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How a Malignant Narcissist can drive you quite literally insane.
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OMG! Just posted a video about my husband family 's dynamic. I didn't make the connection till seeing this video. My in laws had this habit of always drinking at night, every night. They even tried to bully me into it, lucky my body refused. Your ex and my soon to be ex could be tweens. My husband is the golden child too. His father the chief psychopath, the mother is the broken empath, the little brother was the black ship that carried all the family's tar. My husband and his sister were constantly laughing and picking on him if they weren't tormenting or using their mother to death. Then I came onto the scene, young, fresh, naïve and ready to spread sunlight. They opened their arms wide for me but it wasn't long before my husband's family banded together and tried to transform me into their happy meal. I run from them, not realizing that my husband was the 2nd big bad wolf in the lot. So it made little difference… Sincerely hope you are ok now and out of the tunnel. Sending you much love.
yup, was put on meds by the narcissist also
It's so sad to hear what has happened to your mum. Thank goodness you took the opposite path.
I totally get how scary this situation is. My family tried very hard to persuade me I had a mental illness. It was really scary before I realised what was actuallly going on.
I don't know that that is narcissism though…to want loved ones to take medication. That sounds just like normal male conditioning. They have been taught since day dot to suppress their feelings and cut off from all emotions…so of course it bothers them to see women being emotional. Most people have that attitude…to just take a pill and everything will be ok again. It's a general societal conditioning to push feelings down…which is why so many people are depressed in the first place, because we aren't allowed to feel.
But the "don't rock the boat' thing is very indicative of the way humans like the status quo. This is why politicians continue to get away with what they do on a global level…because no one is willing to rock the boat. It's been entrained into us so deeply that everyone is too cowardly and timid to speak up when they see abuse or wrong doings going on. I wouldn't call that narcissism…just dysfunctional society and past generational training to be docile and never feel. Feeling equals vulnerability. Obviously most men don't want to be perceived to be vulnerable, and many women are like this as well as a result of patriarchal training.
I did have the exact same thing with both my parents…where they just wanted to shut me up because I was too intense…I felt too much. I'm an artist and I am sensitive and creative and talented in what I do, and I couldn't paint without my feelings or passion…which my mother really wanted me to just "get a normal job" and forget about art. But that was her survival training at work. Her generation were taught to just put your head down and find a good job and never leave until you die…so you always have that flow of money coming through, and art and passion be damned…so in her own way she was trying to care about my future, but she wasn't really caring about me and what direction I was heading.
My father just wanted me to not feel, because he is so damaged and is a Narcissist of some sort. It is hard to tell though because everyone has had that belief put in them that taking a pill will solve all our problems. It's laziness and it encourages a victim mentality, as once we take a pill we can call ourselves mentally ill and someone else can take care of us and we don't have to do anything to get well again…which is fine by the narcissist. Making us crazy is what they live for.
do not let the evils drive you crazy. get away from the evil
Great videos!
I used The Liberator Method. They use creative language to re-program yoursubconscious, to find the flaw in the logic in one's brain from being conditionedas a child to feel unworthy, valueless, etc…..It helped me very much. I listen toa cd many nights when I go to sleep and when I wake up I feel more confident andfunctional. Maybe you might want to try it. Kim Seed has a video, it's binaural visionthing (can't think of the correct name, sorry)–but anyway, it helps a lot too. It's allabout getting to your subconscious "voice" and changing the mantra that we areflawed. We ARE NOT, but have been told that since day one.
Thank you so much for helping me come to terms with something that I hadn't fully processed yet. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for two years and we were engaged. This past July I discovered about an affair he had been having and a double life that he was living. I was in SO MUCH SHOCK that I needed medication to take the panic and the edge away. The meds made me sick to my stomach and really out of it, and the narc encouraged me to keep taking them. I noticed that he preferred me to stay on the meds and preferred me on meds, and it disturbed me. So I got rid of the narc and the meds altogether. I was considering taking him back after he cheated, but after I found out about his double life and I realized the extent of his abuse, I walked away. I'm in recovery now and I'm so grateful that he's out of my life although it's SO PAINFUL! I am not on medication and I'm feeling the ups and downs of this process. I can't wait to put it all behind me <3
My NMom made me crazy many times and have driven me to suicide many times.
so many people, the structure of their lives is such that they need the medication to endure and not have to break free from the control that others have on them and the prospect of leaving and breaking away is grim. and as you know, narcs make the rest of the world a very scary place.
I bet to some extent your dad liked for your mom to look more normal (not getting so upset). if she looks normal for the most part then maybe that reflects better on him.
Yes, yes, yes…great insight!!! This has become a societal issue. Instead of looking at the mess you/we are in, medication is prescribed so you stay in the dysfunction instead of doing something about it. Being stressed, being depressed, etc…these are all states of mind that tell you that something is wrong, something needs to change. The meds are tools to control you better, to take away your ability to think clearly.
Isn't it sad that the sane person needs to take drugs to withstand the insanity created by the N. What you are describing with the use of drugs to make the victim of abuse complacent is analogous to Foucalt's concept of Biopower, but on a smaller scale. Yet both thrive where profits take on more importance than humanity.
My experiences with psy have been very disappointing and even abusive so unless I meet one who really understands what NPD is, I won't waste my time or money. I've had one say he didn't know what gas lighting meant, I had another yelling abuse at me so loud that everyone in the waiting room heard her (because I stopped taking a strong and dangerous drug she prescribed which turned me into a zombie but had no effect on how I was perceiving the situation- because my perception was and is correct), another said it's impossible to get PTSD from N abuse or mobbing, invalidating my experience. I have to say, I think a lot of psychologist and psychiatrists are 'crazier' than their patients.
Have you seen this material "Legal Psychiatric Abuse – 5 Keys to Prevent Mental, Psychological Rape of Battered Women: at the link: https://youtu.be/cB30f-PvjxE
In any case, the reality that these predators use the psychiatric system is a fact and it is not an unknown one amongst a particular small group of people, including some experts….
Right wing culture eh?
I can see in this video that you are beginning to feel better about yourself and your life. You seem a bit happier for some reason. I can see the difference.
I also had a huge breakthrough from watching your video. My narc father was always saying my mother was mental and she did go on very heavy drugs to ease her "depression" and all her medical issues. She may not have been depressed if he didn't insult her constantly. I was angry with my codependent mother as well. But I also felt sorry for her. She was abusive because she was abused all her life. But also underneath I feel she actually did love me. She could never hug me or say she loved me. But I found out one day from something she did that she really did love me. She was so heavily drugged and my dad went to every doctor's appointment with her to so-called 'help her' and make sure she had the 'right' meds. She was on so many meds near the end it was sickening. And she definitely talked like she was 'pickled'. She also drank (while on these heavy meds) with my narc father. She was not as affected by the narc because her emotions were deadened from the meds and alcohol. YOU ARE SO RIGHT! It just hit me after watching this video. He had the doctors drug her! OMG! I just always thought she was mentally unstable. The truth was my narc father was making her unstable!!! OMG! Thank you for helping me make sense out of my family background even more. My mother passed away 5 years ago but I think he killed her indirectly. You are amazing Daylight Out Of Darkness! You are very smart and insightful. Your words make so much sense. Thank you!
By the way, I believe that people that have ADHD have what I like to call the "genius mind" because what they are interested in, they excel in to a very high degree and can hyper focus on. My husband and son have ADHD and they are very smart in certain areas of their life (like you). Some of the world’s most accomplished athletes, musicians, actors, and TV personalities have ADHD/ADD. People such as Jim Carrey, Adam Levine, Howie Mandel, Justin Timberlake, Will Smith, Einstein, Thomas Edison, Channing Tatum, Pete Rose, Michael Phelps … the list goes on … Check it online. It's amazing! And so are you! <3
Yes, I had my share of anti depressants, which are just a mask for the real cause of your despair and made me more ill….the narc with the shit eat grin
Your absolutely right. They spin a reality based on what you would consciously do (which would be in the right way and we can't conceive why anyone would want to be nasty to anyone?) with a different motivation, and it sends us into madness. There are some very 'in touch' people out there who are on antidepressants thinking they are depressed. When the reality is, is that their reality has been tampered with to keep them week, so they are easier to control. Any sane person would go mad if reality is altered. Very good video :)
A drug does not ever fix the root of the problem. It puts it on hold. Perhaps sometimes there is so much stress to deal with, that you do need that hold. But know that it just keeps things hanging until you can deal with it proper.
daylight you can find me on fb kathleen wheeler Awad… I am under no comments on google plus. my googleplus blog is the same but feel free to jump on and read… http://www.hashtaghomestretch.blogspot.com
my god so much like what I was raised with.. "don't rock the boat" …. let me tell you with narcs like your dad and my mom you DONT rock the boat. and still they invent
rockings as it were. Your dad would have worked on your mom the most like my NM did my dad. the antidepressents and all. same thing. Oh yeah same thing here. I feel sorry for my dad when it was he who was complicit in effect … It's just a horrible thing. Even though he's dead… I still feel bad about what we couldn't have together. She was so incredibly jealsous and he was so incredibly blind. But he was loving. Only not allowed to be overtly if you will. SO sad. Like he was dead way long before he died. I loved him regardless what she said about him and he me which was a miracle. Narcissists are such a curse. But for us we were able to break it in the end. Never without casualties though..
my NM and your NF had the same exact early experiences. I totally agree even though as you say it is still questioned.
Hey girl, when I saw this, I thought about you! It is not a detailed instruction, rather an inspriration. And I thought it makes a nice virtual surprise for you. Here you go: http://www.virgin.com/richard-branson/turn-a-disadvantage-into-an-advantage Keep up!
Right on! Having people around them that are on drugs or drinking or on medication gives the narcissist talking points when they are triangulating.
Hey I'm separated 7 months now and on Prozac for about 15 months with only enough left for a couple of days and I was thinking of just not bothering to get a repeat as u find I can't cry or laugh hard enough when trying to get in touch with my grief?
Thank you for sharing your experience. It helped me better to understand how a normal person could be driven insane. How the whole mechanism / strategy of Narcissist works. What are reasons behind it. It is better to learn & recognize such non human people and stay away & safe. PS. looks like Narcs want a partner to be a zombie, a human body with no personality of its own. All that starts WITH – THEY CANNOT TOLERATE CRITICISM OF ANY KIND.
When the psychiatrist decides that the target of narcissistic abuse is actually the problem, the effect is to amplify the abuse by absolving the abuser, while stigmatizing and further weakening the position of the target. This must create a terrible array of tragic, and even dangerous, situations. I think most narcissists are happy to create and take advantage of these types of scenarios.
Thanks for sharing your story. How sad that your mother needs alcohol and drugs to face her days. She must be very unhappy. I'm so glad that you didn't listen to your parents and stay in your marriage. It must have taken a lot of courage to stand up to them and your husband!! I wish I had half of your courage. Wishing you many happy days ahead! hugs, Kathy
I don't think a person should just live their entire life on an antidepressant as a fix-all; but my emotional pain was so unbearable that every memory, thought, trigger threw me straight into a mental and physical living hell. I couldn't think or reason, I could only cry from the pain, 24/7. I couldn't "see" where the narcissist was wrong and I was conned. I had to stop the all-consuming pain before I see the picture and put the pieces of the puzzle together. Talk therapy did not get through to me and though what all I learned online was a start, it did nothing to stop the cognitive dissonance and emotional pain. Just knowing what happened did not erase the pain of what happened. SSRIs were not helping; but once I switched to a dopamine-based one, I actually "numbed out" enough to think straight and see reality. The relief from the emotional turmoil gave me the space to learn about what I had actually been subjected to and to go from there. There is a right way they can be used temporarily (and that is if they use one that works for your body chemistry and are combined with processing and healing). As I am making progress out of a depression which lasted a solid 2 years without any improvement before the antidepressant, I look forward to tapering off of it this year. But I agree with the points your video made as well. For the most part, they are over-prescribed as a magic bullet, which unfortunately doesn't exist.
Very good video, thank you! Antidepressants do not work, since there is nothing wrong with you in the first place, there is nothing to 'treat'. The narcissistic family system will dissolve, sooner or later, whether the parents are in their 40s, 50s or 70s. It is something they bring to themselves, due to the disfunctionality. Narcissists have to be extremely 'lucky' to avoid the destruction of their system. It will dissolve at the end and it is something that we – survivors – have to deal with emotionally, psychologically etc. Could you, please, make a video on the notion of COGNITIVE DISSONANCE and how it affects narcissistic abuse survivors? Thank you for all you contribution to our understanding of the real problem.
Oh yes – 'don't rock the boat'. Don't think, feel, have an opinion or emotion etc. Yes, some people really have benefited from excellent medical support. One GP when I was homeless, after leaving npd, insisted on antidepressants, saw my own GP a week later – he said that I wasn't depressed. Anxious, sad, afraid etc, yes, absolutely – No meds taken. Offered support for anxiety, beta blockers if I needed them. I said I would use mindfulness. Yes, it's been painfully sad, yes I have been low, angry, hurt, frustrated, panicked and in shock. Heart pounding so hard I thought I would collapse. Times of great fear and numbness which was scary too. Times when I was so frightened I couldn't eat, sleep or think straight. I did it with no meds it wasn't easy. I felt the full range of pain npd are good at projecting at close range/full impact. Went through the eye of the storm cold turkey. I wouldn't recommend either. We have to do what we feel is right at the time. Also change our minds too if necessary. The irony the npds are fine and we get medicated. The only disorder I know when the healthy person needs treatment. Guess we are the symptom of this dreadful illness/disorder personified.
It sounds like you are listening to your gut instinct. I totally agree with your view on prescription drugs and medication (even self medication like alcohol and illegal drugs) only numbs the pain. It sounds like you are on well on your way to making yourself better than ever. Your painful personal experiences have given you so much emotional maturity and personal growth. Thank you for sharing your story and giving the rest of us personal affirmation and validation for surviving our own narcissistic abuse.
I also think that this type of medicament makes the problem worst somehow because it stigmatizes the person who is on it. From the outer perspective, but most importantly from the person herself. The person just becomes sick and dependent on those medications and it actually creates a vicious circle of which it is very difficult to escape. A vicious circle that is maintaining the person in a passive position, and ultimately blocks her from trying any attempt at fixing the real problem. Even if some say it is about chemical hormones, which is true, if the core is not fixed, you will never escape from the medication that only fixes temporarily.
I too feel antidepressants make one less "sensitive". Howver, there are things that it is normal/healthy to be sensitive about. I found meds gave me the ability and energy to stand up to what was happenning in my home at the time. Thank you for your posts.
I've been on multiple anti-depressants, and I could honestly say they are scary. The worst was when I ended up having a seizure in Best Buy one day on Wellbutrin. Probably, the most scariest day of my life, thought I was dying. Then, Zoloft for suicidal thoughts, which triggered my mind to have suicidal thoughts 10x's worse. Dr. says, "You're too much for me, I can't handle you, anymore."
"Drs" = Drug Dealers
"Medications" = Drugs
Narcissist Victims are their number 1 customers.
Another good video!!