a tip of the berg for some of us from him…
My mother was a narcissist to. So you can only image-what it was like… She's still alive she's 94 and stage 4-5 alzheimer's and still as narcissistic as the year is long…
I'm No Contact I fight off the guilt because of the alzheimer's-but she's still there ready to beat You with her tongue…
When she reaches stage 7 that's when I can go see her… She won't be present at all… Its just sooo Not right.. But it is what it is… I can't change her… Just not meant to be in this life in this place and time…
God understands… Him and I have talked about extensively…- He said I'm not here to be abused…
No matter who it is…
I'm real comfortable with that…
You're SPOT ON! This is their motivation and biggest fear. My ex N even told me a few times that her biggest fear is abandonment. I clearly see everything you said as true. Awesome video!
Helicoptering parents and Narcissism go hand in hand. At least I know that for a fact.
Thank you for another wonderful video! That so makes sense to me. Both of my narcissistic parents were not loved by their parents. They were even abandoned at different points in their lives. So obviously they are afraid of being abandoned now again.
Thanks for your video! I separated from a Narcissist a while a go. When i did this she got panic and begged me that she will do anything for me. Listen the reason i left her is because she wouldnt let me see our child more than once a month while i was in relationship with the Narcissist. I realized that i was in a relationship with a Narcissist when i started to see this videos that many people have posted. When i understood that the narcissistic supply she feed of me was coming from the energy from hurting me. That was when i leaved
Thanks for your video! I separated from a Narcissist a while a go. When i did this she got panic and begged me that she will do anything for me. Listen the reason i left her is because she wouldnt let me see our child more than once a month while i was in relationship with the Narcissist. I realized that i was in a relationship with a Narcissist when i started to see this videos that many people have posted. When i understood that the narcissistic supply she feed of me was coming from the energy from hurting me. That was when i leaved
Makes sense. My narcissist ex bf was abandoned by his mom for 2 years when he was a child. I think she's a narcissist too.
I remembering screaming I don't want to go to church. They forced shoes on me. My dad combed my hair rough
Everything is a question when they apeak
I don't know my parents
I've been told I'm too sensitive or not making any sense
Whenever my dad would bump in to me as a kid he would say "whoop, sorry". And then start laughing