The Narcissist and Holidays
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sammy is so cute .
omg…just happened this Christmas to us. Visited us in Florida, narc dad saw my daughter and I laughing, enjoying ourselves…we saw him withdrawing more and more until he was absolutely MUTE. Within days heard back from family friends that he had a horrific, terrible time. A week later, he withdrew financial support to my daughter's university, which has been in the works for the past 10 years!!! unreal. very hurtful. Yes, your videos help validate our feelings. Thank you
Every holiday since I was a child. Ugh… I am not a fan of holidays for that reason.
100% true
I new nothing abought narcissistic people . but holidays not for me never again . I did feel this time it was going to be so easy to be happy and have fun . like a family . ten days of nothing . after the first week I got in the sea and didn't no if I was going to get back out . I had to my daughter is a victim to and I will always be there to help her . but I cant stop the narcissistic mother . but how predictable they are .yes robots blame others for what they do she talks to our child who is 12 no not talk its just a screeching yell mix with swearing and insults and it never stops. .. holiday from hell and never again am almost happy . and its ok thank you x
HI, SAMMY! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Is Sammy a good boy? GOOOOOD dog! Thought I heard him shaking his collar on some of the other videos. GLAD to see him!
I want to share this experience for an example. A few years ago, I was determined to make the holiday nice for my children/their friends, etc. Close to Christmas is my narcissistic husbands birthday. So, we got through Christmas, he did some of his usual stunts, but still trying I got tickets for hockey [ I even managed to get behind the glass front room seats.got him a comfortable sweat suit to wear, and two tickets for my son and a two of his friends to come with us. I had to let him know some of it in advance to be ready on time, surprises do not work so well. So by the hockey game day, He intentionally remained in his room silent all day, the boys sat on the sofa by 3pm we had to be at the stadium before5 pm starting the game and he managed to sit in his room until 5:15 pm making sure he destroyed the day, too late to go to the hockey game but came out of his room dressed as if he did nothing wrong looks at the boys still sitting on the sofa having missed the game and asks "who wants to get pizza". He never opened his gift of the new sweat suit it sat there being ignored by him. This is the type of evilness he does to all of us. I never tried to do anything for him again after that one. Another problem was always convincing me I could not find my way and he had to drive me..I use to go everywhere by myself and slowing moving here, my isolation made this nearly impossible. Yes, I could have taken the tickets and gone but to understand the oppression his behavior caused is very difficult. I spent enough time alone and with abuses like this from my own family and an ex husband and here I was doing this again and possibly even worse with this one. Being continually shocked at the cruelty people like this cause seems so stupid…and it is, but it is also incredible someone could continue on for years doing things like this to others and never apologize to anyone they hurt. Holidays to me now feel like an anchor around my neck. Stripping the joy out of your soul.
Holidays were the worst. I still get nervous when they approach. My mom did apologize for one Christmas, but now I see it was only to reel me back the next year because I left during it.
Today is my birthday, I'm turning 18. My dad forgot, as he has forgotten many years before. He also gave me a christmas present last week (on new years) and it was a printout certificate promising a present 'to be named later.' He does this almost every year, and I've never gotten a present. Thank you for your videos, they are soothing to hear when I'm constantly worrying and trying to find the truth.
THANK YOU so much for making this video!
My partner does not celebrate birthdays, christmas etc. On my 40th he didn't even buy me a gift. I wasn't looking for anything expensive just some thought. I was devasted and cried all night. It's been 5 and a half years and finally I am waking up. Every holiday with him I feel anxious and unhappy. I just could not experience another Christmas with him. Why are they so bad at giving from the heart? I had so many red flags. Thanks for your vidoes. They are really helping me right now.
My NM passed on last year and my Golden Child brother and I have not spoken since. This past year has been wonderful. Full of peace and good friends and laughter. I thank you for your posts, it helps make sense of the things I went through as a child and adult. I still am working on the anger i feel inside. and I know someday I will be done with it. it is nice to know I am not alone and others understand. God Bless
Oh man! I just found out about NM's and now it ALL makes sense!! This Thanksgiving was ruined, of course, by my narc mother, as usual. Every. Single. Holiday as far as I can remember too. This Christmas WILL be the first No Contact with any member of my family and I am SO looking forward to a quiet, stress, strain sick-feeling-free Holiday. Well—I think I will still feel that stress literally waiting for that 'other shoe to drop', but this too shall pass. I had no idea there were so many of us out there dealing with this shit!
Makes sense of my whole childhood…NM is selfish to the core…ruins every holiday and especially birthdays. Thanks for sharing! No contact was the only way…this will be the first holiday with no contact. Yay!
Finally… 28 years on this planet and I am finally starting to understand I'm not insane. As the holiday season approaches, I find my anxiety increasing. No holiday, graduation, birthday, or other joyous occasion went by without my narcissist mother destroying any shred of happiness. These videos are hopefully the beginning to confronting all situations that I have experienced at the hands of a narc parent. Thank you.
My dad had a problem with reading & writing all his life. As a result, my NM wouldnt allow any of their grandkids read aloud, or be allowed to celebrate school achievements. They always had to keep it on the low down. So to not upset my father. Incidently…my dad never cared. It was HER she was jealous of our achievements, and in turn is jealous of of childrens achievements.
My NM is solo good at being a narcissist that she can multi task by combining gas lighting with ruining holidays. Such fun!
My NM lives for the holidays. Her favorite gas lighting game is 'hide the party'. She got so much enjoyment telling one family member the party was here while telling another family member it was over there. Or she would change the time. It gave her such a charge to be responsible for all the chaos.
The last straw for me was when she got most of my family to boycott my wedding. Basically she couldn't'hide the party' because everyone got invitations. That's when I realized she was doing all this stuff on purpose and knew what she was doing! Due to this, I'm no contact with my mom.
Yep. My narc gets very angry when he sees joyful people.
+Narcissism Survivor True, I gave up on holidays with my ex. My God I love her to death, but there seemed to be no appreciation which made it less than fun and wonderful to give and share. Lowering myself to no celebrating holidays made me feel like such a cheap bastard in my eyes and seemingly in the eyes of others as well. Of course she showered her child with gifts and junk galore whenever possible! I never tried to buy love from anyone. To explain by example: I gave up on the holidays, but we were in a store before valentines day. She exclaimed how nice the flowers on display were, and she sounded pleasant. Of course, my heart swelled up and normality approached. So I said to her in a very sweet, giving way "would you like a bunch of flowers honey?", she immediately replied " I think (name withheld) would like them." She was talking about her 9yo daughter. Well of course my heart gave one last thud before I was let down from a possibly nice encounter. I felt totally like crap. I coulda cried right there in the store. I don't remember exactly how I put it, but I told her afterwards that Valentines day was all about Lovers and Love. Not that a child can't be included in the scheme of things, but she just didn't get it nor care that I was excited to be able to just do one nice little thing for her, and money really was no object. This wouldn't be the first time she shot down my hopes, but it certainly is memorable and can be related to adult sentiment on a holiday. That was in 2014. This year for Valentines day, she bought me something, it was an 'early gift' because I needed a new razor. But it was more like doing her "duty" versus a gift, especially when she just handed the "just delivered" box to me. I didn't even open it until after she discarded me in Feb 2015. The DEPTH to hurtful things she did was tremendous. No one else saw how she was, she was covert and hid it well. Still hurting unbelievably after 5+ months.
no contact got it
you are brillant. have you thought of writing a book,
Gee, I wish I had come across your videos a long time ago. You really do get it. Thankyou for sharing.
I thank God that I have found these videos. YOU have brought more clarity, validation and peace to my life, and for that I am so thankful. I am so sorry for your pain and all the other victims out there. My mother is 95% of everything you describe, and I never understood why or what I did. But, I do now, things are crystal clear and I can honestly say with a none guilty conscience that I hate her and I hate that enabler that she is married to. He calls himself my father I call him Satan. God bless you and please know you are doing a wonderful service with these videos.
Something I've been struggling with after two years of being left out of family events and holidays, is just the rejection, I am left out because I refuse to orbit around the narcissist . The narcissist steals the other siblings relationships with their parents. If you do not agree and go along with their plans they alienate you from your parents. For so long I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong, and it just takes time to realize no matter how much you want it, you do not have a family unless you make a conscious decision to shut your eyes and go along with the sickness .
Father's Day is tomorrow, the narcissist will not do something for my dad, but I'm not allowed to be there anymore.
Father's Day is such a huge trigger, it's the day that my brothers wife left him, so everyone gathers around to help him lick his wounds on that day.