Being Married to a Narcissist!
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Cathy, you struck a nerve, when you mentioned that the abused(victim) gets it in there head that they don't deserve anything good! I busted out crying! That is how I've been thinking most of my life! I would spend, and get the vest for others! However.., when it comes to myself…, I actually struggle with buying, or doing something nice for myself! And when I do! I usually beat myself up, on how I could have done "something else" with the money I spent!!
My Mother was an covert narcissist! And I resemble my Grandmother who was also an narcissist!!
I want the cycle to stop! Thank you for your page! You are helping me tremendously!!
You are right on about them wanting to destroy you. They don't just want to taunt you…they want to destroy you! They will even pretend to be interested in learning about being a Christian, but this is the one thing that they cannot fake! They cannot pull it off!! The more they try the creepier they look. LOL
At least he gave a weak attempt at intimacy on your wedding night! I have never heard of another man like the narc I know who didn't get intimate with their wife on their honeymoon!
I love your videos!
Ok here's another story of mine that parallels yours, except in this case I unwittingly deflected the abuse and enraged my ex narc without even realizing it.
Like you, I had to do a ton of cleaning when I was a kid – by the time I was in the second grade I was doing the floors, the bathrooms, laundry, yardwork – I mean like 3-4 hours a day in the summer, while my mom napped. From what I understand now she was depressed, but still, I was slave labor. She also had exacting standards and could wake up enough to make me do something again if it wasn't perfect (although this didn't happen to my sister and brother, I was the goat, always).
So flash forward to life with my husband. He worked a lot, and I was staying home the year after our baby was born so I didn't mind doing all the housework, didn't bother me. Also I tried extra hard to keep things very clean and tidy because I thought he had OCD, he was so particular and whiny about anything, and I mean anything out of place.
I had cleaned the bathroom the day before, and perfectly, mind you – and he comes in the next morning and heaves this sort of dissatisfied grunt/sigh. I asked him what was wrong (this was in the stage where I did ask – I stopped doing that because he would either say, "nothing" and seem to enjoy shutting me out, or have some really crazy reason why he was upset that he expected me to somehow fix).
But at this time I still thought he was normal, and I asked him what the matter was. He had this sorrowful look on his face and said, "I just wish this bathroom was clean!" And I wasn't even insulted! I just thought, "wow this poor guy has the worst case of OCD ever!"
So my response? "I just cleaned it yesterday!"
Him: "Oh, well I meant 'cleanerer"
And at that point I just felt really sorry for him and said, "You know, it's ok if you want to clean the bathroom some more, I don't mind, it really won't hurt my feelings." HAHA!
I really didn't mean it in a snide way at all! I just really meant that I knew my cleaning was more than good enough, and if he felt he had to do more it wouldn't detract from my sense of a job well done.
That actually happened a lot, where looking back I realize he was trying to drag me down, but I was just assuming it was his OCD, or maybe he has aspergers, or something? I always knew it was something wrong with him, not me, because I did so many years of work on myself after I escaped my mother. (Though not enough, obviously, to drop him like a hot potato when I saw those red flags!)
In any case, this really got to him, and he started using more and more subtle weapons that I WOULD notice, because he couldn't stand not being able to detract from my self esteem and change my sense of reality.
Like you, I married the male version of my mother.
Married to one for 30 yrs. Trying to get out. He attempts to turn my adult children against. Has put a SMS tracker on my phone. Stolen my birth certificate. Goes thru my personal papers. Throws me under the bus. Says im crazy. No divorce until he is ready. Several life insurance policies on me. Abusive. Lies. Many affairs
Yes Narcs are cheap. They want you to spend your money while they save theirs.
the old kill joy lol
Kathy,
the demonic narcissist who was in my life did the opposite with the glove going over the bathroom.
instead of checking the cleanliness, he was dirty and sloppy, left a mess everywhere. He continually made one nasty mess on top of another, until I could no longer keep up. His nasty messes were in the shower, tub, sink, comode, his closet, inside drawers in the bedroom, leaving dirty pans and dishes and dirty silverware all over the house, not handling full plastic trash bags so they would not spill on the way to the trash pile, a nasty unorderly mess in the garage, and a nasty mess in his truck.
This is another type of control, always making a nasty mess on top of another and never cleaning anything.
Hello All,
I am having the hardest time accepting that there are demonic spirits that possess and prey on people (although I am very spiritual.). I am a few days out of my situation with a Jezebel man, and I am still experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. I know there is a young lady who is starting to gravitate to his charm and sweet ways. I feel compelled to warn her to at least "be careful" but I fear that he will be able to use that for a smear tactic. I worry for her and I will feel bad if he starts to abuse her as well. I have witnessed him terrorize his own mother, with whom he currently lives with (she allows this also.). To my understanding, he has his family terrified of his explosive ways. Until that was revealed, (which was after 3 years) I has thought all along that it was me. I am hurting, I am suffering… I know God is working. Healing from this will be a process. Thank you for this video and any comments that follow my message,. God bless you all and stay VIGILANT. Shalom.
Sister I also am married to one in which I am divorcing. He's a Hebrew. They make your life hell.
I understand. I've been there myself.
covert narcs are absolute saboteurs!
sick people
right on!
wow you opened my eyes on so many levels, thanks
so did God lead you to get a divorce how did you go about it? and does he still cone around for the kids or are the kids with your new husband, did God lead you to your new husband, going through a narcissist husband I would be very cautious about men, I'd beg God not to send any man in my life unless he is from God and he sees that that man is fit for me narcissist is so exhausting and confusion and God is not the author of confusion he gives clarity it be ourselves that are not aware of the information knowledge I'm glad your info channel helps me understand more clearly, I read a while back but I thought he would change I thought it was something I could do but I don't have that power only God and anyway anything I did still wasn't good soon he didn't get his way he just turns me off like a switch just like all the nice things meant nothing he did and said whatever to get what he wanted then would corrupt God's word like I was suppose submit to him and he ungodly or like he was a God like God wanted me to do that like basically worship him or me being his sexual idol I had to be delivered
1:41 – "…we met in APRIL…of…97. Got married in…MARCH OF 97???" Please explain how this could be so?
I like your video it's funny and sad at the same time.
and l bet your ex- husband thought you where the narc.
there soo manipulative and believe there such kind people .there just plain crazy always acting like there feelings are hurt when they feel your not giveing they enoughf attention.
wow you seems to me a typical self-centered narcissist women.
U sound like a narcissist yourself
What is the difference between a narcissist & just plain selfishness?
Well…I guess I dodged a bullet. Several of them as a matter of fact. I was all set to except one of these men because I thought since no one is perfect it was a matter of choosing what hell. I could co-exist with. I'm 60 and never took the plung. They say I ain't missin.nothin.
I just came across your videos and I love them 🙂 Just waking up to the fact that I also married a narcissist so I'm learning. Love your attitude girl, great videos
this is going on with me also I bet if I txt my exh and say hey guess what I just won money I cant believe it im so happy he wud ring and say I cant believe you just text me I was just thinking about you, I really regret how I messed things up can we meet then when money gone so will him in fact im going to sendt that tue and post his reply
I check out all of this topic videos, so this is a first on yours. You are funny so REAL. I like your insight, [is] it not a shame all of us can not seem to see this at the beginning and RUN ? Your wedding night explanation is something I wish we has a survey on because I went through the worse wedding day and night with my first husband and the second I am still with as if their PUNISHMENT to us begins that very day..
it amazes me how a NARC thinks their normal while they knowingly lie , to me this is proof they think lying is a norm and believe we have tricked them just the same… its very disgusting to live like them! and they never take the lie back ever !!!!! living it as though it really happen, this facade lie is their reality of life and the truth isn't about them… who are the fools right ? who is it that's too stupid to know what's better for all in life? they the NARC ruin everything that we live for , trust , dignity, faith, love all these things are strangers to the NARC ………. the adult child that never matured emotionally… later
thank you great video very honest
I have been married to a my Narc Wife for 6 years with no Kids " Thank Goodness". Finally had enough. This video was very informative, Thanks.
oh wow!!!!! this is my mom and husband. He finally left and she has picked up the reign
My narc husband of 10 months also went through the police academy. So he knows his stuff. But I'm finding a lot out too.
Kathy, do you do day care?
Thank you so much! You've described MY LIFE: being treated like shit on my wedding night (11 years ago 2gether for 19), an affair while I was pregnant, his family never really got to know me for 18 years!!! I wish I wasn't so vicious, and mean, but when it got really bad, I shut down (there was a point when I didn't even want to do ANYTHING for this guy)…he was taking pictures of everything, building a case against me, abusing the system (AND THIS GUY ISNT EVEN AND AMERICAN-
the green card. Can't say it was a green-card marriage after all this time right? I just saw the documents that he is becoming a citizen…good for his businessbut, don't you tell your wife ). He made it a career of bringing up every thing that I've shared with him about my past to use against me, destroy my reputation, and always out to PROTECT HIS. Ive seen how he texts and e-mails clients- you would think he was seducing them, having an affair already. Can this be cured? I was an idiot…used to abuse.