Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html The narcissist says: …
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Money: Narcissist’s License to Abuse
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having enough money to tell certain people to fuck off sounds pretty good.
My narc chased money like no one's business, he was obsessed with it, talked about his money all the time, felt superior and arrogant because of it, he never had enough. He showered me with gifts and money and then would throw it in my face later "I do this, this, and this for you, you should do this for me….". It was a manipulation. He made it feel like a trap. To take his money and gifts meant I would have to walk on eggshells so as not to piss him off because the money and gifts would be taken away in a second as a punishment if I said or asked the wrong thing.
The ex-N just came into money. I'm sure he is a demon unchained now.
My BF/'roomie', is always 'bragging' how his co-worker at work is always 'buying' him bagels, donughnuts, and other little 'foodie' items all the time and my BF is always throwing it in my face! I 'suspect' they are having a 'BROMANCE'….am I wrong here? Every time there is a commercial on TV having to do with male homosexuality…he promptly LEAVES the room…. Guilty conscience?
I need your thoughts on something, please. Just to give you a little background, my much older sister became my legal guardian when I was 13 years old. My Dad had passed away, and since he was in the Air Force, my sister received an annuity every month for me until I turned 18 years old.
Soon after that, I got letters from the IRS saying I owed on back-taxes because my sister never had the deduction taken from the payments. So here I was, terrified of these threatening letters, I am a teenager still, and my sister just says, "I didn't know it was taxable." Back then, she said this. I had to handle the IRS by myself, until I eventually got a CPA to help me do an offer in compromise. It was a financial hell for me. And so now I want to know why she left me to take care of this alone. None of it was my doing. Btw, I am 42 years old, and it still bothers me.
So I sent her an email yesterday, and I got a response today, and I am copying and pasting them so you can read:
Me:
"There is something gnawing at the back of my mind, and I am hoping you can help me get some resolution.
Do you remember when you were receiving my annuity before I turned 18 years old… And how you filed the taxes for that income incorrectly, which led the IRS to come after me…
Why did you leave me with all of that financial burden and stress? You did not even offer to help me with the payments. It was really traumatic for me as a teenager to have the IRS after me for something that was not my fault at all.
I would really appreciate what you have to say."
My Sister:
"That money was survivor’s benefits and I was told it wasn’t taxable. The fact you never told me the IRS was after you until years later and NEVER asked me for help is not on me. You can’t expect me to help you with something I didn’t know about. And here it is years later and NOW you ask me about it? You have distanced yourself from me and from <other older sister> a long time ago for whatever your reasons are and for me, that’s your issue. Yah, I’m now angry……. I didn’t cause you that stress, you caused it yourself because you didn’t ask for help.
I hope that answers your question."
Me:
""The fact you never told me the IRS was after you until years later and NEVER asked me for help is not on me." This is a bold-faced lie. I was still living with you when I got my first letter!!!! I panicked and went to you first thing. I didn't know what it was all about. When I asked about it, all you said was, "Oh, I didn't know it was taxable." And that was it.
"You can’t expect me to help you with something I didn’t know about." Are you sure you don't want to rethink that? Because that is wrong.
You have not addressed my question. So let me ask it again:
Why did you leave me with all of that financial burden and stress?
As far as my distancing myself, that is a completely separate topic for another conversation."
And so I am waiting for her response.
I agree with what you are saying… BEEN haunted by my EX from his MONEY !!!
I actually didn't know i was dealing with a narcissist. I did see traits of i'm wrong, he's right. Doesn't like parting with his money..!! One thing i got to admit. He helped me, become stronger, within myself. Oh, also, he didn't like the fact, i knew more, than he did. In his eyes, that was definitely a no no..!! We've had four confrontations. He keeps losing. I have thanked him for helping me..!! Now it's like he wants my "approval" on anything he ends up doing. For starters, money, he won't use the heater, he's actually got, a gas bottle inside the house. (a small one). Just so the bill is low..!! That's only one example. One more before i go. He collects aluminum cans, and trades for cash. When he found out, how much they were only going to give him. He said, "don't worry " he'll take them somewhere else. When the price goes up, that is..!! Myself on the other hand, he knows what i think. Money to me. Is not everything. I know it won't buy happiness. It won't buy love..!! Call me old fashion. I stand by that. It's when money, is put before my health..!! That's a big mistake..!! Everyone to their own opinion though..!!
"because, you are a junkie".. hah, nailed it.
Thank You…
Makes Sense…
Hello Sam. Can you do a video about narcissistic parents and retirement. My N mom doesn't have enough money for retirement and thinks I should go out and find a better job or a man with money to take care of us. I have anxiety problems and sometimes suffer from bouts of depression. I'm trying to learn how to take care of myself and she's trying to make me her retirement plan because she doesn't have one. I'm also an ACOA and go to the meetings to help me cope with my experience of growing up with an Alcoholic father. She knows I'm trying to break free from her control and move on with my life. She have also hinted that if I don't stay she may start to demand money from me living at home for years. Maintaining work was hard for me as my anxiety attacks cost me my last job.
The power to have others submit to the narcissist. Money does not matter. Knowledge is the same for them. Anything that brings an advantage and they always hide the power. Many become teachers in order to have the student submit to them in exchange for higher levels of knowledge. Our civil servants take this attitude. Nearly all the community leaders, in arts, commerce, education, etc are like this. They take enormous pleasure in hiding their abilities. Dispensing it in exchange for the adoration of others.
My sibling was the golden child coddled and given whatever they wanted, who grew up into a narcissistic, extremely demanding adult, yet my parents, whom I believe were narcissits themselves (mother defintely, father borderline at the least) they took no responsibility for creating the situation, insteading holding their other child (me) soley responsible for the well being of the family alway making sure I knew it was my place to be the 'good' daughter – undemanding, selfless and obligiated to take care of their problems. The pressure and stress it caused were tremendous and I still feel the affects of their emotional abuse although they have since passed away. I had, and still have, a lot of hurt, anger and resentment towards them and though I try not to dwell on the past Iit's still very difficult to remember that particular period in my life without those painful feelings surfacing over again.
This is a brilliant vid on the narc and his money – really well done Sam and thank you for shedding light on these monsters.
I love your incredible work, Sam.
lol….."dilapidated self"…..
I picture the narcissist's self like a banged up car with the wheels revolving at weird angles and lots of squeaks and clunks.
Sam, I think equally narcissists often expect to be showered with money and gifts while doing little for it. (Same goes for the sense of what kind of labour they think they ought to be undertaking – a preference for little hard work and a desire for all the esteem of a "position". Status, above all, is what matters, not the substantive contribution.) They can also be real leeches and display no compunction or sense of responsibility as they feel entitlement. Benefits should just naturally "flow" to the narcissist like the sovereign accruing tribute. Yet they can be the most stingy and selfish with money when it comes to reciprocating (in informal, unseen ways). The largesse you note occurs in very performative ways: it's the show that counts and it has to be seen to be taken note of, thereby buttressing their image in others' eyes.
This video is probably the culmination of Sam's personal experience, and his observations, as wise as he is, and for sharing he has helped me to realize the truth; reality; plain and simple. I have a lot of people at stake; they are all walking away, they do not understand why on earth I am still here; to them "escaping" is so easy, but not if one has been involved with a narcissist. This is not just a "comment" one throws out. When you have experienced the utter destruction of your entire family; finances; career; every single thing, and you are confused, this is the answer. My God, this is it! The description of every encounter I have had since I met him. I won't be on this sight much anymore; I am moving on. I bought Sam's book, and my God it is all there! What hurts is that I was too ignorant to know what I was dealing with and although "charming", in reality, the narc could care less. Well, I do care, and he can sit and watch TV until God calls him home. People are crying in loneliness; he forged the way, and dropped them too, and how he wants "me to handle it all." Forget that! Deal with your own life because you wasted mine and could, in the end, care less! Little god–little g; you see he loves himself, and when it comes down to it he could have just meant one single word he ever said. A good lesson to newbees; I pray you learn something; and this is a warning; "Don't believe what you "hear" but judge and make decisions according to "ACTION." Words can be a "sword"; it goes two ways.
And, let me tell you how this got to be this terrible; it also involves family members, who could "care less about him", and that is where true judgment comes into play. Do I think the narc is absolutely deluded?; yes I do. He is a total failure when it comes to true, and I mean TRUE, responsibility. He failed as a parent; he was TDY with the Air Force for many years; so he always had to secure a "woman to clean up and tend to the children." That is a man's duty; BE A MAN, for God's sake, but married 3 times prior to me, and he stated, "I needed a babysitter." So, you married a woman you did not love so you could have a "babysitter" to tend to your children? This was years later; (the military can court-martial you for not having your life in order.) I have no experience with the military at all. So, I tried to understand, but I always thought to myself, "Is the military–war–really that more important than your own family?" Yes, apparently, because they will (the military) give you a medal for making your own bed. So, if he is "even present" in his own life he has been taught that being an irresponsible parent; a parent who "uses" other people to take care of his own family, that is okay. No, it is not; these children, who are all now failures, which launches more screwed up people into society, were traded for a war in "the Gulf; Vietnam", and now the rest. Now, America has to deal with children who have been discarded and manipulated; not tended to as children, but left with a " babysitter.) Priorities are set in the soul, (oftentimes under threat) and I do not foul anyone for serving in the military, but when every single person you love has eroded away and you cannot find it in your heart to complete your first obligation–your children; I hold no pity. I love a man who loves his family and would die for them. I have never seen that; I have seen "men"; men who were supposed to defend and who gave a course set to have something of meaning, throw it all away. I do honor my husband's service, but why did it cost everything he ever loved or cared about in lieu of a foreigner who will never love his family, in fact, would rather destroy it? Why did he not care for any of us, and traded us all for a delusion? I will always love him in the truth, but do I actually love or respect him? No. He can try to determine, for himself, where to draw the line. It ends with loyalty to other nations, who do not hold our values in perspective, and to trade that for a family, it just not acceptable. Why get married, or have children, if you do not plan to honor your first commitment? Our children matter too, not just the middle east. Remember the song by Sting:" Russians"; they overall are just poor people who live to fight in a war they do not understand; they just fight it. The same old slug; fighting for that which he sacrificed his life for, and for what? An "official" who told him to do it. Well, that "patriotism" has cost me and my family, and for what? We are in bed with every polluted nation on this earth; our country is bankrupt, and our children are parentless. Do you see any improvement in the middle-east after trillions of dollars are gone? What about our economy? The blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifice of our families? That is the reason we are dead; we got into bed with a godless society who also believes that a "mother" is a sexual machine; here to give birth, but has no wisdom. I say, "Men, if you don't end this, every Tom, Dick and Harry, will continue to destroy as you search out the latest conquest. Stand up and BE A MAN and truly defend this nation and stop playing games with those who really do, did, love you." You cannot blame me for giving up. God, is this all there is? There is a song by "Peggy Lee"; I have it downloaded; "Is this all there is?" Apparently, but it is a choice. Love starts at home, and if we keep leaving our families lost and alone then that is what they will be; lost and alone. I don't care about some sultan on a camel in the middle-east, I am ordered to care for "my family"; so far, I guess I am alone and it all gone now, while the "administration" cares about anything but America. Good lucks folks, and I must say that this has become a ridiculous joke to me as I see the slaughter of our own country for fools. If you like it; support; I cannot stand ANY of them! They stink! God says it best, Himself. Read it and weep!
My "husband" who never was, and yet who is, gets it all; all of it; it was planned. He knew exactly what he was doing 21 years ago; he planned it because he knew that this would end up being a nightmare; so he planned it all. You know what? I could care less. Maybe over the past few years I did not make enough money to "make it" but I will, and it will take an attorney to fight the filth of his lies, and he told me in 2002, "You are spent." Well, in 1993 met him; felt sorry for him; he seemed so "nice", so I married him. He had his 8 year old son in the car with him. I thought, "what a family man." WRONG! I only saw his "stepson" four more times, and he was done with him; a child who needed a father. No wonder his entire family is a disaster and everything I love is gone. I try not to hate him, but it is hard. I don't hate him, I hate what he has done, but I don't want another thing to do with any of it. What a sick man; if only he knew this: Love is the key! If you love truly, the last thing on your mind is more money; give of yourself and build and future; money will never afford a real future; it will buy boats; cars; women; BS; family is what counts, and to this day, that is all gone, including me now. Praying for his enlightenment, but not one more day will I spend on this nonsense!
I told my husband for years and years; "money is a tool; it is not life itself." But, if you try to inform other people; who truly are devoid of purpose in life; they are confused, money is life; that is "how they live." As they "serve money" and "receiving" people grow weary and realize that this person's values are displaced. And, as well as money being in an improper view, they also view others as an "instrument." Narcissists are opportunists; they truly live to receive, while sound and goal-oriented people live to give; not to receive; to make their "mark" upon this world, even if it is just giving a child an opportunity in life. But, even their own children will pay because they are "too busy" securing their own gain than to even give to their children or grandchildren. Sam is right; they cannot change; don't waste your time or your life or your soul. In the end, you will be blamed for all of the narcs behavior, and they never even saw you or were capable of loving you; you were "convenient" until your "convenience" is expended. Thank God for small favors! Actually, this is a big favor! You can do it too; just don't waste the years I did on a person who really didn't even love themselves, and certainly, they cannot love you.
I have not listened to this yet; I trust Sam; he has armed me with the truth, and I thank him so much! For years and years and years (having a logical mind) I just could not understand my life. I was fractured between children; finances; running a home, and my "late"career, which I also lost, thank you to narcissism, a plague upon society. And, it does start at home. If parent is lost and confused, and their "offspring" are lost and confused, how can anything become of it? Nothing will; not ever! They live to "receive", but they never give a thing. Oh, they are charming; in fact, after all of these years, I have seen him just charm people into not knowing their own name, but it is ALWAYS a new addition to the narc's circle of friends. Everyone else has said, "see ya." Well, this gal wants "see ya" too, and he has done everything and everything to keep me here, until every single thing he ever "stated" he loved fell apart, including me, and I mean every single thing. He is broken, so here comes more pity on my part, which is how I got sucked in from the beginning; "his son died in the Army; they never found his body." Sad–tragic, but the narc went on and buried it all emotionally, feeling devastated that he "encouraged" his son to join the Army. Guilt. He cannot sleep; he is absent 100% from his own life, and I have been here for ages picking up the pieces. I have almost had a nervous breakdown because of the totality of my entire marriage; the loss; the pain; the man who is compensating right in front of me, who had balls of steel when I met him, and is now crumbling. No blessings; no money; no family; no friends; just debt because they will sacrifice every single thing in their life to get a "fix" for the next 5 minutes. I was a "fix" when his son died; I attended the funeral; that is how I became acquainted with my husband; out of respect for a vet. Little did I know how worthless my true love and dedication were; sacrificing my entire life for this man, and today he told me, "It is over." Well, thank God for that, unless this is another useless bunch of rhetoric in order to "manipulate me again." Manipulation will NEVER be an option again as I look as this withered old man, who never a damn about anything but himself; who "dismissed" anything that really mattered in lieu of the "next 5 minutes of satisfaction." So, after 21 year so service; he is finished. Great Buddy; none too soon, and even if it takes every last penny I have saved, you can have at–you and your "debts" because he squandered away very opportunity and person to get a fix for the next five minutes. Did the narc not ever remember than everyone wants a "fix", and I think that is what love has become; a ridiculous explanation, or "excuse" for I want. Forget it. I don't care what you want; I am done!!! He said it, and he is GOING to live by it now. There is no more forgiveness for a fool; a man who had EVERYTHING, and squandered it away. Too bad if now wants to "save the marriage." That is where Sam's video on "old narcissistic supply" is the truth; They are desperate; they screwed up, and they want "more" from you, although they never even looked you." Too bad–suck it up because YOU are the one who tried to manipulate me one last time, and guess what, "IT DIDN'T WORK" LOL And, if anyone is wondering; "yes, I am a very good-looking woman, seriously." I used to date "doctors and lawyers and people who had a path, until I met the USAF guy who's son had died, and I felt "sorry for him." Don't ever marry for pity, because no matter how "tragic" the story is, the did NOT NEED YOU to survive it. He could have glued himself together and gotten over the death of his son before trying to "get married." He got "married" because the guy cannot even handle a check book. What a disgrace. They will use anything to suck you in, even a child, but the bottom line is; they cannot survive without you, and now it has come to the boiling point. I never met his son; he died before I met my husband, but in reality I have more respect for his son than I do him because he constantly used the death of his son to "suck" everyone in. POS; and I pray there is some hope for him because he is NOWO, and forever, and his own. Good luck that that, my friend.
I really appreciate your videos…in them you describe a person that I know all to well, but it was after seeing your videos that I realized that she has a personality disorder and that I'm not crazy or "overly sensitive". She would make a great case study.
Everything you said was true. You know the human mind in all it's many forms.
Authority is also license to abuse, the more authority narcissist has, the easier is for him to get away unpunished and do what ever he wants.
Mistakes and flaws are also license to abuse.
Why do I keep thinking about Dominique Strauss-Kahn?
thank you!!!!! FOR ADDRESSING THIS TOPIC!!! omg, I could never have imagined what he would turn into after he turned from a broke guy into an inheritance-toting maniac. BLEHHH. Gold-digger. ALL THE WAY, ruined my life with this crap — worse than anythng else, the financial theft of my assets and savings.
This is on point. It was my personal experience that the narc became more powerful after acquiring money in the unleashing his evil and delight in torture and lies.
I've been tested and tried by this type or man…charmer, charisma,all to slime ball his way in for his own supply.ladies beware of this type of man…perfect at first complete gentlemen to down right desolate character junkie as explained..liar, theft, and rebel attitude badass…something like money and a woman with it brings the evil out in them.. especially if u dont freely and consistently give them gas cigarette,feed his family,when they can work,feeding his narcissistic supply ect.. ignore and stay far away from them…make it clear u want nothing to do wit them period under no circumstances…
This is so so true. I fell for my ex because although he was poor at the time,he was generous and always provided me with the best items he could afford. But I notice he would buy expensive stuff only when they generate narcissitic supply. He will buy cheap for everyday clothes but buy Armani suit for social gathering events. He will eat burgers and junk food mostly but buy expensive dinners for his friends and employees.
His mom was poor and live on social security income. He probably think she wasnt a good supply because he barely went visit her, bought her gifts or helped her financially.
I didnt pay attention to any of these until after I've learned about narcisism.
NEW VIDEO Money: Narcissist's License to Abuse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVl7Zc9dToQ
https://archive.org/details/narcissistmoney
Ah…the money lure! Sam nailed it again here…great video (and nice new background/room Sam!) If I may…for those of you who do not think this way, when Sam refers to money giving license to the N to be him/herself…(I would like to pose a good example here). In one of your earlier videos, you give us a warning “beware of N baring gifts…they may explode in your face!” – I thought that was an accurate and clever analogy! After all, how can the N be “generous” and “philanthropic” at the same time be “evil” and “manipulative”? Indeed…it is true and here is where money comes into play. For example, a N may make you feel like the most special lady in the world (this can go on for years by the way…through entire marriages! This is the facade.) You are so special that they convince you that you deserve the house/car/item of your dreams! They buy it for you and convince you this is such a genuine gift from the heart…they WILL put your name on it – “it is YOURS sweety…all for you!” THEN, they make sure it is so beautiful and over the top, you fall for it, you are overwhelmed! Then, you become dependent on the item. Only THEY can afford the mortgage/car payments! THEN…enters sadism! Oh…did I mention I will be entertaining MY lady friends in YOUR bed? Did you think this PALACE (they over exaggerate their generosity too!) was ONLY for you? Then pay for it! 😉 Oh, can’t go to work without the car I bought? Awww, then suffer with my twisted lifestyle! If you stay, they are sadistic…if you leave, they mock you as you are walking out the door (nice studio apartment!…me and my new girl are enjoying the pool! OR nice 10 year old car…my new girl LOVES the heated seats in the Benz you picked out! 😉
At first glance it sounds as if I am describing a gullible victim here…but remember, this happens to wives of ten years OR if you are unfortunate enough to be a child of one of these people…this is what you know as fathers or men in general…til you get out in the world and learn different. Thanks to Sam…he is providing the world with this incite. Remember, most people do NOT think this way!
Which video is it where you give the “gift exploding” warning? It is a great complement to this one!
Money to some is power and without that power they not only have nothing they are nothing. +1
Thank you Sam