Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html Many victims of …
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N-Magnet: Narcissist’s Ideal Victim?
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This is, by far, the best video on narcissists victims! I'm often astounded at the comments online about people who stayed for decades with narcissists. I would never remain with someone who abuses me the way many people watching have described. The minute I sensed I had been fooled, I would run. Look back LATER. Not stay in that mess.
As an ex-wife I'm still glad I'm free of his bad behavior even if it took twenty years. I met him when I was 13. He was so good looking ouch
Oh my god, i can't stop laughing. This is so true. ahaha.
He's right. If we don't learn, we'll repeat the lesson. Cry as hard as you want for as long as you need to, but NEVER cry over the SAME thing again
I looked the other way for the sex, then couldn't detach because eventually I was hooked on her total dishonesty. I didn't believe her for a second, but I knew I wanted to, thus psychologically I was fascinated by her compulsive lying. I actually fell more in love with her as I learned more about narcissism and she became so obvious, there was something pathetic and yet cute about it.. IF SHE HAD ADMITTED even one tiny item, which she never did. The ideation phase was certainly a compliment .. for the first time in my life I was ready to tell Brad Pitt to step aside, the man is in the house..
but…. no one who doesn't desire some sort of flattery would be taken in for long
so true….
wish he focused on sociopaths too
I learn so much from your videos about my sibling narc, though I don't fully understand her hatred of me, or my parents lack of punishing her, I do see her defect in her behavior.
Thank you, I enjoy your videos. I am a 'scapegoat' daughter of an abusive, narcissistic mother.
I like to listen to many videos on the subject to allow some sort of validation that is not available at the sources.
I am continuing no contact and over the years limited exposure to her has seen my life blossom and at times become overwhelmingly happy in ways I had never imagined possible.
As a person with an over abundance of empathy and not physically resembling my mother at all, I was born to be her ideal victim. But birth rights do not need to be inherited so the abuse stops here.
Oh man, if you taught courses at my university, I would take every single one of your classes every year. I would probably consider aiming for a PhD in Psychology as well.
You make the concept of narcissism and how it relates to both victim and abuser as logically and vividly described as it can be in the most straightforward manner. I've watched at least 25 of your videos and now the narc who was in my life for 4 years seems and behaves like a totally different person in my eyes. It's amazing.
Mr Vaknin, you, sir, are the man.
Victims do have free will, and often choose to stay with an abuser to "ride out the storm". The bond of attachment makes leaving pre emptively emotionally unfeasible, just as painful as the eventual hardcore devaluation and discardment will be. The victim sees the situation as a lose-lose and often feels they need to let the N do their worst, rather than just hint at it, in order to emotionally move on. To leave in advance for an attached empath is to leave a mystery dangling in the air, forever looming. The tragedy all takes place in the initial wooing, attachment-forming, from which there's no painless escape.
I hate to admit…you are absolutely right..she gave me many warning signs, I just chose to ignore them…
In this day and age you do not know anything about anyone until you get to know them & their family. You could be dating a serial killer. Even their families are the last to know it would seem. Always be in a group & do not pair off. If you find someone nice run a criminal background check before getting serious. Chances are you will be shocked at what you find out!
That would be me.
…I somehow feel the words of the Bible are coming to pass
2 Timothy 3 King James Version (KJV)
3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
Very true, people have to have establish boundaries most people don't take control of themselves. Then they can say ,they attract losers.
Thank you Sam. You and others with insightful knowledge on this subject have saved me from much suffering, torment and emotional misery caused by such types of people. Again, thank you.
We are not suspicious in the beginning because decent minded honest and fair people judge others by their own high standards. It simply doesn't occur to us that people like this exist and when things start going wrong – the blame and emotional abuse begins, we bend over backwards to do the right thing and examine ourselves, unlike the narcissist. It takes time to recognize the pattern, and in my day there was no information, no TV programs, no books about personality disorders. Even psychiatric professionals knew little, as I came to find. So blaming the victims is counterproductive. Instead we should applaud how strong and resourceful many of them are. . .in surviving, and learning to beat the narcissist at their own game.
locate and sue, imo.:D
Mr. Vaknin. Thank you for being so candid. I've learned A LOT from you.
The last 20 seconds were priceless! #StraighLikeThat
in other words, if you as the so called victim of a narc are on the internet bashing the so called narc for years on end then you might want to look yourself in the mirror because you ultimately chose this person to be with so you are not entirely a VICTIM as you would like to make everyone believe. You did it to yourself. Sorry if this seems harsh but it's true. I agree with Sam on this.
Sam thank you… " no one else to blame but yourself if you don't learn from it".
Example: "If you don´t obey me and do as I say, you will either loose me and will have it worse out there, or I will punish you because I am stronger and have power to punish…"
Now, who will the victim have to blame for making a choice: Himself/herself, or the punisher for making the conditions?
– If the victim stays but doesn´t obey, will it have itself to blame for the punishment if it gets one?
– If the victim stays and obeys, will it have itself to blame for subservience and obedience?
– If the victim leaves, but loses the "one" and find it worse out there if it does; will it have itself to blame for the "worse" and the "loss"?
– If the victim leaves but finds freedom and much better out there, will it have itself to take the credits for?
What determines the choices and the fate of the victim in such cases?
tough love its true ty so much
Thank you very much for making this video! Do you believe that non-N young people raised in a severely psychopathic or malignant narcissistic environment: a) Are able to break out of the cycle that you mention in this video (since that is all they have known)? b) Do you believe that non-Ns raised by MNs can be capable of a "normal" understanding of love? Also: c) To what extent do you believe that non-Ns begin to take on MN characteristics (in some situations) if they are raised in an MN home?
You obviously love books as I see your great library behind you. You should visit Open library for domain books that are free to download. Open Library online has MILLIONS of books, mostly ancient books in PDF or EPUB.
Sam, thanks so much! I had no idea that the agony I've been going through was due to a mental illness I never heard of. I've watched dozens of your videos, and I thank you for reaching out to those of us who are hurting. I just wish there was real help for the suffering N. Including you! Almost everything you've said in these videos are spot on, even to the terminology, of the man I've been hooked into. "I'm unique" "I'm the King" "You need to know your place" and on and on.I'll recover.
I'll say narcs can be deceptive in a way. That's how we end up getting them.
The ideal victims I have encountered disgust me.
I have read extensively about the N mom…But what if you are the Mom and you have been a victim of a shy covert N daughter for 5 years? What if you have had serious medical problems from worry over a daughter who rages and has no empathy for any one or thing but herself. What if you, the parent are walking on egg shells in a nightmare, because you do not know what daughter will show up: Where is the help for the abandoned parents who have not met any of the criteria of being an N themselves?
A narcissist is like a cat when it comes to sources of narcissist supply, to the exception that cats don't play with your mind nor mess with your emotions. Therefore, cats are better companions because at least, you know what to expect from them.
Outstanding advice. I've often attracted abusive and criminally violent women but it is important for me to realize that this isn't the case in 100% of my relationships and those toxic women weren't singling me out. Protect yourselves America is FULL of abusive narcissists and we need to fix it.
Exactly. No one to blame but yourself.
Life is about developing and learning and unlearning and purifying oneself all the time. With the many programmes having being installed during the upbringing, and since most children in Denmark have been brought up by primarily women, it might explain why too many men are weak here and too good-hearted and want to be of service – then only to be taken advantage of by the pathological abusers who themselves were abused early on.