The disguised narcissist is cloaked in a garment of humility and self deprecation. He/she gives the impression of having a deflated sense of self and a diminished ego. The disguised narcissist presents a picture of being like everyone else, just plain folks—-but he isn’t. Distracted by his offhand, low key manner, many of us fail to notice that we are dealing with a certified narcissistic personality.
Restless, power and money driven, the disguised narcissist speaks more forcefully through his actions than his words. The disguised narcissist is a ruthless competitor for power, professional recognition, adulation, and material rewards. Beneath the false humility, he feels that he deserves the best. He is as single minded in satisfying his ego needs as the grandiose narcissist. He is manipulative, calculating, cunning and exploitive, especially in professional venues. The disguised narcissist doesn’t admit the force and reach of his blind ambition. He uses tact, manners, and subtle language as a subterfuge for his unmitigated drive for power and status. He appears to be empathetic and at times is generous towards others. But the bottom line is always summiting the mountain, disregarding the fellow companions he leaves on perilous slopes or those who vanish into failure’s deep deadly crevasse.
The childhood origins of the disguised narcissist begin with psychological deprivation and neglect. The child is treated as insignificant and expendable. He may be severely criticized as defective and inferior. He never received validation of his worth as a unique human being. The future disguised narcissist unconsciously decides to seek the acquisition of power and material rewards and prestige to assuage his concealed feelings of emptiness and worthlessness. Within him grows a merciless drive that is sharp and relentless; no one gets by him The disguised narcissist spends his life proving that, not only can he make it, he will vanquish any human obstacle.
The disguised narcissist is vain like the grandiose narcissist. He/she doesn’t talk about the constant aesthetic procedures that he has routinely done to maintain an external appearance of beauty, youth and physical perfection. He/she is not openly grandiose but makes sure that everyone knows how important and superior he is.
The disguised narcissist gets his licks in—bragging in a back door way by casually dropping that he has tremendous professional power and easy access to “A” list power players. He quietly remarks about his lucrative investments in a low key style. These subtle but clear communications are designed to let everyone know the kind of power he wields and uses s evidence of his superiority. The disguised narcissist pretends to others that success and the fulfillment of narcissistic needs doesn’t matter that much to him, but drives to the finish line as if his life depends on it.
The disguised narcissist’s pathology leaks out. He fights to keep it secret—but the hunger, desire, and desperation to snatch his narcissistic supplies burns within him like an inextinguishable flame.
Source by Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
