Have you been the victim of a toxic narcissist’s gaslighting, manipulation and other forms of toxic abuse? If you’ve ever experienced the hell of the kind of …
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121 Things Narcissists Say During Gaslighting (How to Tell If You’re Dealing With a Narcissist)
My ex bf narcissist just broke up with me yesterday when our daughter turned 7months old. He would say almost everything that was on this list to me all the time always made me feel like I was the scum of the earth. Now after hearing your video made me feel alot better
My sister said when I asked her why she knew I wasn't in my mothers will, she said, well look at how you act, can you blame her?
I'm very familiar with the "surrounding himself with an audience to paint a one-sided false picture about me as a nut" tactic. His favorite phrase on the phone in front people sitting next to him at work was: "You're starting your fucking shit again." and I'm saying, what I asked isn't unreasonable, why would you say that? I eventually began to sense when he was play acting and had a sense from his co-workers that they didn't like me. But I didn't know the extent of what he was doing until after we'd split up and he was begging me to reconcile. He was wooing me, and I was seriously thinking he might change. But then I was saved by one of my own co-workers, a male friend who stepped forward with a secret he'd been hiding. He didn't want to hurt me, but told me he'd been to a football game a few months back and unknowingly sat in front of a group of guys who happened to be my husband and his buddies. He recognized my husband from pictures, but my husband had never seen him. So as the game was preparing to begin, he sat and listened as my husband began trashing me in the worst possible way while all of his friends sat back and laughed. My friend was thinking: "Nobody talks about their wife to his friends like that–nobody!" I can't express the shame and humiliation I felt at that moment upon hearing that. I hugged and thanked my co-worker friend for saving me from a disastrous decision in reconciling. I picked up the phone and told my attorney to hit the go button on the divorce.
My personal favorite with my ex went like this:
ME: (with tears) You hurt my feelings when you (insert offense).
NARCISSIST: Thanks A LOT for making ME feel like shit!
Why are people so obsessed with being a "victim" of "abuse" and pointing the finger at the other person. Take responsibility for your own compliance. Identifying the dynamic of the relationship is just the tip of the iceberg. Seriously, if people want to heal, which they usually don't because it's so satisfying to shift the blame of pain and suffering onto someone else, be aware of your own thought patterns and state of mind. Lift your consciousness and look inward for the answers. This is what we should be encouraging each other to do. Not identifying the bad/toxic/narcissistic person in our lives who is "causing" all this. It's takes two to be in a relationship, even a toxic one.
I actually felt sick at my stomach after listening to this list.
Wow crazy how much I heard these from my ex…thank you for posting this
I have a Narcissistic father and brother-in-law, both with DC intelligence connections and state and local law enforcement connections.
They've had me put on federal watch list(s), and I have been conspicuously surveilled and overtly stalked wherever I live (5 states and 12 locations since 2002). At first, I thought I had pissed off some local people or law enforcement, but after fleeing from state to state, I finally figured it out when I moved into the NPDs' town (after being far away from them for 25 years). I knew they both resented me, but didn't know how incredibly sadistic they could be. Interesting how folks with NPD will work with other folks with NPD if they have a shared target or scapegoat.
Organized stalking is a very real thing, and getting a target or 'scapegoat' put on a terrorist watch list is exactly the type of thing an individual with NPD would do to their target, if they had the capacity to do so. Individuals with NPD will 'enlist' anyone they can to torment their target. If they have intelligence, law and judge friends, they'll 'enlist' them, to ruin their target, to force them back into their 'lair.'
I need help from other intelligence and law enforcement, or they will soon have me entrapped. They started telling everyone I am "unpredictable and dangerous," and a couple neighbors that the NPDs know began to echo those words and recently accused me of threatening them. Cops were skeptical of neighbors' claims, as both set of neighbors have been in trouble with the law. They are trying to entrap me, by enlisting neighbors too. Smart NPDs can be incredibly manipulative, especially if they flash a lot of Benjamins (100 dollar bills).
And for the record, I have never threatened anyone, nor do I have any criminal past or a record.
wow!! my younger sister has said almost every one of the first 20 you said
OH LORD!! EXACTLY– o yes, I am the "sick" one. He still calls his Ex and tries to get her to admit how good he was for her…. HONESTLY!! Oh Please!! LIKE I CARE ABOUT HAVING MORE STUFF SO I CAN MEASURE UP. TO YOU.. SERIOUS NPDisorderd.
A lot of the statements sound like you wanna say back to them: "so, what?!
Although, they sound as a projection…
Often if you compare the phrases they´ve said in different ocassions, they don´t match.
And, they are (or think) one thing but say another, or feel for one thing but do another. and there´s never consistency.
My ex NP would always say "you need a robot man" whenever I would react puzzled to any comment that was half compliment half put down and I would say "that doesn't make any sense on what you just said", I would always get the "you need a robot man to say and do what you need". After I would try to explain to him that his silent treatments, cold shoulder punishments, mental and verbal abuses and games bothered me he would say "this is me this is who I am I am 42 yrs old and I ain't gonna change for anyone". Then I would point out to him that, "no this isn't you at least not the person who you were in the first 3 months of our relationship, it's like you've done a complete 180° turn"…his response…"well I got ya didn't I"? Then he would smirk and walk away. He loved saying those things. Just a few of the numerous things that he would do and say! smh
I heard alot of these statements 1.no one would want you. 2.you too old.
that's not really gaslighting, gaslighting is when your trying to discuss something with your partner but they won't accept blame for anything! they talk around you, over you, will tell you any answer to anything but what your asking. That's gaslighting, these things said are from people who by the sounds of it have had enough or are just nasty.
you are amazing. I press the subscriber button
my ex narc told me my daughter would neveramount to what his son would. and when I told him that was not nice of him to say something like that, he said "well it's true".
"Oh No! It's a full moon again, P*** is going to act up again." "You are too sensitive" "That never happened! What is wrong with you!" "Everybody thinks you are selfish and cruel." "I am only trying to help. If you keep doing that you'll have no friends at all".
OhhHHHH mY GOD, these statements are ALL SO ACCURATE. This was so validating to hear, thank you.
Gotta tell you. My ex was on parole. His parole officer called to check on his release from jail and living situation in my home. The ex just had to prove his going to jail for beating me wasn't his fault. And it worked! I hand the phone over to him. Only a moment passes. He grabs a lamp and throws it to the floor making a loud crash…He says my name and sounding defensive says…Stop, stop, you're dangerous. That hurts. I'm bleeding…etc.Parole officer shows up, takes him outside for his protection! Puts him in a half way house. He had his story and I looked bad. He knew I don't defend myself against lies. I had let him back in the house cuz he got the God thing in jail…by the way…
When getting ready for a booth at an event, he tells me "I see you had all your stuff taken care of and ready but just screw me and my stuff. YOu are only thinking of yourself."
it's a paradox. to have real intimate relationships one must be open and vulnerable. however, the narcissist needs this information to control you. yes, they learn your strengths and weaknesses to build you up and take you down as they please. if they empathize with you it's because someone else is in the room, but you will pay later for forcing them to empathize. many of them are highly intelligent. I am a man, 3 children, 17 years. I am somehow still able to try and date. guess what, both relationships since my divorce were with narcissistic woman. I figured it out within the first month, but kept my cool and kept being myself, kept most of my boundaries. they suddenly dumped me without cause, discussion and all the reason was me.
Grow up, you're so immature, I've put up with your shit more than anyone, you are the crazy one…
These are things I've been told my narcissist and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I thought these words were true because I'm pretty young(22 years) and thought that I actually was immature. But I always felt things were fishy with him…
Here is a list of what Narcissists usually do to their targets :
– Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
– When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
– Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
– They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
– Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
– They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
– Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
– They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
– They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
– Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
– Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
– When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
– Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
– They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
– They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
– They think they are models to be followed.
– They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
My twin sister:
"I know exactly what you mean. I understood you perfectly. The only one who doesn't get it….is you…That's a YOU problem. And you like to THINK it's me. And you MAKE me think it's me. But it's you. Sorry you have such a problem. I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't have a problem with you, you have a problem with me, and THAT'S why we have issues."
"You're so obnoxious. I'm just trying to tell you as a sister."
"You brag a lot, I'm just gonna say it. And it can get annoying.
I don't find you annoying ALL the time…Well… I guess you do brag all the time…so…"
"I can see your nervousness on your face. All the time. Why can't you just chill. Why can't you just let it gooooo?"
"I'm just saying, you sound OBNOXIOUS. And it's not becoming."
"Can't you see? You're just going in circles again…"
"Alright, Ms. Circle."
"I don't focus on everyone's flaws. Really, I just focus on all of MY flaws. I hate me. I want to die."
"When have I ever been mean to you? Really Alana? THAT's mean?"
"I would do this for you. You know I would do this for you."
"I do so much."
"I feel emotions too intensely…"
"I learn to tolerate you. When will you learn to tolerate me?"
"This is just the way I TALK."
"I'm not yelling. I'm just talking loudly."
"I am calm."
"Why are you always so defensive?"
"omg it's just a joke, idiot."
"You're missing parts of the conversation."
"I know exactly how you feel. You feel this way. YOU don't get what I'M saying."
"That's not what happened."
"Alright, I don't know why you keep talking about it. It's over. THAT'S IT. That's all. OVER."
"You're so sensitive."
"You know, you really make it hard for me to want to be nice to you."
"All you talk about is MEMEMEME. I'm the great Alana! Look at me! It just gets annoying lmao XD"
"Why are you so awkward all the time? If you act like prey, people are going to naturally be predators towards you."
"omg you treat your body like shit. Your body is so fucked up. You need to stretch. I'm glad you don't work in front of people all day, because you look retarded." (because I had a crick in my neck.)
"Why are you speaking to me like I'm beneath you???"
"Gee, I wish we could be adults and have a conversation."
"You don't know how much this is hurting me."
"Okay Alana, I really don't care. I don't know why you're still talking about it."
"I know mom would never say this, but I'm sure she agrees with me."
"Idiot" "stupid" "you're so sensitive." "I'm just trying to help you. As a sister."
"Do you have good tires? Have they been checked out? Yeah, but did he specifically look at the tires?…well hope you have good tires from the way you're driving…"
"Why don't you ever hang out with us?"
"You're my soul mate."
"You're the only one I could ever talk about this to. Only you would understand" (hoovering stage)
I experienced some of these comments from an ex-manager at work during my probationary period; I'd never experienced bullying at work so had no idea what was going on, that I actually thought I was going crazy. The "are you bipolar", "nobody likes you", "you have issues and everybody else here thinks so too" were all said to me during a private meeting (no witnesses). I was handed a list of self improvement courses to attend.
Let me explain, I'd run my own company, worked across Europe in military and blue chips so you don't get a job there without having any social skills, so I knew something wasn't right.
The outcome was that I took her to HR, did some investigation and found a long list of other people in her department who'd been subjected to this treatment and who'd moved on. It was a list of women, younger, more intelligent, capable, most with non-English names…
HR asked me what to do with her, I said she's unlikely to get another job at 56, but keep a dossier. Recently
i also knw a thing or 2 abt their weeknes hope it myt help
sumtyms its also very informative 2 knw things and infos or details abt narcs on a scientific level but honestly mam wer jst depleting r energy discusing evry thing abt narcs believe me mam its like counting grains of sands in an endles beach, why? because their maker or programer or father are very wise beings, " Narcs are modern nephilims " sons and daughters of fallen angels believe me dats not mental or personality disorder thats the way dey are made and has dark powers so very efective in destroying ones soul and u knw it but i can share to u some of their abilities or powers. Email me or people hus interested to hear what i believe abt hu dey rili r at …
this one as well… " Do don't set the pace of the heard by the slowest." typically directed at me.
also my ex's most quoted beatles songs was "I , me, mine."
my narcissist ex would say , "well if you just listen to me , your life would be better."
Here's what I used to get from my wife… She would say something hurtful, and then moments later, after I let my feelings subside, I would confront her about it, and her first line of defense would be "I didn't say that." I would verbally replay the conversation, proving that I do indeed remember what was said, and then she would fall back to her second line of defense: "That's not what I meant." After unsuccessfully trying to spin her comment, she would fall back to her last line of defense: "I was only joking."
How about"Were going to separate the men from the boys"
"I know you better than you know yourself."
Spot on good work .
As a man I find that more women are either NPD or have the behaviours of NPD than men. I find most women have the emotional maturity of teenagers, they are very self centred and lack empathy. They can give a performance that they have empathy it take careful observation to see the core driver to the behaviour.
In general NPD is on the increase, just that more men who have these issues end up in jail and that is where they should be. Women who have these issues tend to get therapy and that tends to make them better at destroying the next target.
People with NPD seem to do things from the same playbook. They have almost the same vocabulary and entitlement.
Slowing things down and not allowing Oxytocin rule your judgement can help avoid some of the pitfalls. I have found most NPD people have the mask slip in 6 to 24 months. Using the word NO is a good trigger word.
Everyone Hates "You" is the one my Narcissist uses
That's the perfect one about the Hawaii lol
When Iam a millionaire lol
Iam a survivor too
Female narcissists say some different things but I did see some things that were said to me.
No one can every love you like I do and its always your fault were used on a regular basis on me. Or they would tell me that they wanted to apologize but then say what a horrible person I am and no body could love me they way they do.