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Codependency-Healing–How to Talk To Your Narcissist
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I have attracted narcs all My life as an acod. I can now spot Them a mile away while I have had soom good friends I have also had alot oof trouble in My relationships. Thamk You for enlighting Me I have learned to get My self esteem back
I would love it if you were more focussed and also stayed on topic . There was actually very little info here on how to talk to your narcissist. I think you have huge potential as a speaking personality on this subject .
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing the things you have learned. I am just recently acknowledging that I am very co-dependent. It has been a lifelong problem for me and I have had to dig past some addictions and others "covers" to get to this very bad, bad root. But I'm there now, thanks to the Lord, and I am removing the bad roots one by one. You make me laugh while you are filling me with a lot of psychological wisdom. I appreciate it. Thanks for putting it all out there!
So happy I found you Lisa my codependant pattern always turned me to become aggressive and I got so fustrated with my ex cheating lying drug taking man I used to attack him hit him I'm so ashamed with myself and of course he now goes around telling anyone who knows me that I am a bully and an aggressive scary manic. I have to say I was driven I know but still no excuse for my actions. have you got any videos you have done on women who become or have underlying issue's such I have mentioned ?
Thank you :)
I look forward to your vids in the same way that I used to look forward to the weekly epidsode of Airwolf when I was about 8! x This is a fantastic vid btw.
I notice how my narcissist exhusband claims facts about himself and projects them to me. I say "we need to discuss the kids insurance" he says "you are the one that can't be civil" "you're the liar" "you cause the problems". I say "I know you like to call me a liar". he says "I have the text messages showing that you aren't capable of having a simple discussion. I say "listen! here is a chance to start with a clean slate for the good of the kids". I finally got an "ok" response after that. what are other things to say to interrupt their attempts to shift conversations?
Everyone is special and good…we came into this world "on a beam of light" WE are all worthy and great!
I have learned so much from watching your videos. My parents are ACOA but they themselves were never alcoholics. I can relate to a lot you are teaching. Thank you for your videos.
I'm going through this with my husband right now. it's unbelievable the similarities of what he says to me. Wow.
Teaching daughters (or sons) to go NO CONTACT as a response to all of this stuff to me, is wrong. Why not teach love and compassion for them. Why not teach empathy for them? Is not a trait of narcissism lack of empathy? Yet I see you and other 'coaches' coaching so many broken and wounded people to 'NO CONTACT' instead of first going through a step by step process trying to give this parent a chance to not only change but to learn how their poor child must feel to be this upset to be seeing out help on the internet on youtube and other sites. I feel you are a bright loving lady, I listend to 2 of your videos…however please be VERY careful on preaching NO CONTACT as that is detrimental to families not helpful. Help people heal together, not apart. I don't understand the NO CONTACT, the calling mothers rattlesnakes etc. I am sorry it just does not sound very loving. xxx. I wish you the best.
Whoa..my jaw kinda dropped watching this one cause my ex told me the exact same thing…"Its not me its you…even your friends and family don't get along with you"…and this was really tough because it made me second guess myself and think oh wow he must be right I am the only common denominator to all the problems with my relationships. But the more I'm trying to grow my sense of self I realize that all of my relationships AND friendships have been codependent and with people who reflect my parents narcissistic behavior. Most of my friendships have been ending as I have drawn boundaries that I am no longer willing to be the only giver and revolving around the other person as a satellite. This process of recovery feels so foreign like I'm an alien and don't understand anyone in this human race. I am quite alone and severed from all my closest relationships but I kind of find solace in this alone time… like I am just closed down for renovations lol.
I have always hated when I go to a store and the sales clerk calls me dear, or darling, or sweetheart or hun or hunny. I have visions of throwing up or screaming "I am not your sweetheart". However, your comments are so different when you say "dear one", makes me giggle. I am a dear one, thanks for the reminder. I hate the fact that narc. have to tear others down in addition to needing kudos themselves. My experience is that they don't want clear calm communication.
I feel you. i was born in 1988 but it was fast …fast…numb. in my family
I am in a relationship with a narcissist. Despite knowing better, I can't seem to cut ties. He talked me into moving in with him again recently, insisting that he had changed. Shortly thereafter, he quit his job, forcing me to assume the responsibility of fully supporting us both. Apparently, I am not allowed to be upset about this because if I say anything he says I'm always negative or living in the past. That's basically his response to any attempt I ever make to talk about my feelings. How do you respond to that? I feel stuck. I want to leave him, but he is unstable and I do fear what he might do if he feels like he has nothing left to lose. He doesn't seem to be trying to find a job because he considers most things to be beneath him.
You are amazing! 🙂 <3
Yay to find YOU!!!!!!…..
I love you, Lisa:-) Thank you for all your videos. I am doing a binge with them:-)
cool woman
I also wanted to say that it wasn't 1 or 2 narrs that I attracted it was several through out my life span. I married 3 and when my last left me after 6/7 yrs when I thought this was the one I realized I had some MAJOR changing to do. I felt worse about myself because I had become involved with such selfish people over the years and allowed them each to tell me what a horrible person I was but inside I knew that it was not ME but it is what I attracted bc of my childhood. I told a friend not long ago that I attract these men and I do not know why until I found your video's. I get it now. I can NOT STOP WATCHING them .. as if I wrote this myself from my inner self. UGH I would like to email you somehow. I have so much I would like to discuss. 🙂 thank YOU
Lisa. I have watched so many of your videos over the last several days and I have to say you have been a godsend. It was like I was supposed to discover you. For many many years I have been battling this confusion of self and not really understanding what was going on in my life. Failed marriages, Mother not good with her emotions, Father absent. So many things! I reached the year of 36/3 kids and my husband (narr) leaves me for his co worker and I am made to SEE the bottom of all. I was made to see the truth behind the curtain. I never felt validated. I never felt good enough and through all of this it affected everything in my life. I recently was honest with my Narr Mother and she hasn't spoke to me in 2 weeks, same with my Brother. I have always been the truth teller but always somewhat in denial. Thank you SO MUCH from the bottom of my heart for being so open and so outspoken to deliver messages that tell a story so many of us can relate to. It is like you have stated so hard to put into words what you are feeling as a co-dep person. I watched your videos in tears because YOU WERE MY VOICE. THANK YOU~ ! April
I think you have said some good things, some I had forgotten-some I didn't know.
love you too lisa
I feel a horror and frustration at the labeling "Your" Narcissist. This is a person, not a possession. AlAnon people do this with saying "My" alcoholic. Not only is that a toxic (and false) link to another being, I could hear the pride in their voices. "Look how I suffer. Look how noble I am." It was so unhealthy I decided to quit going.
Thank you! You're awesome!!
you rock
Girl girl girl !!! I swear this is the s@@t I have heard from him!!! But the part about the cheating even some of the examples you used. I can relate..I believe it has been with people in my circle aka family…I'm completely devastated ..He won't admit it, we know that NARCS don"t …my question is why do i feel so stuck and need a confession? Is it natural to want answers to questions closure you know…..or is that a codependency issue with me?
Great videos! Thank you for doing this work. Does anyone else find it hard to set personal boundaries? I feel like I'm being a total bitch when I try and give myself the same rights I give others (well, husband specifically). Not sure how to deal with that. There are so many little scenarios he throws at me every day, I find it exhausting to be firm and resist his guilt tripping.
"I used to blame the water. Why is this so rocky in here" lol. thats me.
TrustWorthyness training
Have had "friends" who steal complimants others give you, give you mean comments all the time, and mean nicknames, and some who just like you when you are like a victim, so they can shine, never liked that sort of things… Dont want to attract them any more. And that is just Sad to watch in the backgear.
Cutting those out again and again.
Retraining my own Trust
I am a 19 year old homeless guy. I cut my parents out of my life. Both narcissists. I now have ptsd social anxiety disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. I am above average looking not trying to be cocky I workout a lot to handle my severe anger that doesn't allow me to express myself. I now am sure I can spot narcissists. I hate them and need a xanax or some weed to just to be around one. My uncle let me live in his house for 2 months then kicked me out because I got fired from my job. They sat there in my face telling me how they love me and how my parents are right and I am wrong. I am now happy that I have cut out all my extended and immediate family out of my life. The only thing is I have 4 younger brothers who I probabaly wont see them. Im an empathy and feel to much. I am just ranting but thanks for the help. Youtube saved my life about a year ago when I figured out what a narcissist really is.