A common ploy of the narcissist during a divorce is to call you crazy, addicted, dangerous, etc. To garner “evidence” of these accusations, the narc will provoke …
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Divorcing a Narcissist? Stop Reacting!
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Three years ago my husband told me that I should have been aborted. I did not know I was dealing with an abusive narcissist and there have even been times throughout our separation/divorce that I think he has made progress. But no. This video is something I'll watch frequently to help me and remind me that it doesn't get better and it's only gotten worse.
When you stated they questioned why you took 6 months off after giving birth, that so resonated with me. My narc questioned why, after a heart attack, last year 2015 why I was not going back to work after about 30 days when my cardiologist specifically said "take a couple of months off before you even consider going back to work! Little background: stuck it out with my narc she's a native of Germany for 18 years. No cheating on my part, Air Force vet, One child 18 years old. My narc decided, while on vacation back to Germany in summer of 2015, to restart a career there without consulting me and expecting me to move and give up my career here in the US? She is still there with our now 18 year old. You were spot on by advising to get off social media. It was then "world class" damage control was initiated by her, best I can tell by mutual friends who've contacted me. They are confused they find themselves in the middle of a tug-of-war with only one side pulling (her). My lack of reaction as been my greatest weapon! Apologies for being so long winded.
It is so crazy how you mention the rumors. I always call it damage control. My mother is notorious for exactly doing this. There were times she said things about me to others, or when talking to me she would always pull me aside immediately before I had a chance to speak to the other person involved in whatever the conflict was over. My mother's damage control methods always only made me think that whomever she was speaking of was probably already the one that was right to begin with.
I believe that narcissism is a product of a horrible demonic possession and it hurts that somebody you love has this disgusting demon and the demon uses that person to try and destroy you whilst destroying it's host
Im sorry to hear of what you went through for 15 years. Thank you so much for making this video. you are helming me, and thousands of others out there who have know one who understands their situation and what is happening. I can't thank you enough for putting this out there in order to help others, when we need it so much. x
WEEEEEE feel love and loyalty. Yep. WE DO. They could give a rat's ass. Me: Go to rehab and I take you back. I am taking you right now. …Radio silence… (email next few days: "But I love you, why won't you take me back"…LOL). Well, I still feel love and loyalty, that's just me, but I know how to stick to my boundaries. As for advice for divorcing narcissists, remember: Friend of the Court just wants $$$. They couldn't care less about slander and emotional shit-vortex. And the BEST advice in those instances: Grey Rock. Radio Silence. (and people already KNOW who the parents are, and they are probably worse, so don't worry about it).
Great advice, what they say your doing is actually what THEY are doing.
Thank you for the video..The things you went through sounds exactly what Im going thru. Was married for 19 years. I didnt know much about narcissitic people until I left! Yes I was a great mother and wife, as soon as I left, I was a horrible person according to him and his family….Thanks again.
Oh my goodness, how insightful! You are brilliant and beautiful. So helpful and supportive! I did a video "Abusive Relationships, " but it's not nearly as helpful as yours. You are super healthy.
Annabel…as much as I have learned over the last 2 years …you are describing my entire discard and my entire divorce, everything you said, has happened, and I am very conscious now, but the hardest thing in my life I have faced was the and still is the way our daughter is used as a tool and a pawn, she is only 4, people think I am crazy because I have responded emotionally to the Narc and afterwards I always know…most times now, my ex wife's responses are so far in left field, it is obvious what she is doing…but she went into court and lied, and it is sad, because I documented for 2 years and the law firm I had sent an attorney completely unprepared..so the battle continues, except now, she has resorted to having me arrested over a false PPO that she received ..The PPO was asked for because she can avoid accountability and she can take and do what ever she wants with our daughter weather it violates the court order or not, and I have no way to question it because she is protected, these people truly are sick, I am also making videos from what I went through, you are truly amazing at explaining it, OMG how everything you said is exactly what I have been through..I am a addict, A drunk, a abuser, and that is all false..the thing is, I have recordings that would blow her facade wide open, and she fears it, but now that she has stooped to having me arrested over nit picking text messages about who she is as a parent..she is trying to take me completely out using the system..it is scary
Thank you for your videos…Namaste
Our last anniversary, I said, "Happy Anniversary". He replied, "You are the longest one I have ever been married to". I went on a brief vacation to Canada and he left me. He encouraged me to take the trip as he knew I loved Canada. He did not want to go. When I got home, the alarm system and phone was tampered with. I had everything fixed and discovered he had already called an attorney to start the divorce and he had abandoned me. It's awful. Now, it's the smear campaign.
Great advice. Thanks for the video!
Amen! The triangulation and smearing is literally insane.
the narcissist does smear campaigns against you and self project their behavior on to you in order to get a reaction, and then they use that reaction to justify their terrible behavior by saying look, I told you he/she is crazy.
Never wrestle with a pig, you get dirty, and besides the pig likes it.
Arguing with a fool only proves that your both fools.
my spouse has ADHD and NPD, is extremely abusive, and also recently had an affair! worse yet, I'm disabled, financially dependent, and thereby very unfortunately stuck having to live with him while he spends all of his time binge drinking, spending money, and constantly threatening to have MORE affairs. this is a freaking nightmare!
It is so refreshing to find others like you who have gone thru this narcissistic abuse and survived. Thank you for sharing your story and advice for us.
Also after 16 years of marriage he went and found a new live in girlfriend in a month's time by going on match.com and just picking someone new. It's crazy. He has demonized me to anyone who will listen and I've lost my reputation to family and friends. My in-laws were also about earning money and being a stay at home mom didn't fit into their view of the perfect daughter in law.
I didn't realize mine was a narc until the divorce. Suddenly he was very cruel and out for blood with a shark lawyer. He had been very condescending during our marriage and I knew he was arrogant but he became a different person. He has accused me of physical violence in order to have a jury trial to prove marital misconduct so he doesn't have to pay alimony. He has dragged this divorce out for 18 months now with no end in sight. My first lawyer was very naive and had never had a case that was this confrontational and accused me of causing the conflict. You are right that you have to be on the offensive immediately in a divorce.
how do you deal with this, mine does the the same thing it's been 16 years of a nightmare for me.
Behind every great man there's a great woman, the saying goes. But behind some great women there are some really great assholes.