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Red Flag of a Narcissist #4: Charming
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Hi Dana — I can't remember where I read or heard this about charm, but it goes: "When you see charm – C – HARM. " Maybe someone it's already been mentioned, but in case it wasn't – I have found it helpful. And thank you so much for all your great videos!
omg. .my ex is a narcissist. …I m dissapointed
Your videos are well done and personable. I am so better armed because of them.A friend asked me to put up her friend who was coming to town and turns out the friend of friend is a narc. She talked non-stop for days about how great she is, her accomplishments, etc., told me she is a "chameleon," told me she is a celebrity, laid on the love bombing (she's from Hawaii, so insisted everything be "aloha," and tried to mix me up in some get rich quick scheme with a bogus device that heals everybody. So it's clear she's a narc, and I'm stuck with her in my house as I promised my friend. I managed to get her to drop her front and quit saying she loved me, etc., during an incident where she was asserting the magnificent healing powers of the gadget and I told her "that's your belief system." Her charming, bright persona dropped and she went ballistic, as it was clear that I hadn't been taken in by her days of talking my ear off. Now, if I can just get her out of my house…
Thank you for this video series. Most of these describe my most recent ex to a tee. He's both narcissistic and sociopathic.
you are so beautiful… both inside and out
they are fake. their more like satan
Hey Dana… I can't tell you how helpful your videos have been I find myself fascinated by the TV show called Forensic Files because I am able to apply the red flags you have provided us to the victims and perpetrators of the crimes on the show. It's just amazing to see the red flags at wor. In fact I can hear the red flags in love songs!!! It's just really amazing. I think I am finally growing up in terms of my outlook on love as a result of your help and the help of this community. This may sound completely selfish but your past experiences with Steve and Jack have opened up a world support for many many women like me around the country. Kick ass Dana. We are with you!!!
OMG Ned White. I wish I would've seen your videos years ago..
I had to dislike the over all message of this video. I work at a retirement home and it has taught me to be humble and to help the elderly and other around me. After this video I now feel the dynamic of a narcissist is set but some interpretations of the model might be exploited. One of my co-workers told her boyfriend I am a nice guy who he need to send all the nice girls to meet…..so from your video I need to start kicking out walkers and no longer be nice so I don't come off as a narcissist???
So far I enjoy your videos and they all make sense and I can relate to my own past relationships/friendships with narcs. I look forward to your input on my misunderstanding of this video
YOU ARE DESCRIBING THE BIOGRAPHY OF STEVE BOCIEK IN THE FLESH!…SCARY !!!!
Awesome video! Question: how do narcissists choose their victims? My narc ex husband was a catch. Tall (6'9), muscular, handsome, witty, charismatic, basically everything you described and then some! Women were swooning over him left and right. Because of his stature, he was like a mini celebrity with people staring all the time because he was just that beautiful to look at. And humble too. People nicknamed him the gentle giant. Anyway, went through all the steps in your video. thought I had met prince charming. Couldn't believe he had picked ME over all the girls in the community. Felt blessed. Until we got married and he did a 360! HORRIBLE human being! Why did he choose me? Many women were after him. He told me he went for me because I was the prettiest but that's not true imo. So why me specifically? You dated 2 narcissists. Do we somehow attract these people to us? What gives???
Don't you think on whatever level they are able to, that narcissists desire love and relationship? I have a really hard time believing they are so soulless. i.e. Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy T. Behary
can i ask what kind of man you are going for that you seem to have dated at least 2 difrent full narcissist,s ?
my ex fiance was the master of "divide and conquer". I'm so grateful for these videos, they are helping me heal
I am really enjoying this series (and trying to watch out and see if I do any of these behaviours! But I am more neglectful/selfish than actively manipulative) and I had a throwaway thought I'd post before I went any further.
Are there many gender differences you notice between male and female narcissists? Most of the people you mentioned, the guy was the narcissists, obviously your experience is supporting women who are going through difficult times.
It really makes me wonder why we don't talk about this stuff more…
Loving your videos. Deep learning. It's hard to see somethings in the mirror.
Any words on avoiding BEING a narcissist? Or is it useless?
Thank you.
I completely went No contact but he would call from different phones. I turned off phone ringing so I wouldn't pick up any calls at all. I finally ended up unblocking his phone and facebook account (I added him to my restricted list) because otherwise I cannot make him stop calling. I show no emotions to him when he tries to talk to me. I'm hoping that will help to make him go away when he sees he is getting nowhere with me.
I like how happy you are. 🙂 Your videos are very interesting
Too bad i didn't know all about it a couple or years ago. But now its a relief to understand how and why i got involved with such a guy, since his last blast was "if it didn't work its all because of you" (in reality i caught him cheating) Thanks so so much. This is a such profound insight! !
Even though I have no proof. And it's too late. Sometimes, I think people labeled me as a narcissistic disorder. My perception was people went no contact with me. I remember in one office, a worker saying to the others, "can't you see the guy has asbergers" I think she meant me. This whole subject makes me sick.
the common factor of all your failed relationships is you…is you!
seems so complicated. so many narcissists out there maybe you are the biggest one of them all.
Thank you SO much for the comprehensive nature of your videos. I wish that I had really paid attention to these signs sooner (as opposed to 5 years later). I have always considered myself a very intelligent woman, and on some level I was aware of all this dysfunction but I was conned at every turn. Now it all seems like a nightmare and I can't believe I invested so much time and energy on a person who was such a complete narcissist.
Are there any "normal" people around? To me either codependent or N and undeveloped personality maybe. All have ego to a certain degree. There is no perfect person to date. I am afraid to date. So far I have not seen anyone who matches my life/views/interests etc. They don't have to be identical, but compatible.
Hi Dana! I just watch this video and you mentioned you will put a link to go into another video about this girl who is getting into a relationship with a narc and the way he has been isolated …I'm really interested in her story…all you mentioned sounds really alike to my story …I even moved to a different country with my 2 kids so the level of isolation was insane …can you please let me know how I can access that video ? Thank you so much !
Jeez! All these qualities red flagged! How will you ever trust a guy again?