From a youtube comment regarding an ex : “I saw none of the grandiosity and excitement reported in all other articles. ” If there is a lack of grandiosity/excitement …
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20 Signs You Are With A “Covert” Narcissist
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At 35:20 I experienced the best demonstration of covert narcissistic character ever!:D Thanks for your great and useful insights!
One problem I have about all these is this… You know when you read some books or browse online about medical symptoms that suddenly you think you have every disease and disorder? Same with all the psychological or psychiatric 'disorders', suddenly I have everything, and people I know have everything. I can't help not analysing people after I know a little bit. I think it can be poisoning how I see people or the relationships I have with them.
1:27 The word is postmortem. People do use it frequently when referring to a situation other than a dead body.
I 1st thought it was me but reasoning told me to look deeper & look at everything so I kept a secret diary. You know, with that, red flags & all the minimalising "is that a word?" gaslighting & looks from My freind s who were all plotting on me as far as NPD was concerned ,My gut was screaming at me to GET OUT!!!! (my body seen a demon & it was running) I was loosing weight yet I stayed beleiving that piece of s**t! It's hard to not stand by someone you love eh. The world just kept spinning out of control & the lies were getting really thin on the ground then the STD he caught he tried to lie about! He knew I was leaving so bought me a car all for the audience "which I ended up paying for" Boy will that crap NEVER happen to me again! I'm kinda glad I'm more educated tho a bit war torn like the Ben Stiller version of Rambo.
Where's the pup?
I actually quite liked the "trying to juggle but only by using your fingertips" analogy haha (36:00)
Incredibly helpful, thank you. Now I know how that 15 month relationship cost me so many tens of thousands of dollars! And yet, she's so into "buying nothing", "simple living", holding up post office queues to buy stamps that you lick so they don't have wasteful backing paper on them. She's already lined up her next victim. I walked away. Just wish I'd done it much, much sooner!
so …. if you hurt someone because yo feel bad about yourself, and yo need to be "perfect" and ThE center of everyone's world, without any regret, you might be a narcissist? but also if you feel the victim, of everyone because you are perfect and how dare you to treat me like this, everybody its stupid, you might be a narcissist too? so .. if someone complaining about a narcisist ex partner this might be a narcissit act too?
I was abandoned 2 weeks ago by a covert narcissist. I attempted suicide. All i thought was real … wasnt
YES! This is my mom. She would tell the story over and fucking over again, (not giving any indication that she recognized she had already fucking told this story a million times) that her wedding day was miserable for her and that she did not enjoy it. Guess how she made mine for me? Did you guess that she made it miserable? haha. you would be right! Did you also guess that she told this story right around the time of my wedding? You would also be right about that!
So basically what should person do after a discovery gaslightning from covert narcissist, in a form of hiding things, [me searching], things reappering, [me asking if did she take it], no she didn't take. MAGIC. And I'm now basically dependent on her. (And becoming more and more dependent). Could anyone suggest some kind of First Aid Mental Kit? It's the first time I'm SURE. It feels like this move – "Misery" by Steven King.
I still can't tell if it's my fault.. I've been having a very hard day because of some bad communication and my ex keeps finding me and being apologetic and acting regretful, after the end to a very bad relationship, really wish this was more clear for my situation but I can't figure it out, just keep having back to back panic attacks, but..yeah..sorry this was kind of pointless
OMG–pillar of the community–my pastor was a total covert malignant narcissist and sexual predator. He totally tried to pretend he was so much better than everyone else, and how he and his wife waited until they were married to have sex, but he looks down on and sneers at anyone who isn't like him. Funny and creepy thing is he also "hits" on all the new girls in the church. He tried his stuff with me but I was too smart and always referred him back to his wife. He has a beautiful wife and four beautiful kids and he's an idiot. When finally confronted with his behavior, of course he lied and tried to turn it back on me, but some people did see him do it. lol. Criminals are always idiots–eventually they do get caught and Karma does happen. It might take a while, but it happens. Schlimeball….
i was about to DX you with inverted narcissism. i think i have the same, how do you fix it?
yes this is so my husband! the sneakiness drives me crazy, So spot on..
DAMN! Just DAMN. This fills in so many blanks. So grateful I followed my persistent inner prodding to run like hell.
oh ya, i could talk to you for hours & hours! even though i'm finally aware of, (and deterring), narcissists and dealing with it, frequently i still breath like i've been crying my eyes out even just when i'm shopping or driving my car or walking somewhere. i just take a deep breath and hope & pray it will go away with time. i think it's just post traumatic stress syndrome from my narcissistic family. your words are hellping me. I thank you more than i can say!
my mother was a malignant narcissist. myself and three of my sisters are panic stricken to be alone at night. even if there is a child in the house we are no longer afraid. would this be a product of being brought up by our toxic mother.
if it's a step child, how, how is it different as opposed to a spouse
Thank goodness you posted this. I've been made to second guess, and feel guilty that a relationship with my step daughter was so toxic, and harmful to me. She's so good at "turning tables" and swaying a crowd that I felt so at fault and ashamed. ughhh
You have described my boyfriend exactly. He is very I'll with stage 4 cancer but he still does things and walks all over my boundaries and will not apologize. He will buy me something or try to do something nice so I can forget what he's done in the first place. He knows I'm on to him now and he is so angry, but he won't say anything. He's sick and depressed. I just can't believe a person can be so sick, possibly looking at death soon and still be so hateful and vindictive. This has to be absolute wickedness.
13:06 on the progress bar HAHAHA ! 😀 that was perfect ! having had that exact experience I have to say watching Richard do that short theatrical reenactment really drove it home for me. The laugh I got out of that was therapeutic on so many levels…
this is my mum to a T!!!
Have you ever come across a combination of Schizoid Personality Disorder with covert narcissism? I think i'm married to one. Self diagnosed SPD and has never sought help or proper diagnosis due to denial issues, and so called issues with therapists not having the right 'qualifications' to be able to diagnose him as he is high iq and could trick diagnostic tests etc…
you are great great and great from Habiba
Thank you Richard. I am getting through all of your yourtube clips one by one. I have been surrounded by cluster B's all my life. My Mother, her 2 sisters and my grandmother all have/had BPD. I was in a relationship with a covert/overt Narcissist for 3 years and I have had enough of all of them. Just to make life interesting my field of endeavour is full of cluster B's and my staff usually exhibit these traits too.
Time for a big change.
Great video.
Why the people affected by the Borderline disorder are so often attracted by Narcissists?
First sign: Not watching narcissism videos xD
20 years' depression after a breakup, no other relationships since (can't trust anyone). I was with a man who constantly reminded me that he was bisexual so that he had a "natural" reason for cheating. He came to me three years after I left him (because he was dating someone within a group of friends I was never allowed to meet) to ask me for his sleeping bag and to tell me he believed in karma, but never once apologized for anything. Instead he told me that "I got weird." He failed to remember that he introduced himself with a fake name when we first met because (I now know) he was cheating on someone else. I suppose I was desperate and he was very attractive, and I didn't realize at the time how serious that was and that I should walk. He was an abusive asshole to me and he cheated constantly. It negatively affected my ability to trust and be happy with other people, and I have developed an unfair aversion to gay men. I identify as homosexual so depression sunk its teeth in me and its never loosened its jaws. How can I ever be with another person if I can't trust gay men? Having become a recluse, I only have two choices; to commit suicide or get back on my feet. I'm working on the latter because I no longer want to be a pathetic, suicidal, weak marshmallow of a man. Thank you for the video.
It takes a lot of knowledge and level headedness to diagnose people. Even many clinicians make poor judgements. Narcissism is especially difficult as every healthy person has narcissistic tendencies, and with covert narcissism now normal insecurities and other symptoms such as depression, skitzotypal. etc. being lumped together. There is a reason psychology is moving away from analytic methods and more towards behavioural therapies: it doesn't matter, it is the behaviour that needs to be corrected IF it needs to be corrected screw the labels for laymen. Most true narcissists and most people looking for a form of control in their lives (you) and most people are susceptible to this, when taught about narcissism and other psychopathologies will begin to see it in everyone else as it is there in everyone from time to time. Then as another form of escape or delusion or helping, use it as a form of control and dominance of others; this is simply a mirror and distraction for your lack of control and self direction in your own life. It is concerning that this premature knowledge will be easily used as a form of dominance and power over others and as another wedge so separate people from simply pursuing their true goals. TO ALL WATCHERS: everyone displays these symptoms, some more than others. Stress will bring out peoples defenses and coping strategies which are typified by their respective natures. Extreme stress can lead to even temporary insanity, but this does not mean those people have a disorder. It takes many repeated examples and many repeated examples of not learning from mistakes to wind up with a true mental disorder. Do not label anyone note how you may be able to improve their behaviour with proper communicating. When ever judging people remember that you cannot remove the self from the group you are all working together to create the overall psychological profile. This is why unbiased outside person is required for any judgment to have any merit. I am not saying your wrong just be careful people.
"If there is any doubt, there is no doubt." Great point! Thank you. This is a great video!
I hear you on the over extension of narcissists
I do believe they are popping up as gluten free individuals
The only people who wouldn't be narcissist or narcissist free after they are Helped by dealing with there abuse and changing there own course and moving FWD
You talk about the covert knowing that their projected image is false. My ex N was full of insecurities & I noticed little red flags that he was hiding something. However he's always 'happy', as he would say. He would never tell me his feelings about anything, he'd just put on that smile all the time, unless he was giving me the silent treatment. He described himself as 'positive', 'happy' and yet he'd be telling me he was unattractive, not good at his job ,looking in the mirror all the time and asking me if he is handsome constantly. Then i found out about his online sex addiction, women throwing themselves at him, yet he's asking me constantly if he is handsome. The fake morality of how cheating is terrible, how drug addicts cause their own issues and should try and help themselves and bla bla bla…yet, he's seen as a caring, wonderful guy to everyone else. Pillar of the community, indeed. I think all of those things confused me for a while.. Thanks, it makes so much sense now.
how to heal from this particular type of narcissistic abuse? I only dealt with this person for 3 months. and I snapped out of it, conciously, but I am still questioning myself, my sanity and my abilities – as he wanted it to be. I have a therapist and a team of people on my recovery team that are helpful to remind me of my confidence and conviction but this guy definitely did a number on my mind and heart. when I met him he presented as this man of integrity, I totally believed him… and it didn't take long for me to see the real thing but I was like under a spell… and it didn't compute in my brain because I was so sure he was a good guy. I see right through him now, yet I'm also struggling with the implanted beliefs that I am not going to be able to hack it as a mom (we have a 6 month of daughter) even though I am an exceptional mother. it's like a virus- the questioning of my abilities like he projected onto me. I'm afraid it's going to be a self fulfilling prophecy. the scariest part of this video is the sign of having poor generational boundsries, and possible incest- because he gives me the creeeeps with the frequency of and excitement to change my daughters diapers… I know that's grotesque but I can't shake the feeling in my gut. I have cut off contact, I don't need to communicate with him for anything and he hasn't popped up yet… kind of expecting him to try to take custody- or do something crazy… because he is definitely a covert narcissist. he's not going to give up that easily is he? venting…. but still curious people's advice on how to heal from this kind of brainwashing/abuse so I can own my own power and not give him anymore space in my head