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Narcissists Make You Doubt Your Reality
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I am much better now thanks to you and many others . But I need to help my sons (18/19).
Obviously they have grew up with my issues and have managed the best they could. We have always been close but now it feels REAL (!) Going NC has almost changed me overnight!
However one confides in having 'friends' who are EXACTLY like this. I tried to explain gaslighting to him. But I don't want to be the parent who becomes background noise by repeating stuff like a parrot! Can you suggest anything?
I want him/them to have a better life than me, so no contact with gaslighting narcs may scare him/them when they are just starting out in the world, interacting with new people and wanting freedom to build friendships outside of our family. Please help or suggest some reading/YT material , thank you X
I really love your video but I do not like when you start talking like a black person (dialect) why do you do this??
AMEn!,,,,,,
Would you be willing to moderate a Skype – type "counseling " or group. session?
Gaslight in
!!!!!!
My father acts this way all the time. I claims to raised his kids, but their mothers raised them. He simply took care for a while. When I tell him, he gets defensive. He says he believes in God, but he's a fronter. He does wants you to agree with him. He messed my head up a lot, even though he's been there for me a lot. I want to sue him for abuse since I am broke, but I learned in a criminal justice course that I couldn't do that. Anyway, I doubt myself because of him, and he'd say to believe in myself. I have figured out that whatever confidence I had he took from me. He didn't believe much in me, which made me insecure. I often get mad at him, but I always respected him. He left scars in me. There are also others in my family that do it. Even I act similar to the way my dad acts at times, due in my Asperger's Syndrome. But I'm not like them.
"Tuned up" is a key term here, we are literally like instruments that pick up vibrations….Your really helping see through the darkness and fog back toward who I really am. Thank you so much for sharing so much wisdom from the source.
Crazy Making!
My first boyfriend lied about everything and I believed it all. I believed because I did not trust MY reality. I did not trust my reality because when I was a little girl no one cared about what I had to say and when I did dare to say something some would say I was stupid or just totally ignored I just said something.
thanx, i have experience with the second type: that's was very confusing and very addictive.
Finding out about NPD has really helped me to figure out what has been going on in my family. I had to go No Contact with my sisters. I am 60 and they have been abusing me my whole life, especially my oldest sister. Unfortunately, that means I do not see their kids and grandkids, either. But I have no choice.
omg…..I have never put a term or title to him but Im watching this video and im just nodding…i had very low sel esteem during high school but I outgrew that to be very strong on the surface….until i met my current bf,….4 years last week…..I can do nothing right….at first i thought he had my back. he would defend me against everybody else or suggest ways to fight back. I was in love but if i didnt go with his beliefs, it is hell…..im in the process of figuing my way out of it but even while I am doing that I am thinking " is it me?" am i ready for another relationship? smh…i dont know wat to do
My problem at this point is I know so much of this information (from reading, studying, obtaining degrees in related subjects….etc..) but I find it so hard to break away from my narcissist husband and take care of myself. From living with a narcissist for 30 years and from everything I have read narcissist don't divorce lying down…they go for the jugular. I don't know if I am strong enough to meet this head on. Any advice….?
Hi Lisa, do you ever slip back into old ways of thinking and behaving? You look so put together in your videos and it is hard to imagine you being on the receiving end of narcissist abuse.
Exactly. They treat the world great, but not you for whatever reason. I'm the scapegoat in my family. I get treated the worst. And I no longer give a shit about what they are going through anymore because it's all excuses. Everyone is going through something. Life will never be perfect. I've spent most of my 28 years with these people and the time is never good for them to be considerate, sympathetic, and supportive of me. My existence has always been inconvenient. So I'm not believing any excuse that comes out of their mouth, because it's just that: an excuse.
Thank you Lisa…sharing your experiences is key to helping others understand that yes maybe it is them to a point (the whole codependency thing) but the narcissist is vile, vindictive, and malicious and takes no prisoners..
The whole 5'oclock vs. 7'oclock is gaslighting and I know you know this. This is vintage "narcissist behavior".
love your videos making me understand more and more about the subject and how I have to change so I do not attract these people anymore in my life :)
I put my foot down once I gained ND understanding…..!!!!! Life is damn good now! I tell ya I spent awhile looking to avenge myself to learn they drown to death on thier own narcissism. …praise the Lord! Lol!
Your second ex sounds just like my father. So there's a word for what he did to us.
Thank you, you've helped me understand a few things, about how my mom might've felt & why she seems to hve selective memory about the things he says… maybe it's like your 7 o'clock example.
I myself realized early on that if I didn't strongly reject his words they would destroy me, but that's left me with a huge fear of never being believed, or to come off as the things he says I am. I was already bad at catching social cues from birth, but as a child I had at least the courage to approach people. I was considered a talkative child. Now I'm so afraid of getting everything wrong, it's an ongoing struggle to bring myself to truly try and it's so humiliating.
I have started watching this, my mom was a Narcissist, according to several experts, as well as her daughters, no alcohol. I was the one who stood up against her since I was very young. I somehow lived. She wasn't easy to live with for any of us. Kind of a cross between Mommy Dearest and Adolf Hitler, seriously. We have no contact with her. I am going to follow along in your series. Thank you.
Mine does that! He says he never said that! I can say that before my MS got bad, I got in the car and left. But now I checked out mentally so nothing hurts like before. I no longer can drive or cook. I barely sit up long or have full strength of my arms or legs but your videos have helped me to check out mentally and I feel relief! 🙂 yay! I see the stupid stuff for what it is!
You are right about the empathetic narc. Mine made me feel sorry for him like it was us against the world, especially his parents who had abused him so badly and he had complex PTSD (supposedly). He made me feel like I was the only one that understood him. It was very addicting like you are the only person who can save this person.
She nails it on this video too. I lived it, I know it to be true. Wow! I love listening to her as she explains my life back to me. : ) This is a repeat over and over in children to adults and adults back to children. I felt uncomfortable with the good people. I am still working on that, but at least I am out of the narcissistic and codependent game. Never again! Once you know better, you do better! I prefer to be independent and happy than with a awful narcissistic dude who is beating me down again!
Might you do a video on attracting narcissistic friends? I had a beloved friend that actually swept in (new to town), befriended me and her kids became best friends with my kids, called every day to hang out, I feel madly in "friend" love because she was always in control, sort of like a substitute mom, met my needs, but then suddenly dropped me and the kids started confronting my children or pulled other people away from them. I am stil in pain about it after 3 years and cannot seem to move on completely. Having trouble seeing the truth about it. (not sure she was a narcissist..but the whole thing was intoxicating, followed by painful.)
You nailed this for me! Since my disability my sister has wanted the old me back, but im different physically and emotionally. I became a better christian and she finds me boring, i can feel that now because of the belittling, open my eyes and my heart, i am becoming aware…. Im not boring, im in tune ….ty Lisa
5:50 – Sounds like Jim Jones.
4:07 – Lisa, is it common for narcissists to take the word of a stranger over you, i.e. a family member? I did not make this connection until recently. My father, while I was a teen, at times took the word of his male friends over me (the occurrences were numerous so I will not drill down on them). when I was being completely honest (to be crude, I was a parent's wet dream..yea, people pleaser) Fast forward to about three years ago where I had sought the counsel of my oldest brother (big mistake..was a narc like my father except with a college education hence more articulate) in which he took the side of my narcissistic now-ex g/f when I was trying to tell him about how she was gas lighting me.
Thank you for your wonderful videos, Lisa. I've watched many and garnered a lot of wisdom from them. I think I've been involved with both types of narcs you describe here. Thanks again, Lisa!
Thank you. You are beautiful. Thank you for helping me- and all of us.
I appreciate that you are not gynocentric. ;-)
You hit the jackpot with this one lol. again, thank you! thank you.
Thank you. I needed you lol C% you have no idea lol
My boyfriend told me that nobody will ever love me because I'm too broken. Then he deny ever saying it and that my memory is not good and I'm visously hanging on to it!
Yep, it's very difficult dealing with Narcissists. They not only deceive others, they even deceive themselves. That's one of the scary things about them.
Dear Lisa.
seems like we have lived parallel lives… I was losing my mind ,
bless you for making theses videos,
they are a god send, you truly are an angel .
Thank you so much! Really great!
Thank you for your videos! <3
Great videos. My ex spouse never cared about my feelings and was super nice to others , even volenteering to do things for them so they would like him but be terrible to me. When I left him I was by myself for almost a year and I think it was good for me. Even though he harassed me and other things the longer I was away from him the better I felt. I would much rather be alone than ever be with someone like that again. The man I'm with now cares about my feelings so much, that when I cry he crystals with me and leaves work early to make sure I'm okay. What a difference. It's so much better to be with someone who sees me and is not a narcassistic sociopath.
A relation without respect and abuse it's the worse nightmare ……..Dear Lisa don't believe a liar ……..you prove that his behavior was destructed to you……..Congragulations you break that horrible bond….."..thank you.
What a nail in the head! (if the saying goes that way…) …when someone kind comes into our reality and we consider them boring, nerdy, someone we cannot trust.. because that doesn't represent love as it was defined in our weird home. And there was those kind of people, I remember, but they're gone. Where was my head….
Thanks
Thank you very much for pointing this out so clearly! As I have distanced myself from my narcs I see now even better how they twist the things around. And when I was with them daily, how could I not see that?! I guess its like when you are in the mud up to your ears you can not notice that you just got some more dirt on your hand again? And they are so talented in doing that, that it even sounds very logic! And I used to buy their twisted stuff. Guess what it made me feel about myself?! I ask his position, he does not answer directly but kind of wording towards to where I would not like, and then gaslight it all that it is all my fault that he is more where I do not want him to be! When I started seeing this more clearly, there is just no way out with these people! As they take no responsibility of their own, and it is gonna always be your fault for everything! I am so happy to be able to see all that now.
…echoes…so much of my experiences…x
My mother loves to deny, deny, deny. And gaslight.
Please subscribe and share dear ones!