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Red Flag of a Narcissist #18: Chronic Lying
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Another component of a Narcissist lying is the fact that they mix in a enough real truth with the lie to bewilder the victim, especially during personal attacks or gas lighting. It makes the lie sooooo much more convincing and causes the victim to doubt their self even more….
this is SO IT! CHRONIC LYING!! THE BIGGEST IS THIS— "I am not lying"!! LOL!
I relate to the posts and your videos a lot. I've been thru a lot dealing with Narcissists people all my life. It's nice to know that I am not the crazy one they always called me! Thank you for all the hard work. Have a great weekend. Bobz
"If there is no trust, then there really is no relationship. You are not in a relationship…you are in a manipulation". Just awesome phrase. Thank you so much!.
My boyfriend once told me he couldnt hangout because he had to drive to GR and help his aunt, who has back problems, with her yard. Turns out he was home the entire time.
The more i talk to people about things that have happened through our relationship the more I know I need out.
Here is one lie my narc partner told me: one of her ex partners had supposedly cheated on her. After years I found out that he was actually married. Putting down her partners in front of me and talking badly about me behind my back was a very common pattern with her. Any end of intimate relationships was always their partner's fault.
Hey, Dana! Thank you very much for the video!
You asked if narcissist are aware of their constant lying: my experience is that they are. There might be situations where it has been second-nature and it does not register on a very conscious level, but generally they are aware of their patterns. There is also a very informative forum here: http://www.psychforums.com/. There are a lot of NPDs contributing to those forums, who share their perspective on their own condition. It might be an interesting question to ask there.
Love the common denominator!! married to one for 10 yrs getting out. Cheating, the lies, the second guessing yourself. The soul crushing depression = not worth it. It does only gets worse with time. Married to a covert narc, his brother who lived with us til I kicked him out is overt. It changes you. If they're going to lie about stupid things imagine what they say behind your back! My mother almost staged an alcoholic intervention for me until his stories didn't add up.
i trusted every single word that he said to me. I wonder was everything a lie? omg..these fucking people
fyi-your links aren't highlighted so I have to copy and paste them.
With regard to whether they buy their own lies….ABSOLUTELY! They choose not to anchor themselves in reality, and shift their "reality" constantly, as it suits them. Since they're always in pretend-mode, they simply believe whatever they're telling themselves, at the moment. Of course, the following day, they may completely forget about what they said or did the previous day, because those "facts" no longer serve them. This is what contributes to a lot of the crazy-making for those of us who are sane, and understand the concept of continuity (something that doesn't cross the mind of narcs).
For white lies, we dont realise that we lie until it comes out of our mouths. its automatic. I didnt know that i was a narcissist until i started watching your videos just like i didnt know why i lie constantly for no reason…its weird
You've done an excellent job of explaining this. I enjoy listening to you videos. They are extremely helpful! I Appreciate your time
I realized my youngest brother is a narcissist when I saw this video. He lied about the smallest thing, that I don't think that even that important to lied about. He wasn't even angry or anything at that time. Just simply a show of force.
omg…100% I have suffered at the hands of these monsters way too long! I'm so thankful to finally have answers!
wow
Hi, Dana. I have a narcissist in my life; he has Benin bullying/stalking me for some time…4 years this June.I could use your help in understanding this man, mostly to eleviate the huge stress in my life. This guy is a cyber stalker. Did you make any videos addressing cyber stalking, and how to 'hide' from such people. I'm thankful to have found your youtube channel; you make sense out of the pure craziness that I'm dealing with all this time.I don't have Facebook any longer. Is there a way you and I can talk privately?The mental energy being spent on dealing with this guy should be spent helping my medically fragile son at home. Thanks for whatever you can do for my family! Peace.
my narc ex wife would tell lies about giving people money if they were in need( poor)to make her seem like a caring person.she would lie about her health or sickness to get attention.it was like living with a person with split personality .on facebook she was totally different than at home .she always took pics of herself and posted them .the narcs have really low self esteem but try to make everybody believe they are so confident .everything to them is a fake life .In one way there lives are sad ,trying to make out like they are happy and strong ,but they are confused and tormented inside .My ex her father always put her down he wouldn't tell her he was proud of her in school even though she always made honor roll.Her sister was dumb as a rock and her father was like if i brag on you it will make your sister feel bad.Plus her sister was tall and slim and my ex was 5 feet 4 " and chubby and he would tell her to not eat much .just a mind fuck all the time .there was never enough money she would spend it as fast as she got it ,plus maxed out credit cards, personal loans.My mind body and soul and pocket book are depleted just drained ,so tired and leak right now.please pray for me .
natural born liars their lies are the truth. to them
My narc told me he was buying a new Mercedes van, he told me all about how he negotiated a great price, and had lots of extras thrown in, we were going to go away in this new van on a short break together. I was really excited and looking forward to it, and had no reason not to believe it, until he never mentioned the van again, and when I asked him about it, he simply said he changed his mind. Also he said he went to Australia for 6 months when he was younger….he never mentioned that again either.
I enjoy watching your videos and you are dead-on accurate with these points. For quite sometime I had to question my own sanity while dating my ex-girlfriend. No compassion, accountability, responsibility, apologies, a perpetual "smear fest", and pathological liar while provoking anger and frustration in the process. Nice smile by the way. Keep it up.
Well I had to endure two chronic liars in my life: one I had a relationship with – and the second wife of my father. The latter was easy to spot. Another, third one, was in a short relationship with a buddy of mine. I always wanted to know the reason why everything they say and do is flat out a lie. Everything.
I think it is extremely hard to analyze a person that has a completely different "operating system". All of the liars (narcissists, full time con artists etc.) have one thing in common: no real skills at anything except for what what they do (until they are busted). That's an easy one: true skills and accomplishment need hard work, overcoming obstacles and moments of self-doubt and frustration – no matter how naturally talented one might be. Narcissists of course think they are perfect and born with all skills. Anything they obviously don't know anything about is either "of no importance" or they make up a lie (I am not supposed to tell you about my awesome past etc. or they use little bits of information they picked up here and there and hastily mash it up, shifting context all the time using distraction tactics). So: being perfect is boring. No challenges. Lying is a constant source of control.
But I always had (and still have) one doubt: is there an inner "core" that is knowing that narcissists are just a complete fake – and they need to lie constantly and trample on others to "override" and mask that inner core? It is very likely just a non-conscious self defense mechanism. And why do all narcissists (and full time con artists) have one thing in common (at least that's what I observed right off the bat): that uneasiness, restlessness and nervousness about them. Are these the signs of that tiny inner core of truth waiting to be fed by lies and controlling? This certainly applies to stupid and aggressive people, who proudly display their low social status and openly verbally and physically destroy everything that reminds them of their lack of intelligence ("Hey smart fella! Eat this!"). Narcissists obviously are much more subtle, clever and never assume a "trashy/low class" role in life. But perhaps some mechanisms and inner workings are the same? Thanks for reading.
As far as whether they are even self aware enough to realize they're lying, I still can't figure that out. I guess the answer is sometimes because they definitely know when they're lying to get out of trouble. But some of the lies are just so automatic. I don't know. 19 years and I still can't figure it out.
Bankruptcy, cheating, lying, stealing and everything else you can imagine he has done to me. But the lying is the worst part of it all. My narc lies so much that I literally don't believe one word out of his mouth. One time I asked him to wait on a shower because I had to get ready for work. So when I confronted him in the shower be actually lied and said, "I'm not in the shower!" Whaaaaaat!?!?!? That's insane and I should've known back then but I was young and so stupid. That's the lie that stands out so you can imagine just how horrendous it really is.
this is sooo true. my God. I am not even kidding my son's father pretended that he had gone to the zoo to look for a job when the truth was he was making monkey sounds and acting like he was at the zoo. he thought it was funny when he got busting out but I can only imagine a grown unemplyed man making monkey sounds in a phone! huge red flag but I had already had a kid by him at this time and I was doing to a 20 year sentence!!!! thank God my son is 24.
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR THAT'S THE WORD STEVE WAS ONE …O.M.G. HE DID LIE EVEN WHEN TELLING THE TRUTH WAS THE BEST CHOICE.
so I have a question why would a manipulative person lie about cheating on their partner? why would they say they cheated on their s/o if in fact they diddnt
Hi, Dana, where is the video of the guy that proposed to his girlfriend on her birthday?