We all would have loved to be able to outsmart a narcissist in the times when they are hurting us and when we are under siege from their malicious behaviour.
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How To Outsmart A Narcissist The Right Way
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Great point! Thank you!
This was so uplifting for me. Thank you very much. It's all about healing our own wounds. Thank you!
No out smarting necessary, just strength and courage to LEAVE their presence to weaken their ego, which will strengthen you/self! Pretty cool stuff when you're not manipulated by the idiot anymore! Seriously I have just achieved this! It is real and is true and CAN happen!
Once you have identified the narcissist all you have to do is tell them that you have identified them as the narcissists they are and that you will proceed to expose their M.O. regardless of what they do or say.
I did with a family member who at first tried to disqualify me as "absurd" and as meddling with something I didn't understand… and the reason why he couldn't even understand what I was saying…
But I kept coming back and clearly and concisely pointed out the reasons for his behavior by explaining his gaslighting and projections and how they stemmed from his pathetic need to control and manipulate everybody to toe the line and adjust to their agenda.
You have to be really together and have a very clear understanding of what's going on… Otherwise you're not going to be effective. Be careful because they can completely loose it (in an attempt to get rid of you) as you put the mirror in front of them.
I could have just walked away (which I eventually did when I was done) but I decided that years of his BS and how I saw him apply it to other members of the family had to be exposed. I sent him an email with 43 other recipients in it of the people I knew he had hurt and traumatized over the years. With an exception of 12 that are still silenced, bullied and intimidated by him, I got enthusiastic thank yous and testimonies of how they felt somewhat vindicated and liberated. Some of them decided to thank me by writing to him themselves.
i know how to outsmart a narcissist….mirror them..act like a narcissist…devalue their grandiose by saying mean things to them..and pull out the plug when they least expect and discard them…..also falsify some sort of understanding of what he does…know all the supplies …bring them all together….it was like i pulled a rug underneath..i contacted about two important women in his harem…i am sure he cried his eyes out…he even attempted to come out through a blog..
I've only ever met one narcissist in my life; and the one thing I got from her was this: She was always trying to make sure other people got into trouble. She kept a rolodex of cards and she would jot down notes anytime someone committed an infraction so she could get them in trouble, or so she could point out others were misbehaving if she herself ever got called on the carpet. If someone floundered, or in some way wasn't up to snuf, or even just plain vulnerable by dint of being introverted, she was quick to call for their firing, jerking her thumb in the direction of someone who has left the room and saying things like, "that one needs to go". She just needed others to be in trouble, to have troubles, to suffer. I say suffer, but I think in her mind it wasn't sadism, it was just punishment for getting into trouble; someone transgressed in any way, well, that warranted callousness and coldness from the rest of us (well, "her"). I guess it was a powerful need for others to be in trouble b/c that meant she wasn't. It was happening to someone else, not her. Anyway, my boss told me at the start, everyone around here gives her what she wants and otherwise just ignores her b/c at the end of the day it's just less trouble that way. And she could change personalities on a dime; and it was like someone else was in her body – so one of the senior managers had no idea and just thought she was this nice, hard done by little old lady. Just classic. Then she could turn around and drop F bombs and tell racist jokes – like the way a sociopath doesn't have a internal sense of boundaries between taste and lack of taste. So, I don't throw that term around for just anyone who is an a-hole.
My dad is a sick narc who has been a huge moron his whole life. He is 83 now and i am 60. I have put up with his garbage since childhood and i have become so sophisticated at knowing his every game and seeing right through him. I scare him because im smarter than him. I am manipulating him and beating him at his own game and I am gas lighting him back in the most subtle finessed way that he cant figure out he is the prey. You see I learned to play his game better than him on him because I am not going to have my boundaries crossed or be narc supply. I will beat him at his game to sustain my mental and emotional well being.
the wheat from the chaff is happening now in real time.
those with love, empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity in their hearts will triumph.
good always wins over evil, in the end.
xo
Very profound, but also very good and challenging
I'm currently in a love relationship with a narcissist male (I've not figured out yet whether he's a full blown NPD or just has strong traits – there's a difference). He was sexually abused by his dad as a kid. And physically abused. And was privy to other vile behaviour perpetrated by his dad on others (extramarital affairs, sexual manipulation of teen babysitters, the list goes on). It's clear to me he thinks he's less than shit, a nothing, a nobody. To survive as a human he's overdeveloped his ego to an inflated amount – hence the narcissism. I'm quite enlightened, and now that I can see what drives his behavior I have empathy for him. Even empathy for his narcissism. I don't take his abuse personally – meaning I don't take it on board. I have walls up to stop that shit penetrating. I like me, a lot. That's my armour. I don't believe that, as they say of full blown NPDs, he's not capable of love or empathy. I don't think they're his strong suits, I think he struggles. But I'm not going to abandon him and reaffirm his own deep inner view of himself that he is, indeed, shit. I'm going to use whatever psychological smarts I have, whatever available strength I have, to hang in with him and see if, over time, he and I can work together to heal (as much as possible) his small self worth and make it larger. Make his ego smaller. If at any time I feel myself starting to drown under the weight of his ego, his dysfunction, then I'll end it. What we have going for us is his version of his honesty, and my actual honesty. I call him a narc. I call him out on narc behaviour. He doesn't like it. He doesn't agree. But he's still hanging in. We are dealing with it honestly. If it goes awry I'll update this comment. For now I'm hopeful of progress and healing. For those who don't have the tools to deal, I agree – flee. But it's possible, to me, to not 'outsmart' a narc, but rather smash them with honesty and strength and work towards what so many don't believe; the miracle growth of their pain and self worth. Nobody is a lost cause…..my spirituality tells me that. It's just about finding the right key to open difficult doors.
Wow, very powerful video. Probably the most helpful of anything I have read or watched to help me deal with a narcissist in my life. Very powerful to learn that they are an AID or a messenger to help our growth. It's just smart. Use their methods to help us rather than to destroy us. Really good video.
Beautiful talk! Sums up the real truth about recovery from narcissistic abuse on a very deep level. There are no victims, only volunteers. The points Melanie makes here deeply reflect the underlying message of my book, NARCISA – OUR LADY OF ASHES:
https://www.amazon.com/Narcisa-Lady-Ashes-Jonathan-Shaw/dp/006235499X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1466204929&sr=1-1&keywords=narcisa
*Turned my life upside down
Yes it would great but for me the demonic energy turned my upside down..a pinched nerve injury with unbelievable pain anxiety insomnia weight gain…I no longer could maintain my apt or personal appearance…I was literally sleeping with the enemy. 4mos out of 6mos..my prayers ran him away…one week later my life started to be restored
Sometimes the lesson you learn is that it is important to stand up to bullies.
I like your perspective. I've seen dozens of videos that claim you can "get revenge" on the narcissist; revenge does not feel like the right thing to do. We are responsible for bringing these people into our lives and it is up to us to overcome the attraction that is causing us to bring people like that into our hearts. They are responsible for healing their own wounds.
Thank you so much.
I must respectfully disagree with Melanie in some of her beginning comments in this particular video (love you, Melanie): it isn't productive, imho, to overestimate the narc's ability to annihilate us. Thinking like that only weakens us and makes us more paranoid and fearful. The weapons of "napalm" and whatever else in their "arsenal" are all just illusions, bc the narc has created a world of illusion. Break the illusion. STOP overestimating his/her ability to target your weaknesses, and start acknowledging YOUR strengths. The term "soul contract" gives the narc too much credit: credit he or she does not deserve. Yes, their abuse helped expose your wounds, and now you can tend to them. But abuse is abuse, and if they didn't abuse you with positive intentions (no such thing exists), there is no need to give them credit for our own unveiling of our own wounds.
The key is to play to the narc's weaknesses, and they have many. One is their delicate ego: that they NEED to feel in control, superior, and capable of draining you of your life energy. If they don't feel that, they actually feel quite vulnerable. If you cater to this need (which is actually his/her dependence on you, so you actually hold the power), and if you then detach (NO CONTACT or contact only through an attorney), it may elicit rage and smear tactics afterwards. But remember: it's not something that you can't handle, because you've already been through the worst. Hold your head high, do what you need to do to heal yourself, and leave the rest to the natural balance and order of things. The narc is dead inside, so there's nothing worse you can do to him/her than to take away his life force (your own energy), and then let him/her eventually self-destruct. It will happen on its own.
There absolutely IS a way to outsmart a narcissist–in the purest sense of the word "outsmart"–executed during the initial stage of trying to leave or "escape," if the abuse is so bad you are at the point of needing to "escape." I know because I've done it, and successfully. I did it under the supervision and guidance of a trusted therapist who understood the co-dependent/narc dynamic well (I was very fortunate). Heal privately and secretly: don't lash out and demonstrate that you finally understand what is going on… that the mask has been lifted and that you see the horrific truth. Narcs HATE (and love to hate) being called out on their own inner ugliness. Gain your own strength quietly, and simultaneously (this sucks and is not for the weak, but it works if you want to break away relatively unscathed), you have to pretend that you are the crazy/weak one. Internally, know the truth, and that is all that matters: not that HE knows it; that YOU know it. You know that he/she is mentally ill and has abused you, and that you are leaving. Unfortunately (and paradoxically), as you gain inner strength, you continue to play the handicap. The narc has likely already driven you to the depths of Hell and back, so he/she is used to feeling superior to you in his "sanity" vs. your "insanity." As he is resting (they need to rest A LOT more rest than you think) and taking a small break from trying to mentally torture you–while he thinks he is in the most control–then you break free. Either that or you will disgust him with your feigned pathetic weakness and he will drop you (consider yourself LUCKY if this happens). That's how to outsmart the narc in the initial stage of: "How do I get out of this?" when it is that bad that you see almost no way out.
ZERO! Nonsense and answers nothing! Your teeth are hideous!
can you doa detachment roll play
can you doa detachment roll play
I've found, that, the best way to outsmart these people, especially after being badly hurt by them is success! All of these people have a knack of being able to brainwash, belittle, destroy your ambitions until they totally drain you of your energy and good feelings.
Once you've been destroyed and you finally cut yourself off from them, usually by losing your job, or your property and wealth. The next step to "revenge", (if you need to have your "revenge") is to be a success. Get a lot of money, get the nice cars, the nice boyfriends/girlfriends, travel the world, build your life from within. Believe me, these things are not as hard as you would think!
Feal the fear and do it anyway. The best revenge is success!
…As if psychological affects like narcissism connote any sort of intellectual deficiency.
You better call Batman. Batman is the only one who can beat a narcy
The narc is after your destruction by destroying you through the eyes of others. So be wise, observe and STAND YOUR GROUND. get law enforcement involved and get witnesses. There is a time in life that you must stand up for yourself then leave. If you don't speak your mind to the perpetrator you will have anger misdirected at different people throughout life. Confront the source. Don't fear. Don't fear death. Live courageously and lose fake relationships or live a lie and gain enemies.
Red flag for me was words and actions never matched..self absorbed most of the time..not the person you initially met weeks later..everything they do must benefit them or else its not happening very sneaky!!!
RUN!!!
My narc mom is dead and I still want to kill her
So true when divorcing my Narc it was like battling the devil himself, I know that the was hell bent on winning at all costs.
First of all, Brilliant video. What do we do if the narcissists is one of your children? My youngest daughter 21 I can't ignore any more that she is not a narcissist. My heart is broken at this truth. I have been thrown under the bus more times than I am so embarrassed to count. I don't know how to let her go. Thus far she has been very dangerous for me and I have allowed myself to be humiliated, lied to and about … she scares me at far she has gone and or will do. Since, she is my daughter I find it so difficult to let her go. I love her so much and all I want to do is be supportive however all she is tell that I am the one who has the problem. The Soul Contract how can this be so with a child?
Sometimes you need to fight to protect something important
half my life I had no idea what do I do I so appreciate I kinda feel like I understand that I defend him and I am not ok
anyone who knows themselves wont fall prey to one :)
Watched this to see what could be done about Trump..the biggest one!