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17 thoughts on “Dead Parents of the Narcissist

  1. My narc aunt always speaks of her parents in nothing but glowing terms! You would think that her parents were saints! I knew my grandmother and I knew that she was capable of saying some very mean things to children and that she also enjoyed emotional abuse by not speaking to you, sometimes for more than a week at a time. (I lived with her on two separate occasions) so I know that she wasn't a "Saint". My grandfather I didn't know, but from what I have heard, he wasn't "all that" either. Go figure. I do remember my aunt taking photos of my 87 y.o. Grandmother in her casket though. Is there a reason for this?

  2. Does both Parents of a Narcissist have to be a Narcissist as well? The reason I'm asking is because I believe my son is A Narcissist and I also believe that his father is a Narcissist (We have been divorced since my son was 2 and my son is now 28 and his father is now in prison ) My son has not been diagnosed as a narcissist but as a child I had him in therapy where he was diagnosed as ADHD ODD and Reactive Attachment Disorder and some of the symptoms of a narcissist are the same for
    Reactive Attachment Disorder . Therapy didn't work for my son and to this day he refuses to go to Therapy or seek help . He fits every symptom for Narcissism and I have no clue as to how to help him ..and if he wont seek therapy and be honest he will never be diagnosed properly .

  3. My Narc ex- husband's father just died. His father was abused by and enabled his Narcissist Mother. The father left millions to his Narc wife. My ex-husband hates his mother, but now will likely be pandering to her as to ensure his share of her will. I'm hoping this makes him feel threatened and cornered, and will cause him to explode in rage. Hoping he acts in self-sabotage as he's always done and gets cut from the will. : )

  4. The narcissist that I dated, told me that he was devastated when his father died. His life was never the same again..

    The main thing that he would say about his father is that his father would still be protecting him now an he felt fear at continuing to live without his father's protection. I think that he was referring to money mainly, but perhaps some emotional things as well.

    You mentioned the parent witnessing the great moments and I think his father may have done that. his father also helped him with his business ideas. He told me that he talked to his father all the time and mostly about his (the narcissist) business and ideas to help.

    The narcissist that I was with claimed to hate his mother, due to abuse and also that she had cut him out of the will, or reduced the amount he would get.

    He would say "My father would never have let this happen to me. He would never have allowed my mother to treat me this way. 

    He really seemed to miss his father but moreover felt  "unsafe" without him. However he mentioned something about his father doing something to injure him near to the end of his life, but I do not know what it was.

    He had endeared himself to his father, for narcissistic supply, because the mother favored the oldest brother who became the "golden child" He despised this brother and hated his close relationship with the mother. HIs youngest brother moved far away and he never said much about him.

  5. Sam, do you think that this is the reason why narcissistic parents parentify and abuse their children? To get the revenge and closure they so think they deserve?

    In my case, each child was considered a sort of copy of one of the dead grand-parents (i.e. the names, the personalities made to look so much like grand-pa or grand-ma, imposed career choices, adulation of the golden child, or hatred, violent beatings and neglect for the others, etc…).

    My sister, for example, who bears the name of my alcoholic grand-mother is poly-addict, in love with her father, who never allowed her to live with either of the 3 fathers of her kids… that she ended up raising alone). Both my parents regularly beat her, and sexually abused her, then abandonned her 5000 miles away… before saving her from the streets with her kids… Hero parents can do no wrong, especially if they managed to get their victim financially dependent on them.

    It saddens me to think about those kids. After having been their fathers for 3 years, I decided to go no contact with the whole family. You can't imagine the abuse I witnessed in my sister's house. My whole family is abusing those kids, and my sister doesn't think it shocking, it's like she offered those kids to my parents in order to divert the abuse and finally get some peace… which she is not geting anyway. 

  6. These videos have helped me immensely! I finally feel like someone else understands! Word for word its like he is describing my husband! Thank you so much for helping others find a voice!

  7. I have also been a witness to, and victim of, a narcissist's transference of all the "bad" aspects of the dead parent while the dead parent was consequently idealized.  So, the "forever re-enactment of past" has simply been transferred to me, the husband, eg., "You've always 'held me down," when nothing could be farther from the truth; I got her away from  her abusive mother, but in doing so, removed her from beneath her mother's wing.  However, since the mother's death, our relationship — if you could call it that anymore — has spiraled downward and all the anger and resentment she already harbored for me has been additive with what she had previously felt for the mother.  Does this make sense?

  8. narcissists don't need help, they are perfect.

  9. say They instead of He, His ect.

  10. Please stop using generalised examples of narcissists being male. My mother is a Narcissist and you make it hard for me to show my family your video's.

  11. This makes so much sense. My mother is a narcissist ( as well as my father). She made up these elaborate stories about her father on his death bed. She brought it up ( I am now no contact) to seek pity and supply. I always wondered why when she spoke of him it was this odd mix of emotion. Not the usual grief. One minute she was disturbingly empowered the next couldn't speak with guilt. I now know. It doesn't really change anything. But it helps to realize the patterns in her behavior. There was

  12. Can narcissists be helped?

  13. yes, my X is a covert narcisst and now since his parents have died he has divorced me and gone on to smoking pot again, drinking and dating multiple women, I hear.

  14. I have become my narcissists mother and the stage was set long before I ever realized what was happening. I am the enemy that he "takes care of" in a sickening display of codependence and then constantly punished by some sort of insane definition he has of me that he tells everyone else, which keeps me completely isolated from any sort of life of my own. Sam's description of the narcissist here is so correct, and so well described, I'm literally living it word for word.

  15. soooo…now what? What kind of behavior should be expected? Is it possible the NPD will think that the abusive parent got the ultimate punishment by dieing. Feel lost and alone since that parent was part of the script? Feel a sense of closure maybe? Is that possible? Can it be healing in anyway for the NPD?

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