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Red Flag of a Narcissist #25: Triangulation
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if your in an argument and they tell you what a 3rd party said and thinks about you which is bad
Oh my, your role play at about 13 min nails it. I've heard those kinds of comments in triangulated relationships over and over and over among church people. I know they think they're helping, but it's so destructive. It's been tough to find friendships at church where people don't think it's their God-given responsibility to poke their noses in relationships where they don't belong (but they are out there).
This happened to me last year … Girl i knew for over 7 years lures me into a 'relationship' . Made it look genuine . suddenly 6months later she lines up another guy who works with us ! Not once did she even have the decency to tell me . I had to figure it out myself … just a couple of days ago i just found out from other co workers she lines up guys in the past . She has a pattern . im 39 years old and ive NEVER met this kind of woman in my life . All previous girlfriends were never narcissists . Really woke me up … My pride and ego took a huge hit but i managed to work on myself and put myself back on track… to this day this woman is still with the same guy and The dude is in for a BIG surprise if he thinks hes going to make her change . Glad I found this video . I never understood why someone would line up another guy who happens to also work with us and rub it in my face . Its all about attention. I remember a year ago i literally begged and cried in front of her wanting her back. I found out who she really was when i looked at her phone. ( yes i know its bad but i feel it was justified otherwise id probably still be chasing her with my eyes closed ) . Its been a year now and it doesnt hurt as much but i have to admit I have a huge scar deep down inside me because of this life lesson .
No human being should ever feel the pain of being triangulated . Meanest F-ing thing you can do to another person. Worst feeling in the world .
It all makes sense to me now . ITS ALL ABOUT THE ATTENTION . Total disregard for my feelings
Narcissists are Dangerous DANGEROUS people … beware !
It was his sister and other times his mother..if this is possible?
For mine it was a female friend (his ex). She was too far away to cheat with but she fed his ego. No matter what I said he wouldn't put boundaries up with this girl. Finally dumped him. Not just for that but was part of many problems.
oh m g. I came out of a narsissist relationship were i heardly got out after 9 years.. now newly wed… and finding out that he is probably a crazy person again!!!! i feel really frustrated at this moment so thats why this comment… im still in this marriage and hope to be able to end it sooooon hopefully tommorow.!!!!
It is so great that this attractive and smart lady does this…meaning, she doesn't come off like a hurt girlfriend, wife, etc..and has a fine presentation.
I think that an important way to understand malignant narcs is to understand that they don't JUST lie…they pretend that it's true…
The best example I can give is unfortunately a true story…The Narc has a business partner and wishes to put other people in the company under the impression that he is stealing (the Narc is jealous of the targets success and popularity)…So does he lie and tell the other people in the business that he is stealing? Sort of..but not exactly…
INSTEAD, he rolls around for months and is heart-broken in front of these people and asks them to not say anything while he calls accountants (privately), shows them occasional mail from the IRS under a guise of trouble caused by the target for his stealing…This is so the target is so readily ostracized when his big day comes..the people in the business will NEVER believe that he is innocent cause they are under the impression that they "know" he is stealing…After all, they've seen the heartbroken Narc trying to deal with this corporate fraud.
The other employees, friends, customers have now been TRIANGULATED against the target…it will kill him how they don't support him and he will stay in a dissociated state with CPTSD (in hiding basically) which makes him look more guilty…it's like he has lost all credibility and is learning how all those around him were aware of the Narc acting heartbroken about his "stealing" for months or longer…the Narc has made them flying monkeys in many cases…remember that the target is tongue-tied due to his massive, traumatic hurt (he loved the Narc)…but also tongue-tied as his "side of the story" is not exactly that he didn't "steal"..but that the Narc is intentionally making it up & concocted the stealing story for a bizarre sense of sadistic fulfillment..so it's near impossible to "undo the knot" of triangulation by then…disgusting and pure EVIL!
I think some of my friends are definitely narcissistic. It sucks. which is probably why I don't talk or hangout with them much anymore. It's all for the better, that's for sure.
WOW! I did send a Narcissist girl friend to my therapist and it exploded! What causes that?
In the case of the narcissist politician, the party to the triangulation is often times the so-called "narcissist harem." They love to spread lies and engage in smear campaigns among their followers. Usually, the people in those "harems" are gullible and the follower-type personalities. They also often bond over criticizing and putting down others.
is imposible to overcome the influence of the beauty?
The people become stupid with the beauty
every single one of the red flags…my ex is this narcissist..so dissapointed and happy..cause I thought I was crazy. Now I understand.
is it triangulation when they tell you that they are interested in another person but will stay with you? my situation is that she told she will stay with me but there's another guy she has feelings for and would do anything for … however, she will never go for him even though I encouraged her to go for the person she really want to be with. (I didn't want to say that but I felt I had no choice but to support her feelings).
My husband Lonnie Riddell, has done this between me, him, & his (now ex) girlfriend, Lisa (Greene) Wing. But he didn't do the traditional thing. He didn't use Lisa to hurt me, he used me to hurt her. I knew I was with a sociopath narcissistic mesogynist abusive psychopath. So I got away from him. When things would get sour between him & Lisa, he would hoover me & leave her to come back to me. Then he would throw me in her face to upset her, hurt her, increase her insecurity, & provoke her. She would lose it & act crazy. Then he would have his proof & validation that she was a "crazy bitch". Then he would realize that I wouldn't be a willing victim & supply him with his needs & let him be a sponge on me, my resouses, & my life. So he would leave me & he could not stand to be alone. Lisa is an extreme codependant enabler. She would be desperate to win him back & she is/was always desperate to beat me. So he would talk to her & she would beg him back & he would go back to her as if she would be on probation & he was doing her a favor by being with her because hec was such an "amazing guy" & she was "lucky to have him".
Sick normals! Ick. When these types leave, there's NO missing!
Love this!!!! Happened to me and made no sense.. I cried my eyes out and he was smirking. All makes sense now.
My ex boyfriend has been contacting my kid and offering her gifts to bring by the house. I have been in no contact for the last 6 months. I have not engaged him but he continues to reach out to my child who is 19.. It feel like s manipulative tactic..?? My story is one of constant drama and I am now just getting it together… His gift seems like a nice offer it I find it hard to believe there are no strings attached. Does this sound like triangulation?.
The song is Self Esteem by The Offspring.
Triangulation is about the role played in a dyad: Rescuer, Victim, Persecutor. These three roles are played by two people…opens with Rescuer/victim that involves role change where the "victim" ends up being persecutor and the "persecutor" ends up as victim.
OMG it is disgusting…and so sad. I remember those so clearly right now..i did not know before, that it has a name for it…
Triangulation also occurs within family units: parent+child1+child2.
Mine was a Friendship Triangulation. The narc, I call Dracula.
The other person I refer to as Renfield, Dracula's servant.
Renfield worships Dracula and tries his best to bring me back under Dracula's influence.
I decided to have no contact with Dracula years ago and have maintained that position.
Renfield adores Dracula and would like to be him. Dracula sees Renfield only as a tool to be used. Renfield will still inform me of Draculas activities and probably visa versa.
I hope in the future they both will forget about me and find a new victim.
My ex husband who was clinically diagnosed a narcissist used triangulation in a weird way. He pitted me against his daughter and his ex wife as if I was some selfish callous adult who was jealous of a child when the reality was he was playing games with our relationship and I could not do enough for his daughter. At the end of the marriage he used a ridiculous sex partner of his and another woman to literally tag team me thru slander campaigns and the like. I am still recovering from that full scale assault on my psyche. in the end I had to get a restraining order to keep him from at my house
gray rock?
The coolest girl I ever met has literally every trait of narcissism.
Not many people want to bother talking about the experience, but it does knock you off your chair when you read like a DMV definition and its a definition of your former lover.The videos you made, please dont ever delete them.
What you talk about the male version, the female version is the same, so it doesnt matter.
Yes everyone interested in this field is because its impossible to understand how Darwinistically this type of person could have come into a fore. Its fascinating and probabilistically those fascinated in it will have been victims of it.
He tried to convince my friends and ppl in our social network that iwas psychotic ..after nine in a half years…I was fragmented..PTSD Panic attacks and after a beating while I drove 40 mph that ended in a near fatal accident, a severe concussion and left with a traumatic brain injury.I've never been delusional or psychotic. He did cheat I let him back. He would triangulate with his father whom he lived with when not living with me. Example…we'd be on the phone, he'd be the caller, we would have a calm pleasant conversation and I'd hear in the bAckground his father enter the room and suddenly start yelling at me.."quit yelling at me,have you been drinking…I told you not to call me when your drinking."it would be in the morning..and I'd be sober having coffee…the. He'd hang up. He have me come by his house to bring him beer or something or say to pick him up and upon knocking…he'd go into the same tirade on front of his father which would trigger my PTSD…and shobe me off the porch yelling not to come over…in front of his dad.That's typical crazy behavior. Now that I'm away from him..had to move to another state 800 miles awaycoz he stalked me…I'm slowly reclaiming my mind,live and sanity. Your videos help me let go and know I did nothing wrong except ignore clear Ted flags, which I see clearly now and that I forgave and let a monsterback in too many times that deserved neither.. I stayed long enough that it nearly killed me. peAce…
When me and my narcissist husband split apart 6 months ago, he brought his 21 year old girlfriend a month later. My narcissist husband is 44. im 42. our divorce is not even finallized yet. but he couldnt wait to bring her in after I left just so he flaunt her around. hopefully our divorce will be over in this month of october by the end or november im hoping. this girl has a bad behavior and im afraid she might turn on my son. All his friends are the flying monkeys.this 21 year old girl that is living there with him is his next victim. shes been living with him for about 4 or 5 months now.
Gray Rock seems to be a version of the freeze response. Some children of narcissists learn to do this very early in life, but then grow up and receive a diagnosis of Complex PTSD. Seems totally appropriate for adults as a short term tactic, rather than as a life long habit that it becomes for some who grow up in dysfunctional (inescapable) environments.
That worked for a while until after outing him to women number 1,2,3 a couple of times, when I finally outed him to them about number 4, and number 4 to numbers 5(me),1, 2, and 3, they all shut him out ..on his birthday ! Actually it was the triangulation and the little mind games that pissed me off enough to go thru all the effort, but it paid off. The timing while kind of accidental was perfect. He was completely thrown. He had no idea that I was wise to his crap almost all along and had been manipulating and plotting on my own, since he refused to take my advice and stay the hell away from me. I feel sorry for the woman he's with now, I can tell she is clueless as hell.
I forgot to add, that the last hoover,after me stupidly treating him like a king in my apartment, were laying in bed and guess what he does? Busts out his STUPID CELLPHONE yet again, gee this is deja vu….sits there on facebook for a long time, and when I finally said…ughhhh I thought we were BOTH going to bed? He says, "What! I cant check my facebook? I suppose that's another rule of yours!" wtf?! always creating the chaos for no reason WHEN HE WAS THERE ON HIS OWN FREE WILL!!!!! so aggravating and leaves me feeling so so so empty! 🙁 Then, the next day, I looked at his facebook and saw that he actually commented back and forth with her WHILE HE WAS IN MY BED!! The post was a picture from "American Werewolf in London", a movie that he actually suggested we watched back when we were dating….and it was the part of the movie where they say, "I love you David!" and "I love you Alex!"…..and that's exactly what her comment was……..I love you "David"….and he quoted back I love you alex…..when we all know damn well that they were thinking they were so slick to be posting "I LOVE YOU" to each other trying to disguise it as a movie quote. give me a break!!! keep in mind that her HUSBAND is on her facebook, the one that my N claims is well-aware of this affair. Yeah, sure, right. Are they BOTH narcs???? I can't believe the balls this woman has with constantly posting comments and "liking" all his facebook posts, and then actually posting a picture of her and my ex together acting like it was some business outing!!! I just cant even believe it. I just sat there reeling…..the whole time he was at my place making random comments about how much of a P.O.S. this woman is, he is literally having facebook convos with in my own freaking bed.Anyways, that was the last time I saw him. The next day I noticed he forgot his comb on the floor by the bed, and as we were texting I said hey you left your comb here….and he actually said, and this is just hilarious sarcasm knowing what I now know about how narcs work…he actually said "yeah, I left it there to have a reason to come back ;)". OH HOW HONEST HE WAS. the honesty of that statement is probably the most honesty I've heard outta him in a long time. he thought he was being cute and hoover-ey, when in reality he couldn't help but REVEAL HIS TRUE NARC SELF, but saying he left it there so he could come back! I cant help but go back and just rethink of all the things hes said with a new outlook of comparing it to the "narc list". I shouldn't be surprised by the utter lack of disregard but somehow I still get surprised. :(
I'm full of examples today lol…so after 2 years of dating, and him finally dumping me outta the blue this past March,3 months no contact and then THE HOOVER…he comes back to me, we agree to meet up after a mutually tear-filled phone convo. he then tells me that he has a gf….who is 43, and IS MARRIED with 2 kids!! I'm just blown away….like why are you talking to me then?! (this is before I started reading up on narcissism and realizing what was really happening). This was 7 months ago and he has been doing the hoover/discard/silent treatment/rehoover cycle since then. Each time when he comes back, and DURING the times were speaking, he will sit there and constantly bring up his new so-called gf that's married. For example,one day he spent 2 days with me/spent the nite for 2 nites…I was cooking us lunch and as were eating he has the audacity to say, "I love how you cook for me, SHE NEVER COOKS FOR ME, SHE thinks that its using her if she cooks for you." ……EXCUSE ME? you're in MY HOUSE, on MY COUCH, eating MY FOOD, and you have the nerve to bring HER up casually as if I'm suppose to be ok with this? like we are friends? bros?pals? WTH!!! I'm a very loyal person, never cheated on this man, and loved him with all my heart when we were dating. He did the whole, "put me on a pedestal" idolize thing with me, for a very long time, would call me things like "his bombshell", "his goddess", etc. He knows damn well that this kind of behavior I WOULD HAVE NEVER PUT UP WITH when we were together…but now he dumps me, returns with a new "GF" who I cant even call her that with a straight face knowing shes married (for like 12 years I believe) with 2 kids. If he's not kissing my ass/hoovering, he flips like a switch and brings her up all the time! If he's not brining her up and insulting her, he has said a few things like "I fell in love with her at first sight just like I fell in love with you. that's why I'm having a hard time letting go." OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. I cant even believe the crap that comes out of his mouth. No soul at all. So he keeps giving me the silent treatment and then when he pops back up, he will say something about how "I broke up with that b***h, for reason abc". BUT NEVER MENTIONS THE FACT THAT THEY GOT "BACK TOGETHER"…because obviously he NEVER LEFT HER like the million times he said he did! The last time he recycled a lie/excuse he must've forgot he already used, and said that she said she "wants to wait for her 8 year old son to turn 18 before she'll divorce her husband" and that's why he "left her" the last re-hoover.He even goes as far to say that her husband knows about them! I don't believe that for one second.She even had the balls to post a pic of her and my N on her facebook claiming she was a client of his, AND HER HUSBAND LIKED THE POST!! I am so tempted to tell them both whats up, and then I figure whats the point? What do I do??
You give out really good information however it sounds like you are a sexist by the way you speak about narcissism as if men are the only one to blame. Every example you make its always the Men who are guilty. Men catch on to this very quickly but we don't say anything because we don't want to sound like babies. But when females keep on doing this we tend to leave them because of this annoying behavior? Just a little advice. Majority of the narcissists in America are Females. (Not all of them, majority of them) and it also seems like you have a lot of baggage that you'd need to throw away before you engage yourself in another relationship.
Out of all your concept and videos, this one REALLY chilled me to my core. Everything else was just psychology
does this apply to women?
And listening to this video…makes me wonder if I'm one as well…. : / I need to start therapy.
Can….two narcissists be attracted to each other? : /
It seems like you are literally attracted to narcissist and they are attracted to you. Poor girl.
Ex, me, his male gym partner. Way more drama than you'd expect.
Is it possible that there are milder narcissists? I feel like I might have been involved with one, but not so extreme. Although, seems to have affected me mentally just as bad.
You're doing great work and I have learned a lot from your videos. Also, you seem like a classy and cool person and it's hard not to appreciate your work!! It does seem that there's a layer / component of a conceptual framework that would provide a reasonable explanation for a person's difficulties that you might be missing. Are you familiar w/ C-PTSD? Or Narcissistic personality disorder? I don't think the "path's" (i.e. the people suffering from Anti-Social Disorder) are the same as Narcissist. See Ross Rosenberg youtube clips or SPARTANLIFECOACH. Any thoughts or feedback? I'd like to hear more about this from your perspective. Thanks, Steve.
It's the "Divide & Conquer" strategy, e.g.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sgFJOtTyvM
Everything you are saying right down to my narcissist husband going to someone in the church (my husband is not even religious, he goes to church for appearance sake) to speak on his behalf because he got busted cheating and is desperate for someone to straighten me out and make me see just how sorry he is. You certainly know your subject. Thanks for sharing.