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The Narcissist’s Abuse Is Intentional
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This reminds me of an incident at work where I was sitting in a meeting and the AC was blasting over my head. I was cold, but it didn't really occur to me to adjust the temperature myself or ask anyone else to. Then when I got up, a coworker came in for another meeting, sat in the same seat and was like "how the hell did you sit here that whole time with AC blasting right on top of you?". I was at a loss for words. It's like I knew I was cold but it didn't occur to me to either verbalize it or do anything because of the (very deep) subconscious belief that my thoughts or needs didn't matter for shit.
I think people also need to realize that the abuse is intentional. There are A LOT of websites out there that insist that the narcissist doesn't know what they are doing. I think that this is damaging because it minimizes the abuse in a way and almost turns them back into the victim. It also makes us, as victims, feel like we expected too much from them because they "didn't know what they were doing".
The Narcissist is STILL trying to destroy me. I'm just 25% of what I was when he adopted me. I can't watch now. The time for this video has not yet come.
I had that except in my family it was my father making fun of how upset and hurt I got by him killing my pet mouse that escaped it's confine one day. He brought it up years later and thought it was something we could both have a laugh about. He was the only one laughing…but he didn't even notice.
Adult children of narc survivors: conditioned to accept the abnormal! Ollie as usual your. Insight is mind blowing. I had subconsciously known triggers existed. Will look out for them. Peace and love to you.
Thanks Ollie, for this video. My fathers is a narcissist, so e know how tormenting that can be. It's important to share these experiences with others, so that people can relate and maybe understand better what they've been through. So thanks again 🙂 Take care <3
+Fluffydoom, we're survivors. They could not extinguish our spark! And they had us believe we were the wretched! The nerve! Love ya man.
What about only children?
First borns usually strive to meet the parent's needs.
Divorced N-parents: The GF, BF become siblings…And you…Must take on whatever role they wish.
And still, that won't make a difference.*
SICK.
When they break-up, you're the golden partner again.
(Parentification)
*Know this.
(If your needs aren't being met in ANY respect…It's highly unlikely you can do anything that will make them happy–they're impervious to typical feelings of happiness/vicarious joy. They need scapegoats. You'll become one. Or be complicit in the abuse of someone close to you.)
Really difficult.
We are wired to be close to kin.
I love listening to you. You are smart and funny but bring home very serious truths. I am glad your narc parents did not succeed in destroying you. And I am especially glad that you are no longer forced to walk around smelling like a chicken mcnugget 🙂 God bless you
overhead insane asylum lighting…..I think that's one of their weapons.
we had several oil fires…I won't allow anything to be fried in my domain.
mine wanted me to kill myself, for the pity and attention and death hides a lot of sins.
Wow, I am the very same way with the lighting in my house, very low, deem, and soft mood lighting , I always wondered why I was like that, I use to think it was because of depression , but that's not it , it's soothing !!!
Ollie you are a great comedian. Very funny, i was laughing out loud even though I know the life you lived growing up was horrible.
I see narcissists as unconscious victims of abuse. The only way they can feel good or in control is if they project their issues onto others.
My mother had a horrible childhood. She didn't deserve it… but I can't help her and it wasn't my fault.
My narcissistic mother over fed me as a baby. I was a very fat baby and an overweight child. I got picked on at school and at home because I was fat. As a teen I starved myself to gain some control. Then they got pissed off because I wouldn't eat. They never once even considered that it was a cry for help or that it might have been a symptom of a deeper problem. I was doing it to punish them somehow….
Good video….it is difficult to deal with mind games from a narcissist.
do you think it is wrong to expose the abusive narcissist? I was actually emotionally abused for two years on a major emotional level by a celebrity in England. He is not a big celebrity. He is a minor one. However, he is hugely egotistical and started playing head games with me. He was extremely abusive. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. Because he is on a major label people worship him. I am exposing him, because I was so deeply hurt by him for two years. I am not dating him. He just used me to dump on someone.
I feel like my mother has these lies she tells herself to justify her actions. So that she ends up believing she is right. To the point that it is all a habit.
Yeah, you are describing what I was brought up with too, which I call the culture of austerity. If it becomes internalized enough, you do not differentiate between your own happiness or unhappiness and it is a state of self-alienation.
Thanks for sharing, REALLY. This was so helpful. I'm dealing with a narcissistic father (& I just lost my mother last week) 🙁 …. She died of a broken heart essentially (long story), but I truly got a LOT from this message. It gives me hope that I can one day stand and tell my truth to all that think this 'man' is a 'wonderful human being' (UGH!). Keep up the great work, it seems as though you telling your story has helped you tremendously. ~Peace
You just made me realize how brainwashed my ex has me. How am I supposed to undo this? How do you recondition yourself to think normally again. It's been four years and I'm just now away from him. I'm so lost.
The lack of boundaries is one of the tools used by an incestuous parent. The child is made to feel ashamed of avoiding the abuser. I was ridiculed in a calm, smug, mocking tone: "You're not hiding from me, are you?" Taunting, and actually amused at my helpessness. I remember it well. Thank you for voicing our feelings.
My Egg Donor and Sperm Donor are like that.
Thank you for sharing! I appreciate your courage because society holds parents as SACRED and it takes courage to tell the truth. May the truth prevail! You are helping so many people who don't even realize that they were victims of narc abuse. Peace blessings and healing to you.
thank you ollie for your amazing words
My sister used to be in the living room all day. when i got out of my room to eat, i would run to the kitchen fastest as possible to avoid her biching (she would succeed anyway) and the other day i was babysitting a child of 3 years old ladied and gents and her told me while we were in the kitchen doing lunch why are you so pushed over and moving fast?. i am still living at my parents. they are just using me. and like you said for them its like became an habit to just treat me like shit. like oh! shes shit! and i am fighting i am not kidding fighting for respect in many ways. my mother is a lost cause. but my father is good. hes smart. my mother is a joke. i dont even consider what she says anymore because I KNOW i am worth something and people listen to me and they love me. just in this stupid house she made a fucking set up for people to think im horrible. shes a slut. ok enough of this anger. my sister moved. luckily. tonight i went in the kitchen slowly and i was serene. i have godamn respect for this child and i love children. i want to raise mine as best as possible and give them what i never received.
Thankyou, great guy. It seems common for Narcissists to try to stop siblings from loving each other, I just have my sister back in my life after 20 years apart, we are both on this journey of recovery in our own ways. Like you say different damage , damage all the same. There are tears and laughter, but genuine feeling that the narcissist could never understand. We both have no contact with our parents.
I haven't watched your golden child video yet but it sounds like your parents emotionally abused both you and your brother.
Watching these video brings back a lot of memories I would otherwise probably never remember…. the boundaries issues, the not drying off completely rushing too put cloth on, I think I have my own space in my room…. when I really thought I did and getting startled when my space was violated Iam still living with them but it shows where all this Anxiety comes from I am not as jumpy as I once was but the Anxiety is still just as bad as well as the stress. When my space was violated in my room and my Dad comes barging in you would think the house was burning down or someone just died when in reality it was just another what I thought was a normal day.
I found your explanation really moving.It's hard to explore triggers, I know.Thank you for sharing.
Yes! Food, heat and light control are just a few of many…they act as if they don't have the money to afford when in reality they have more than enough money. I also was always cold in the house I grew up in…when I got older, I would turn the heat up ONE degree, it's like she had a radar and I got my arse in trouble for it every time…I am VERY sensitive to bright lighting, that is because when it was time to get up for school, she would come in my room and turn the 100 watt hard light bulb switch on and yell, "Get up!". It startled me every day…and, to this day, I also hate artificial lighting. My alarm clock now and has been sounds of birds or some other nature sound. Ah, and the food, I was always hungry and would have to sneak 'peanut butter spoon' and hide it from her until I could wash the spoon and put it back where it belonged. Effing sick! Thank you so much for the validation!
Hi Ollie, your the title of your video alone "If You Succeed, The Narcissist Fails" reinforces even more the twisted truth that a narcissist perceives your happiness itself as a narcissistic injury, an attack. They are abuse machines. The narcissist I grew up with is dead, but only now do I realize in many ways she was never fully alive.
I think the reason narcissists are so cruel is because causing others pain is the only access to happiness they have.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO, I KNOW WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT, NARCISSISTIC, SICK BRAINS TWISTED CRAZYS EVILS, HUMAN TRASH,……..MONSTERS
what an ordeal..thank u for the courage to revisit hell just to tell us..u will b rewarded for this courage to expose these demons..u r already a blessing to other survivors ♡♡♡
The light thing… I have a problem with night blindness and I need more light. My best friend, who is borderline, would turn the lights off on me when I lived with her. It became really bad. She would also turn the AC and the heat up and down on me. She would lie to me and tell me it was everyone else in the house. Funny how after I moved out she stopped touch the lights and heat.
My safe zone was in the bath tub. That was until my dad started picking the lock, walking in on me, and taking a dump while I was in the room. What a shit.
My husband in the son of a narcissistic father and brother to a narcissistic sister…He is an individual hungry for love and a victim to narcs…He is sitting next to me hearing these videos of narcissistic abuse and I can tell its affecting him. I almost feel bad: as if I'm turning him against his father and sister..but I can't help to let him know the truth..
I know you are being serious, but some of the things you say crack me up! smell like a "Chicken Mcnugget." Hang in there..I dated 2 narcs that completely mind f*cked me.
Yeah your mom messed up your brother :/ . It's like even though it seems like she was using him to get to you- I think she was also making him fat and worse so she could feel better. Her fat little obedient child. :/.
Yeahp it's sad…but he has chosen them now and that is his fault.
It's only normal to want peace and contentment. It is healthy to eliminate these DYSFUNCTIONAL 'barely-human' monsters from your life.