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Red Flag of a Narcissist #16: Concern with Public Image
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Hi Dana – Wild question you just asked! What would they do if they didn't get their egos fed? My first thought was it would equal destruction. I'm a codependent, but I relate to the contempt I think Ns feel for themselves. When you asked that question, I flashed on the voice of my own inner critic at it's most evil (based on my N father's voice) and when I have failed at something important, this voice rises up and demands that I kill myself. It's only happened a couple times, but it is terrifying. I've tried to explain the difference between suicidal thoughts that come from depression or emotional suffering – and this sudden suicidal urge – that is actually more of an order – coming from my inner critic. Anyway, I'm guessing that since they are likely victims before they were perps, they could have that same evil voice ordering them to destroy themselves to avoid bringing anymore shame to their being. Okay, that's all. I don't comment much, but figured I'd give it a shot. I just love your videos so much. Thank you! Thank you!
Dana, you asked what would happen if a narcissist's supply would simply run dry.
I think if their ego is no longer fed, they will revert to the state from which their narcissism developed. I suspect that this will be the state of deep insecurity and anxiety that might have been present in their childhood, in the environment they grew up in.
Also, you are right about a good narcissist being able to make even the victim believe they are dysfunctional. I have been there! 🙁 If you want to learn about my experience with narcissist, read realdanniaskini.wordpress.com. I think it might be especially interesting, because my abuser is currently running for public office and I am trying to warn people. I was very close to committing suicide after our relationship.
thank you for your realness!
This all seems ambiguous to say the least. There are many shades to narcissistic behavior. I truly do not believe that it is innate, and that is an ambiguous statement. I think that a person who doesn't try or try as hard are known offenders of pushing the "narcis" card. Is Michael: Jordan, Jackson, Tyson, McDonald, Angelo, and Phelps, etc., narcissistic people or were they just winners! These people operate on a different plain of existence.
I'm so glad you got away from the narcissists, Dana!
You're doing such good work!
my grand finale was they never wanted to see me again. LOL
I was with a narcissist who has a whole family of narcissists….they used to complain that their family is cursed, that's why their newly brought TV, computer, kettle etc not working. They were also always right, know-it-all, their doctors didn't know anything and didn't give them this or that medicine, their mechanic didn't know how to fix the car….they came across to be the only people who knew what's right. When my ex's father found out that he misbehaved and I was upset, he would say to me'That's my boy' …as if they were proud of what he did…..I didn't realised I was in an abusive relationship until many many years later, and still having problem reconciling it. :(
Im just getting out of a 15 year relationship with one of these folks. The gaslighting is real. He would lie about things big and small. Problem was him trying to cover his trail…left a trail. Example: (one of many) Maps app on a droid can be erased (history) but if you type in the first letter, the places you searched and got directions for come up lol It came down to the fact that Im crazy, insecure, have trust issues, need a therapist, and I'm the one ruining the relationship. For a few years I believed it. But he got sloppy and started leaving clues everywhere. Fastforward to now, still living together but selling the house and our stuff packed in separate boxes. Has the nerve to tell me I should stop "lying" to other people about him cheating, etc. It was actually him that instigated the breakup. I basically started raging back at him and not in the feed-my-ego kinda way. But more of a im-trashing-the-house, kinda way. A few instances of that and he wasn't having it anymore. I'm destroying his props and not playing the part I should be playing. That, and im sure hes got other sources lined up and Im just not worth it anymore. Now he treats me like a stranger living in his house. He says hes gonna split the sale of the house with me but I dont believe him or anything else he says.
Narcissist will cheat and when you find out they will say that they were testing you to see if you trust them and apparently you are not trusting them becuz you have trust issues..they are good at turning things around.
As a narcissist I find it satisfying for my ego to hear how smart I am that can manipulate people so many different ways.
go dana!!! kick ass!!
THANK YOU AWESOME VIDEO !!! HOW CAN I KNOW WHICH ONE IS YOUR SITE ON FACEBOOK THERE ARE MANY SITE WITH THE SAME TITLE . THANKS
YES ! YES ! YOU ARE RIGHT ….. I LOOK LIKE 15 YEARS OLDER IN JUST 3 YEARS !!! PEOPLE WHO KNOW MW ASKED ME WHAT HAPPEN TO YO AND I HAVE PICTURES TO PROVE IT !! ….. THEY SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF US …I WISH IT WILL BE ONLY PHYSICALLY BUT EMOTIONALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, UNTIL TODAY I FEEL LIKE A GHOST FLOATING , I AM ALIVE BUT INSIDE I AM DEAD.
I can so relate to the weight gain!
Ah, the old concern of public image. The best way to take revenge on a narcissist (on the way out of the relationship, of course) is to look him square in the eye and tell him he's got a little d*ck when he really doesn't. If he's the type of narcissist that prides himself on his sexual prowess, this will mess with his head in more ways than you can imagine. Saying this wouldn't bother a normal man when he knows it isn't true, but for a narcissist it will. You have to tell him this more than once and with conviction, and over a period of several days. Say it like it's true. It will drive him crazy and will strike fear and paranoia into his very soul that you are telling your friends and them their friends and that somehow it will get back to his friends and co-workers that he's got a little d*ck. Oh, the horror of people thinking THAT. I guess I'm cured of the torment this man put me through because here it is ten years later and this is the best memory I have of that relationship. I get much laughter over this still and I'm sure I'll be laughing when I'm 80. My girlfriends all laugh too. I guess that makes me evil.
please learn about gang stalking. these are satanic cults targeting innocent people. they will keep trying to find victims
rude awakening.
I just separated from my husband. In public he is the ideal person. He volunteers for numerous causes and has a great profile. At home he's a whole different person. I'm thankful for these videos. It's helped me understand his personality. I used to think he was right that maybe everything really was my fault. But the verbal abuse and later the physical told me otherwise.
I feel crazy…. He makes me feel like I'm the one with the problems
sorry you mention a black and white film, but I cant find the link? can you advise me here, thanks
Thank you for your videos !
I replyed to his latest hoover, and he found out how angry I still am. I am just not going to forgive anyone without remorse or introspect. I am ok without forgiving him. So now he know exactly what I see him as – and that I am not going to be manipulated to stay silent if anyone asks about my years with him. Now he hoover like a maniac -like all tricks he ever collected threw his life at once. I totally see threw him, and all this fraud is worried about is his image, it is the only reason for this hoovers. He surely is a skilled narcissist, only in close relationship will one see the real deal of lies, egoism, omnipotence, entitlement and grandiosity. He is a dearly well liked man in the neighborhood – a inspirator for all -exept he drains and mindfuck and triangulate like a crazy constantly -and are a abuser emotionally and mental to a partner.
Thank you so much for this. I used to think that I was crazy. He would do things and then he would say something totally different from his actions.
They are never without a fail safe….but eh yeh they will have another until the world is dead….
Social media and Facebook are an EXCELLENT source of supply! They can craft any image they want on there. All of the smiling pictures and pictures of them traveling, and their "happy" family. It's all part of crafting the perfect image.
I think they would self destruct :0 I have a friend whom I've been trying to distance myself from but every time I'm not there to listen to her speak about herself on and on she goes home and self harms in some way, which makes me feel guilty for not being there for her all the time
I am really loving this playlist you made, tyvm Dana, these are just fantastic. I AM NOT CRAZY. 🙂 others get hurt by the same things too.
my niece goes out on the full moon, comes home, is hanging up her wiccan clothing and looks me straight in the eye and says 'I wasn't at ritual', then makes up a bullshit story. It drove me nuts, and sometimes I think it shouldn't have but when someone is obviously lying to you and they are family and they know how much it is hurting me mentally! that they would choose to be honest over their oathbound secrets, but choose to lie to me, it really was crazy making. Coupled with the hugs and 'I love you' from her to me just broke me mentally… Is this the modern attitude towards truth that I can now expect from people? People lie, I get that, but if you are lying to family members who specifically tell you that I am sick and can't handle lies (which is why I am very alone) and still do it anyways, …. She is just one sick evil vile human person that I am glad I never will see again even if it means kicking out my entire family. I can't believe they believe her over me… sigh ugh.
100%. My ex forced me to move to another city while I was doing my degree, or else should would go on her own. I had to transfer schools, I lost all my grades (I kept my credits) and I worked a part time job. She had no job lined up whatsoever, and we almost ended up on street. She started hanging out with other men, sleeping over at a guy's house. When things really fell apart, she blamed it all on me. It was my fault I wasn't supporting her enough.
I am feeding my ego right now by listening to your podcasts.Also, vampirism is cannibalism.
thank you soo much for this great information!! these things should be taught at schools as people life skills..could save lives!!! this is all not New but its great to hear it by your soft voice & it doesnt hurt that u r fun to look at either 😉 …great to know there r more of US then of these demonic creatures & werden r wising up to their evil ways now!!! Good Bless