Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/c/ThriveAfterAbuse Instagram: www.Instagram.com/ThriveAfterAbuse Website: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com Narcissists are …
source
Red Flag of a Narcissist #21: You Have the Feeling That Something is off
Related posts
-
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish Bashir
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish... -
3 (+1) early signs you are dating a Narcissist
Discussing 3 tell-tale signs you may have entered into relationship with a Narcissist. See if you... -
Snippy and Me: Black Guy
The ongoing saga of two embattled best friends – a genetically engineered conservative sociopath played by...
I too had night terrors, at times I would wake up out of my sleep normally and he would be awake in the bed and I would practically jump out of the bed when I saw his face. It use to be a running joke in our relationship. He started getting offended by it, and would say "you shouldn't fear me, it's messed up" He knew I on to him very early on, which made him extremely violent fast. I use to think what an idiot I was to be with such a monster, but then I think how brilliant I am for knowing who he is now and closer to solving the puzzle each day being with him.
This is true. Ex narc before our marriage was admired by my family, friends, etc. that's he's so sweet, handsome, caring, really into me and I felt like bitch because I wanted to throw up when I thought about him, I remember looking at his facebook just shaking my head thinking "what the fuck am I doing with this guy, he's untrustworthy" but they plow over your life before you can call them out on the piece of garbage they actually are. I use to tell him "I'm going to be up on who the f$&@ did I marry aren't I? He didn't find this funny, especially on our honeymoon, but I wasn't joking. I think that's why he pulled off the mask so soon to start the brainwashing of I'm crazy and he's this "great" guy
I had a veryyy bad feeling at first but the narcissist and I would always smoke weed during our first dates (he was addicted to it and I thought it were more healthy than alcohol since he seemed fonctional). So every bad feeling I had I attributed it to too much weed.
But his flow of words were so tiring, I thought at first that was because he was much cleverer than me. I remember I fell asleep telling him to please shut up. I felt like I was trapped and it seemed ridiculous: he was this quirky funny guy who kept showering me with compliments and kept on criticizing himself on his little flaws. But he was so eager to become this huge part of my life, always texting me, telling me stuff like "I can't wait for you to wake up so that I can keep functioning" (now I realize what a red flag that was!!!).
After two months I had a very vivid dream which had me waking up screaming. There was another "him" staring at me while I was sleeping and he seemed "evil". I thought I was just too paranoid, but since then I slowly drifted into depression and cognitive dissonance. I blamed myself, my history of depression, anxiety and wariness. Looking back my guts were always right.
Follow your peace,! Great advise Thank you
I always sensed things were off in most my relationships but the recent ex was the topper. About 8 years ago I got put on disability for what they wanted to label PTSD, which I now think it should be labeled CPTSD. Anyway, they wanted the PTSD label for the molestation my father put me through, but I never really had any flashbacks or any hangups that were blatantly clear though. BUT with the recent ex when we lived in his brother's basement for 6 months I began getting PTSD symptoms BIG time. I began having horrid night terrors. Once I recall I woke up hallucinating that my father was like hovering over me, but when I woke up and seen his image like floating above me it then was switching back and forth between my dad and the recent ex. Which freakishly enough the recent ex looked a lot like my brother, which looks a lot like my father… I would wake up screaming kicking people off me. Screaming and crying in my sleep, things I had never done, even in childhood from my abuse. I would have bad dreams where all the bad things the ex did would come out all at once. Like him cheating on me and me catching him or just being mean. I'd tell the ex about them, and he'd always hug me each morning and tell me that "mean dream [him] was gone and the good version was here to protect me".
The very last week we were together I knew something was totally off but he refused to tell me to my face. He was wanting me to officially break up with him. He stopped pretending everything ounce of caring to me and went so cold. We were supposed to be on a "date night" and went to the comic book store and I had my arm through his and he was seriously checking out this girl that came in and like longingly looking at her. He'd come home from work and I'd have cooked him and his son food and he used to sit as close to me as possible, even when our chairs were side by side we had to touch, but that last week he'd sit beside me but pull his chair as far from me as possible. He'd snuggle me at night still but it was cold. I sensed something horrid in my gut and it made me look at his emails since we shared the same computer. I found the email to this girl that he was telling her basically what a piece of shit I was and that he has never been happy with me the whole 2.5 years and how she was such a nice reminder of that there's better options out there for him. I was a constant cause of his stress, but he didn't know how to leave me since I was so great with his kids and was currently taking care of his oldest full time and what money I did bring in he needed to survive living in the city we were in.
At that point all the lies finally came crashing down on me and now I look back and thought I should have trusted my gut the first two weeks we were together I was sensing something was off with this one! Other people it took a bit longer but I knew with the recent ex something was off. But the fairytale with him was more lovely than my reality of being back home with my abusive family surrounding me. I wanted to find someone to love me for me, b/c I felt I was so damaged as the family told me I was. My nephew even told me right before I hooked up with the ex, that I was such a horrible person that is why no men wanted to be with me and why I'd never have kids and a family of my own. He was like 13 at the time, and my sister stood by his side shaking her head in agreement to her kid…
Anyway… 🙂 just sharing parts of my story as I watch these for other's to read too! I'm glad these are here and people are commenting and it's letting us all know we are not alone and it really isn't our fault!
I'll add another one. As soon as you discover the face under… they immediately go stone cold in their behavior… oh the horrific face I saw on her. No resentment at all. But the very next day, I got a call like 'maybe I am sorry, we need to work on this' . really? 'we'?
Thank you for sharing this about trust…This has happened to me. It was devastating.. I started reading books and listening to many videos and didn't know he was a narcissist. Now that I know, the pieces have been coming together and I have been able to finally start letting go. My biggest hope is that I will be able to trust again and not carry this forward
it's been over a year for me and still have nightmares…so does my daughter who experienced my ex also.
after 35 years of marriage it all came crashing down around me when I found out about the cheating and lies. I was shattered and until lately didn't know what had happened. my hubby was hiding his sexual and private life. money was the way I was controlled because I was disabled I couldn't find a way to support myself.
This has kept me a prisoner for 4 years, thats how long ago i caught him cheating. This time I have used learning how to survive his lies. Money and sexual addiction were key points to his life, not me. I found out that I'm just a mother figure he likes to keep around to stop from paying alimony. His bad debt paying has just about stopped. he just let's them pile up and won't talk to me about money. I don't know or care now how many cards he carrys. although the only one I have is my own. sheesh!!! never has he thought about me when buying anything beyond food.
As long a I was working and was fit, he was a good husband, then I got sick. he took me off his radar and no making love anymore either. Now love is a dirty four letter word and I'm trying to save pennies to escape with as soon as I can. I don't dare tell him, he took things loose in the car engine the last time I said I was leaving. I guess my point is that u never get too old to learn a lesson and never think people won't change, they will.
Hi, I'm a narcissist. I just want to say that a lot of what you're saying in this video makes me feel a little scared of who I am. Some time ago I've come to accept my narcissistic behavior and it actually makes me feel great about myself. What you're saying here makes me feel as if I need help. I don't like it.
Yes. I dated a sociopath and then a recent narcissist. Both times, I felt something was off- something was wrong with them. I even started mixing up their names, towards the end with the narcissist. They proved me right in the end.
Listen to your intuition!! I shall never ignore my intuition again … it was SCREAMING at me saying DO NOT let the cheater back in your life! I didn't listen and had a full blown narcissist almost destroy me and left permanent scars on my life. Never again!!!
I agree, and sadly the series seems to confirm that: these individuals are life threatening creatures 🙁 Hopefully there's enough time for us all to heal. I myself encountered briefly, but with disastrous consequences, one psychopath, and two narcissists (I've met more, this is horrendous! but fell only for two). I know, as you say, you never fully recover from that. Only if you dehumanize them, which is in fact taking them for what they truly are… reptiles. Is it that bad? No, it's worse… For me the healing begun when I realized that they lack humanity and only look like humans but will never be able to experience being a human. That's where I recognized the edge and the pointlessness of getting even. I learned my lesson ended all these relationships, friendships, and so far been able to dodge bullets. And yes, you are right, they are on the hunt…I don't know if you have mentioned this red flag… because I haven't seen all the videos, but body language is often "reptilian" it sometimes looks as if they still had to learn how to walk even if they are adults. That is especially true for the psychopath I've known. reminds me literally of creeping, crawling like he would actually lack confidence and social skills. Body language contradicting actions, demeanor, words, projections etc. in other words if you look from the distance the guy looks pathetic. Was this you experience with these fellows too?
Listen to/sense someone's bodily energy. I spotted a narcissist that way. If they have a weird energy, that doesnt change, its a Red Flag. With this person, in hindsight, I realized I had sensed her weird energy. And sensed it well. She was much darker than that energy I found out. Wow. Listen to people's bodily energy.
The predator/prey analogy really rang a bell with me in that I literally felt like a hunted animal with this person. I wanted to run for the hills because I felt as if he wanted to devour me physically and mentally.
I won't even go into the ridiculous lies that he thought I believed. I didn't actually swallow any of those lies because I have excellent instincts. It's just a case of 'It's not the lie that bothers me, it's the insult to my intelligence'.
What are the chances…? Pretty high. Those of us who attracted and accepted a narcissist once can expect the same again because of how we behave. We are too trusting or weak or attracted to them in some way that appeals to them and allows them to snare us. Look back in your life – did you have a narcissistic parent, someone who told you how shit you were? No? Bet you did, think a bit more. They taught you what to love, and thereafter you sought love with people like them, always trying to fix that broken relationship. They may also have taught you to be a weak narcissist who seeks out a more brutal or ridiculous one who you hope will fan your own fire. It's always easier to blame someone else for our own misfortune. If you are always the victim you are the only one who can change that. Damaged people attract other damaged people.
Take a long look in the mirror and deal with what you see. The trick is to change yourself, and you have the advantage that you can whereas the narcissist can't. Can't say I've managed that fully but I am now a proper pain in the arse if I do have to engage with a malignant narcissist, and I relish causing them discomfort. Have I challenged them to the point of implosion? Yes, but only when provoked, and it was a pleasure to annoy my tormentor. Did any of them destroy me? Before I knew what they were and learned how to counter the abuse they made my life suck but in the end no, they didn't. But be careful, have good backup and know yourself well and what you are messing with if you take them on.
I dated a man for a very short time who turned out to be a very good con artist in many ways, but that degrading kiss you spoke of sounded a lot like what this man would do. at first, I thought he was just a sloppy kisser but it didn't take long to realize that he was intentionally putting full mouthfuls of spit into my mouth every time we kissed. at first it seemed like an accidental thing because it's so beyond gross I couldn't imagine anyone doing it on purpose! but sure enough, he was and to this day it creeps me out to think of it! he didn't care about anyone but himself and the lies were so outrageous including his mother was dying and just crazy. after only dating a short while he started calling me his wife which made me very uncomfortable. He did a lot of really awful things and I got out of that relationship and am very glad I did because he showed a side that made me think he would eventually become violent. I read a book called boundaries in dating which really helped me so very much, and I'm now confident to date again but it recommends when casually dating to actually date more than one person and that strategy actually helps prevent the love bombing issues and such.
for me, i had a feeling of never actually "arriving" in the relationship. what felt most off is that the narc seemed to keep that comfortable feeling of validation ust out of reach. i never saw her feel truly happy just to be w me. what felt off (well, everything and everything felt "off" in some wy) was that it wasnt clear that she even wanted to get to that place; it was alwys like she hd a personal agenda instead of a shared one.
Your series is really helpful, it's good to have the extra validation that what I went through is a real thing. It's inspiring me to post a video and share my story and experiences as well. Thank you
It seems the more research I do the more I spiral into anxiety as I can pinpoint people at work or that have passed through my life that are narcissistic. I sometimes have constant fears that the man I am dating now will kill me. It's unrealistic he hasn't given me any signs that he would, he is a bit different from most normal men but because he has good similarities to my ex I find myself being re triggered and spiralling. I could be hypersensitive to all of this and its really only when I read information do I become this way. I know I should go see a counsellor again to help talk this out
After my relationship with that terrible man my brain was scrambled, he gas lighted me, tormented me. With his dead eyes and terrible mind yet all the while loving me. He was my partner and best friend, no remorse no apologies from him ever. Abusive horrible man, and now I have issues trusting anyone. I secretly judge everyone and think most people are a psychopath especially after endless amounts of research. And my new boyfriend that I have been dating it has been so hard for me to trust that he is also not a bad person. And i keep waiting for the shoe to drop. There was a week that I was actually so depressed because I wasn't sure if he was a psychopath or not, because he is nice to me and loving which is normal. I keep trying to teach myself what is normal, but its so difficult especially if someone is a bit off. I have so many stories and examples from my past, all your red flags is everything I went through with my ex. I am still suffering so much emotionally inside
I near cracked a rib at that disgusting kiss story!
What made you think he was going to kill you?? What led you to that thought? Was it something he said or did? Or did you just have this feeling of foreboding? Like…there was just something in you that gave you that small "wonder"? Does that even make sense? I've been watching all of your videos and every…EVERY SINGLE ONE…..I sadly can see my own relationship in it…..It's scaring me to death. And then I think back on MY Part in our relationship and I've done narcissistic things to him….UGH! I am seriously a wreck inside.
I think that someone who is an extreme narcissist has a secret low self worth even they don't detect therefor they generally look for damaged people that they can hurt rather than a powerful person that can hurt them. The worst narcissists I ever dated were after a severe injury I had. I don't know if you believe in this sort of thing, but I even experienced paranormal/demonic attack after one of these women moved in with me. Crazy stuff, to say she was living a double life is an understatement.