An explanation of how the narcissist sees children, both as mirrors and as competitors. Visit HealthyPlace for in-depth information on Narcissism, Narcissistic …
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How the Narcissist Sees Children
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Before I watch your video, I'll tell you how I see children. I see the, as a bother. They get on my nerves with there idiotic banter. They are time consuming etc. that's why I never want to have children. I'm not going to waste 18 years of my life focusing on a cum shot. My neighbors got children and hearing them outside playing drives me up the wall. I'm like "why can't that house burn down so I can have some peace".
This is fascinating. I'm friends (I guess as far as that concept goes) with an older man who exhibits many narcissistic behaviors, and he's said that he absolutely "hates children", yet he seems to have made a conscious effort to be in his now adult daughter's life despite being a long-distance father for most of her childhood. He explains this as being due to his own abandonment as a child (a mother who died when he was quite young and an emotionally absent father). And he also described his own experience of her early childhood (being on "dad duty", as he calls it) as something he enjoyed tremendously and looked forward to. If narcissists can't truly love, perhaps he "loves" her primarily as an extension / projection of himself. My inkling is that it's some sort of intellectualization or rationalization of "doing the right thing" even if he doesn't really feel it. Or else he's got certain narcissistic tendencies but isn't as far along the spectrum as some others (i.e. he's somewhat self-aware of his disorder).
Sam, don't you think babies are cute at all?? Come on!
The narcissist is envious of children? wow
This video omits some important exceptions, I think some narcissists can experience a psychological projection of their hurt suppressed true-self on to the child, this allows certain feelings to flow that they can't express towards themselves. Narcissist women usually develop similar obsession with dogs which are safe subjects as they don't require intimacy just like the infant.
I can take them or leave them but I hate noisy, misbehaving ones.. I want seen, not heard..
I am sorry Sam that you have to live with this disorder. I felt like this topic hit you closer to home than other videos you made.
I believe i have the narc abuse syndrome..super fatigue…tons of sleeping.
ohhh my! this explains so many of my mother's behaviors towards my children…not happy when they are happy, having fits that frighten and blocks them when they expressed joy. criticising and putting them down when ever they stuck to their opinion. ignoring them completely when in others presence. envious of my relationship with them etc etc
no wonder my ex narc always made derogatory comments about my teen son…also constantly made negative comments about his college major (pre-med), and compared his sons to mine. I always tried to tell to see the positive; that our sons could be great men but he refused to see the goodness in that. The last year together was hell when my then 4.5 was diagnosed with Leukemia….suddenly the attention was taken away from him and everyone focused on her 24/7. When I did a fundraiser, he refused to post it on his Facebook profile saying that such a fundraiser was quote stupid!!! He hung up the phone on me, and it was down hill from there. It was a nightmare dealing with antics while my baby was fighting for her life….WHAT A MONSTER…glad he's gone!
I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for explaining !
You have just explained my father….he hated me and made me know it. I understand I reminded him of what he wasn't. This has made me feel quite sick but part of my healing. I will have to understand this deeper. thank you Sam.
Vaknin you are the ONLY narcissist who actually do good for non-narcissist people by educating them! The rest of them only do destruction on every level. If i had any writing skills i could write a book on my experiences with all their different "types". My experience started out with my mother being a narcissist and seems like all men in my life were also narcissist. I must have "victim" tattooed on my forehead so they can target me…?
I love babies and children…teens are little narcs but eventually they grow out of it. But from birth to about 11 no matter who you are or what you are in life you are their hero. You could be the worst person on earth but a little child will love you no matter whats wrong with you. Sure they are a little needy, but in their good moments they will bring you joy, laughter, peace of mind and a sense of pride. Ive had 3 children and each one has taught me something new…mostly patience, perserverance, loyalty, dedication, structure, happiness and love. I've had my ups and downs but i cant imagine a life without little children bouncing around, ripping and running, hugs and kisses, boo boos and bedtime songs. What a dull, boring world it would be without little kids.
All this is so true. My roomie/boyfriend absolutely HATES my son from a former marriage and will not let him come in the house. So jealous of him… I am trying to leave and get my own place… One step at a time…
i knew i didnt want to hear this. everything makes soooo much sense now. Now i know why he treated his son so bad. this really makes me sick.
how can you look at kids like that??
Do 'Narcissistic' people find joy in seeing young children being hurt or sexually abused? I get the feeling they do…
Sad but true
I hope you're not saying that if you don't want children that you are automatically a narcissist.
Hahaha the narcissistic actually competes with a child for attention (and loses). That's outstanding.
Are pedophiles sadistic narcissist ? I recognize this description in my cousins husband, who is a pathological, manipulative, selfcentered, sadistic, deprived, deceptive pedophile.
This is how I know I'm not a narcissist. I identify with children, their vulnerability, their depencency on the decency & kindness of adults. I don't feel like one, but I remember being one. This video explains much of what I remember, but could not believe could possibly be true. I wish narcissists could remember, and properly despise, the people who hurt them. I wish they could empathize with the child they once were, and so feel that way about other children, and rightfully despise the bullies that harmed them.
It's just as I'd written in a poem two days ago: Narcissists may be hated by many people for doing them harm but they still deserve the title of "human" – not that being human is all that great a thing to be (ask the animals and just look at history in general.) All a narcissist is, is an adult with childlike nature. In other words they are simply people who never learned empathy and remorse. The rest of their qualities are the same as most other humans. Honestly speaking many humans who aren't narcissists don't have that much empathy or remorse. The only difference is that they have all the bad qualities and not enough of the good. So no they are not demons, just the core of humanity (despite being its black sheep and shame.) And no I'm not saying go marry one, I'm just saying they shouldn't be called inhuman.
A narcissist could just as easily bathe in children existence. Their behaiviour seen a real, or truth manifest compared to the Luddites, charlatans and saboteurs. Children have the ability to be almost anything and the narcissist can aid them. The narcissist becomes the center of the childs world when the individual helps them or gives them knowledge of the world and tools for manipulating the world. The narcissist can see his own children as his spawn, as an extension of his will and agency. Even when they do not follow his will and his plans they still represent his genetics, his seed into the world.
The obsessive adulation of children, I found, toxified my two step kids. When we went to Santa Barbara to their aunts house, the kids became little attention crackheads. They became entitled brats who needed the next entertainment hit. And, they would tap whomever would provide that hit. When we returned from the trip, they were still intoxicated . Drunk on adoration. Short on attention span. My wife couldn't see it but it was there, in plain sight. Like kids in a candy store, I just wasn't interested in feeding candy addicts. " oh, to live on Sugar Mountain. With the barkers and the colored balloons…"
I'm not a big fan of kids, never have been, and I am not narcissistic, I just avoid them like the plague and I resent just because I am a female I am supposed to instantly bond with them, feel empathy towards them or want to relate to them or even give birth to them in the future….some people out here are childfree…doesn't make us awful just makes us, us.
This is chilling =/ Children are amazing and beautiful.
It is the same with the grandchildren; no concern; no interaction at all, ever; no concern really for anything but the next 5 minutes, and that may also require another prop, even if it is not a child. They are easily forgotten unless the narc feels the need to throw advice out (which should never be done) or to elaborate to others the deep concern and feelings for family, which in reality, does not exist. Great work Sam–so accurate.
The first time I realized that a child was a "prop" to my husband, is after I married him; completely taken in by what I thought was a "good dad." He had his adopted son with him during the courtship, and flaunted him and all he had done for him, but after marrying him he completely discarded him; I only saw him 3-4 over the next couple of years, and then he completely shined him on. It really hurt the child, and I was furious at what I saw as child abuse. He also ignored my daughter, and actually called her by a name of a the child from a previous marriage. He seemed like he didn't even know who he was married to. I also discovered shortly afterward that he had always neglected his two biological children, as well. It is sad that a person can be so selfish and unfeeling as to use a child as a prop to "entice" a woman into marriage.
Mr. Sam have you seen George Carlin's take / rant about children? I think there are a lot of similarities between Carlin and Phillip Larkin . I wonder if you can diagnose Carlin as a Narcissist by his brand of very humorous comedy. I used to pride my self in my hatred of children but it's really a sign that there is some thing wrong with me.