Codependency / Self-Love Deficit Disorder Addiction. It’s Terribly Hard to Quit the Narcissist! Ross Rosenberg and Tracy B. Richards, Self-Love expert (guru), …
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Why Can’t I Quit My Narcissist? Codependency Addiction. Self-Love Deficit Disorder
That's really interesting…the idea that the narc is a drug. For me, there has often been a stranglehold inside of me & i knew i had to withdraw all of me no matter what. Withdrawal symptoms or not…i decided. Say no & deal with the chips however they land. Makes sense seeing as there was no love in my family of origin.
I'm in this right now. Trying to white knuckle even day 1 of no contact and failing. The pain is unbearable. Thank you Ross.
The volume was so low I had a hard time hearing her and him, but more so her. My volume button was up on video and computer. I wonder if Ross can fix that, I would love to be able to hear it all clearly :-(
Great talk, thank you for recording this and posting it, VERY HELPFUL!
Do you think that the narcissist can heal?
Do you think that the narcissist can heal?
the bible says love your neighbor as yourself. so if you love humanity it starts with forgiving yourself. And Jesus reminds us how God forgives thoses who repent..I repent from my co- dependancy by loving myself. I am that little girl that says yes you can have that ice cream just like anyone else. your not so bad that it should be held from you.
I dont have any of my old friends anymore because I gave up being thier door mats. It feels GREAT not feeling bad for saying no to others. I dont feel guilty anymore..i use to feel like I was a bad person just because I never ran to everyone when they phoned me..
i remember when I was young O was mistaken as Hailey mills. and was constantly stopped on the streets..so believe me I never lacked looks. I have always been beautiful. Its just that I wanted to be loved..so I allowed abuse..but now I would never allow abuse ever again!! but now I want to find love to share my life with. someone to share good times together. have times of talking and sharing. i want a supportive man. I am a artist and love to write..so i lnow how to keep busy. but I worry that because I still want to give so much love I may pick the wrong person again..
oh my god how will i know that my next relationship is not based on co- dependancy but love. I use to be co dependant and had a couple relationships were the man was distant on drugs or abused alcohol. my mom never hugged me. my dad was a workaholic..but he loved me and hugged me tobs. my parents died before i was 21 and i am a only child. and went after men to gill the void. i put up with mental and emotional abuse..but i finally got smart. and its 15 years since my divorce. i was so happy i got to serve my x with his papers..
I love myself..but i am afraid i could find someone who is narcistic. i have a good support system..but how will i know that i dont re- offend. I wont put up with crap ever again. i am not eager to please anymore.
When I take a look at this for myself (subjectively looking) I always see that it has been a "Game Loop" and I took turns playing both sides – with different people, so when the +5 (narcissist) upsets me I see it is because I used to do that and perhaps it did not turn out well for me in the end. Once I see myself having been on both sides I get relief and am more detached and compassionate, with boundaries.
lol! The Jefferson's! Great points! I have that visceral pain.
Ross this is the first video Ive seen you talk about your smoking. I too have that affliction/addiction.So thanks again.
Powerful video! Ross, do you have a video on co-parenting with a narccisst?
Excellent information and always I love the information. thank you so much.
Dr. Rosenberg please make the connection of persons that has this addiction/ and they suffer with being a introvert. Because i'm addicted but I push him away. I want to see him then I go for months not wanting him around. It begins to feel like he's crowding my space. And he gets angry because he doesn't get to discard me first.
Spot on thank you
interesting video but strange noise in the background
Hi Ross. Could you please explain how Love Addiction and Codependency are related and how they're different? I've read Pia Melody's Love Addiction. One day in October of 2013, I spent two hours in the self-help section of a book store searching for a book that could explain the crazy aspects of my relationship to my qualifier Narc. When I started reading it, I was floored by how accurately it related to my own experience. Initially, it provided a huge amount of relief and assisted me in leaving for, at the time, a record amount, 12 days. Withdrawal kicked in pretty hard around day 9. Even after reading all of it and understanding the dynamics, I wasn't prepared to handle the intense emotions associated with abandonment. So I definitely identify with love addiction. I also identify with codependency. I understand LA is a subset of codependency.
I did eventually leave and stay gone, December 3rd, 2015. I've since heard SO MANY friends and relatives exclaim that I intellectualize everything. I've come to realize my whole "dating" career has revolved two dynamic roles I've played: love addiction and love avoidance. But leaving the relationship that December, I've only experienced relationships with Narcissists and one Sociopath. Granted I've gotten better at acknowledging the red flags. And the amount of time it takes to accept what those mean has gotten shorter. Thus I've been about to leave sooner each time. Now I find myself (privately) questioning and untrustful of every person whom enters my life. I mean I've even experienced narcissistic abuse in the workplace.
Others, even if they know my history, seem to not understand how insidious this feels. I've become increasingly insecure speaking about my relationships with others because support has turned a skeptical ear: "Not EVERYONE is a narcissist", "Does everyone really need to be psychoanalyzed and labeled", or "You should really quit reading about that stuff for a while". They don't seem to take into consideration that 9 out of the last 10 of my relationships were with narcissists. Of course they probably don't fully agree with me. Anyways, what I'm trying to get to is that it's been validating to hear your description parallel my experience. I feel crazy at times talking to others.
I'm wondering if other sufferers have had issues with this as well. And if so, what advice can be offered in explaining myself? Or is it more so finding ways of coping with other's denial?
This is spot on Ross Rosenberg. I wish I had you as my therapist. My therapist is ok, but this is what I'm trying to explain to him, but he doesn't quite get it. Great video!
so if you don't miss your narc, but you were severely narc abused, what does it mean? I don't miss my narc at all. In fact, I have to see him shortly in court, and I am having anxiety again. So why do I not miss him like I hear everyone else saying?
It is hard to hear with the music playing…is distracting and gets in the way of hearing words. It sounds like static more than music…but it hard to hear over it.
They want to change the lack of love into love..earn their love. Alcoholics…crave gluten/sugar like Heroin/cocaine. Addiction to a Narcissist is due to them being like a parent…yes..love addiction. Yes…is an addiction to someone I knew was not right for me and may hurt me and abuse me. I knew I did not believe the same things as he did and knew he lied/cheated/had a double life/used people/abandoned people and had lust for all women and just wanted sex/food/didn't want to be alone. I was not right for him. He did not want me to talk at all..wanted to pretend I was a different person than I was. I could not talk/be myself/have opinions. He would have hurt me and my kids and it would have only lasted 6 months, but I still wanted to have a chance to be with him even though I knew it wasn't working more than 3 seconds and he was not mentally/emotionally healthy.
Yes…withdrawal…loneliness. I cried hard 24 hours a day for 2 years until I said this is killing me and stopped the trantrum. People may die after a spouse dies and it was like that for me when the N abandoned me. I cried in public and it burned out my adrenals besides my health issues hurting my adrenals. People may not wake up in the morning if adrenals are exhausted.
I like the Jefferson's…funny/family etc. Yes…keep trying to change the N..to love you and yes…it is a relief to have it stop, but a jolt is sudden and change is hard..not comfortable. Celiac causes addictions. Obsessing is due to low oxygen in the brain as well as depression/anxiety/no sleep/panic/suicidal thoughts. Lonely hurts. glutathione helped me once stop being lonely. Low oxygen in the brain hurts.
Like thinking of your baby releases the milk…same thinking about the N. may release feel good feelings even though it conflicts with him not really being the person we picture in own brain.
Cigarette smoking/drugs/eating disorders/alcohol/love addiction can all be in Celiac people. Celiac people may love themselves, but the addiction is strong and each day goes by fast to another day and soon many years have gone by without a resolution. You can't get issues resolved with a N.. You can't make it work with a mentally/emotionally ill person. People become less mentally/emotionally healthy as time goes by being hooked.
People are "adult/children"…can't parent themselves…get stuck in a rut.
Yes…need to be worthy to have better and not begging for love in their mind. I was low in being in relationships. My friend and I were like twins. I didn't have many other friends..was too busy with school to have a social life. Having to earn love maybe natural for the codependents..tried to earn parent's love. The guy I loved was like my dad in many ways, but was not my dad. I could not break my addiction to the guy I loved, but his daughter made me do no contact which was very hard. No it is not ok even if you prepare for it, but knowing about N and C may prevent relationships that are less healthy. I am not attracted to 1000 guys maybe, but only the N..
A counselor may not be able to help until the person gets Celiac help which raises oxygen and stops addictions in general. Vit B1 benfotiamine may help obsessing. I wish the N well, but know it would not work so why try/even let him come closer.
I have self love, but low boundaries due to being sick. I am alone since I hate rejection from others. I love myself, but allow people to be themselves. I just don't hang out with people who repeated hurt me, but allowed them to hurt me many times, before I left.
I want a romantic relationship..not be alone the rest of my life. I want a guy who is right for me..not just any guy. I want 100% unconditional love since I have never tried to hurt anyone. I want someone who appreciates me/am good enough/am compatible with my opinions. I show my bad/weak/flaws to people and don't care. Many don't know the real me..good side also. I want a win/win equal situation where I can be myself in the relationship and don't have to censor what I say.
Serenity/peace/harmony/grace/mercy. I don't care…have had organizations reject me and think the worse about me. I go where I am accepted which was Asian people…I was there level and pets. I don't want to be a "hermit". People need people. I don't want to be "disconnected" from society and be like how "old" people are living when young. Being alone my whole life is not what "living" is for. To me being on this earth is to learn to love. I loved the N. unconditionally and he pushed me away/ran from love/rejected me. He had his chance for 17 years. I was at the end of his list of possible people to be with. I will not accept him now…too late..had his chance for many years and didn't take it..meaning I was not good enough and he had enough other supply. He is trying to find the perfect relationship which doesn't exist and he may get bored if he found his 100% identical twin. If a guy accepts/wants me when I stop chasing/begging indirectly….then I don't want the person. It is manipulation.
I need to learn to talk with N. since many of my doctors are Narcissists and I need their help.
Thanks for your awesome help! You will help many people heal and not just identify there are a codependent and the other is the Narcissist. Happiness…
Thank you. Good information. And right in time for the "this is it" conversation that I have scheduled for two nights from now.
I still dont understand about the "middle" children because for instance this guy I work with is married with a younger child wife and the boss is 100% A class mega narcissist that the "middle child works for" whats there deal can they be co dependent or narcissist or both ?
Right on
Thank you Ross.. Another great video!
Love this video.
I don't trust anyone really.
exactly
'they' attracted to me. as i use the reasonable certainty terminology describing ref. 😉 slight eggageration outha elLaborate. … but these people turn like this when i drift from relation. trust, there is anotha when brevious bacj off. that my sis chasing me on fb demand i hear her alLmighty make me narcissist. . deffo take the piss like a diva. … but u cant play w 'them' like that. ptsd. i sure cant ever live w son same side of planet w her. i am not eniugg to deserve happy
Beautiful, beautiful video.