Em portuggues legendas & В portuggues субтитрами (Portuguese and Russian). For Spanish translation: https://goo.gl/WxEXTM Ross Rosenberg, author and …
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How to Defend Yourself from Narcissists. Observe Don’t Absorb Technique. Stop the Manipulation!
Last weekend I went over to my narcissist sisters house to help her pack and then the plan was to take over some stuff to the new place and paint. None of that happened. The moment I got there she started in on me and tried to pull me into all her negative words and situations. First off her house reeked with cat urine and I instinctively covered my nose and this opened up the war zone. I avoided an argument but was not so lucky there after. I think I was in shock from the condition of the place and the smells. She would say stuff and I barely heard her. Tried to show me all the bad things of the place – that I have seen many times before – and every time I would change the subject or walk away from it – I got – "I hope you never have to live my life cause you would never survive it"…and so on. I kept trying to stay focused on what she wanted to put in my car to take over and I would get pulled into another drama of the place. I kept observing at this point until we got outside and there was a starving puppy – she came out with cat food and fed it but the whole while complained about how it was her last can of food and there are a lot of dogs out here like this and that we should take it with us…that's the moment I obsorbed – I just stood there and watched this puppy as she was screaming at me to help her that it wasnt going to get done by itself. Curse words and how inadequate I was along with yanking things out of my arms followed. She kept yelling at me and the moment she told me to leave – I did. I told her that she needed to get what little was put in my car or that I would dump it off on my way home. I left and have not talked to her since. My other narc family help her financially all the time and I think she is a drug user but will not admit it. I have done a lot for her through the years – alot – and when I learned what a narc was a year ago – I stopped doing those things I did because of manipulations and the connection between her and I are horrible. Today I celebrate one week of not allowing her to manipulate me and its actually liberating. I think the times that I was observing and not obsorbing actually put distance between us that I really didnt hear her or I was able to only swollow a little of the toxic poison she slung at me. Thank you for this video.
great lesson
The demonic energy around my ex NPD would not allow me to use this concept on him… but maybe for co- workers neighbors..siblings.
Friends/associates…brilliant technique
Pure platinum gold info here.
Powerful, life-changing discussions. Thank you.
this is a great technique! thanks so much for this.
you are RIGHT ON in this! I have found peace using this teqnique. I have disengaged emotionally and found my power and he is beginning to realize he has no powwr over me
has anyone asked the question…..Why am I wasting my time studying this lab rat when I should just move AWAY and find what I really want???
i observed this the last day she left what i saw was a crazy pathalogical liar that was just manipulation
I will try this one too…
narcissists are big freaking cowards who feeds on others. parasites basically.
you are brilliant, mate. thank you so much for this.
this has been extremely therapeutic for me…wow thanks a lot!
I plan to do this with the alcoholic.
or walk away
This advice is very good! I have always yelled and got stressed out from my narcissist ex! Or, have been overly emotional because it seems like he cared less and was always in his own World. Which he was. Just leave this type of person doesn't deserve you.
It's all about them and they enjoy hurting you.
I think the people who are watching this to deal with those who are emotional manipulators are the weakest. I watched this to see what people think they can try. If I want to gain from others i only need to see there facial expressions and manipulate them without there knowing.
For those of us who have been repeatedly gaslighted by these characters, could you actually give an example of how an emotional manipulator would manipulate, and how a "detached co-dependent" should "react" or should "stay detached" in that situation. An example to go with what you are saying would be great because it is sometimes very difficult to remain neutral when one's buttons are being pushed by the sociopath/narc/borderline manipulator. Thank you!
Excellent advice. I am dealing with a very difficult person and this has been extremely helpful to me.
So… do you not recommend no-contact like most of the others?
Very good video my friend
Isn't there a risk that overtime"observing" gradually turns into "submission and denial"?Also how does "observing" benefit the situation when your dealing with a narcissist that regularly makes demands, threatens and takes action when they dont get results? What happens when the narcissist exploits the "observation" technique as an oppurtunity to cross even more boundries due to lack of consequence or intervention?
My father has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and he constantly rages at my mother and I if we fail to meet his expectations and demands. If he's standing there saying "you didn't wipe the floor properly, I can still see stains, do it again or else…" how do you just be the observer in a situation like that?
There are so many times where I took on the role of the observer rather than participate in his petty arguments but soon as I refuse to engage it escalates the situation as he begins threatening me, destroys my property and bans me from using the car, tv etc.. I blame my mother for her role in this as she enforced me to also take on the role of the observer and without anyone to stand up to that monster he now behaves like a rabid dog that has no chain to restrict him.
Being the silent observer for so many years has taken its toll on my mother as she no longer has a voice. Also lately my mother has progressed into denial to cope with the abuse. Everytime he goes into a rage she wipes it clear from her memory which gives him even more freedom to hurt me and then deny it whenever she does.
so glad i found you!
Very helpful! Much needed. Thank you for the mantra of I am strong and in control…
Its easy, trust no one! keep your money to yourself and only have sex for your own needs, do others before they do you. Never-ever trust sales people, banks, politicians, doctors, police, solicitors, teachers, rich people, poor people, bus drivers, nurses, little women, little men and anyone who breaths!
This helps…..omg…..baby steps, baby steps
great advice, bless u
Check Dr. Rosenburg. Thanks
THANK YOU THIS IS VERY HELPFUL………..
I am observing my beau's narcs behavior since we started dating 8 months ago. I immediately recognized that something was going on with him but only now have I been able to put the terms and behaviors together. I had already begun the "observe not adsorb" technique(not realizing that you have researched techniques). I'd been there and done that in past relationships. I started searching for more info and I found your webinars. I was saddened to hear you say that the percentage of their recovery or help is very low. But now that I understand my role as a codependent, I will make my decision soon as to how long to stay in this relationship. Thank you. YOU HAVE DONE A GREAT THING WITH THE WEBINARS. PLEASE DON'T STOP!
Thankyou.
Very good vid, very good advice, clearly based on practice.
In short: Watch from a Distance: Never heed their shit. Do not listen to the manipulator. Never engage
Why do codependent people do this?
so basically you are playing the part of a silent narcissist which solves nothing. labeling behavior or others personality traits is lose lose. Love is the only solution. we all have the gift of freedom of choice and freewill. Just Love or walk away, any thing else is pride BS and is dangerous.
This is exactly what i needed to hear at this point. Thank you!
This reminds me of something called the "Gray Rock" method of dealing with psychopaths. It's different than what you are talking about, but kind of the same. Basically, if you work with or are around a psychopath, you simply be as bland as possible to blend in with the surroundings. Don't engage them. Don't smile at them. Just be part of the general landscape. Otherwise they may hone in on you.